Q: How do men feel about being in a relationship with a woman who’s best friend is a guy?

Q: How do men feel about being in a relationship with a woman who’s best friend is a guy?

A: If a man’s significant other has a male best friend and he is “truly” a friend, he would expect for that person to be in his space. (i.e. In his home, possibly at family gatherings, and at events by personal invite). Any friend that’s a friend to his woman now needs to become a friend to them “as a couple” if he plans on being in his woman’s life. If the man you are with is “the” the man in her life… then “he” should be your best friend. He’s the man you talk to when you’re feeling troubled, when you get that new promotion, or when you simply want to express your innermost thoughts/feelings. You should be that vulnerable to and have that connection with “your man”… and the men in your family.

When you’re in an exclusive relationship with someone, you no longer need the support that you were once getting from your “male friend(s)”… because you’ll be getting it from “your man” now. If this male best friend of yours is in a relationship of his own, he has no business focusing his time and energy on another man’s woman… as I’m sure his woman would agree. If he’s single, then that’s even more of a reason why he shouldn’t be affiliated with you. By him being single, he’ll have more time/energy/desire to be around/speak to/influence you, and that’s your man’s position. You have one man who’s romantically significant in your life, and there can’t be two of them.

Men will constantly be in pursuit of women (whether they make it clear that they are off the market or not). Women who make themselves available to be seduced, and place themselves in positions to be taken advantage of have are more likely to be persuaded to indulge in forbidden temptations. It’s perfectly natural for a significant other to be territorial and want to feel as though they belong to their partner and their partner belongs to them (in spirit). What’s special about being in a relationship is the idea that what you’ve worked for cannot be easily obtained by another person who just waltzes into your life on a whim, and that what you have together is cherished/valued.

With this in mind, a man will recognize a part of “him” in this other guy. The part where he would take a gentle approach to get closer to your heart. While he trusts “you”, he does not trust the man who claims to be a friend. Men have no desire to be “just friends” with a woman. Friendship is the key to building the foundation for a longer lasting romantic. While you ( the woman) feels it’s safe to be friends with this other guy, your man identifies with the strategy this other guy (who’s quite clever might I add) is using to slowly but surely make his woman fall in love and/or lust with him. Being as though his woman is insistent on keeping the male friend, it makes it difficult to respect her or trust her based on the decisions she’s making.

The woman isn’t off the hook just yet… she’s well aware of the affect she has on men and on this man in particular. Her choice to remain friends shows that she enjoys the way he makes her feel, and values what “they” have more than what the man who wants to be in her future offers. There can only be one King!

When a straight man is ok with being “just friends” with a female, he either has already had sex with her, or wishes he could have sex with her and is simply waiting for her to be vulnerable. And being a “friend” is one of the best places to be when a woman is going through something in her relationship. She looks at you like a “brother”, she trusts you, and she doesn’t think you’ll ever cross that line (because you know she’s in a relationship and you know her man). Truth be told… he doesn’t look at you like a sister. He never has and he never will! He will sleep with you the first opportunity you give him (no matter what his relationship status is, and no matter what your relationship status is). With the exception of family, any straight man who remains affiliated with you (whether he makes it clear or not) is interested in sleeping with you. When you’re in a relationship with someone, your relationship with other interested parties cease and desist.

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-AskCheyB

“20 Steps To Building A Long Lasting Relationship With The Man You Want”

Marriage is meant to be a life-long commitment, so it deserves every bit of special attention when preparing yourself for it. Before taking this step towards a happy life with someone else, you want to make sure you have a happy life as an individual. Marriage isn’t only about having a man who will take care of you; it’s also about you being ready, willing, and able to take care of him. These 20 steps will serve as an excellent guide for preparing yourself for a happy, healthy relationship, and help you work towards a marriage.

Step 1: Self-evaluation- (i.e. How do you feel about the person you are inside and out?) You have to love yourself before you love someone else.

Step 2: Presentation- Always present yourself as the person you want to be known and remembered as. Men are visual and will evaluate you 1st based on your appearance and also by the way you carry yourself.

Step 3: The Introduction- Remember you’re a lady! Maintain control! Just give a guy you’re interested in “the look” & he will come right over & initiate convo. This will show your submissive side, while allowing him to take the lead.

Step 4: Friendship- There will be plenty of time for sex, but if you want a future with this man, 1st get to know him and find out if you even like the guy. Friendship is the key to romance!

Step 5: Dating- Focus on the man who focuses on you, but in the meantime, keep your options open. Date multiple people at once.

Step 6: Sex- Friendship doesn’t come with benefits. Benefits come with a commitment. If he wants sex, your relationship has to be exclusive. Know your worth!

Step 7: Commitment- You’ve been dating this guy for a while, the chemistry is great, and you’ve established a great friendship, and you’re ready to take the next step. Go ahead and make it official! Let him ask to be exclusive with you.

Step 8: Incorporate The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships (according to Chey B.) Those habits are: Respect, Love, Trust, Support, Loyalty, Honesty & Communication.

Step 9: Consistency- Everything you brought to the table in the beginning should not only remain, but it should get better. Never stop competing for your partner’s love and affection.

Step 10: Share your world! Introduce your partner to any/everyone who is important in your life. This shows him that you want him to be a part of it. Even a man wants to feel special.

Step 11: Space- Allow each other just enough room to breathe, but not enough room to leave. Give yourselves the opportunity to miss one another.

Step 12: Growth- If you want to grow as a couple, it’s important that you do things “as a couple”. Not all the time, but most of the time.

Step 13: Secrets- If you can’t be open and honest with your partner, you are not ready for a relationship. Stay single until you’re ready to be vulnerable. Being in a relationship means that you’re a team! Keep secrets with your partner, not from your partner.

Step 14: Male friends- Platonic friendship is an oxymoron! All men have a motive! Friendship is the key to romance and men use this approach to get close to a woman’s heart, mind, and body! Your partner should be your one and only male friend! Keep the peace in your relationship by dismissing them all!

Step 15: Single friends- You’re in a relationship now! From time to time, your single friends will invite you out to share their world, but instead, invite them in to come and share yours instead. Use this as an opportunity to show your single friends the value in being in a committed relationship while also strengthening yours.

Step 16: Engagement- Don’t waste countless years of your life hoping, wishing, and praying for a marriage proposal. A man knows from the very beginning whether he wants to marry you or not. Expect a proposal no later than year two or three.

Step 17: Wedding Plans- Communicate with your partner, set a time-line for the activities leading up to the wedding, as well as a tentative wedding date, work together and find a way to include both parties’ family and friends to help assist. Start planning the wedding within weeks after the engagement.

Step 18: Getting Married- After 2-3 years of following the rules of relationships, you’re certain that you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. Go for it! You are about to become an official team; you are one! Let no one and nothing come between you two. You marriage should be impenetrable and inseparable! Always protect and value this union!

Step 19: Moving in- You’re about to find out new things about your husband. Don’t be alarmed; simply observe, take notes, and prepare to make any necessary adjustments.

Step 20: Relationship Turmoil- Remember all the steps you took to get to where you are, and know that your marriage is worth fighting for. Never stop loving one another. Marriage is forever!

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

 

“Fear”… the thing that stops us from pursuing our dreams and succeeding.

“Fear”… the thing that stops us from pursuing our dreams and succeeding. Each and every one of you has a dream, an aspiration, a goal, but for many… it stops “there”. You tell everyone about what you would like to do, and everyone tells you how great the idea is, and that they can’t wait to see you make it happen, and then you never follow through. You know exactly who to call/email, you have the knowledge and the experience, you have the passion, but there’s something that’s hindering you from  pursuing your dreams, and that thing is nothing more than “You and your fears”.

You’re afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to be rejected, afraid that no one else will understand or appreciate your vision the way you do. Afraid that you might not be able to live up to all the hype you’ve built up about yourself and your vision after all this time you’ve been “working on your craft”. You’re afraid to ask your friends and family members for money and support. Afraid to ask that DJ to play your song in a club where hundreds of people can hear your music and possibly become a fan. You’re afraid to take a chance on “your” dreams and you’re too proud to ask others to take a chance on you.

Social networks have become very addictive, we practically “live” on them, gathering thousands of friends and followers. Everyone knows your mood for the day, and how much drama is going on in your life, yet none of your friends and followers know about your dreams and aspirations. You share your vision with people who will pat you on the back and make you feel better about yourself, but in no way can help you achieve your goals. Those individuals are your safety net, they provide you with “comfort”, and seldom make you face harsh realities or push you towards actually making the things you speak of become a reality.

Better to share your dreams with people who can and will add value to your life, and to ask them to help you reach your goals. When you reach out to people for help, the most you will get is a yes, a no, or a maybe! <<< This is one of people’s biggest fear, but it’s one of the things that has to be overcome. We’re in a world filled with millions of people! Why carry on this vision alone? Don’t be afraid to ask for money, support, or even a position. Be prepared though, for the possibility of receiving 100 “No’s” before you receive 1 “Yes”. Being told no is a blessing in itself! It gives you the space and opportunity to think about why you were told no, and to figure out a way to (at a later time) re-evaluate your pitch/presentation/proposal and get a “Yes” from that very same person.

Take your dream(s), and completely remove “fear” from the equation. When you remove fear, you get “love”. Love is the absence of fear. Love your ability to bake/cook, to minister, to do make-up/hair, to take pictures, to tell stories with your music, to coordinate events, to design clothing, to paint, to help others, or whatever your field of expertise is, and share your vision with the world! When people see that you believe in yourself, it gives them reason to believe in you.

If fear is something you struggle with today, I would like for you to try this exercise:

Imagine you have one day left to live, and the only thing that could save you is if you pursued your dream(s) to no end, as if your life depended on it. How many text messages would you send? How many phone calls would you make? How many doors would you knock on? How many “friends” would you purposely not reach out to? How many hours of that day would you devote to sleeping? How many people would remember the pitch you gave them because they saw the hunger in your eyes and heard the passion in your voice? Use every day you have to live to pursue your dreams so that you can live your dream!

Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

“Q: This guy I like is friends with a man I’ve slept with in the past. Will he still consider me?”

Q: This guy I like is friends with a man I’ve slept with in the past. Will he still consider me?

A: Finding someone who’s pure and untouched in this day and age is possible, but rare. On average, we expect our significant other to have some kind of history, but even still we don’t want to knowingly be associated with the men from your past no matter how long ago it was. One of the aspects that go into choosing a girlfriend or wife is the idea of being with someone who is “exclusive” (meaning none of the men we know have had you or can have you). There’s also a code of honor amongst men, and that code is you don’t commit to a woman that one of your friends or relatives used to be sexually involved with. It’s a conflict of interest.

There are millions of women in the world, and the last thing a man would want to do is settle on a woman who one of his close friends has the drop on. He wants his friends to have respect for the woman he’s with, and he also wants the  assurance of knowing that any men who are in his circle of friends has never had the privilege of seeing his woman naked. Yes, it’s a matter of pride! After all, you do want to be proud of the woman you’re with.

Certain types of models, strippers, and porn stars for example will have a hard time finding true love because all of the men in the world have already been exposed to their bodies and there’s no sense of exclusivity (in the eyes of the man who’s in pursuit of a serious relationship with them). The men who entertain certain types of models, strippers, and porn stars will either exploit them further (like a pimp), or they’ll drive themselves crazy trying to turn a woman who makes a living off of exploiting her beauty into a woman who gets her attention primarily from him.  And if he doesn’t drive himself crazy, he’ll drive “you” crazy with his overprotection, jealousy, and insecurity due to the nature of your career choice.

A man who’s interested in having a future with you will protect your honor, but only if you’re doing the same for yourself. Most men associate closely with other men who reflect who “they” are as a person, so naturally, they’ll have similar taste in women, and similar ways that they treat women. Knowing that you’ve entertained his friend is enough detail for him to imagine the type of relationship that you and his friend might’ve had. Once he gets wind of you two being intimate, these thoughts will constantly be in the forefront of his mind and he won’t be able to get over it.

It’s easy for a man to choose a woman to sleep with, all he has to do is look for the woman who matches his physical taste. When it comes to choosing a girlfriend or a wife however, he looks for a woman with his eyes closed and heart opened. This means that your personality & your character are on the forefront and your physical beauty becomes an added bonus. It’s up to you as a responsible adult to make the best judgment call since you are the one who’s aware of these two men being friends with each other. He will evaluate you and your character based on the way you handle it.

If you honestly and truly want to be in a happy, loving, long lasting relationship, you will choose another man. There are too many negatives to consider with this particular situation, and frankly it’s not worth the trouble. Hopefully you’re not yet too emotionally attached, there are no kids involved, and the two of you are not married, so walk away while you can and explore other more promising options.

Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB