Q: How do men feel about being in a relationship with a woman who’s best friend is a guy?

Q: How do men feel about being in a relationship with a woman who’s best friend is a guy?

A: If a man’s significant other has a male best friend and he is “truly” a friend, he would expect for that person to be in his space. (i.e. In his home, possibly at family gatherings, and at events by personal invite). Any friend that’s a friend to his woman now needs to become a friend to them “as a couple” if he plans on being in his woman’s life. If the man you are with is “the” the man in her life… then “he” should be your best friend. He’s the man you talk to when you’re feeling troubled, when you get that new promotion, or when you simply want to express your innermost thoughts/feelings. You should be that vulnerable to and have that connection with “your man”… and the men in your family.

When you’re in an exclusive relationship with someone, you no longer need the support that you were once getting from your “male friend(s)”… because you’ll be getting it from “your man” now. If this male best friend of yours is in a relationship of his own, he has no business focusing his time and energy on another man’s woman… as I’m sure his woman would agree. If he’s single, then that’s even more of a reason why he shouldn’t be affiliated with you. By him being single, he’ll have more time/energy/desire to be around/speak to/influence you, and that’s your man’s position. You have one man who’s romantically significant in your life, and there can’t be two of them.

Men will constantly be in pursuit of women (whether they make it clear that they are off the market or not). Women who make themselves available to be seduced, and place themselves in positions to be taken advantage of have are more likely to be persuaded to indulge in forbidden temptations. It’s perfectly natural for a significant other to be territorial and want to feel as though they belong to their partner and their partner belongs to them (in spirit). What’s special about being in a relationship is the idea that what you’ve worked for cannot be easily obtained by another person who just waltzes into your life on a whim, and that what you have together is cherished/valued.

With this in mind, a man will recognize a part of “him” in this other guy. The part where he would take a gentle approach to get closer to your heart. While he trusts “you”, he does not trust the man who claims to be a friend. Men have no desire to be “just friends” with a woman. Friendship is the key to building the foundation for a longer lasting romantic. While you ( the woman) feels it’s safe to be friends with this other guy, your man identifies with the strategy this other guy (who’s quite clever might I add) is using to slowly but surely make his woman fall in love and/or lust with him. Being as though his woman is insistent on keeping the male friend, it makes it difficult to respect her or trust her based on the decisions she’s making.

The woman isn’t off the hook just yet… she’s well aware of the affect she has on men and on this man in particular. Her choice to remain friends shows that she enjoys the way he makes her feel, and values what “they” have more than what the man who wants to be in her future offers. There can only be one King!

When a straight man is ok with being “just friends” with a female, he either has already had sex with her, or wishes he could have sex with her and is simply waiting for her to be vulnerable. And being a “friend” is one of the best places to be when a woman is going through something in her relationship. She looks at you like a “brother”, she trusts you, and she doesn’t think you’ll ever cross that line (because you know she’s in a relationship and you know her man). Truth be told… he doesn’t look at you like a sister. He never has and he never will! He will sleep with you the first opportunity you give him (no matter what his relationship status is, and no matter what your relationship status is). With the exception of family, any straight man who remains affiliated with you (whether he makes it clear or not) is interested in sleeping with you. When you’re in a relationship with someone, your relationship with other interested parties cease and desist.

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8 thoughts on “Q: How do men feel about being in a relationship with a woman who’s best friend is a guy?

  1. I like this blog, but I wish that you would flip it to discuss when a man has female friends and is in a committed relationship. That was the issue with my last relationship. He spoke to female friends on the phone, texted, IM, and hung out with a group of female co-workers. I accepted the co-worker deal because he works with a lot of females, but I started realizing that the other males who worked with him did not hang out with the female co-workers. So, that excuse was thrown out. I just cannot understand why he would be committed to me, but find it ok to talk to other females (one he had a sexual history with and ones he may not have) more than he talked to me.

    1. I agree with you. I can see why his relationships with so many women would make you feel a bit insecure about the relationship. Have you spoken with him about this issue? Maybe you should give it an attempt in my opinion.

      1. Thanks for your insight! I have brought it to his attention several times and ended our relationship several times because he would not change it (although he told me that he did). I’ve had male acquaintances, but not as close friends. Primarily because I knew that they wanted to be more than friends, but were willing to accept the friendship position until I “came around.” So, I just eliminated all of that confusion, plus as a woman, I don’t have much in common with men. Now, I believe that men and women can be friends if they are in a committed relationship with eachother. Your partner is suppose to be your best friend and only close friend of the opposite sex, in my opinion.

        1. Are you still with him now? If so why may I ask?

          The guy I mentioned is not my best friend though just a friend. Right now, and this is corny but true, my Mom is my best friend. And than when I get married my husband will my best friend. No conflict with my mother because she believes in the same process of cleaving unto him and he to you. So I would be his best friend and vice versa.

          I’ve never had a best friend except for my only exclusive relationship that lasted for 2 years a long, long time ago. I really find I don’t have a need for a bestfriend, All of my female friends are married and don’t talk to me anyway or act strange around me. So I am satisfied with my life as it is now.

          Take Care

  2. It is ironic that this is your blog for today. I was just thinking about this issue. I do not have any male friends that I can think of except for relatives. I believe that men are normally sexually attracted to you unless they are gay.

    I do have a married friend who has been my friend since Imeet him in college. It is about a 25 year friendship. We have never slept together nor did I think he wanted to sleep with me because he was attracted to one woman he is married to now and was his college sweetheart. I in turn was never, ever sexually attracted to him. We were in some of the same college clubs and went dancing a lot but nothing sexual. We used to go to Canada and win dance contests. It was fun having him as a friend. even my Mom asked me why I was never attracted to him. I said he is just the brother I never had, ” the brother from another”. Since I have returned to the Buffalo area he has been my only real friend and even invited me to get back into my groove by inviting me to be on his committee, where I meet more females who later became friends. You see, since I moved back all of my former friends seem to have no desire to catch up with me even though I have tried with them. They are all married now. He does not spend social time with me nor does he need to. We don’t talk on the phone. He is happily married to his wife and they have three young children.

    Bottomline is that if I did have a partner in an exclusive relationship and he questioned my friendship with him than I would have to explain the situation to him. If he still doesn’t understand I’m not honestly sure what I would do because he is really like a brother and I am like his sister because he has no sisters and I have no brothers.

    I guess I will cross that bridge when I get into an exclusive relationship..hopefully this year sometime, Lord willing.

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