Presentation Is Everything!!!

Some say “never judge a book by its cover”, but it’s the “cover” that stimulates a viewers heart, mind, and soul. If the cover doesn’t give an idea of what’s on the inside, the presenter should come up with a better presentation. Who you are, where you’re from, and what you’re capable of doing counts for nothing if know one else knows it. We live in a visually oriented society, so the first assessment a person will make of you will be based on what their eyes can see. With this in mind, always present yourself in the way you want to be known and remembered as.

An “impression” is the mark you leave behind. The first impression gives others an idea of the shape of your character. No matter how many times you try to make a new impression, the very first one you made will always be set in the hearts and minds of the people you’ve encountered. The opinions of others should matter to you because you never know who a person is, who they are, or how they can change your life. The way they feel about you can and will influence the favor they show you in the future, or the lack thereof.

The world is a center stage where we are constantly required to perform. Being physically appealing attracts romantic admirers, being an intellectual attracts thought leaders and inquisitive minds, being loving attracts those who have love for you or seek love for themselves. The same affect is true of those who portray the image of a hoodlum, a prostitute, or a riff raff. It’s safe to step out of character in the comfort of your own home, but when you’re amongst members of society, everyone should be able to recognize who you are (to them). The people around you should see something in you that they love and admire, as opposed to something that they hate and despise.

Men and women view life differently; some females are heavily influenced by males in the early stages of life which influence their male tendencies growing up. Some males experience the same thing, growing up amongst female influences, which in turn raise their female tendencies. For the average heterosexual male, life is simple; everything is either logical or practical, and anything else outside of that simply doesn’t make sense. When a man sees a woman who dresses and carries herself like a whore, he initially fixes his mind to treat her like a whore. When a man sees a woman who dresses and carries herself like a lady, he initially fixes his mind to treat her like a lady.

We are all free to walk, talk, dress, and behave in any way that we choose, but it’s important to consider the affect your actions have on others if you plan on associating with them for personal or professional purposes in the future. A woman’s outer beauty can gain her the keys to a man’s bedroom; a woman’s inner beauty can gain her the keys to a man’s heart. If you are an exceptionally beautiful woman on the outside, better to dim your light and let your inner beauty shine. When a man is looking for sex, he closes his heart and opens his eyes. When a man is looking for love, he closes his eyes and opens his heart.

When you present yourself as a lady, you practice playing a role for the character that you want people to know and remember as. In addition, you’ll attract more gentlemen because you’re exactly the type of woman a man wants to settle down with. You’ll avoid the unqualified men because they don’t have the time, interest, or money to invest in a lady. They’re looking for a woman who carries herself like one and will accept payments as opposed to investments.

A man knows the role he wants for a woman to play in his life before he even meets her. If you present yourself as sex symbol, he will want to keep you as only a sex symbol. And once a man sees you as a potential sex slave, he will no longer consider you for a serious long-term commitment. He will instead keep you around as his convenience while he continues his search to find himself, as well as a more respectable lady. You have to be careful when you find someone who’s a perfect match. A whore is the perfect match for a pimp. A lady is the perfect match for a gentleman.

It’s best to always present yourself as someone who is worth knowing and worthy of a commitment. One of the many benefits of companionship is the access it gives you to another person’s world. You go from being independent to being interdependent; sharing each other spiritually, emotionally, financially, and physically. Sex will always be a missing link in an individual’s life because it’s meant to be experienced with someone else. Anyone who has the proper functioning tools below the belt can have sex; it’s the depth inside of you that will motivate others to want to remain a part of your life.

Character can be detected through ones eyes, facial expressions, word choice, style of dress, the company they keep, the places they go, the things they do, the overall way they treat themselves and others, etc. These are all reflections of who a person is and what they represent. Fortunately, these signs can be picked up before you even open you’re mouth to introduce yourself. You can measure whether or not a person’s morals, values, and character is in alignment with yours simply be sitting back and observing.

Words are used to seduce, to convince, and to sway an audience into believing something that benefits the deliverer of the message; they appear to be reassuring, but often times are a lot less accurate than actions. If you seek proof of a person’s character, close your ears so that you’re not manipulated by their impression of themselves. Open your eyes so that you can see for yourself who they really are, and open your heart so that you’ll know how that person’s actions make you feel. When a person shows you who they are… believe them.

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-AskCheyB

Getting back on the dating scene!

Men look for women to get closer to on a daily basis. If you’re interested in dating, being in a relationship, marriage, having a family etc, you have to start from the very beginning. It can be a slow process at times, but it’s well worth the wait! The first step has nothing to with him and everything to do with you; that step is… making yourself “date worthy”. A man can sense when a woman has no confidence, low self-esteem, doesn’t know her worth, or simply doesn’t match the criteria for what he looks for in a woman, so don’t worry about doing anything special to attract a man; all you have to do is to continue to focus on being the best person you can be!

Your worth is determined by the value you add to the lives of others; that means for example, if a man is looking for a woman who can cook, you’ll be a worthy candidate for him if you know how to cook. If you don’t know how to cook, he may still see value in you as a person, however you’re not his ideal candidate for a wife. In the event a man does not want to proceed with a date, don’t beat yourself up about it, just get back to you and wait for the next candidate to come along.

When it comes to dating, a man likes the idea of being the pursuant; this allows him the time to budget, plan, and decide exactly who he’d like to invest his time, energy, and money in. Before a man will consider dating a woman, he wants to be financially stable so that he can show you a nice time, and emotionally available so that he can be open to receiving you. For these reasons alone, a man does not like to be prompted for a date; he will pursue dating when he is ready. If a man is financially stable, is emotionally available, and is genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with you, he will be more than happy to offer to take you out on a date. 

In the mean time, don’t sit around waiting for some guy to call and ask you out. If you’re that anxious to go out on a date, date yourself. Yes, Date yourself! Get to know yourself a bit better and get comfortable doing fun and invigorating things on your own. Be independent until interdependence is required. If you don’t want to be alone, call up a friend or a family member and enjoy the company of people you know and love minus the pressure.

Treating yourself can also help you develop a standard by which you like to be treated. When a man finally does ask you out on a date, you can use your experience dating yourself to measure whether he will be a liability or an asset to your life. Taking yourself out will also give you an idea of what it’s like for a man to pay for himself and you on a date. Since dating can get quite expensive, it’s a good idea to be flexible on the creative ideas he comes up with to be in your company, and by all means show appreciation. 

A lot of women find themselves in relationship trouble because they lack patience and get stuck with the wrong man. Being single doesn’t mean you have to be lonely; there are many ways to occupy yourself and your time to avoid settling for just any man. Stay focused on your health, your education, your career, and your future, focus on a man only when he focuses on you. You can rush a man into bed, but you can’t rush him into a date, a relationship, or a marriage. Let the man who is ready to start dating come looking for you.

Men who are not financially or emotionally stable won’t want to get financially or emotionally involved with a new woman. In other words, his only interest will be going to the bedroom and out the door with you. He already has it programmed in his mind that he can’t afford to date you, or he’s still emotionally attached elsewhere, and the only investment he is able/willing to make is with his penis. As a woman who has high standards and is looking for more substance, bypass these types of men as they will prove (over time) to be spiritually, emotionally, financially, and even physically draining. We’re moving forward, not backwards, so only entertain who have worth and know yours

When it comes to dating, a man will put forth time, energy and effort because she is the one, not to figure out if she’s the one. Don’t be offended if a man you have great conversation with, and appear to have a great connection with doesn’t look to proceed towards dating with you. A man knows in his heart when he’s found a good woman, however if he’s going to share his world with a woman for life, he’s looking to invest in a great woman. Don’t allow a man’s lack of interest in pursuing you to discourage you; continue to work on being the best woman you can be, and you’ll continue to attract quality men who see value in you.

Keep your options open!!! Since pursuing a man on your own accord is a definite way to scare men away, enjoy the eligible bachelors who seek your hand. You’ve got a life, you’ve got work, and then you’ve got leisure. You’ll be busy with life, so the men you come across will have to get in where they fit in. They will sense that you’re busy and want to take full advantage of the time you have available for them. Once you’ve exchanged numbers, wait patiently for him to be the aggressor and contact you. Once he calls you, make the best of the conversation by telling him details about yourself. Tell him about your education, spiritual beliefs, your relationship with your family, your favorite food/drinks, your likes/dislikes, what kind of sports you like to watch, your favorite movies, and your favorite books!!!

When you give a man details about your life, he’ll have enough information about you to plan a date that would cater to your taste. He does not need to know your favorite restaurant!!! That would insist that that is where you’re suggesting/requiring that he takes you there. Since you’re not paying for the date, allow him the opportunity to research places that work within his budget. When you’re getting to know a potential romantic interest, be sure not to come off as a “cool chick” or a “home girl”. A man wants a woman who’s going to be a “woman”. He’s got enough “homies”. And so do you!!!

On “date night”… do your hair, do your make-up, dress up as classy/sexy as you can. Avoid anything “slutty” because then he’ll just want to “bed you” right then and there and you’ll never get those lustful thoughts out of his head… EVER!!! No matter how hard you try! If the date goes well, you (again) “be patient” and wait for him to reach out to you and ask for another date. To avoid being overly anxious, you have to keep yourself busy with work/life and perhaps entertaining other admirers who are interested in growing with you!!! Don’t concern yourself with how others view you dating multiple people at once; you don’t know what’s going on in that one date’s life, nor do you have any control over him. He could be in a relationship, he could only be after sex, he could not be that into you, or whatever!!! But you don’t want to find yourself being too anxious over this one “great” date you had. And you will feel as though most of your dates went fairly well because you haven’t been on the scene in awhile. So again I stress… be patient!

Now if you like the guy that you’re dating, show him a little love and let him know you enjoy his company as well. You can’t be cold and not give him any signals at all. You have to remember… he is dating multiple women too!!! And he can’t afford to invest his time/energy/money on a woman who’s not giving him any feedback on how the date is going or how she feels about him. In order to get a 2nd date from him, he has to feel the connection/feel the vibes/feel the energy and know that you’re into him. While you’re dating these multiple men, evaluate them based on their character (i.e. Their actions). Is he opening doors for you? Is he making arrangements and paying for the date? Was he on time? Did he call you as opposed to texting? Was he a gentleman? Some men don’t know better. Some men don’t do better. Either way, you will have your answers on or before the first date. But it’s up to you to know your worth and not settle for anything less than what you feel you deserve.

After dating a guy, talking to him, getting to know him, etc… If you are satisfied with his personality, character, then you can consider him for a promotion. By now, he will want to have more of your time, and he will without a doubt want to sleep with you. If you give him sex before a commitment, you run the risk of him no longer wanting to compete for your time/energy. There’s no need to give him an ultimatum as far as committing to you, he will want to make progress with you after waiting it out for this long. Allow him to be the aggressor and ask if you’d like to a more prominent position in his life.

Between your work schedule, your daily life, dating other guys, etc, he’ll want to secure a place in your life that will guarantee him more exclusive time with you. After all the time/energy/effort/money he’s been spending on you, he will want to know where things are going. Or better yet if things can go somewhere… because you’re beginning to get expensive lol. But a man spending his time/energy/effort/money is a great way to measure his true interest in you. These things mean a lot to a man. So if he’s putting forth this type of effort, you either reward him because you want it to continue, or you leave him alone because you’re not interested. So put yourself out there, get some dates lined up, evaluate each guy you meet, and choose which guy you’d like to get closer to. Let me know how things go 😉

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-AskCheyB

One of the best ways to grow as a couple is to do things as a couple!

A man who is genuinely interested in being in a relationship with a woman and building a future with her will do everything in his power to maintain peace in the household. If for one second his lady is feeling uncomfortable and is for whatever reason not secure in him, he will stop everything that he’s doing to put her mind at ease. One of the best ways to grow as a couple is to do things as a couple. Granted, it’s important to have space, and have friends outside of the relationship, both parties should make it a point to include one another in their endeavors. Communication is a key aspect of a functioning relationship; it can bring you and your partner closer, and it will eliminate a lot of ambiguity, so definitely keep the communication going.

While it’s not important or relevant for your significant other to tell you “everything”, there are certain pieces of information that should be shared simply because he’s interested in sharing his world with you (the person he loves). With the exception of business meetings, personal leisure, and “Guys Night Out”, he should invite you to accompany him to events and outings. There also has to be a level of trust between the two of you. If there’s no trust, you really should consider re-evaluating your relationship with him. You don’t want to constantly be worried that every time your significant other goes out, he’s up to something. If this is the way your partner is making you feel, talk to your partner, let him know how his actions make you feel. If he’s willing to make the changes, he may be worth remaining loyal to. If he’s not willing to make the changes, cut your losses and end the relationship.

Sidenote: Never trust your partner 100%. 50% of the trust should be in your partner. The other 50% goes into your gut!

One of the best parts about being in a relationship is being “together”, so when you’re a part, you should at least be able to enjoy communicating with one another for comfort. When it’s guys night out though, let him have guys night out. Talk to him when he gets home! And if it’s a guys night out, he should have details, if he’s out for business, he should have details, if it’s a family affair, he should have details about the time, place, occasion, and you should be invited. If he’s making it his business to be “somewhere”, and you’re not invited, and he doesn’t have any details, give him a fair amount of time to get the details. Now don’t go into “insecure” mode, this is the point where you exhibit strength and you measure how considerate your man is of your feelings.

As it comes closer to the time he’s supposed to go wherever he’s going, sit back and observe; see if he’ll be considerate enough to give you details about where he’s going, with whom, and when he’ll be back. If he doesn’t show you this consideration, when he gets home, you don’t show him any consideration. Never consider those who never consider you! Whenever your man is reluctant to offer up information, it’s because he has something to hide. It doesn’t really matter what he’s hiding, what does matter is that he’s hiding it, and he doesn’t want to be vulnerable and expose himself to you (his significant other). That in itself speaks volumes, and his actions show that you’re really not that significant. If you find yourself dealing with a man who keeps secrets that are becoming hurtful to your relationship, don’t hesitate to do what’s best for you, because he is certainly doing what’s best for him.

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-AskCheyB

The Type Of Woman A Man Looks For When He’s Ready To Settle Down…

For ages, men have valued women solely based on their physical beauty, ignoring the possibility of exploring anything more. Some of the powers that be include a woman’s ability to seduce a man into doing any and everything she wants. This is partially true; for a man will allow a woman to persuade him into doing only what he is willing to do. The things that are off limits will remain off limits unless he decides she is worth such privileges. It’s easy for a woman to get a man into bed, but what’s challenging is getting a man to commit to a relationship or propose marriage. This is where we cross over into the realm of a man’s values.

It sometimes takes a man years to understand that not everything that glitters is gold. That a beautiful face and a phenomenal does not equate to a warm, loving heart, or a woman of character. For years he will follow his eyes and ignore his heart, struggling endlessly to turn that sexy, seductive, sex slave into a beautiful, sensual, wholesome lady he can be proud to take home to his mother. All the while, he bypasses the beautiful, sensual, wholesome women at the library, at the grocery store, or at church because he doesn’t see the value in being with that type of woman, but this is also because he hasn’t learned to value himself and figure out his own worth.

After a young man gets out of a long-term relationship with his parents, one of the first things he looks to do is find himself and figure out his own way. One of the things that are forbidden in most children’s home is having the opposite sex over for company. So now that he’s left the nest, one of the first things on his mind is to get sex and lots of it! He’s filling a void that’s been missing for the past 18 years of his life, and he’s going to indulge until his heart is content.

Despite the years of teachings delivered by his parents, the last thing on his mind is being a mature, responsible adult. Breaking away from the parents is a man’s time to be a man and explore the world through his own eyes! While he’s in this young, wild, immature, and promiscuous stage of his life, he will look to associate with women who are just like him (i.e. Young, wild, immature, and promiscuous). He’s not interested in finding a woman of substance just yet, because he himself hasn’t become anyone of substance.

At first glance, it may appear to a lady that “H**s be winnin!” because all of the young men flock to the women who are fast and easy, but this is only true if you view giving up free sex, with no commitment, to every Tom, Dick, and Harry” winning! These women are only valued throughout the duration in which they are able to produce the amount of sex and benefits men are after. Outside of the bedroom, h**s are worth less, they’re only worth more to the men who value sex without a commitment. Do not be discouraged; these are the men you want to avoid anyway! Quality over quantity!

These very same women who give up years of their lives sleeping with men without any requirements will come to find that they are merely stepping stones for these men. A man who is on a journey to finding himself will encounter many different jobs, many different fashion trends, and many different women long before finding his true identity. As the years roll by and a man matures, you’ll notice he starts to do away with old fashion trends, he moves on to better paying jobs/careers, seeks out higher paying positions, and associates more closely with quality women. These things were all stepping stones that reflected the person that he was at that particular point in his life, but will no longer be present in his future.

While strippers and porn stars have amazing visual and sexual qualities, they are what men consider to be a fantasy, and he wants to keep his fantasy and his reality totally separate. He’ll come to watch her perform merely for entertainment, he’ll spend a fair amount of money on her, and he’ll even engage in a sexual rendezvous, but after the climax, it’s back to reality. His reality is work, family, friends, and life; he finds pleasure in experiencing a fantasy from time to time, but he doesn’t want this side of him exposed in his regular everyday life. What he expects from a stripper and/or porn star is entertainment, nothing more, nothing less!

To settle down is to have experienced all that there is to experience up until the point of exhaustion, and reaching a level of contentment. With this in mind, it will take a man years of having loads of sex, with an abundance of women, with no strings attached before he is ready to genuinely and sincerely settle down with just one woman. The same applies to his financial stability, it may take a man years of spending frivolously, making costly mistakes, and not valuing a dollar before he finally decides for himself to be more responsible. No matter whether it’s money, fashion, or women, a man has to surpass certain milestones in his life before he’s ready to become a man of substance and have a shift in values.

Before a man even thinks of settling down, he has to be emotionally available; meaning he there is no one in his life, and nothing in his life preventing him from opening his heart to you. Finances (or the lack thereof), are one of the key factors in determining whether a not a man entertains a woman, and it also narrows down which woman a man chooses. If he’s not financially stable, he again will bypass the women of substance and seek out the women of suspense because quality women require more of an investment. It’s not that a man is not interested in quality, but at this point in his life, he’s unable to afford it, so in the mean time, he’ll entertain those woman who will settle for little to nothing.

Again, it may seem as though “H**s be winnin!” but this relationship is a temporary solution to a temporary problem. Some men get into a relationship (with a woman with no requirements) as a way to save money on rent, get free sex, meals, and other resources. They know from the start that they don’t want a future with this woman, but the opportunist in them, says, “Hey, it’s better to get free sex, meals, and a roof over my head than to struggle alone.” While that may be his initial plan of action, what happens is he gets caught up, gets comfortable, and ends up staying far longer than he planned. He’s now fallen in love with a “stripper”, hasn’t thoroughly planned an exit strategy, and is now angry with her because he’s fallen in love with a woman he never imagined he would. His plan was strictly business!

If it hasn’t already, that relationship will turn verbally and possibly physically abusive. He’s not only hating you for being who you are, but he’s secretly mad at himself for being who he is and finding himself  in this position. He makes himself feel better about being a man of poor character by channeling all of his anger and negative energy towards you! Had he been focused on his own independence, he would’ve never even considered this type of woman, he instead, would have gotten himself emotionally and financially stable, and he will have then sought out a woman who matches everything that he is. When you seek out a relationship when you’re at your worst, you’ll find yourself matched with an individual who also is at their worst (on one level or another).

It’s easy for a woman to get a man through sex, but she’ll never be able to keep him. Sex only keeps the men who only value sex around; if you’re looking for a man who values more, then you’ll have to present yourself as a woman who offers more. Once a man makes up in his mind who you are and where he wants you to be in his life, that’s exactly where you’ll stay. This could mean you’re his fantasy or his reality.

You want your future husband to be a man who has established who he is, and where he wants to be in life. No matter how long it takes him, or what he had to go through to get there, you want a man the man who finds you to be spiritually, financially, and emotionally secure. A man who is independent, has taken a spiritual journey, and has experienced life will at some have a strong desire for something more! When he reaches this point in his life, he will bypass all of his past conquests because he’s been there and done that, and he’ll look for that woman of substance; the woman he’s been ignoring all his life.

He’s ready to be a man of integrity, a man of honor, a man of substance, and start building upon his legacy. As an independent man, he’s now interested in finding an independent woman whose interested in coming together and gaining interdependence. He realizes now that he can do anything by himself, be he can do more with the help of a quality woman by his side. A woman who only accepts a man when he’s at his best, and won’t settle for anything less. A woman who will take her take, get to know a man, value her body before giving it to him, and set standards/requirements before giving herself to him.

He finds this woman by simply observing how she carries herself, and how she handles other people. This is the same approach he used when finding a whore when he was younger; he would target women who have love self esteem and are desperate for any man to be a part of their lives. Now that he’s grown and matured, he’s looking for substance, not suspense, so this time around; he’ll be looking for a woman not only with his eyes, but with his heart! Now that he’s all grown up, he’s learned to value himself, women, and relationships, and he’s ready for a commitment.

A man will treat you the way you treat yourself, so if you’re a stripper on a pole, he will degrade you in the same way you’re degrading yourself. If you’re a server at a soup kitchen in a shelter, he’ll see you as warm, compassionate, loving, caring, and giving, and he’ll treat you that way. Contrary to popular believe, the key to finding a good man isn’t to go looking for him, but instead take a journey and find you. A woman who exhibits poor character automatically disqualifies herself from being a candidate for a relationship or marriage. If you possess the qualities that men look for in a wife, he will seek you out as soon as he is ready for that level of commitment.

Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

“20 Steps To Building A Long Lasting Relationship With The Man You Want”

Marriage is meant to be a life-long commitment, so it deserves every bit of special attention when preparing yourself for it. Before taking this step towards a happy life with someone else, you want to make sure you have a happy life as an individual. Marriage isn’t only about having a man who will take care of you; it’s also about you being ready, willing, and able to take care of him. These 20 steps will serve as an excellent guide for preparing yourself for a happy, healthy relationship, and help you work towards a marriage.

Step 1: Self-evaluation- (i.e. How do you feel about the person you are inside and out?) You have to love yourself before you love someone else.

Step 2: Presentation- Always present yourself as the person you want to be known and remembered as. Men are visual and will evaluate you 1st based on your appearance and also by the way you carry yourself.

Step 3: The Introduction- Remember you’re a lady! Maintain control! Just give a guy you’re interested in “the look” & he will come right over & initiate convo. This will show your submissive side, while allowing him to take the lead.

Step 4: Friendship- There will be plenty of time for sex, but if you want a future with this man, 1st get to know him and find out if you even like the guy. Friendship is the key to romance!

Step 5: Dating- Focus on the man who focuses on you, but in the meantime, keep your options open. Date multiple people at once.

Step 6: Sex- Friendship doesn’t come with benefits. Benefits come with a commitment. If he wants sex, your relationship has to be exclusive. Know your worth!

Step 7: Commitment- You’ve been dating this guy for a while, the chemistry is great, and you’ve established a great friendship, and you’re ready to take the next step. Go ahead and make it official! Let him ask to be exclusive with you.

Step 8: Incorporate The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships (according to Chey B.) Those habits are: Respect, Love, Trust, Support, Loyalty, Honesty & Communication.

Step 9: Consistency- Everything you brought to the table in the beginning should not only remain, but it should get better. Never stop competing for your partner’s love and affection.

Step 10: Share your world! Introduce your partner to any/everyone who is important in your life. This shows him that you want him to be a part of it. Even a man wants to feel special.

Step 11: Space- Allow each other just enough room to breathe, but not enough room to leave. Give yourselves the opportunity to miss one another.

Step 12: Growth- If you want to grow as a couple, it’s important that you do things “as a couple”. Not all the time, but most of the time.

Step 13: Secrets- If you can’t be open and honest with your partner, you are not ready for a relationship. Stay single until you’re ready to be vulnerable. Being in a relationship means that you’re a team! Keep secrets with your partner, not from your partner.

Step 14: Male friends- Platonic friendship is an oxymoron! All men have a motive! Friendship is the key to romance and men use this approach to get close to a woman’s heart, mind, and body! Your partner should be your one and only male friend! Keep the peace in your relationship by dismissing them all!

Step 15: Single friends- You’re in a relationship now! From time to time, your single friends will invite you out to share their world, but instead, invite them in to come and share yours instead. Use this as an opportunity to show your single friends the value in being in a committed relationship while also strengthening yours.

Step 16: Engagement- Don’t waste countless years of your life hoping, wishing, and praying for a marriage proposal. A man knows from the very beginning whether he wants to marry you or not. Expect a proposal no later than year two or three.

Step 17: Wedding Plans- Communicate with your partner, set a time-line for the activities leading up to the wedding, as well as a tentative wedding date, work together and find a way to include both parties’ family and friends to help assist. Start planning the wedding within weeks after the engagement.

Step 18: Getting Married- After 2-3 years of following the rules of relationships, you’re certain that you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. Go for it! You are about to become an official team; you are one! Let no one and nothing come between you two. You marriage should be impenetrable and inseparable! Always protect and value this union!

Step 19: Moving in- You’re about to find out new things about your husband. Don’t be alarmed; simply observe, take notes, and prepare to make any necessary adjustments.

Step 20: Relationship Turmoil- Remember all the steps you took to get to where you are, and know that your marriage is worth fighting for. Never stop loving one another. Marriage is forever!

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Men Can Dish It, But Can’t Handle Being Cheated On…

Anytime a man cheats, it’s time for you to reevaluate the relationship. Cheating lets you know that whatever it is you’re doing isn’t enough to satisfy him. There’s nothing you can do about it and if you take him back once he’ll do it again. Cheaters don’t play fair, and after everything’s said and done you’ll never be able to fully trust him again after he’s proven to be disloyal. If your partner cheats, the contract is breached!

A cheater wants to have more than everyone else, and the only way for him to ensure that he’s getting more than you are is to live a double life behind your back. If he entertained other women in your face, that would reveal his hidden agenda and would even the playing field. He’s not looking for an open relationship, no! He’s looking for a one-sided relationship where he gets to do whatever it is he wants to do, while you’re sitting at home being loyal. He could very easily be single and play the field but no, he would much rather drag you through the mud while he plays instead.

When a cheater gets away with cheating, he considers this to be “winning”! He’s having his cake and eating it too while nobody suspects a thing. This may be loads of fun for him, but it’s disrespectful to you, your family, his family, your friends, and anyone else who might be witnessing his lies and deceit. Cheaters lack integrity so don’t expect them to come clean if you accuse them of cheating, and don’t expect them to be forthcoming either. The thrill for him is in hiding the truth, not telling the truth.

Anytime a cheater gets caught cheating, he won’t be sorry about the cheating, no! He’s sorry that he got caught, and now he’s looking for a way out of the mess he created. Even still, after being caught cheating you’ll notice that he’s still isn’t considerate of your feelings. He’ll say he’s sorry, beg, plead, promise to never do it again, and he may even be bold enough to deny the whole thing. Instead of giving you time to reflect on what just happened, he’ll smother you and try to force you buy into his lies and deceit. He’ll expect you to immediately take him back without giving it any thought whatsoever because he’s only considering his own feelings and not yours.

Now let the tables turn and you step out and cheat on him just one time, oh he’s going to LOSE HIS MIND!!! He won’t be able to wrap his mind around how you could possibly do such a thing to him, even after the many times he’s done it to you. His pride and his ego might force him to leave you without even thinking twice about it because he’s been beaten at his own game. If he stays, you’ll never hear the end of it, and he’ll drive you crazy with his constant questioning of your whereabouts and his insecurity. Part of the reason for his insecurity is that he’s still cheating. The other part is that he’s afraid that you’re going to beat him to the punch and he doesn’t want you to have your cake and it too just like him.

Cheaters cheat because they don’t appreciate the value in being fair and they’ve grown so accustomed to cutting corners, scamming others, and burning bridges that it’s become a part of their everyday make-up. Sometimes in order for a man to humble himself, he has to hit rock bottom. It’s unfortunate, but some men need a little help and need to be crushed to help them reach that bottom. Once they’ve experienced a taste of their own medicine, they’ll get a feel of what it’s like to be heartbroken, to feel betrayed, and to be disrespected by someone you love.

Cheating should never be a solution for anyone in a relationship, if you’re unhappy, simply talk to your partner about it and come up with the best possible solution. No one deserves to be lied to, deceived, or betrayed, even if it was done to you! There’s no telling what an emotionally charged man with a bruised ego might do to you if he found out that you were cheating, and you don’t want to find out. You only have one life to live, so protect yourself at all cost! If you or your partner feel the need to outsource, talk to one another instead and consider the possibility of being single.

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How to avoid a lustful relationship, and build a relationship of substance…

Anytime you have the desire to enter into a relationship with someone, you should begin with the end in mind. Success is measured by one’s ability to reach his/her goals, so if you want your relationship to be successful, set goals for yourself and work towards achieving them. Different people value different things, and this is especially true when it comes to the opposite sex. Some people value sex with no strings, some value monogamy, and some simply value no sex at all. Since values differ from person to person, it’s important to discuss morals, values, and principles with the person you’re getting to know long before getting emotionally and sexually involved. Sharing the same morals, values, and principles is a great way to start off any relationship, and it will help you attract the men you need, and avoid the men you don’t.

Sex is great, and it plays a huge factor in any romantic relationship, however… all relationships and all things have to be built on a solid foundation… otherwise, it will eventually crumble. The foundation that makes a romantic relationship last longer is best known as friendship. Friendship is the key to romance! Through friendship, you will discover a great deal of pertinent information about a person’s character that will help guide you towards deciding whether or not this person is right for you. Most men won’t have the patience to wait 90 days for sex, but these are the types of men you want to avoid. 90 days isn’t a deadline for sex, but more so a probationary period that allows you to feel him out.

Within a 90 day period, continue to live your life as you normally would, which will give you both the space and opportunity to miss one another. When you can find the time, talk to one another over the phone and share details of each other’s lives; this will give you a list of great topics to spin off of on date nights. While getting better acquainted over the phone, you may even come to find that you’re not interested in pursuing anything further than platonic friendship, and opt not to go out on a date. If you find this person to be interesting and if he possesses the moral fiber you look for in a man, by all means, give it a try.

The goal here is to establish a foundation that you can fall back on for those times when you’re not in the mood to do anything more than simply be in each other’s company. It’s quite difficult to have dinner, cuddle, or stare in the eyes of someone you have no chemistry with, so look beyond the physical attraction and try to establish a deeper connection. When you’ve developed a spiritual connection with someone before sex… the sex that comes later on will merely be a bonus. I believe in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships (according to Chey B). This requires your partner to be 1) Respectful 2) Loving 3) Honest 4) Trustworthy 5) Loyal 6) Supportive 7) A great communicator. With these key things, your relationship will be destined for greatness.

Since we’re on the topic, sex shouldn’t even be a factor during the “getting to know each other” process because the focus should be on spending time getting to know each other. The beauty of life and love is… not always knowing what’s going to happen next; look at sex as a way of saving the best for last. Develop a solid friendship with your potential mate, and figure out if he possesses The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships. While getting to know the guy and spending time with him, you will develop a spiritual connection or disconnection even. With that spiritual connection intact, the sexual connection that comes along with a marriage will be all the more special. The old saying goes “Good things come to those who wait.”

After waiting to enjoy one another on a deeper level of spirituality (sex), you will have built up such uncontrollable feelings for one another, and once you release it, you will have taken your relationship to a whole new level. After proving your love through the sanctity of marriage, it becomes clear that you genuinely love, care, and value this person. At this point, you’ll feel more comfortable with being vulnerable and communicating any problems you may face throughout the relationship. If, for example there’s something that your partner isn’t doing right in the bedroom, you can work on it together and make your sexual experience even better. Practice makes perfect!  For better results in your relationship, start from the inside, and work your way out! This practice adds value to your relationship and helps you to avoid getting stuck in a sexually charged relationship that lacks substance.

Men enjoy earning their keep, and they place more value in things they’re required to earn. Giving a man sex with no strings is like a boss giving an employee a bonus he hasn’t rightfully earned. While a man may appreciate you for giving him your body, he won’t value you as much as he would have, if he earned the privilege. When you start your relationship off with sex… every encounter you have with one another will be sex driven, and sex will be the only thing he looks forward to. He instead should be looking forward to getting to know you and getting better acquainted.

When you start things off with sex, you give up what he considers to be the highest level of achievement with a woman; not to mention, you’ll have missed out on the opportunity to get close to his heart. A man will without a doubt show you who he is after sex, and that may or may not be a good thing. After you give a man sex with no strings, he won’t feel obligated to get to know you or allow you to get to know him because it was never a requirement. Now you’re stuck with a man you’re physically connected to, but spiritually and emotionally, he is completely disconnected from you; leaving you feeling worth less.

One of the purposes behind the idea of waiting until marriage is for you to enjoy the pleasures of sex, but with the one person that you truly love. By being monogamous, you reduce your risk of becoming pregnant by someone who feels they have no obligation to you, being infected by STDs, but more importantly it shows that you value yourself and the relationship you have with your partner. Waiting for sex seems foreign to men today because so many women give them sex right away without requiring anything at all. Men are interested in being married, but so many women fail the wife material test by giving him too much too soon without any requirements.

When a man is looking for sex, he’ll place high value in a woman’s outer beauty, but when a man is looking for a wife, he’ll place even higher value in a woman’s inner beauty. The way for a woman to find a man of substance is to simply be a woman of substance. Focus on being the best woman you can be in every aspect of your life and quality men will inevitably take notice. When a man sees a woman who knows how to take care of herself and others, this is indication of how she could potentially treat him. The same principle holds true for the Diva who is full of herself and can think of no one but herself; this type of spirit may attract men who are interested in sex, but might repel men who are interested in finding a wife!

There’s more to life than having mind blowing sex in abundance, and if you’re interested in having a relationship that provides more than a sexual experience, plant the seeds and watch them grow. It’s important that any and every relationship have chemistry for starters; from there it’s simply a matter of where both parties are positioned in life. Being emotionally, spiritually, and financially stable will play a huge role in whether a not a man is ready, able, and willing to commit. So be sure to get to know as much about his position in his own life, before giving him a position in yours. Begin your relationship with friendship, and if things don’t work out romantically, you can at the very least, leave with what you started out with. Every person you allow into your life should be an asset to your life, not a liability; choose wisely!

If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please visit my website: www.askcheyb.com and connect with me on my other social networks!

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The Sole Purpose of Dating…

Being single has its perks! You get to come and go as you please, you don’t have to answer to anyone, there are no set rules that you have to abide by… you just feel like you have total freedom!!! This is great until you want “romance” in your life. Sure, there are people you can call on to have a drink with, hang out with, or even sleep with from time to time, but that’s only if/when they’re available. The lack of consistency in your love life is one of the biggest drawbacks of being single. So in order to gain consistency and longevity in your love life with someone of substance, you may be required to commit yourself to being with that person, and the best way to figure out who will fit that mold is by dating them.

Now before you can even think about going on a date, you first have to first look in the mirror and evaluate the person that you (are inside and out). When you look in the mirror, you have to believe in your heart that you are a worthy candidate for dating, and then you have to actually possess qualities and characteristics that prove to the other person that you are a worthy candidate for dating. If you’re evaluating yourself and “you” don’t feel you’re worthy, then the people you will attempt to date will feel the same way about you at some point in time. So be sure that you’re ready to start dating before you actually get out there and attempt to date 🙂

Now that you’ve evaluated yourself, your esteem is high, confidence is through the roof, you look good/smell good/feel good, you’re independent, you’re educated, you have your own money, you live on your own, etc it’s time to go and find someone who is a reflection of who you are. <<< This means that the person you entertain should also have high esteem, confidence through the roof, looks good/smells good/feels good, is independent, educated, has their own money, is living on their own, etc. Just like you!!! <<<< This is a bare minimal requirement!!! Remember the evaluation you did before you left your house. Know your worth and don’t settle for anything less!!

Men are hunters and they like a challenge, so there will always be men who are ready/willing/available to date you if he feels you are worthy, and feels that you feel you are worthy. Use dating as a way to get closer to someone you see as a potential candidate for marriage; not everyone gets a date. You will find though that not every man you see as potential will be a good fit, but it’s an experience nonetheless. And since you can’t predict how each date will turn out, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Line up multiple dates with different men just to keep your options open.

Once you’ve made a connection with one of the men you’re dating, you get to continue to grow closer and have more fun with this individual by dating him some more and getting better acquainted. Once you’re comfortable and feel he’s earned the privilege of getting a title, you can take those steps and begin to grow “together”. It is at this point you no longer have to worry about where your hugs and kisses are going to come from, and you can feel confident that your new partner will be more than happy to deliver his time, energy, and “everything else” when you call (wink). You now have “exclusivity”! <<<< And that is a wonderful feeling!

Dating isn’t just for single folks; it’s a way to have fun with a potential partner and your actual partner. One common mistake that some people in relationships make in relationships is that they stop competing for their significant other’s love and affection. The competition never stops competing, so neither should you! If you’re in a relationship of marriage, dating should be a highlight in the relationship; something to look forward to. Keep the fun and excitement flourishing throughout your relationship; it doesn’t have to be expense, but make it a night to remember.

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Getting Over An Ex…

I first want you to know that it is perfectly normal to miss your ex (even if he treated you terribly). He’s the one you’ve gotten close to, the one you’ve given your body to, introduced to your family, shared moments with, grown with, etc. It’s hard to let go of someone who’s gotten so close to your heart. But it’s certainly possible. Think about ALLLLLLLL the ex’s before this one. Do you miss them???? No, I think not. So what happened? Time elapsed!! You met someone new!! You moved on with your life!! These are a part of the steps you need to take.

First, you have to keep yourself busy with something called Life!!! If you sit at home doing nothing, you’ll be constantly reminded of how lonely you are, how much you miss your ex, and how much you want to have someone there. <<< And that’s what this is really about. You miss the comfort he gave you, and the convenience of having someone there for you. It’s not necessarily about him, because it could’ve been anybody!!! He just happens to be the person you’re most comfortable being vulnerable around (at the time), and you’re afraid of starting over. But these feelings shall come to pass.

When I say keep yourself busy, I’m talking create a brand new music playlist, clean out the refrigerator, wash your car, paint your living room, go to work (of course). Do things that will free your mind of him. Invite your girls over for moral support even; it’s great to have a good support system/people you can talk to so that you can release your thoughts and feelings. Make sure though that these friends aren’t hurt/angry/bitter because they will advise you to simply forget about him and go right back to the dating scene which is exactly what you don’t want to do. Right now it’s time to reflect on what just happened, what’s happening now, and what’s getting ready to happen in your future.

Now… if you there’s no marriage and you have no kids with your ex, enjoy the good times, cherish the memories, but by God, let him remain an ex Forever! If you backtrack, you’re simply prolonging the inevitable. Your relationship should end in the same way that it began, and that’s with a conversation. When you break up with him (or vice versa), have a face to face conversation so that you both can get out any and everything you need/want to say. Take as much time as you need (in that one sitting), and make this the last conversation you have together so that you can officially get each other out of your system. Do not avoid this step or else he will have a reason to contact you and he won’t stop until he gets this closure.

You owe it to one another to bring closure to the relationship. So handle the break-up and your ex with dignity and respect. <<< This step will allow you to free yourself of any guilt or any animosity you may have towards him. Talking about all of the issues you have in your relationship with him will allow you to see more clearly why you need to move on. You guys can be cordial, peaceful, and respectful to one another whenever you bump into each other, but outside of that, there doesn’t need to be any further contact. You don’t have to be the best of friends, but do end things on a friendly basis. It’s a break up! You don’t have to be sworn enemies.

So now we’ve established that there should be no communication between you two, there’s definitely no sex. You can’t get over your ex if you’re still laying up under him. Many times when we stay in relationships, the sex is the one thing that we always agree upon, so while you’re in this emotional state, don’t confuse your lust with love. Being sexually involved with your ex will only prolong the inevitable, while you’re enjoying the best make-up sex of your life. Make-up sex is always great because you’re taking all of your aggression and channeling it into that moment of passion. Unfortunately, this is a temporary high and you’ll be back to reality shortly thereafter. To avoid a prolonged break-up, stay out of his bed and keep him out of yours 😉

Keep your mind occupied and off of your ex by doing things for yourself (i.e.Massage, manicure, pedicure, join a gym and start working out, start to cook more, read self-help books for motivation/inspiration, talk to your family & friends, etc. Remember, this is only one man and one break up; don’t make this out to be the end of the world! If it didn’t work out, it didn’t work out! It’s ok to move on and find someone you can really grow with. Relationships are all about growth!. Yes, the sex was good and he was attractive, and everybody liked him, etc… but you couldn’t grow with him. So don’t stunt your growth! MOVE ON!!!

When you’re fresh out of a failed relationship with someone, the last thing you want to do is jump right back into the dating scene. Use this time to find yourself, and heal from the emotional distress caused by this previous relationship. Taking a spiritual journey after a break-up allows you to take a deep look at yourself, and the things you need to work on in order to make your next relationship a success. Men can sense a woman who’s been broken, and they use that knowledge to take advantage of her vulnerable state. If you want to avoid being hurt all over again, take the time to regroup and come back a better you!

Take as much time as you need to heal your broken heart. Reflect on the good times that you shared with your ex, and value the experiences you share. Also reflect on the bad times, and use this to remind you of why you made the decision to move on. This healing process is about getting you back to a place where you’re able to love and be loved again, so allow time to take its course. You can’t move onto the next, until you’re through with your ex!

Now here’s where it gets fun. When you’re doing all these things for yourself, you’ll begin to smile more, you’ll feel better about yourself, and you’ll be glowing!!! The men who cross your path will be on you like a magnet!!! And you don’t have to jump to the opportunities that come your way… just use this fuel to further validate that your ex isn’t the only person that can “make you feel good”. You can make you feel good, and there’s a world of other men who will compete for that same opportunity. Suddenly… that ex doesn’t look so good anymore 🙂

YouTube video: “Getting Over an Ex” http://youtu.be/OTnQVU22EtU

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Q: “I was recently in a car accident, got laid off, and now I’m depressed! This one guy really likes me. Should I put him/relationships on hold?”

Q: I am currently going through some major life changes such as being laid off from my job, recently being in a car accident where my car was totaled and just an overwhelming feeling of loneliness on top of other things. I am aware that I have a lot of baggage at the moment and don’t have much to offer a relationship. I personally feel that I should put dating on hold but, there is a guy being very persistant and wants to take me out. I don’t feel comfortable as a woman putting myself in a situation where I have to explain all of this to him. My best friend however, feels I need to date and that if a man is truly interested this will not be an issue because my situation is temporary. How do you suggest I handle this?

A: While it’s customary for a man to protect and provide for a woman, one has to remember that these are privileges that are given to the “deserving”. Protecting a woman and providing for a woman isn’t an act of charity, it’s an act of duty towards the woman who’s earned a place in that man’s heart. When you’re single, you are expected to be “independent”, so that when you get into your next relationship, you will have enough to offer to make him comfortable enough being “interdependent” with you. 

There will always be someone who sees value in you (on some level or another), but it’s more important that “you” see value in yourself. This way you’ll be able to place a “price” on what you feel your worth is, as opposed to letting the men who are interested in you dictate that value for you. You want to be “self” confident, and you want your esteem to be high before you let someone get close to your heart. If you allow another person to boost your self-esteem and self-confidence, then they can also lower it at will. If you allow someone to have this type of power over you, you place yourself in a vulnerable state where you may be at serious risk of being hurt, used, and abused.

There will never be a shortage of men. They are everywhere and they are here to stay. Take as much time as you need to focus on yourself and your responsibilities. Be sure that when you’re finally ready to date that you are confident in “yourself”. If you lack confidence do to your financial situation, your emotional state, or what have you, it will show. And if these insecurities are sensed, you put yourself in a position where a man will be prompted to play on your emotions and go into “manipulative” mode (which means everything he does from that point will be for “him”. 

Kindly let the guy know that you are not ready to be romantically involved with him and you need to be alone for awhile. If he’s smart, he will simply date other women and stay focused on his life and his responsibilities. In time… if/when you’re finally ready to date, he can comfortably begin pursuing you again (if he’s still available). If he pressures you, run!!! Because now, he’s showing impatience, lack of confidence, lack of discipline, and most importantly… lack of respect! And these are not admirable traits to have in a relationship.

Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB