Gents: First work on the money… then work on the girl!

Some people work to make money and use the money they make to pay bills. Others work to make money and use the money they make to invest in things that will help them achieve financial freedom/secure a future for themselves, their family, and the people they leave behind. It’s important to have a list of priorities in life, and “you” should sit at the very top of that list of priorities. The more you value yourself physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially, the more others will value you. If you’re working towards being the best man you can be spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially you’re going to want to find a person who offers the same value you possess.

This issue of making it a first priority prior to be financially independent is a matter of morals, values, character, upbringing, and influences. When the right path isn’t laid out for a young man growing up, his fate rests in the hands of the influences of the world. One major instance in which a man will come to terms with the importance of having financial stability is when he meets his significant other’s father. The mother will be more concerned with how much you love her daughter. The father will be more concerned with what you do for a living and how you plan on providing for his daughter. Better to have a plan of action before meeting the man whom she knows will protect her best interest and advise against you if your plan is not conducive to her future.

A huge part of being an adult is being financially independent and responsible. Being able to make smart decisions with your money are essential to your growth and development in the society we live in. This could mean cutting back on shopping, dates, eating out, driving, etc in order to reduce your everyday expenses and use that money towards savings and investments. The money you save from cutting back on expenses will accumulate over time and accrue interest depending on how/where you invest. But more importantly, this money will come in handy if tragedy were ever to strike and you’re unable to generate income. Not having financial security will leave you dependent on everyone but yourself. <<< A trait that no woman admires.

With or without a woman, you (as a man) are held accountable for the financial decisions you make in life and people (especially women you’re interested in dating) will associate with you in part based on your ability to make money work for you. The actual amount of money you’ve saved or invested isn’t what’s important. What’s important is that you’ve dedicated your time/energy/effort/money into taking steps towards becoming financially independent and securing your future.

Being financially stable will change the way you walk, talk, dress, the company you keep, and it will also play a huge part in the type of women you consider for dating potential. The type of women you consider for a date/relationship/marriage ties into “knowing your worth”. Realizing your worth can mean “I know I’m broke, so let me seek a woman who’s esteem is low enough to take me as is”. Realizing your worth can also mean “I’m financially independent, so now I’m going to seek out a woman who matches or exceeds what I’m bringing to the table, so that in the future we can become financially interdependent, pool our resources together and be a “powerhouse” living a happier/healthier/more prosperous lifestyle. Being a financial powerhouse is not an ultimate solution to finding happiness. Taking good care of your health and loving yourself is something you both should find within yourselves and share with each other. Money+Love+Wellness= Happiness

Women are ultimately attracted to a man based on what he appears to be doing for himself. She becomes even more deeply connected if/when that man is able to also do things for her. If you’re dealing with a woman of substance, she already has her own money in the bank and in no way “needs” yours. However, women like to be catered to (by a man) in more ways than the physical and at “your” expense. She likes to be taken shopping, out to eat, on trips, etc. You won’t need money to “get” the girl, but you certainly will need money to “keep” her.

If you cannot afford to do these things for a woman, the life expectancy of your relationship will end as soon as that woman wakes up and realizes her worth. Without money, there is no real sense of security in that relationship because you as a man didn’t bring security into that relationship to begin with. When unexpected expenses come, and you have no money in the bank to turn to, the burden falls on the woman. As a man, your usefulness will expire if your woman has to take care of any unexpected duties & expenses that the man of the house should be taking care of.

Being with a woman isn’t always, but certainly should be an “investment” in your future, and not an added expense… but not before you invest in “yourself” and become financially independent on your own. Some women would argue that they have no problem accepting a man who doesn’t have any money, but who in fact loves them. If you look closely at “this” particular woman, this gesture is a matter of “low self-esteem”. Women with high esteem, who are accomplished and have everything to show for it, would rather remain single than settle for a man with no money, no goals, and no plans for his future.

There are some cases where a woman of this caliber will get seduced by a man who gives her hope, sells her dreams, and gives her a “false” sense of security, but after years of disappointment, heartache, and pain, the woman awakens from this spell and eventually reverts back to where she started (which is in front of a mirror). Looking in the mirror will allow her the opportunity to take a closer look at her life & her future. From there she realizes her worth and proceeds to work on herself in hopes of finding someone who matches or exceeds everything she brings to the table, and rids herself of “you”.

Whoever you spend your time/energy/effort/money on should be someone you see value in. Someone who can add to everything you’ve already built for yourself. Not every women you meet gets a date! Choose wisely! Otherwise that investment turns into a quite costly expense. Especially if you’re dating multiple women at once (recommended).

If you are a responsible adult male, you have a source of income that helps cover your financial obligations. If your expenses number in the thousands, it makes financial sense to have an emergency fund also numbering in the thousands just to cover those expenses should your source of income expire. BTW having thousands of dollars in your checking and savings account is nothing something that’s uncommon. In fact it’s very common to the financially responsible, as this is an essential part of survival (especially in an unstable economy). It’s called having financial security and every grown adult should have it. If you have no money in your bank account, your paycheck had better cover all of your expenses and then some, because if there’s no “and then some”, you won’t be able to treat “yourself” to the finer things in life, let alone treat a lady the way she likes to be treated because you have no money leftover.

There is a solution to this problem. Focus on “you”! Have a plan! Establish yourself financially so that you can be in the best possible position to meet a woman who’s in her best possible position in life. Focus on gaining financial freedom & security. Once you’ve established yourself, you will see yourself as “more” valuable than that of which you already were. In addition, the women you admire will find you to be more attractive/valuable as they see the time/energy/effort/money you’ve invested in yourself. They see you as someone who is secure, and they want “security” in their lives.

Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

The Power of “Submission”!

Submission is a great thing to have in a relationship. The man is the king and the woman is the queen, and the sooner both parties understand their roles, the more successful that relationship will be. Ladies, no matter what a man thinks in his mind, at the end of the day you are in total control. By submitting to your man, you give him a temporary victory, boosting his ego, and making him feel better about himself as a man. You’ll also notice that the more you make him feel better about himself as a man, the more hours he’ll put in at work to provide his beautiful queen, the more housework he’ll do to make sure you’re happy, and the more he’ll want to come home to a place where he’s the “King of the jungle”.

If you’re paying close attention, you’ll see that in actuality, he is in fact submitting to all of your hearts desires (without you even asking). Your actions will inspire and motivate him to be the best man he can be not only for you, but also for himself. This honor of submission btw should only be given to the man who has earned this privilege through marriage. Your worth is determined by the value you add to the lives of others, so if you want a man to earn certain privileges by marrying you, you have to show him that you’re worth marrying by carrying yourself as marriage worthy material.A man who hasn’t yet taken the step of marrying you too has to prove himself and show that he’s worthy of having you submit to him, and perform other wifely duties. As you grow closer through dating and throughout the course of a relationship, the two of you should exhibit qualities of a good wife and husband, but not yet perform all of the actual duties.

Submission isn’t as terrible as it may seem, and can be a very powerful weapon in your arsenal. Take for example going out on a date with a guy you like; it’s customary for a man to court his woman, so instead of taking charge and planning the date yourself, be submissive, and allow him to take that initiative. Before a date even takes place, hopefully he’s taken the time to get to know you, he knows what you like to eat/drink, and things you like to do for fun, so he can use this information to plan accordingly. If allowed, he’ll choose a nice place for the two of you to go, schedule a time and a date, and make sure you have a good time. You leave all the hard work up to him while you sit back and enjoy being a woman.

This gesture not only allows you to see what a man can do on his own merit, but it allows him to see that you’re a woman who knows how to make a man feel like a man! While you’re sitting back and enjoying being a woman, you should be taking notes and measuring how (if at all) the man you’re dating will fit into your life. When you take matters into your own hands, you miss out on a world of information that a man inevitably reveals about himself when he takes initiative. Some men will sit back and allow you to take initiative because what that tells him is, you don’t want a man to be in control, and since he’s relieved of these duties, he can kick back, relax, and enjoy the free ride!

You see, everything a man does revolve around a woman! He works a job, buys nice clothes, decorates his home, and stays well groomed all so that he can impress a woman. But he’s only willing to go the distance for a woman who shows her appreciation, by simply stroking his ego and making him feel good about his accomplishments. It doesn’t take much; men are pleased with a simple “Thank you” after he’s taken the initiative to plan a nice evening, made sure you’re comfortable and entertained, and got home safely. The more you show your appreciation for his efforts, the better he’ll feel as a man and the more likely he’ll be willing to do it for you again.

Dates are meant to be fun filled and stress free, so don’t make it stressful by thinking you deserve something from a man simply because you’re “pretty”. You deserve everything you put into a relationship; if you put in nothing, you deserve nothing! If a man has chosen you as a potential candidate for dating, use this opportunity to show him why he made the right choice. If you’re not mutually interested in him, there’s no sense in entertaining the date in the first place, but if you see yourself being with this person, then Game On!!! Now is the time for you to show him that everything he’s looking for in a wife is in you!

When it comes to men, he already knows if you’re the woman he wants to marry before he even meets you. We also know if you’re just someone we’re going to keep around as a sex slave. If by chance he chooses you with the heart to marry you, you don’t want to mess it up as a result of you not knowing your role as a woman. A lot of women want to married, but don’t know how to be wives, and this is one of the main reasons men bypass women, and don’t consider them for marriage… because they don’t make him feel like a man!

No matter who you are, where you’re from, or what you do for a living, you can eliminate a lot of the tension in a relationship by simply allowing the man to be the man! It doesn’t matter if you make more money than your man, because if he’s your man, you’ll both be sharing all the resources anyway. What a man values is having the ability to do nice things for his woman and having her show her appreciation. As long as he’s able to take care of himself, and take care of you, and take care of home, money should never be an issue.

Submission by no means insists that you become a man’s slave; that’s no fun. Submission is simply knowing your role and playing it well. You want your man to know that he is the head of the household, and the leader in the family. By giving him this position he knows he is the man, and he feels great about having you as his woman. Once the two of you know the roles you’re supposed to play in the relationship, you can then focus more time and energy in being a team! You want your man to know and understand that because he is a man, he is expected to protect and provide; you don’t ever want your man to lose sight of that.

As his woman or potential woman, you want to let him know that you are there for him, you love him, you support him, and you appreciate him. Learn to believe in the man you’re giving your time to, learn to trust in him. Support his decisions and let him lead and take control (if even only for appearance sake). A man loves to do things for his woman; it gives him a sense of purpose in this world. Always encourage your man to possess the 3P’s; a protector, a provider, and a problem solver. If you show a man you don’t want or need his help, you make him feel as though he serves no purpose in your life. Continue to give him purpose.

If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please visit my website www.askcheyb.com and connect with me on all my social networks!

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

The Reason Why Men Have a Problem with Their Woman Having Male Friends!!!

Males and females are built differently, they think differently, and they act differently. It’s because of this fact that it’s extremely important that you know your audience. When it comes to relationships, the same things you would normal say or do in front of a female audience would have to be fine tuned to fit a male audience. For example, your female friends might be totally fine with talking on the phone, going to lunch, and even spending the night over each other’s house without any ulterior motives. Your male friends however would use talking on the phone, going to lunch, and spending the night over each other’s houses as a way to get closer to you romantically. Knowing your audience and governing yourself accordingly will help you avoid a world of ambiguous situations when dealing with men.

If you’re in a relationship or marriage, your partner should be your one and only best friend of the opposite sex. He’s invested the time, energy, effort, and money and quite frankly he’s earned exclusive access to you. Since he’s proven himself worthy of your commitment, he’s more than deserving of your loyalty and devotion. It’s a great idea to introduce your partner to any friends you might have early on in the relationship, however certain acquaintances should never be introduced or even mentioned, and those are the ones whom you know are romantically interested in you.

A man introduces himself to a woman based on his sexual attraction to her, and in many cases before he’s able to succeed in sleeping with her, he finds himself in the friendship zone. No matter how long he’s kept in the friendship zone, his main objective is to figure out a way to get out. If you’ll notice, a man’s “female friends” are always beautiful, and that’s not by coincidence, it’s by design! His reasoning for choosing a beautiful woman as a friend is because he wants to sleep with her, and in most cases friendship is the title she gives him. Men who are romantically interested in you will not stop being romantically interested in you just because you’re now in a relationship or marriage.

When a man is romantically interested in you, he’s looking to establish a mutually beneficial arrangement. What this means is, he’s willing to do things for you in hopes that you’d be also willing to do things for him. Anytime he shows you favor, he’ll be keeping a tab and patiently waiting to collect. Everyone knows that the fastest way to make a woman run away is by telling her that you want sex, so a “Plan B” would be to use friendship as a subtle approach to getting closer to you romantically. You may feel as though you’re able to maintain a platonic friendship, but that’s not the issue. The issue is that this person you call a “friend” knows intricate details about your life, he has exclusive access to you, he knows your points of vulnerability, and that’s what makes your man feel uncomfortable. A person who’s that close to you, knows that much about you, and has that deep of a connection with you should be your man. If your best friend isn’t your boyfriend, he should be promoted. If your boyfriend isn’t your best friend, he should be demoted! There can only be one king in the castle, and no other should feel even remotely as close in significance as the main man in your life.

If a man outside of your relationship needs a woman to confide in, he should turn to his woman or his mother for that kind of support. The same applies to you when you need a man to confide in; you don’t turn to a man outside of your relationship for support, you turn to the man who’s in your life, or your father for these benefits. You will quickly come to find that you are not welcome in another man’s life when he’s in a relationship, because his woman won’t want you to have exclusive access to her man… and rightfully so! This is the value of being in an exclusive relationship with someone; you gain exclusive rights and privileges that no one else has. The men on the outside looking in had their opportunity to become exclusive and since they didn’t put forth the time, energy, effort, and money to seal the deal, they shouldn’t be granted any exclusive access or privileges.

Whoever you choose to be significant in your life should be someone you can also call your best friend. He should be someone who is more than a lover, more than a protector, and more than a provider so that you won’t need to outsource to another man for what he’s lacking. This is why that special someone is referred to as “The One”! He’s that individual who offers everything you look for in a man and more! When you’ve found the one, you then refer to any and all of the other men in your life as acquaintances, giving them less significance than that of your partner. Sure, be grateful for all the men who have always been there for you, but know that those men were “there” (as a friend) because of their desire to be more! Since you’re in a committed monogamous relationship now, these male friends need to understand that things change when your relationship status changes. The things that were acceptable while you were single are no longer acceptable when you’re in a relationship or marriage.

No matter your relationship status, a male admirer will always be ready and willing to sleep with you. In fact, it’s more convenient for him to sleep with you with no strings when you’re in a relationship because he knows you won’t want to pursue anything further. And furthermore, he wouldn’t consider you for anything more than sex anyway, because you’ve proven to be someone who isn’t loyal and cannot be trusted. This understanding between two adults can make for the perfect recipe for infidelity if the right opportunity presented itself; the best way to avoid temptation is simply to avoid temptation. The more time you spend with a person, the deeper the connection becomes, and the greater the chances of you lusting over one another.

By removing yourself from these situations, you lessen the chances of you being propositioned and/or being violated. By placing yourself in these situations, you portray a sense of naivety and even rebellion towards what your man might consider to be danger, and this gesture may lose his trust. Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies; when you commit to someone, focus on your Plan A, not your Plan B. You Plan A should be learning more about your partner and growing with him, figuring out ways to add value to one another’s lives. Anyone on the outside of your relationship should come second to what you’re trying to build upon, and the ones lucky enough to be in your circle should be the help, not the hurt.

It’s perfectly natural for a man to be territorial and want exclusive access to his woman. After all, this is the exact same respect you would want from him. A man knows how other men maneuver, and he knows all of the techniques men use to get closer to a woman. He wants to feel secure in knowing that know only is his woman smart enough to identify with this approach, but also that she respects him enough not to entertain such relationships with other men, whether she’s mutually interested in them or not. Your man may very well trust you, but it’s the other men he doesn’t trust, and rightfully so.

When a straight man is ok with being “just friends” with a female, he either has already had sex with her, is currently having sex with her, or he wants to have sex with her and is simply waiting for her to be vulnerable. For the men on the outside, being a “friend” is one of the best places to be when a woman is going through something in her relationship or marriage. She looks at him like a “brother”, she trusts him, and doesn’t think he’ll ever cross any lines (because you know she’s in a relationship or marriage). Truth be told… he doesn’t look at you like a sister; he never has, and never will! He will sleep with you the first opportunity you give him (no matter what your relationship status is, and no matter what his relationship status is). With the exception of family, any straight man that remains affiliated with you (whether he makes it clear or not) is interested in sleeping with you. When you’re in a relationship with someone, your relationship with other men should cease and desist.

If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please visit my new website and connect with me on all of my social networks! www.askcheyb.com

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB