Q: How do men feel about being in a relationship with a woman who’s best friend is a guy?
A: If a man’s significant other has a male best friend and he is “truly” a friend, he would expect for that person to be in his space. (i.e. In his home, possibly at family gatherings, and at events by personal invite). Any friend that’s a friend to his woman now needs to become a friend to them “as a couple” if he plans on being in his woman’s life. If the man you are with is “the” the man in her life… then “he” should be your best friend. He’s the man you talk to when you’re feeling troubled, when you get that new promotion, or when you simply want to express your innermost thoughts/feelings. You should be that vulnerable to and have that connection with “your man”… and the men in your family.
When you’re in an exclusive relationship with someone, you no longer need the support that you were once getting from your “male friend(s)”… because you’ll be getting it from “your man” now. If this male best friend of yours is in a relationship of his own, he has no business focusing his time and energy on another man’s woman… as I’m sure his woman would agree. If he’s single, then that’s even more of a reason why he shouldn’t be affiliated with you. By him being single, he’ll have more time/energy/desire to be around/speak to/influence you, and that’s your man’s position. You have one man who’s romantically significant in your life, and there can’t be two of them.
Men will constantly be in pursuit of women (whether they make it clear that they are off the market or not). Women who make themselves available to be seduced, and place themselves in positions to be taken advantage of have are more likely to be persuaded to indulge in forbidden temptations. It’s perfectly natural for a significant other to be territorial and want to feel as though they belong to their partner and their partner belongs to them (in spirit). What’s special about being in a relationship is the idea that what you’ve worked for cannot be easily obtained by another person who just waltzes into your life on a whim, and that what you have together is cherished/valued.
With this in mind, a man will recognize a part of “him” in this other guy. The part where he would take a gentle approach to get closer to your heart. While he trusts “you”, he does not trust the man who claims to be a friend. Men have no desire to be “just friends” with a woman. Friendship is the key to building the foundation for a longer lasting romantic. While you ( the woman) feels it’s safe to be friends with this other guy, your man identifies with the strategy this other guy (who’s quite clever might I add) is using to slowly but surely make his woman fall in love and/or lust with him. Being as though his woman is insistent on keeping the male friend, it makes it difficult to respect her or trust her based on the decisions she’s making.
The woman isn’t off the hook just yet… she’s well aware of the affect she has on men and on this man in particular. Her choice to remain friends shows that she enjoys the way he makes her feel, and values what “they” have more than what the man who wants to be in her future offers. There can only be one King!
When a straight man is ok with being “just friends” with a female, he either has already had sex with her, or wishes he could have sex with her and is simply waiting for her to be vulnerable. And being a “friend” is one of the best places to be when a woman is going through something in her relationship. She looks at you like a “brother”, she trusts you, and she doesn’t think you’ll ever cross that line (because you know she’s in a relationship and you know her man). Truth be told… he doesn’t look at you like a sister. He never has and he never will! He will sleep with you the first opportunity you give him (no matter what his relationship status is, and no matter what your relationship status is). With the exception of family, any straight man who remains affiliated with you (whether he makes it clear or not) is interested in sleeping with you. When you’re in a relationship with someone, your relationship with other interested parties cease and desist.
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Life & Relationship Coach