For ages, men have valued women solely based on their physical beauty, ignoring the possibility of exploring anything more. Some of the powers that be include a woman’s ability to seduce a man into doing any and everything she wants. This is partially true; for a man will allow a woman to persuade him into doing only what he is willing to do. The things that are off limits will remain off limits unless he decides she is worth such privileges. It’s easy for a woman to get a man into bed, but what’s challenging is getting a man to commit to a relationship or propose marriage. This is where we cross over into the realm of a man’s values.
It sometimes takes a man years to understand that not everything that glitters is gold. That a beautiful face and a phenomenal does not equate to a warm, loving heart, or a woman of character. For years he will follow his eyes and ignore his heart, struggling endlessly to turn that sexy, seductive, sex slave into a beautiful, sensual, wholesome lady he can be proud to take home to his mother. All the while, he bypasses the beautiful, sensual, wholesome women at the library, at the grocery store, or at church because he doesn’t see the value in being with that type of woman, but this is also because he hasn’t learned to value himself and figure out his own worth.
After a young man gets out of a long-term relationship with his parents, one of the first things he looks to do is find himself and figure out his own way. One of the things that are forbidden in most children’s home is having the opposite sex over for company. So now that he’s left the nest, one of the first things on his mind is to get sex and lots of it! He’s filling a void that’s been missing for the past 18 years of his life, and he’s going to indulge until his heart is content.
Despite the years of teachings delivered by his parents, the last thing on his mind is being a mature, responsible adult. Breaking away from the parents is a man’s time to be a man and explore the world through his own eyes! While he’s in this young, wild, immature, and promiscuous stage of his life, he will look to associate with women who are just like him (i.e. Young, wild, immature, and promiscuous). He’s not interested in finding a woman of substance just yet, because he himself hasn’t become anyone of substance.
At first glance, it may appear to a lady that “H**s be winnin!” because all of the young men flock to the women who are fast and easy, but this is only true if you view giving up free sex, with no commitment, to every Tom, Dick, and Harry” winning! These women are only valued throughout the duration in which they are able to produce the amount of sex and benefits men are after. Outside of the bedroom, h**s are worth less, they’re only worth more to the men who value sex without a commitment. Do not be discouraged; these are the men you want to avoid anyway! Quality over quantity!
These very same women who give up years of their lives sleeping with men without any requirements will come to find that they are merely stepping stones for these men. A man who is on a journey to finding himself will encounter many different jobs, many different fashion trends, and many different women long before finding his true identity. As the years roll by and a man matures, you’ll notice he starts to do away with old fashion trends, he moves on to better paying jobs/careers, seeks out higher paying positions, and associates more closely with quality women. These things were all stepping stones that reflected the person that he was at that particular point in his life, but will no longer be present in his future.
While strippers and porn stars have amazing visual and sexual qualities, they are what men consider to be a fantasy, and he wants to keep his fantasy and his reality totally separate. He’ll come to watch her perform merely for entertainment, he’ll spend a fair amount of money on her, and he’ll even engage in a sexual rendezvous, but after the climax, it’s back to reality. His reality is work, family, friends, and life; he finds pleasure in experiencing a fantasy from time to time, but he doesn’t want this side of him exposed in his regular everyday life. What he expects from a stripper and/or porn star is entertainment, nothing more, nothing less!
To settle down is to have experienced all that there is to experience up until the point of exhaustion, and reaching a level of contentment. With this in mind, it will take a man years of having loads of sex, with an abundance of women, with no strings attached before he is ready to genuinely and sincerely settle down with just one woman. The same applies to his financial stability, it may take a man years of spending frivolously, making costly mistakes, and not valuing a dollar before he finally decides for himself to be more responsible. No matter whether it’s money, fashion, or women, a man has to surpass certain milestones in his life before he’s ready to become a man of substance and have a shift in values.
Before a man even thinks of settling down, he has to be emotionally available; meaning he there is no one in his life, and nothing in his life preventing him from opening his heart to you. Finances (or the lack thereof), are one of the key factors in determining whether a not a man entertains a woman, and it also narrows down which woman a man chooses. If he’s not financially stable, he again will bypass the women of substance and seek out the women of suspense because quality women require more of an investment. It’s not that a man is not interested in quality, but at this point in his life, he’s unable to afford it, so in the mean time, he’ll entertain those woman who will settle for little to nothing.
Again, it may seem as though “H**s be winnin!” but this relationship is a temporary solution to a temporary problem. Some men get into a relationship (with a woman with no requirements) as a way to save money on rent, get free sex, meals, and other resources. They know from the start that they don’t want a future with this woman, but the opportunist in them, says, “Hey, it’s better to get free sex, meals, and a roof over my head than to struggle alone.” While that may be his initial plan of action, what happens is he gets caught up, gets comfortable, and ends up staying far longer than he planned. He’s now fallen in love with a “stripper”, hasn’t thoroughly planned an exit strategy, and is now angry with her because he’s fallen in love with a woman he never imagined he would. His plan was strictly business!
If it hasn’t already, that relationship will turn verbally and possibly physically abusive. He’s not only hating you for being who you are, but he’s secretly mad at himself for being who he is and finding himself in this position. He makes himself feel better about being a man of poor character by channeling all of his anger and negative energy towards you! Had he been focused on his own independence, he would’ve never even considered this type of woman, he instead, would have gotten himself emotionally and financially stable, and he will have then sought out a woman who matches everything that he is. When you seek out a relationship when you’re at your worst, you’ll find yourself matched with an individual who also is at their worst (on one level or another).
It’s easy for a woman to get a man through sex, but she’ll never be able to keep him. Sex only keeps the men who only value sex around; if you’re looking for a man who values more, then you’ll have to present yourself as a woman who offers more. Once a man makes up in his mind who you are and where he wants you to be in his life, that’s exactly where you’ll stay. This could mean you’re his fantasy or his reality.
You want your future husband to be a man who has established who he is, and where he wants to be in life. No matter how long it takes him, or what he had to go through to get there, you want a man the man who finds you to be spiritually, financially, and emotionally secure. A man who is independent, has taken a spiritual journey, and has experienced life will at some have a strong desire for something more! When he reaches this point in his life, he will bypass all of his past conquests because he’s been there and done that, and he’ll look for that woman of substance; the woman he’s been ignoring all his life.
He’s ready to be a man of integrity, a man of honor, a man of substance, and start building upon his legacy. As an independent man, he’s now interested in finding an independent woman whose interested in coming together and gaining interdependence. He realizes now that he can do anything by himself, be he can do more with the help of a quality woman by his side. A woman who only accepts a man when he’s at his best, and won’t settle for anything less. A woman who will take her take, get to know a man, value her body before giving it to him, and set standards/requirements before giving herself to him.
He finds this woman by simply observing how she carries herself, and how she handles other people. This is the same approach he used when finding a whore when he was younger; he would target women who have love self esteem and are desperate for any man to be a part of their lives. Now that he’s grown and matured, he’s looking for substance, not suspense, so this time around; he’ll be looking for a woman not only with his eyes, but with his heart! Now that he’s all grown up, he’s learned to value himself, women, and relationships, and he’s ready for a commitment.
A man will treat you the way you treat yourself, so if you’re a stripper on a pole, he will degrade you in the same way you’re degrading yourself. If you’re a server at a soup kitchen in a shelter, he’ll see you as warm, compassionate, loving, caring, and giving, and he’ll treat you that way. Contrary to popular believe, the key to finding a good man isn’t to go looking for him, but instead take a journey and find you. A woman who exhibits poor character automatically disqualifies herself from being a candidate for a relationship or marriage. If you possess the qualities that men look for in a wife, he will seek you out as soon as he is ready for that level of commitment.
Life & Relationship Coach