“Q: My man’s ex who he has no ties with still keeps in contact! Should I make anything of this?”

“Q: My man’s ex who he has no ties with still keeps in contact! Should I make anything of this?”

A: When breaking up with someone, you have to make sure that you get your ex completely out of your system. There’s normally a downward spiraling effect before the relationship completely comes to an end. One thing couples frequently due is end relationships out of anger and frustration, losing total respect for one another and never wanting to speak to one another again. Then as time goes by and things have calmed down, one or both parties apologizes for their mistakes, immediately release their sexual frustration, but never come to address the issues that caused them to break-up in the first place.

It’s important to have conversations with the people you’re interested in becoming romantically involved with. You need to know when their last relationship ended, why it ended, and if he’s ready to date new people. You can’t move onto the next, until you’re through with your ex. This is no fault of yours, it has nothing to do with his lack of interest in you, this is simply indication that he is not ready to open up a new chapter in his life because he hasn’t yet closed the old one with his ex. This is not to say that he’s still romantically interested in her, this is simply to say that he has not completely ended things with her.

It’s impossible to completely cut off a relationship where the heart was involved without due process. Ending the relationship should be done the same way it began… and that’s with a conversation. No matter what went wrong in the relationship, it’s important to show one another dignity and respect during your exit and completely end things in that final conversation, otherwise there will still be thoughts, feelings, and even repressed desires that were never expressed that need to be expressed, and only through one another. When you don’t give your ex the opportunity to express themselves during the exit, you leave them space and opportunity, or you give them a reason to come back into your life.

If she’s still calling, then she is still relevant, no matter how many times he’s asked her to stop calling. If they ended things with a conversation and have agreed to part ways and respect each other’s wishes, then that’s what they would do for one another. If it appears that they are not on good terms and she’s constantly calling your man, then take a closer look at your man. There’s a reason why she is calling, and don’t for one second allow your man to convince you that it’s because she’s “madly in love” with him. He’s either still sexually involved with her, is still in a relationship with her, or perhaps she suffers from having abandonment issues, and he walked out on her without giving her any closure. In any event, take your eyes off of her, and fix your eyes closely on “him”, because the way he’s treating his ex could eventually be you.

After a break-up there should be a healing period, where you reflect on your life, your well-being, and your future. This healing process shouldn’t be interrupted by a new relationship. So if you find yourself meeting a man during his healing process, you will be his “interruption”. Taking him off the path he needs to be on to start loving himself again, and making himself emotionally available to love someone else.  Much better for you to acknowledge his position, step back and be a friend to him, get to know him while he’s in this vulnerable state, and learn as much as you can about him while he builds himself back up from this past relationship.

His issues with his ex are his issues. Remove yourself from his life and let the two of them sort them out. Don’t lower yourself by putting up with this unnecessary drama that has nothing to do with you. There are many other fishes in the sea. Get out there and catch the one that treats you with dignity and respect and doesn’t bring any extra baggage into your life.

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I have solid proof that God exists!

Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies; before you can begin to build a happy, healthy relationship with someone else, you first have to establish a happy, healthy relationship with God and make him a part of your life. Once you’ve found God, your next mission should be to keep him in your life and then later introduce him to others. Without God, your relationships will be limited to man’s physical strengths, as well as their weaknesses. Having a spiritual connection with God brings you closer to “you”, which puts you in a better position to connect with others.

There’s no doubt that God exists in this world. Many are disillusioned in the sense of who God is, where he can be found, and what he is capable of doing. This world is corrupted by sin, and in efforts to protect the people of the world, thought leaders have come up with a solution to inspire “good” in a way that would supersede the “evil” in the world. This introduction came in the form of “religion”. Religion is designed to bring people closer to the community, to inspire peace and love amongst one another, and to keep prosperity flowing within the businesses throughout the community.

In monitoring the decrease in hate, the increase in love, and the increase in sales amongst local businesses, statistics have proven that religion does in fact inspire hope, it instills values, and it brings people/families/businesses together. Good news spreads fast, so with this new practice (established by man) in existence, many communities would also introduce religion in hopes of bringing people/families/businesses closer together, and inspiring hope for the future. No matter the name that was placed on a religion in a particular community, what holds true is it’s “purpose”; to celebrate love and prosperity with one another!

The thought leaders of the community were men of the flesh, and could too become corrupt at any given time. With this in mind, they knew not to encourage the members of the community to trust in man, but to encourage them to trust in God (Love). For their teachings weren’t designed to bring the community closer to the teacher, the teachings were designed to bring them closer to God (Love). They had given “Love” a name, and they called him “God”. Love isn’t an actual person, but an act!

There is no force that can match the power of love; love cannot be defeated, it can only be repelled or embraced. Love is the wind we feel in the cool breeze, the water we drink to quench our thirst, the fire we use to cook our meals, the earth we continue to build our lives and legacies on, and most important of all, love is what we feel in our hearts. We need love in order to survive, and since God is love, we need God in order to survive!

To practice religion is to be a part of the church. And since the “people” are the church, no one person can practice a religion on their own. One must gather amongst like minds and fellowship “together” as one. To isolate oneself from the rest of the church and establish a relationship with God (Love) is to be “spiritual”. Spirituality is designed to bring an individual closer to finding love within themselves. Religion is designed to bring people closer to finding love and sharing it within the community. No matter whether a person is religious or spiritual, the desire to have a connection with God (Love) still stands.

No member of the community is forced to live a life inspired by God (Love), however it is greatly encouraged. As a member of the church, seek out those who are in need of God (Love) and extend an invitation in hopes that they too can spread love amongst the people they encounter. The church serves as an escape from the world’s darkness, cruelty, and sin! Help others walk into into the light in efforts to help lift their spirits, to give them hope, and to give them something to believe in.

Us humans can never be Gods, because our flesh is weak and we are susceptible to sin/hurt/harm/danger. God (Love) is immune! God can only live in us, and we can only hope to forever be in his “likeness” and love everything that we come in contact with with no prejudice. The Power of God lies not in a man’s supernatural abilities, but in his ability to influence himself and the world around us by leading with his heart, and using his mind to inspire others through his words. For a man to be able to persuade a flock of people to do as he encourages them to, when he encourages them to do it, under the authority of God (Love) is none other than “The Power of God” (The Power of Love).

A man who knows his own strength uses no force. He instead uses his mind to outsmart those who are forceful! We all are born with the power of God (Love), but somewhere along our journey in life, we lose ourselves, and become influenced by The Devil (Hate) and the beliefs of others. When you’re lost, seek direction, and take however long it takes to find yourself and finding the God (Love) in you. Finding yourself means you’re not looking for others. A man who finds God (love) within himself achieves the deepest level of spirituality. If love and happiness can be found inside of you, you’ll never go a day without it! Once you’ve found yourself, and are emotionally available to love someone else, look for a church (i.e. Like minded people) and spread love throughout the world!

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., Bishop T.D. Jakes, President Barack Obama, Michael Jackson are great examples of men who possess “The Power of God”. They led from the heart and captivated the hearts and minds of millions of people in our generation! To be “God-like” as the bible calls it, references one’s path towards loving everything in his path and encouraging their audience to love one another. This blueprint is designed to help the men of the world carry themselves with dignity and respect, to love all, and to treat others the way they would like to be treated according to the will of God (Love).

This Power of Love can not be credited to any mortal. The Power of Love is none other than God, for God is love. Without God (love) that date that led to a kiss, that led to a relationship, that led to a marriage, that led to a beautiful child, would not have been possible. God is working in our lives and many of us don’t even know it because we are disillusioned in the sense of who God is, where he can be found and what he is capable of doing. We are blinded by the supernatural events that take place in the bible and the miraculous stories that motivational speakers, pastors, etc speak of in their sermons. Our pride won’t let us believe that what gets us through our trials and tribulations is nothing but God (Love).

To go against the will of God (Love) is to commit a sin. Once you stop loving, you’ll start hating. Once you stop hating, you’ll start loving. For a man to come out of a terrible situation plagued with misery, defeat, pain, and not give credit to God (Love) is to commit a sin against God (Love). To take credit for the power of God (Love) insists that man can do the impossible. Without God (Love), man’s power is limited to his physical strength. For only God (Love) can fully control the winds, stir large bodies of waters, quake the earth, engulf in flames, and fill any and every heart with love. No man has that kind of power!

Any leader who fancies himself a God must either prove his supernatural abilities or be removed from power, for he is not worthy to lead a flock of people (who trusts and believes in a higher power). He still needs to find himself and discover what God (Love) is all about. Man must not be so self absorbed, that he forgets his mission to love himself and everyone else; leading them closer to God (Love), not “man”. For man has been around for centuries. What’s been missing in many people’s lives isn’t man, what’s missing in many people’s lives is God (Love). To pray is to hope for love. If your leader becomes corrupt, do not lose faith in God (Love), for it is man who forsake you. Instead, pray that God (Love) finds him again.

If we associate God with Love, and the Devil with Hate, searching for God (Love) is a much more optimistic approach than searching for The Devil (Hate), because hate kills and destroys. We’ve never seen an actual Devil, but we’ve seen representations of it and it’s ugly! We’ve never seen an actual God (Love), but we’ve seen representations of it and it’s beautiful! Once you’ve connected with God (Love), have faith and hope that the Devil (Hate) never makes it’s way back into your life. Believe that the power of God (Love) is strong enough to conquer any and all evil that comes into your life.

When we want good to come of our lives, the lives of others, and the world around us, we “hope” for the best and have “faith” that it will come into fruition. What believing in something does is it changes your spirit, it changes your heart, and it changes your mind for the greater good. It focuses all of your energy on someone/something positive, while removing any negative people/thoughts that might cancel out whatever it is you’re being optimistic about.

Believe in something because of the way it makes “you” feel. What works for you might not work for others, so take your own journey towards finding God (Love). When you let God (love) into your life and you believe in it’s power, share this blessing with the world. We all face our own emotional setbacks and might not be ready to let God (Love) into our lives, so when introducing this blessing to others, open the doors of the church, and let them come in when they’re ready. If what you believe in makes other people feel good, you won’t need a sales pitch or gimmick, people will follow your beliefs to infinity and beyond, but only when they’re ready!

Without a belief system, we are all slaves to the world, limiting our power, forever stuck in the here and the now, satisfied only with what we can see, hear, taste, touch, and smell “right now”. With the power of God (Love), you can do the unthinkable, and nothing is impossible. For everything can be made possible through faith. What you believe in will bring you power! Believing in nothing will bring you defeat! The God (Love) live inside of you for all the days of your life!

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How “not” being instrumental in your children’s lives affect their future…

It’s important to have both a male and a female figure in the house hold, so that the child can grow up with a balanced understanding on how to carry himself as a man, or how to carry herself as a woman in this society. In addition, the benefits of having a male and female figure in the house hold is for the father to show the young man how to treat a lady, and how to be a man. The father shows the young girl how a woman is supposed to be treated by a man. He does this by showing his wife and his daughter love/honor/respect, so that when she gets out into the world, any man she meets must match or exceed everything the love/honor/respect that her father gave her.

The father shows the son how to be a protector & a provider. And the same goes for a young man and his mother. His mother shows him what it means to be loved by a woman. She shows him how a woman is supportive of her husband, is loving, caring, and takes care of the home. This way, when he gets out into the world, any woman he meets must match or exceed all of the support/love/care that his mother gave him. Everything takes place in the home first! Now if you’ll look closely, these are key influences in a child’s life and in a child’s development. If you take away either parent (mother or father), that child will be missing out on an abundance of teachings that help mold them into the man or woman they will become. And it will effect all of the relationship decisions that they make in life.

I believe that (with the exception of adoption) only the biological mother and father are capable of caring enough about the well-being of the child to enforce these teachings. A step-father is primarily there for the mother… not the children. A step-mother is primarily there for the father… not the children. The two people that brought that child into this world are the ones who are responsible for the development of the child in this society, and if they are missing, they leave their children in the hands of the teachers of the world, which in most cases are men. Men who are looking to conquer the world by any means necessary.

Our children are our future,  but particularly, our women are the reproducers of our children, so it’s important that we should pay special attention in the way we protect them in our society. When young men grow up without proper love and care, they seek out individuals who are weaker than them mentally and physically to make them feel better about themselves. Two things happen when a father is missing. 1) The daughter isn’t shown how to be loved/honored/respected by a man. 2) The son isn’t shown how to love/honor/respect a woman. And if the daughter doesn’t know what it means to be loved/honored/respected… she’s going to gravitate towards the first thing that looks and feels like love.

This is one of the easiest thing for a man to do… pretend to love a woman through intimacy. She doesn’t know any better because she wasn’t taught any better. Her father wasn’t present, and her mother annoys the CRAP out of her trying to protect her from the very same men that are whispering in her ears. This results into a rebellion against her mother (the one person in this world who truly loves her)… and the cycle continues.The men raised solely by their mothers aren’t shown how to treat a lady. They’re mothers only express to them how they would like to be treated (if they tell them anything at all).

A mother’s boyfriend can try to show a woman’s son how to treat a woman, but he’s not leading by example if he’s not marrying the woman. Unfortunately, the young man/woman in this world who grow up without a father have to fend for themselves. They have to make a conscious effort to want to be the best person they can be (for themselves), which in turn will make them the best person for someone else. In time and through experience, one will know what they would like to experience in a relationship and what they would not like to experience in a relationship. One way a woman can test to see if a man is showing you love/honor/respect is ask yourself, “If I had a good father in my life… would he treat me this way? If the answer is yes, you’ve got a keeper. If the answer is no, keep searching.

Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

Getting back on the dating scene!

Men look for women to get closer to on a daily basis. If you’re interested in dating, being in a relationship, marriage, having a family etc, you have to start from the very beginning. It can be a slow process at times, but it’s well worth the wait! The first step has nothing to with him and everything to do with you; that step is… making yourself “date worthy”. A man can sense when a woman has no confidence, low self-esteem, doesn’t know her worth, or simply doesn’t match the criteria for what he looks for in a woman, so don’t worry about doing anything special to attract a man; all you have to do is to continue to focus on being the best person you can be!

Your worth is determined by the value you add to the lives of others; that means for example, if a man is looking for a woman who can cook, you’ll be a worthy candidate for him if you know how to cook. If you don’t know how to cook, he may still see value in you as a person, however you’re not his ideal candidate for a wife. In the event a man does not want to proceed with a date, don’t beat yourself up about it, just get back to you and wait for the next candidate to come along.

When it comes to dating, a man likes the idea of being the pursuant; this allows him the time to budget, plan, and decide exactly who he’d like to invest his time, energy, and money in. Before a man will consider dating a woman, he wants to be financially stable so that he can show you a nice time, and emotionally available so that he can be open to receiving you. For these reasons alone, a man does not like to be prompted for a date; he will pursue dating when he is ready. If a man is financially stable, is emotionally available, and is genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with you, he will be more than happy to offer to take you out on a date. 

In the mean time, don’t sit around waiting for some guy to call and ask you out. If you’re that anxious to go out on a date, date yourself. Yes, Date yourself! Get to know yourself a bit better and get comfortable doing fun and invigorating things on your own. Be independent until interdependence is required. If you don’t want to be alone, call up a friend or a family member and enjoy the company of people you know and love minus the pressure.

Treating yourself can also help you develop a standard by which you like to be treated. When a man finally does ask you out on a date, you can use your experience dating yourself to measure whether he will be a liability or an asset to your life. Taking yourself out will also give you an idea of what it’s like for a man to pay for himself and you on a date. Since dating can get quite expensive, it’s a good idea to be flexible on the creative ideas he comes up with to be in your company, and by all means show appreciation. 

A lot of women find themselves in relationship trouble because they lack patience and get stuck with the wrong man. Being single doesn’t mean you have to be lonely; there are many ways to occupy yourself and your time to avoid settling for just any man. Stay focused on your health, your education, your career, and your future, focus on a man only when he focuses on you. You can rush a man into bed, but you can’t rush him into a date, a relationship, or a marriage. Let the man who is ready to start dating come looking for you.

Men who are not financially or emotionally stable won’t want to get financially or emotionally involved with a new woman. In other words, his only interest will be going to the bedroom and out the door with you. He already has it programmed in his mind that he can’t afford to date you, or he’s still emotionally attached elsewhere, and the only investment he is able/willing to make is with his penis. As a woman who has high standards and is looking for more substance, bypass these types of men as they will prove (over time) to be spiritually, emotionally, financially, and even physically draining. We’re moving forward, not backwards, so only entertain who have worth and know yours

When it comes to dating, a man will put forth time, energy and effort because she is the one, not to figure out if she’s the one. Don’t be offended if a man you have great conversation with, and appear to have a great connection with doesn’t look to proceed towards dating with you. A man knows in his heart when he’s found a good woman, however if he’s going to share his world with a woman for life, he’s looking to invest in a great woman. Don’t allow a man’s lack of interest in pursuing you to discourage you; continue to work on being the best woman you can be, and you’ll continue to attract quality men who see value in you.

Keep your options open!!! Since pursuing a man on your own accord is a definite way to scare men away, enjoy the eligible bachelors who seek your hand. You’ve got a life, you’ve got work, and then you’ve got leisure. You’ll be busy with life, so the men you come across will have to get in where they fit in. They will sense that you’re busy and want to take full advantage of the time you have available for them. Once you’ve exchanged numbers, wait patiently for him to be the aggressor and contact you. Once he calls you, make the best of the conversation by telling him details about yourself. Tell him about your education, spiritual beliefs, your relationship with your family, your favorite food/drinks, your likes/dislikes, what kind of sports you like to watch, your favorite movies, and your favorite books!!!

When you give a man details about your life, he’ll have enough information about you to plan a date that would cater to your taste. He does not need to know your favorite restaurant!!! That would insist that that is where you’re suggesting/requiring that he takes you there. Since you’re not paying for the date, allow him the opportunity to research places that work within his budget. When you’re getting to know a potential romantic interest, be sure not to come off as a “cool chick” or a “home girl”. A man wants a woman who’s going to be a “woman”. He’s got enough “homies”. And so do you!!!

On “date night”… do your hair, do your make-up, dress up as classy/sexy as you can. Avoid anything “slutty” because then he’ll just want to “bed you” right then and there and you’ll never get those lustful thoughts out of his head… EVER!!! No matter how hard you try! If the date goes well, you (again) “be patient” and wait for him to reach out to you and ask for another date. To avoid being overly anxious, you have to keep yourself busy with work/life and perhaps entertaining other admirers who are interested in growing with you!!! Don’t concern yourself with how others view you dating multiple people at once; you don’t know what’s going on in that one date’s life, nor do you have any control over him. He could be in a relationship, he could only be after sex, he could not be that into you, or whatever!!! But you don’t want to find yourself being too anxious over this one “great” date you had. And you will feel as though most of your dates went fairly well because you haven’t been on the scene in awhile. So again I stress… be patient!

Now if you like the guy that you’re dating, show him a little love and let him know you enjoy his company as well. You can’t be cold and not give him any signals at all. You have to remember… he is dating multiple women too!!! And he can’t afford to invest his time/energy/money on a woman who’s not giving him any feedback on how the date is going or how she feels about him. In order to get a 2nd date from him, he has to feel the connection/feel the vibes/feel the energy and know that you’re into him. While you’re dating these multiple men, evaluate them based on their character (i.e. Their actions). Is he opening doors for you? Is he making arrangements and paying for the date? Was he on time? Did he call you as opposed to texting? Was he a gentleman? Some men don’t know better. Some men don’t do better. Either way, you will have your answers on or before the first date. But it’s up to you to know your worth and not settle for anything less than what you feel you deserve.

After dating a guy, talking to him, getting to know him, etc… If you are satisfied with his personality, character, then you can consider him for a promotion. By now, he will want to have more of your time, and he will without a doubt want to sleep with you. If you give him sex before a commitment, you run the risk of him no longer wanting to compete for your time/energy. There’s no need to give him an ultimatum as far as committing to you, he will want to make progress with you after waiting it out for this long. Allow him to be the aggressor and ask if you’d like to a more prominent position in his life.

Between your work schedule, your daily life, dating other guys, etc, he’ll want to secure a place in your life that will guarantee him more exclusive time with you. After all the time/energy/effort/money he’s been spending on you, he will want to know where things are going. Or better yet if things can go somewhere… because you’re beginning to get expensive lol. But a man spending his time/energy/effort/money is a great way to measure his true interest in you. These things mean a lot to a man. So if he’s putting forth this type of effort, you either reward him because you want it to continue, or you leave him alone because you’re not interested. So put yourself out there, get some dates lined up, evaluate each guy you meet, and choose which guy you’d like to get closer to. Let me know how things go 😉

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Q: How do men feel about being in a relationship with a woman who’s best friend is a guy?

Q: How do men feel about being in a relationship with a woman who’s best friend is a guy?

A: If a man’s significant other has a male best friend and he is “truly” a friend, he would expect for that person to be in his space. (i.e. In his home, possibly at family gatherings, and at events by personal invite). Any friend that’s a friend to his woman now needs to become a friend to them “as a couple” if he plans on being in his woman’s life. If the man you are with is “the” the man in her life… then “he” should be your best friend. He’s the man you talk to when you’re feeling troubled, when you get that new promotion, or when you simply want to express your innermost thoughts/feelings. You should be that vulnerable to and have that connection with “your man”… and the men in your family.

When you’re in an exclusive relationship with someone, you no longer need the support that you were once getting from your “male friend(s)”… because you’ll be getting it from “your man” now. If this male best friend of yours is in a relationship of his own, he has no business focusing his time and energy on another man’s woman… as I’m sure his woman would agree. If he’s single, then that’s even more of a reason why he shouldn’t be affiliated with you. By him being single, he’ll have more time/energy/desire to be around/speak to/influence you, and that’s your man’s position. You have one man who’s romantically significant in your life, and there can’t be two of them.

Men will constantly be in pursuit of women (whether they make it clear that they are off the market or not). Women who make themselves available to be seduced, and place themselves in positions to be taken advantage of have are more likely to be persuaded to indulge in forbidden temptations. It’s perfectly natural for a significant other to be territorial and want to feel as though they belong to their partner and their partner belongs to them (in spirit). What’s special about being in a relationship is the idea that what you’ve worked for cannot be easily obtained by another person who just waltzes into your life on a whim, and that what you have together is cherished/valued.

With this in mind, a man will recognize a part of “him” in this other guy. The part where he would take a gentle approach to get closer to your heart. While he trusts “you”, he does not trust the man who claims to be a friend. Men have no desire to be “just friends” with a woman. Friendship is the key to building the foundation for a longer lasting romantic. While you ( the woman) feels it’s safe to be friends with this other guy, your man identifies with the strategy this other guy (who’s quite clever might I add) is using to slowly but surely make his woman fall in love and/or lust with him. Being as though his woman is insistent on keeping the male friend, it makes it difficult to respect her or trust her based on the decisions she’s making.

The woman isn’t off the hook just yet… she’s well aware of the affect she has on men and on this man in particular. Her choice to remain friends shows that she enjoys the way he makes her feel, and values what “they” have more than what the man who wants to be in her future offers. There can only be one King!

When a straight man is ok with being “just friends” with a female, he either has already had sex with her, or wishes he could have sex with her and is simply waiting for her to be vulnerable. And being a “friend” is one of the best places to be when a woman is going through something in her relationship. She looks at you like a “brother”, she trusts you, and she doesn’t think you’ll ever cross that line (because you know she’s in a relationship and you know her man). Truth be told… he doesn’t look at you like a sister. He never has and he never will! He will sleep with you the first opportunity you give him (no matter what his relationship status is, and no matter what your relationship status is). With the exception of family, any straight man who remains affiliated with you (whether he makes it clear or not) is interested in sleeping with you. When you’re in a relationship with someone, your relationship with other interested parties cease and desist.

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-AskCheyB

One of the best ways to grow as a couple is to do things as a couple!

A man who is genuinely interested in being in a relationship with a woman and building a future with her will do everything in his power to maintain peace in the household. If for one second his lady is feeling uncomfortable and is for whatever reason not secure in him, he will stop everything that he’s doing to put her mind at ease. One of the best ways to grow as a couple is to do things as a couple. Granted, it’s important to have space, and have friends outside of the relationship, both parties should make it a point to include one another in their endeavors. Communication is a key aspect of a functioning relationship; it can bring you and your partner closer, and it will eliminate a lot of ambiguity, so definitely keep the communication going.

While it’s not important or relevant for your significant other to tell you “everything”, there are certain pieces of information that should be shared simply because he’s interested in sharing his world with you (the person he loves). With the exception of business meetings, personal leisure, and “Guys Night Out”, he should invite you to accompany him to events and outings. There also has to be a level of trust between the two of you. If there’s no trust, you really should consider re-evaluating your relationship with him. You don’t want to constantly be worried that every time your significant other goes out, he’s up to something. If this is the way your partner is making you feel, talk to your partner, let him know how his actions make you feel. If he’s willing to make the changes, he may be worth remaining loyal to. If he’s not willing to make the changes, cut your losses and end the relationship.

Sidenote: Never trust your partner 100%. 50% of the trust should be in your partner. The other 50% goes into your gut!

One of the best parts about being in a relationship is being “together”, so when you’re a part, you should at least be able to enjoy communicating with one another for comfort. When it’s guys night out though, let him have guys night out. Talk to him when he gets home! And if it’s a guys night out, he should have details, if he’s out for business, he should have details, if it’s a family affair, he should have details about the time, place, occasion, and you should be invited. If he’s making it his business to be “somewhere”, and you’re not invited, and he doesn’t have any details, give him a fair amount of time to get the details. Now don’t go into “insecure” mode, this is the point where you exhibit strength and you measure how considerate your man is of your feelings.

As it comes closer to the time he’s supposed to go wherever he’s going, sit back and observe; see if he’ll be considerate enough to give you details about where he’s going, with whom, and when he’ll be back. If he doesn’t show you this consideration, when he gets home, you don’t show him any consideration. Never consider those who never consider you! Whenever your man is reluctant to offer up information, it’s because he has something to hide. It doesn’t really matter what he’s hiding, what does matter is that he’s hiding it, and he doesn’t want to be vulnerable and expose himself to you (his significant other). That in itself speaks volumes, and his actions show that you’re really not that significant. If you find yourself dealing with a man who keeps secrets that are becoming hurtful to your relationship, don’t hesitate to do what’s best for you, because he is certainly doing what’s best for him.

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Ladies: Date Multiple Men At Once!

It’s always a good idea to keep your options open when you’re single, because you never know what to expect out of man who has no obligation to you. The last thing you want to do is waste your good years sitting around waiting on this one great guy you’re dating to make things official. It’s indeed honorable and respectable to be exclusive to one man, but only when that one man is committed to you! Be loyal only to those who are loyal to you.

If you’re single and interested in being entertained by the opposite sex, take advantage of the wonderful world of dating. Dating is a great way to take your mind off of your regular, everyday life and have fun with someone you’re mutually interested in. There’s no obligation when dating someone, so you don’t have to feel guilty about exploring multiple options. Just be sure not to take on so many options that you’re unable to make a decision on who best fits into your life. Date with a purpose! If the man you’re considering dating isn’t someone you see as potential, then focus more of your time on the candidates you do see as potential.

Spreading yourself too thin can possibly cause you to take for granted a potentially great guy, so be sure to know how many you can handle at one time. Once you begin to get closer to a particular admire, it’s ok to let go of the less qualified ones and focus more of your time on the leading man. Between work, your regular everyday life, and dating multiple men, your time and energy will become quite limited. You want to leave room to be able to develop feelings for these men you’re dating, so that hopefully in the near future things can escalate into more. On the plus side, being completely booked will make it easier for you to decline any men who are not worthy of dating you. A great way to avoid being around the bad guys, is to surround yourself with the good ones.

A lot of women become “slaves” to a man she’s dating because he’s her “only hope”. Dating multiple men will prevent you all from falling victim to this vicious cycle. The great thing about dating is… there’s no obligation! You’re not required to sleep with any of these men, you don’t have to promise them anything, and there’s no commitment. But do note that the men who are showing interest in you are doing so as investment. If you’re no interested in at least exploring the possibility of getting close to someone, save your date and yourself some time and decline the offers.

If you are interested in exploring possibilities with these men, by all means enjoy the experience, and be selective. Not everyone gets a date! The men who are seeking your hand will see that you are busy with work, life, and “other things” so they will try even harder to get your attention. You’ll notice that some of the less patient and less interested men will sometimes kick themselves to the curb… because they don’t see the value in investing in you, can’t afford to invest in you, or never even planned on investing in you. This is how you weed out the serious ones from the ones who only want to get closer to your body. A great way to measure a man’s interest in you is by the amount of time, energy, effort, and money he puts into you. Time and money are two things that men value and don’t easily part with.

When you’re a single, work on being the best person you can be so that you can attract the best people. People invest more if what they’re investing in is in high demand and/or prove to be of great value. If a man is at a point in his life where he’s achieving great things, he’s also going to want to associate with a woman who is doing the same and can potentially upgrade him.

When you’re single, you are free to do whatever it is you want to do and answer to no one but yourself, and this is the beauty of being independent. No matter how long you’ve been dating someone, if the two of you are not exclusive, you’re not obligated to inform a man on who you are talking to/dating/sleeping with/etc until the two of you have become exclusive. A man will use this fact either as motivation to gain exclusivity from you, or move along to someone else. Don’t worry, this is simply a matter of pride and ego; you can stroke his pride and ego once he’s become the man in your life, not a man in your life.

While you’re single…  enjoy mingling! Men totally understand that if he doesn’t ask you to be his woman, then you have the right to entertain anyone you please. If he asks, you can tell him, “I’m exploring my options”. There are some men who won’t be too happy about this theory of practice, but they have no choice but to respect it. Truth be told, the only reason why he’s not too thrilled about it is because he’s no longer in a position of power. To be in power means to be able to influence or gain control. The only way a man should be allowed to influence your life is when he is committed to being influential in your life.

Men have been playing the “date multiple people at once” since the beginning of time! A man dates multiple women at once so that he can maintain his regular dosage of sex, while also maintaining his independence. A man already knows the role he wants for a woman to play in his life before he even meets her, so if he doesn’t see potential in a woman upfront, he’ll still date her only to appease her and keep the sex coming. This is why it’s important that you date multiple men because there are many men out there who are simply not interested in settling down, but will still take you through the loop!

Over time, a man becomes a woman’s “dream date”, because he knows just what to do, what to say, and how to make a woman feel. After a great evening though, the man might disappear off of the face of the earth and totally confuse you as to what happened. You might think that he’s not interested, or that he’s busy, and both could very well be the case, but one of the most relevant reasons of all is that he’s entertaining other women. A man doesn’t abandon a woman he plans on taking seriously, he instead will focus his time, energy, and effort on that one woman if he’s ready. If he’s not ready, he will keep her as a convenience and call her when it’s convenient. 

If you allow a man to get too close too soon, he may feel a sense of entitlement. As a single woman, you have to stand firm, and make it clear that you’re not his woman, and that you’re merely a woman he’s dating. If his pride and ego cannot handle the fact that you have an actual right to date other men and figure out what’s best for you, then by all means…  he has the right remove himself from your life all together. If he decides to leave, make a note of his lack of loyalty and willingness to fight for you. When a person shows you who they are in the beginning, you can’t expect them to be any different in the end.

If you’re living your life, you’re not worried about what somebody else is doing; If you’re worried about what somebody else is doing, you’re not living your life. You cannot control what another person does with their lives, you can only control you! This holds true no matter what type of relationship you have, but with a commitment comes trust. Before a commitment is in place, you have to expect that the other person you’re dating is living their lives and doing whatever it is they want to do. This is why it’s important to date with a purpose and give more of your time to individuals who prove to be interested in a relationship that holds value.

Often times when you only have one option, you’ll find yourself clinging, and that’s never an admirable trait that men look for in a woman. Sure… the idea of having a woman chasing behind him might work well for a man when he’s bored, but when the woman who is dependent on him is not his, the obligation he feels will become a turn off! A man likes to have a woman who has other options, but chooses him as her option. He likes the fact that she’s in high demand, has limited time to spare, but out of all the admirers, she finds joy in spending her time him.

BTW ladies, the idea of a woman dating multiple men isn’t to use them. The idea behind a woman dating multiple men is a strategy to find a worthy suitor to be in a relationship with. This method is designed to help you avoid getting stuck dating the guy who’s not serious, and connect you with the ones who are. Now that you’re back on the dating scene, it’s time that you look out for your best interest.  Dating should be a mutually beneficial arrangement, so be sure that what you’re putting in the date is something that he will value. The both of you are investing your time and energy, however if you’ve dating for awhile, he’ll more than likely be investing his money. Be creative and come up with different ways you can add value to his life so that he can continue to be motivated to do nice things for you.

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Ways of knowing you and your partner are in an “exclusive” relationship…

A “relationship” is any union that connects more than one person. From the moment you meet & connect with someone, you now have a “relationship”. The titles of some relationships need to be communicated, while others don’t. In order for there to be a clear understanding of a romantic relationship, both parties should at some point communicates and define exactly what it is. Whenever someone earns a new position in your life, they should be given a title. When parents give birth to a boy, they call him “son”. When a couple gets married, they call one another husband and wife. These titles help identify their roles in each other’s lives.  

Anytime you allow a man to earn a significant place in your life, he should be given a title that publicly identifies his position. The key piece to this puzzle is earning the position/title, as opposed to being given a position/title. When a man earns his position, that’s indication that he’s put in the necessary work that you required him to do, and he’s shown you his worth. A man who is given a position/title hasn’t necessarily done anything to earn his keep, he’s just around. There are millions of men in the world, and you only need one. Never focus on a man who isn’t focused on you! Give your time, energy, and effort to a man who has and still is proving that he wants to be a part of your life.  

Men are natural born hunters; they like to be the aggressors and initiate activities that interest them. Being handed things takes away the fun in the hunt, and it makes him feel less than a man because he hasn’t earned his keep. With this in mind, know that men do not want to be approached by a woman, asked out on a date, offered a relationship title, or proposed to for marriage. These are things that men want to do on their own, when they’re ready, and with the person of their choice. The best way for you to get a man to approach you, date you, commit to you, and marry you is by showing him your worth. Showing your worth simply means that you are being the best woman you can be in hopes that he will take notice; all the while, you are being still, and taking little to no action.

When you first meet a guy, and you’re making his acquaintance, make mental notes of the way he carries himself and the way he approaches you. After evaluating all you can about this individual, make a decision whether or not the relationship should end there, or if he’s sparked your interest enough to take things further. Always remember that it’s great for a woman to set the tone, but you want the man to take the lead and go after what he wants. If he asks you for your number, that’s a great sign that he would like to reconnect with you after the initial conversation. If he asks you out on a date, that’s great, because this is evidence that he sees you as someone he would like to invest time, energy, effort, and money into.

After talking to this gentleman for some time, you’ve determined that he is worth giving more of your time to, then by all means, go ahead and entertain the possibility of beginning a friendship. If you’re not satisfied with his personality, character, spirituality, or finances, then there’s no obligation; you can put an end the association at any time with no hard feelings. This is what getting to know a person is all about; there’s a position that needs to be filled and you’re interviewed qualified candidates. A qualified candidate is someone who can and is willing to match or exceed everything that you’re already doing for yourself. With this in mind, you don’t want to put out “ads” for an opening, but you instead want to interview the men who come to you and apply. 

Time and money are two things that are very important to a man, so it’s a great idea to sit back and observe just how much of both he’s willing to invest in you. Now if you take the lead and make all of the suggestions on what to do and when to do it, you’ll be unable to measure just how serious he is about you, because he’s not acting on his own accord. Allow a man to take the initiative, call you, and arrange for a date or outing, while you sit back and enjoy being a woman. When you know your role this early in the relationship, there should be no confusion on the roles that should be played later on in the relationship.

Men enjoy being single because it gives them the space and opportunity to be independent and strengthen his independence. Being in a relationship requires interdependence, and he knows he’ll be a much greater asset to you if he’s first successful during his independence. Having someone depend on you is a huge responsibility, and he’ll only feel comfortable accepting if he is ready. When he’s ready, he will show you through his actions.

Men are cold and hard on the outside, but warm and soft on the inside. You’ll know you’re getting closer to a man’s heart when he starts to show you his softer side (i.e. the things that are most important to him). The things that mean the world to a man are his family, his time/money, and his dreams. When a man introduces you to important people in his life (i.e. his mother, the females in his family, or his children), this is a sign that he wants you to see his life so that you can decide if you want to be in his life. When a man invests his time/money into you that means that he’s potentially interested in forming a partnership, and gaining a long-term return on his investment. When a man shares his dreams with you, that’s indication that he is ready to open up and let you in, and that he’s not afraid to be vulnerable.

As a woman, you can set the tone by not making yourself 100% available to him. By doing this you prompt him to take action, and seek out a more concrete position in your life. When you give a man too much too soon, he’ll get comfortable and start to take you for granted. You can avoid being taken for granted by keeping yourself busy with your own life, until he decides to make you an official part of his. You’re not giving up on him, you’re simply pulling back a little so that you can measure whether he sees you as potential or you’re just a convenience.

If the calls become less frequent, the texts become non-existent, and the dates are long gone, then it’s quite clear that he’s not that into you, or he’s not ready to be in a relationship with you. If on the other hand, he’s still calling, texting, and showing interest, then this is great indication that he still sees you as someone of value. If he’s genuinely interested in you and he’s ready for a commitment, he will make the decision to be more exclusive with you, and you’ll be the first to know. Your standoffish behavior will be the push he needs to ask for exclusivity.

It’s up to you to not give away free benefits to men who do not commit to you. If you don’t make commitment a requirement, men will opt to have a friendship with benefits for as long as you’ll allow them to, or until they feel threatened by another man showing interest in you. A man will do and say anything to get between a woman’s legs, so it’s your job to set standards, and make requirements in order for him to get there, if a commitment is what you seek. You’ll know you’re both in a relationship when he asks you to be exclusive, and when he treats you as if you’re exclusive.

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How To Let A Man Know You Are Not Interested (Without Burning A Bridge).

Straight men are natural born hunters! Success is measured by one’s ability to reach his/her goals! With this in mind, men have a tendency to set goals primarily in two areas (finances & women). When it comes to financial security, a man has two choices a) Find a job or b) Create one. In the event he is dependent on an employer to hire him, he will have to do everything in his power to plan ahead for the best possible results, but also be prepared for non-acceptance in the event the employer doesn’t currently have a place for him at the company, or simply does not see the value in adding him to the company.

NOTE: Non-acceptance simply means you were not accepted. Rejection means that it is actually communicated that you were not accepted and that the possibility of you being accepted in the future are limited. Non-acceptance keeps the door open for future possibilities.

In the mean time, he can put on his best suit, put together a great resume, and try to make a great impression upon the introduction or interview for a better chance at achieving his goal (i.e. Getting the job). While on the hunt, he should apply for many other positions and exhibit his strengths in hopes of landing the job that’s suitable for him. His expectations of the places he applies should be low, and his hopes should be high! Many employers accept applications and keep them on file in case they ever need an individual with these particular qualities/strengths at a later date. Employees come and go, therefore, they’ll need to have qualified candidates who are enthusiastic about joining the company ready and available in the event that the relationship with current or former employees hasn’t worked out. By rejecting an applicant, you lower the moral and desire to be a part of that company now and forever!

The same applies to personal relationships. If you are a woman of substance, you will constantly receive “applications” from admirers who would like to have a position in your life. There’s always a position to be filled, so keep all of your applications on file. You never know when you’ll need a personal trainer, a chef, a web designer, a photographer, a mechanic, a promoter, a DJ, etc, but it’s great to know that you not only have one on file, but also that this individual has an interest in you and is likely to be motivated to assist you in any way possible, just so long as you make them feel as though they are a part of your life. When men show interest in you, this is proof that they see you as someone of value, and that they are there on their own accord. These are the type of individuals you want on your team for love and support (whenever you need it). The last thing you want is your life or company to be filled with people who “you” may like or admirer, but they themselves don’t actually want to be there.

SIDE NOTE

Go where you are celebrated! Leave the men who don’t celebrate you to themselves. There’s a “myth” going around that “There are no good men left.” There are millions of good men left. The problem is in most cases, women have a particular type of guy in mind, and a “good man” doesn’t land at the top of that list. In fact, you can find plenty of good men if you rummage through the long list of men you’ve placed in the “Friend Category”. Most women won’t admit it, but good men don’t offer the challenge you need to keep you interested. You prefer a man who’s a bad boy whom you can turn into a good man!

Be consistent with your character! You will come across “applicants” whom you’re simply not attracted to romantically, and that’s fine; we all have the right to be selective. Be clear from the very beginning where you stand, but remember to always treat him with dignity and respect in doing so, and be honest. The reason for treating people whom you encounter with dignity and respect is 1) It’s the right thing to do!!! Always treat others how you would like to be treated. 2) You never know who a person is, what they do, or how they can change your life. Influential people come in all shapes and sizes, they dress for many different occasions, and they appear on every corner of the earth. So handle the homeless man on the streets with the same dignity and respect as you would the President of The United States.

Be honest “now”, and people will always respect you”later”! If a man shows interest in you and you tell him “I’m in a relationship” or “I’m married”, that’s not the same as “No, thank you. I’m not interested”. Your relationship status can change any day, and by using your relationship status as a scape goat, you give him “hope”! And with hope… rest assured you will continue to hear from this guy, see this guy, and he will indeed constantly inquire about your current relationship status in hopes that he can somehow find a place in your life.

Relationships aren’t for everybody! Relationships are for the “ready”! With this in mind, you are not obligated to “play ball” each and every time a man shows interest in you. What you can do is, offer an opportunity for you to talk more and get to know each other better as friends. Friendship is the key to having a longer lasting relationship. If you can start there, you both will have the opportunity to see the value in being a part of each other’s lives, or the lack thereof. By denying a person this access, you cut off the possibilities to find romance, to network with him and the people & events he may be affiliated with, and to build a new friendship. When meeting new people, you don’t lose anything, but there’s no limit to what you can gain if you take the time to figure out what value this person can add to your life.

Your personal contact information (i.e. Your email address, phone number, Facebook, Twitter, other social networks) is just that… “personal”. This information should only be given to the men you would possibly like to have a personal relationship with. If you’re in business, give only your business contact info to eliminate any and all ambiguity. Once you give a man your personal contact info, you are giving him hope, so choose wisely who you would like to give this hope to, and refrain from giving this access to men you never want to see or hear from again.

The introduction is everything! If a man approaches you with dignity and respect, then he may be someone worth keeping in touch with. There is power in networking! Your network is should be filled with people who have an interest in you and/or your endeavors! The challenge for you should be to turn this person who’s interested in you romantically to show interest in your business, your events, your projects, etc. Turn him into a loyal customer, and you’ll have an idea of how loyal a person he can be. If he passes the test, keep him in mind for a better position in your life. If he fails, keep him where he’s at!

By rejecting a man, you eliminate any and all possibilities! His moral will be so beaten down that the initial interest he had in you will be gone… and replaced with slight resentment! A man who resents you is less likely to support your interests, your ideas, your business, or be there for you in a time of need. Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies! Rejecting men won’t add value to your life or his. Instead of rejecting the men who show interest in you, respectfully decline his advances/proposals while still being open to a professional or platonic relationship. If the presentation/introduction is anything less than respectable, by all means, close the door. For everyone else, leave the door cracked!

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“V-Day is here! I need Romance!! All of my male friends only look at me as a friend!”

Straight men look for women to get closer to on a daily basis. If you’re interested in dating, being in a relationship, marriage, having a family or what have you, you have to start from the very beginning. It’s a process! You first have to know your worth, be patient, and then put yourself in places where the type of men you’re interested in can find you. Your worth is how you view/feel about yourself, and it’s a representation of what you’re willing to accept from others in order for them to associate with you and have access to you/your time/your energy/etc.

Be patient! The average male will want to do nothing more than sleep with you with no commitment. Know your worth and bypass these types of men. Entertain the men who show you respect from the very beginning. Keep your options open!!! Date more than one man at once. You’ve got a life, you’ve got work, and then you’ve got leisure. You’ll be busy with life, so the men you come across will have to get in where they fit in.

They will sense that you’re busy and want to take full advantage of the time you have available for them. Once you’ve exchanged numbers… do not pick up that phone and call him. Wait… for him to call you!!! Once he calls you, make the best of the conversation by telling him details about yourself. Tell him about your education, your relationship with God, your relationship with your family, your favorite food/drinks, your likes/dislikes, what kind of sports you like to watch, your favorite movies, your favorite books, etc!

The benefits of doing it this way is… he now has enough information about you to plan a date that would cator to your taste. He does not need to know your favorite restaurant!!! That would insist that that is where you’re suggesting/requiring that he takes you there. Since you’re not paying for the date, allow him the opportunity to research places that work within his budget. This is where the fun comes in! You’ll have guys left and right trying to win you over. Forget about the guys who are used to you and used to seeing you regularly. Entertain the men who know absolutely nothing about you and will be “excited” about taking on this fresh/new challenge.

Be sure not to come off solely as a “cool chick” or a “home girl”. A man wants a woman who’s going to be a “woman”. He’s got enough “homies”. And so do YOU!!! On “date night”… do your hair, do your make-up, dress up as classy/sexy as you can. Avoid anything “slutty” because then he’ll just want to “bed you” right then and there and you’ll never get those lustful thoughts out of his head… EVER!!! No matter how hard you try!

If the date goes well, you (again) “be patient” and wait for him to reach out to you and ask for another date. To avoid being overly anxious, you have to keep yourself busy with work/life and dating multiple men at once!!! You don’t know what’s going on in that one date’s life. He could be in a relationship, he could only want sex, he could not be that into you, or whatever!!! But you don’t want to find yourself being “thirsty” over this one “great” date you had. And you WILL feel as though “most” of your dates went well because you haven’t been on the scene. So (again) I stress… be… PATIENT!!!

Now if you like the guy that you’re dating, show him a little love and let him know you enjoy his company as well. You can’t be cold and not give him any signals at all. You have to remember… he is dating multiple women too! And he can’t afford to spend his time/energy/money on a woman who’s not giving him any feedback on how the date is going or how she feels about him. In order to get a 2nd date from him, he has to feel the connection/feel the vibes/feel the energy and know that you’re into him.

While you’re dating these multiple men, you evaluate them on all of their actions. Is he opening doors for you? Is he making arrangements and paying for the date? Was he on time? Did he call you as opposed to texting? Was he a gentlemen? Some men simply don’t know better. Some men simply don’t do better. Either way, you will have your answers on or before the first date. But it’s up to you to know your worth and not settle for anything less than what a lady deserves.

After dating a guy, talking to him, getting to know him, etc… if you are satisfied with his personality, character, then you can consider him for a promotion. By now, he will want to have more of your time, and he will want to sleep with you. But no sex until there’s a commitment. If you give him sex before the commitment, you run the risk of him no longer wanting to compete for your time/energy. Get the commitment first.

There’s no need to give him an ultimatum! He’ll already be chasing you because he sees that you don’t have enough time to give him due to your busy work schedule, life, and dating other guys. Not to mention, he hasn’t had the pleasure of being intimate with you. So after all the time/energy/effort/money he’s been spending on you, he will want to know where things are going. Or better yet if things “can” go somewhere… because you’re beginning to get “expensive” lol.

A man spending his time/energy/effort/money is a great way to measure his true interest in you. Because this means a lot to a man. So if he’s putting forth this type of effort, you either reward him because you want it to continue, or you leave him alone because you’re not interested. So put yourself out there, get some dates lined up, evaluate each guy you meet, and make a choice which guy you’d like to get closer to. Let me know how things go 😉

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-AskCheyB