A “Woman” Carries Condoms. A “Lady” Doesn’t…

Sex is a wonderful thing to share with someone, and it can be an even more enjoyable experience if both parties mutually love/respect/care for one another. Your body is a temple; you have one life to live, and no one can protect your body better than you can so be sure to be as safe as possible when engaging in sexual activity with someone. Being abstinent is the best way to protect yourself against STDs and pregnancy, however, if you’re going to be sexually active with someone, it’s a good idea to protect yourself by requiring that the man wear a condom.

Many women won’t like this next part, but the ladies are going to love it…

Contrary to popular belief, there are gender roles in life. Due to the “times changing”, and women gaining more and more independence, many have lost sight of these gender roles and traditions. Condoms are meant to protect sexual partners from HIV/STDS and prevent pregnancy, however, a male should at the very least be responsible enough to provide protection if he so wishes to enter a females body. At one point in time, a woman’s body used to be… a “temple” and sex took place after marriage. In this day and age, females are carrying around condoms “just in case” they happen to have sex on the way to work, at the gym, on vacation, etc.

A “lady” never carries around condoms because a lady knows exactly where she’s getting sex from, when she’s getting sex, and from whom! The condoms are stationary and never move! A woman who is less than a lady isn’t sure who/when/where she’s getting her sex from, so she carries condoms just in case the occasion were to ever arise. A lady makes a man wait until he has proven to be worthy of having her body, so in the mean time, conversation is the only thing a lady carries. By carrying condoms, a woman suggests that she is ready, willing, and able to have sex anytime, any place, and with anyone! This is what I like to call “surprise sex”!

One of the reasons why men slack off is because there will always be a woman somewhere ready, willing, and able to take on “his” responsibilities. A man does not have a vagina, and since this is so, he never purchases or carries female condoms (as much as they would protect them from STDs/pregnancy. A woman doesn’t have a penis, but she makes it her business to purchase, store, and carry something that simply isn’t made for her (not including substitute forms of pleasure). Any man a woman would consider allowing into her body should be capable of purchasing/providing his own protection. If not, he should not be considered as a sexual partner because he’s not showing that he cares enough about his health to protect it! If he doesn’t make it his business to be prepared to protect his own body, one can only imagine the distance he’ll go to protect hers (or the lack thereof).

There is a deeper correlation to consider when looking at a female carrying around condoms. This practice does not apply to every female; only a “certain type” of female carries around condoms. Men love sex, anytime, anyplace, anywhere, and with anyone! A lady simply doesn’t have sex anytime, anyplace, anywhere, and with anyone. Her body is “exclusive” to one man and with this one man, he treats her like a lady, gives her time to prepare, arranges a suitable/comfortable environment, and romances her before sharing their bodies with one another. There’s communication and planning on both parts, and the man will not risk not being ready for the world!

The woman who carries around condoms is known as “Ms. Ready, Willing & Able” or a “Jump Off” because a female carrying around condoms gives off the impression that she is ready, willing, and able to jump on/off of any guy at any given time. No patience, no restraint, no value!!! Sex should be given to a man once he’s earned that privilege. Once that privilege is earned, he knows better than to show up unprepared. A responsible adult male doesn’t need a woman’s assistance when it comes to carrying condoms… believe me!!! Sex is on his brain all day and all night; He will be prepared!

Since men love to have sex anytime, anyplace, anywhere, and with anyone, he will certainly appreciate the fact that you have a spare condom, but he will not respect you as a lady, but as a whore! He will enjoy the hour of pleasure, and even thank you afterwards, but he will forever view you as “that girl who carries around condoms”. In the front of his mind, he will suspect that this is who you are, and how you handle yourself in your everyday life with other men. It’s equivalent to a man carrying around a morning after pill… “Hey, you just never know when you’re gonna need these!”

***The only time a man might not be prepared with a condom is when it’s fast/easy/sleezy/surprise sex with whomever is available. When it comes to a lady, “surprise sex” occurs with the man she’s committed to. Surprise sex without a commitment strips a woman of her “lady like” image/title and places her in the category of the “jump off”. Jump offs need condoms because they never know when things are going to “jump on/off”.

Jump off– A female who’s ready, willing, able to have sex anytime, anywhere, with anyone just for thrills.

A prostitute carries condoms everywhere she goes because sex is what she does for a living, and she has to protect herself from HIV/AIDS/STDs & pregnancy from the random men she sleeps with. It’s literally “her” job to make sure she is protected because the men approaching her care nothing about her health, and clearly they care nothing about their own if they’re willing to sleep with a prostitute. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense for a prostitute to carry around condoms on a regular basis.

A woman carrying condoms is a huge reflection of her character. It’s far deeper than “I want to be safe”. It’s symbolic of impatience, ambiguity, and promiscuity. Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, 1st Lady Serita Jakes, and hopefully your mother are less likely to carry condoms because they are ladies of strong character, good morals, values, and principles. They respect their bodies, their families, and their reputation enough to have sex “exclusively” with the man they married. Buffie Da Body, Lil Kim, and Remy Ma… on the other hand are more likely to carry around condoms because they exhibit poor character, and lack a good set of morals, values, and principles.

A man may have concerns with getting a woman pregnant, but chances are you won’t find him carrying around cases of the morning after pill. If he did, that would certainly be a huge reflection of huge character and suggest that this isn’t the first, nor will it be his last experience in having unprotected sex with a woman he doesn’t want to have a child with. A man cannot take morning after pills, so he has no business carrying them. It’s a female’s decision to invest in and consume the pill, so it should be left up to her to retrieve them. As with a male and his condoms.

Communication is key! By communicating with your partner that you would like to have sex on Saturday, 8pm, at 123 Hump Rd, you give the man an opportunity to prepare himself to have a safe, clean, and fun sexual experience with you. He has time to shower, prepare mentally, and also retrieve condoms to protect you both from STDs and pregnancy. With communication, you eliminate any and all ambiguity, and you also give the man the opportunity to prove that he is capable of being responsible.

If a man you’re considering for sex shows up without condoms, then that’s only “one” major issue you need to consider. In the heat of the moment, you will notice that a man will still sleep with you with or without a condom (not knowing his status or yours). Having your condoms ready “just in case” only protects you from STDs and pregnancy for that hour, however it does not solve the issue of your sexual partner not caring enough about himself to protect his one and only body from STDs! If he doesn’t care enough to protect his own body, he certainly won’t take precautions for yours. Instead of making it easy on these men and still accepting them for not coming prepared, they should be rejected for that reason!

Men and women are different in many ways. The average straight male does not do a regular check-up at the doctor’s office. If a man has HIV/AIDs/STDs, it’s highly probable that he’s had it for months or even years. When you use that condom that you’re carrying around in that “better safe than sorry” situation, the sex will bring you closer and closer to that person. Before becoming closer and closer to a person sexually, get closer and closer to their personality, character, morals, values, and principles, and most importantly… get to know their status. These key ingredients will raise your awareness/confidence in knowing/trusting your partners judgment. With trust comes shared responsibilities! When it comes to sex, one thing a man is very capable of being responsible for is carrying a condom, so allow him this one task while you (the female) take on another!

If your goal is to be “cautious”, abstinence will suffice. If you choose to have sex, take extra precautions such as talking to your partner about one another’s sexual activity with others, the level of exclusivity you expect from them, and go get tested together. Communication is key! If you are not interested in having unprotected sex, make having a condom a requirement. If he wants to continue having sex with you, and if he respects you and himself, he will make it a point to have condoms ready each and every time the two of you are ready to have sex. Continue to be a lady, and only associate yourself with a respectable gentlemen. A man will respect you when you show him that you respect yourself!

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Q: “Should I focus on a man? Or stayed focused on my career?”

Q: “Should I focus on a man? Or stayed focused on my career?”

A: In the early stages of a young adult’s life, a person will commit to relationships without having the big picture in mind. They’ll take chances on numerous relationships not because they see this person as marriage potential, but more so because they “like” the person that he/she portrays themselves to be and want to experience more of them, and/or because they are desperate for companionship and simply don’t want to be alone. There are rules to relationships, and proven studies show that having standards and setting requirements will in fact make a woman more desirable to a man who is looking for a serious relationship. When you have a woman who is at this place in her life, and you match her with a man who is mature enough to appreciate a woman of this caliber, it’s a match made in heaven, and the potential to grow with one another is far greater than anything that comes easy.

The men who want sex fast & easy will look at your standards and requirements as a turn off, or accuse you of being extremely picky, etc. If this happens, that means your plan is working like a charm. You’re weeding out the men who are not interested in having a serious committed relationship, while allowing yourself to still be open and available to the men who are. The men who are looking to settle down and be in a serious monogamous relationship are the ones you should be marketing to. Being single is what you do when you’re trying to find/establish yourself, and/or you haven’t yet found someone who’s met your standards/requirements. There are millions of men in this world, and you only need “one”. Your days of being single will come to an end when that one man sees the value in being with a woman who knows her worth, is exclusive, and has the potential to add value to his life.

If you are focused on your goals, stay focused on your goals, as a relationship will bring you closer to him, and take you further and further away from your goals. Once you feel you are ready to get back on the dating scene, put yourself out there where your type of man can find you. Date multiple men at one time so that you don’t find yourself settling on just “one” option. By dating multiple men, you expose yourself to individuals who may have similar credentials, but are distinguished by their personality, morals, values, and principles that they live by. Keep your options open and settle on the one who adds the most value to your life.

Focus on your health, wealth, education, and happiness. Focus on a man when he focuses on you.

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Give Each Other Space!

There are two rules to love 1) You do it! 2) You don’t! It’s easy to love someone from a distance because there’s no significant time, energy, or effort required to make the relationship work. Anytime you haven’t seen someone in awhile, there’s the “thrill” of being in each other’s presence once again after so long, and there’s a desire to get caught up to date on things. Space and time apart creates romance; the desire to show love and receive love from a person who’s been missing from your life.

One of the keys to making romance in a relationship last is to not become too familiar and get stuck in a routine. While it’s not important that your significant other knows your each and every move, it is important that when granted this freedom and this trust, that you honor it by staying true to yourself and true to your partner. Here are The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (According to AskCheyB) Respect, Love, Honesty, Trust, Loyalty, Support, and Communication. Incorporate these habits and your partner will have no reason to question or doubt the moves you make.

A great way to keep a relationship fresh all the way to the end is by being consistent with everything you did in the beginning. In the beginning, a man courts a woman, treats her like a lady, spends time a part and schedules time to be together. The time spent apart makes the time spent together that much more special. With work, school, and other responsibilities, it’s a joy to be whisked away from life’s harsh realities by a person who has a genuine interest in being with you.

In addition to a busy schedule and a hectic lifestyle, there’s also the idea that the person you’re dating is also dating other people, so in order to stay relevant, you have to compete for one another’s time, love, and affection. A common mistake that many people make once they’ve “got the girl/guy” is they stop competing. The competition (i.e. admirers) will never stop coming; if you don’t see to it that your partner is happy, someone else will.

If you are not consistent throughout the relationship with the person you were in the beginning of the relationship, space can be your worst adversary. When someone is happy to have you around, they look forward to your return whenever you leave. When someone isn’t happy to have you around, they look for a way to fill that void whenever you’re gone. Love should always dwell inside of you and inside of your home; when love is lost, your partner is bound to go looking to find it. Your significant other should always feel as though you’re a source where he/she can refuel financially, mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.

Many times we hold onto relationships not because we’re happy to hold on, but because we’re afraid to let go. Once you stop loving you’ll start hating. Once you stop hating, you’ll start loving. Never stop loving yourself, and never stop loving your partner. Work strategically to make sure that your partner enjoys being with you when you’re together, and looks forward to coming back to you when they’re not. Make being together the place to be.

For the period of time you and your partner are separated, the anticipation to come back together is what keeps the excitement going. When you give your significant other something to look forward to, they’ll be focused on what’s up ahead, rather than what’s on the side. Life is a long, slow, ambiguous journey, so if you’re partnered with someone who’s dependent on you, make that journey as enjoyable as possible. It’s a challenge to be able to entertain someone for life, but that’s a part of the contract that comes along with a serious commitment so get creative

Friendship outside of the relationship is important because it gives you both something to do when you would like to spend some time away from each other. Establish trust between your partner and any of your relevant friends by introducing them early on in the relationship. The friends you associate with are a huge reflection of who you are and/or who you aspire to be, so in order to maintain a happy/healthy relationship; only associate closely with those who are positive influences in your life.

Sometimes starting a new life will require new friends. If you’re in a relationship, cherish the glory days of hanging out with all of your other single friends, and live for today by planning for a brighter future with the love of your life. A great way to still stay connected with your single friends is to host a gathering at your home; invite both couples and singles. By inviting your single friends to actually witness your new life “as a couple”; you’re granted the opportunity to show them the value in being committed.

Since we’re all adults, there’s no need for a curfew when you plan to go out, nor is there a need to constantly call to check up on your significant other once it’s been communicated that they’re going out. Keep in mind though, that your other half loves you, is concerned about your well being, and is going to miss you while you’re gone. When you have plans on going places where your significant other isn’t invited, be courteous enough to let them know where you’re going, whom you’re going with, and when they should expect you home. This information will make your part feel secure, and there’s no better feeling than knowing that your home and everyone in it is safe and secure.

One of the most valued benefits of being in a relationship is companionship. It feels good to be able to come home to someone, cuddle in bed with someone, and do fun/exciting activities with someone you love. Relationships are meant to be experienced “together”, not apart, so spending weeks, months, and years away from one another goes against a huge part of what relationship is. You want to give your partner just enough room to breathe, but not enough room to leave. Being separated from your partner creates space and opportunity, and with that comes the desire to go out and do something with whoever can provide temporary satisfaction in your absence.

One of the best ways to stay a couple is to do things as a couple. If you’d like to take a nice vacation, plan in advance and budget accordingly so that you and your partner can enjoy a trip together. If there’s a networking event coming up, let your partner know in advance so that they can mark their calendar and accompany you. If there’s a new movie coming out that you’d love to see, invite your partner and make it a date night. Make  it a habit of doing things “with” your partner; when it’s time for you to do things alone, they won’t feel neglected.

The right amount of space and time a part can create the illusion of being without that person you love, giving you both the opportunity to miss one another. The anticipation of the return is what helps the romance grow stronger. There’s a great chance that your partner will get bored and feel smothered if you’re constantly around one another day in and day out. So much so that they will want to find a source of entertainment outside of the home, and away from you (for a change). To avoid this, have balance between work, school, other responsibilities, couple time, and alone time.

A little bit of reverse psychology never hurt either (i.e. Encourage your significant other to go out and hang out with their friends and have fun). Let them know that you’ll be at home waiting when they return and that you want them to go out and have a good time. At the end of the night you’ll be right back in each others warm embrace. Create space when there is none and you will see and feel the void in the air; you’ll look forward to being in your lovers presence again all due to this brief time apart.

Life and relationships are very much like the game of chess. You have to study your target, strategically plan your every move, and always keep your mate in check.

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How To Let A Man Know You Are Not Interested (Without Burning A Bridge).

Straight men are natural born hunters! Success is measured by one’s ability to reach his/her goals! With this in mind, men have a tendency to set goals primarily in two areas (finances & women). When it comes to financial security, a man has two choices a) Find a job or b) Create one. In the event he is dependent on an employer to hire him, he will have to do everything in his power to plan ahead for the best possible results, but also be prepared for non-acceptance in the event the employer doesn’t currently have a place for him at the company, or simply does not see the value in adding him to the company.

NOTE: Non-acceptance simply means you were not accepted. Rejection means that it is actually communicated that you were not accepted and that the possibility of you being accepted in the future are limited. Non-acceptance keeps the door open for future possibilities.

In the mean time, he can put on his best suit, put together a great resume, and try to make a great impression upon the introduction or interview for a better chance at achieving his goal (i.e. Getting the job). While on the hunt, he should apply for many other positions and exhibit his strengths in hopes of landing the job that’s suitable for him. His expectations of the places he applies should be low, and his hopes should be high! Many employers accept applications and keep them on file in case they ever need an individual with these particular qualities/strengths at a later date. Employees come and go, therefore, they’ll need to have qualified candidates who are enthusiastic about joining the company ready and available in the event that the relationship with current or former employees hasn’t worked out. By rejecting an applicant, you lower the moral and desire to be a part of that company now and forever!

The same applies to personal relationships. If you are a woman of substance, you will constantly receive “applications” from admirers who would like to have a position in your life. There’s always a position to be filled, so keep all of your applications on file. You never know when you’ll need a personal trainer, a chef, a web designer, a photographer, a mechanic, a promoter, a DJ, etc, but it’s great to know that you not only have one on file, but also that this individual has an interest in you and is likely to be motivated to assist you in any way possible, just so long as you make them feel as though they are a part of your life. When men show interest in you, this is proof that they see you as someone of value, and that they are there on their own accord. These are the type of individuals you want on your team for love and support (whenever you need it). The last thing you want is your life or company to be filled with people who “you” may like or admirer, but they themselves don’t actually want to be there.

SIDE NOTE

Go where you are celebrated! Leave the men who don’t celebrate you to themselves. There’s a “myth” going around that “There are no good men left.” There are millions of good men left. The problem is in most cases, women have a particular type of guy in mind, and a “good man” doesn’t land at the top of that list. In fact, you can find plenty of good men if you rummage through the long list of men you’ve placed in the “Friend Category”. Most women won’t admit it, but good men don’t offer the challenge you need to keep you interested. You prefer a man who’s a bad boy whom you can turn into a good man!

Be consistent with your character! You will come across “applicants” whom you’re simply not attracted to romantically, and that’s fine; we all have the right to be selective. Be clear from the very beginning where you stand, but remember to always treat him with dignity and respect in doing so, and be honest. The reason for treating people whom you encounter with dignity and respect is 1) It’s the right thing to do!!! Always treat others how you would like to be treated. 2) You never know who a person is, what they do, or how they can change your life. Influential people come in all shapes and sizes, they dress for many different occasions, and they appear on every corner of the earth. So handle the homeless man on the streets with the same dignity and respect as you would the President of The United States.

Be honest “now”, and people will always respect you”later”! If a man shows interest in you and you tell him “I’m in a relationship” or “I’m married”, that’s not the same as “No, thank you. I’m not interested”. Your relationship status can change any day, and by using your relationship status as a scape goat, you give him “hope”! And with hope… rest assured you will continue to hear from this guy, see this guy, and he will indeed constantly inquire about your current relationship status in hopes that he can somehow find a place in your life.

Relationships aren’t for everybody! Relationships are for the “ready”! With this in mind, you are not obligated to “play ball” each and every time a man shows interest in you. What you can do is, offer an opportunity for you to talk more and get to know each other better as friends. Friendship is the key to having a longer lasting relationship. If you can start there, you both will have the opportunity to see the value in being a part of each other’s lives, or the lack thereof. By denying a person this access, you cut off the possibilities to find romance, to network with him and the people & events he may be affiliated with, and to build a new friendship. When meeting new people, you don’t lose anything, but there’s no limit to what you can gain if you take the time to figure out what value this person can add to your life.

Your personal contact information (i.e. Your email address, phone number, Facebook, Twitter, other social networks) is just that… “personal”. This information should only be given to the men you would possibly like to have a personal relationship with. If you’re in business, give only your business contact info to eliminate any and all ambiguity. Once you give a man your personal contact info, you are giving him hope, so choose wisely who you would like to give this hope to, and refrain from giving this access to men you never want to see or hear from again.

The introduction is everything! If a man approaches you with dignity and respect, then he may be someone worth keeping in touch with. There is power in networking! Your network is should be filled with people who have an interest in you and/or your endeavors! The challenge for you should be to turn this person who’s interested in you romantically to show interest in your business, your events, your projects, etc. Turn him into a loyal customer, and you’ll have an idea of how loyal a person he can be. If he passes the test, keep him in mind for a better position in your life. If he fails, keep him where he’s at!

By rejecting a man, you eliminate any and all possibilities! His moral will be so beaten down that the initial interest he had in you will be gone… and replaced with slight resentment! A man who resents you is less likely to support your interests, your ideas, your business, or be there for you in a time of need. Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies! Rejecting men won’t add value to your life or his. Instead of rejecting the men who show interest in you, respectfully decline his advances/proposals while still being open to a professional or platonic relationship. If the presentation/introduction is anything less than respectable, by all means, close the door. For everyone else, leave the door cracked!

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Ways of knowing your first date went well…

It’s important to have a few conversations over the phone prior to going out on an actual date so that you can get a feel of one another’s personality/character, and so that you can fill each other in on your personal interests, likes/dislikes, favorite foods/drinks, hobbies, education, work, background, and things of that nature. This gives the man an opportunity to register everything that you’ve mentioned and figure out what would be best for an official first date based on the things he’s learned about you. <<<< By him doing this, it shows that he’s willing to put forth time, energy, and effort into making sure that the official first date isn’t completely “generic” and that he feels you are worth going the extra mile for. <<< This is a great way to start a relationship off, and this is the first sign to see just how interested he is in potentially building a long lasting relationship with you.

Going out on an actual date is a great opportunity to see just how much a person is interested in you. It’s something fun to look forward to that will take you away from the kids, your job, and life’s hardships for at least a few hours. You get to throw on something nice, relax, and see what lies ahead with this new person. The less interested a man is in a woman, the more difficult it will be for him to bring himself to take initiative, plan a date, court a woman, and actually pay for the date because he knows that he’s simply not that interested in her and he just wants to sleep with her. So if a man takes this step, it’s at least a sign that he’s willing to try once and see how things go. And there’s no love lost in going out on date with someone you’re simply curious about.

Being on a date requires a person’s full attention, face to face interaction, eye contact, intellect, and more importantly it involves both parties time/energy/effort/money. The  first date sets the tone on whether or not there will be a 2nd date, or possibly a future, so anything that’s in your control should be kept under control (i.e. Putting your cell phone on vibrate so that there are no interruptions, making sure not to look at other people whom you may find attractive as they walk by, and for the men, picking up the tab). <<<< These are signs that you respect each other and want to maintain that respect for future encounters.

A date can either seem too long, or too short. Time will fly when you’re having fun. If the energy is great, the vibes are there, and the conversation is flowing, neither one of you will be paying attention to the time. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that if one of you had an important appointment after the date, that you would be willing to run a few minutes late just to spend a little more time on the date. <<<< This is when you know things are going really well!!! At the end of the date there will be a warm feeling in your heart and you’ll want to somehow show your affection to this person.

This is when you pull back a little so that the man will want to look forward to earning those privileges in the future. Pull back “graciously” (not with an attitude). You don’t want to confuse him and ruin your chances for a 2nd date. And you don’t want to show too much affection, get him aroused, and have him trying to get you back to his place at the end of the date!!!!  A hug and a “Thank you for the nice evening out” is sufficient enough. A passionate kiss will have him thinking about you sexually, and he’ll want more and more right away! Don’t be a tease. If you’re going to be a lady, be consistent through and through.

If the date did not go well, you’ll notice a lack of interest in the eyes, in the tone of their voice, in their body language during the date. They sometimes will portray a lack of respect by doing things such as looking at people whom they may find attractive walking by, texting, answering their phone, or they may even cut the date short due to an “emergency” or a “meeting”. He might be bold enough to request that you go dutch, or if he picks up the tab, he might do so with an attitude. He’ll only make sure you made it home safely if he drove you there. If you hear from him again, it won’t be to go on a 2nd date… it will be to come over to his place or to yours.

This is how “males” handle a date that didn’t go well. Men don’t write women off completely. When a man isn’t interested in a woman, he’ll still sleep with her, but he will no longer consider her for a relationship. With that said, dating is completely out!!! Women on the other hand will simply end all communication and move onto the next. There’s a world of possibilities as to what a person might do when they’re simply not that into you. But what counts is the way you both feel about each other after this encounter. If you don’t sense an immediate desire to be connected during and after the date, chances are the chemistry between you and the other person is not strong enough to warrant a 2nd date or further exploration. <<< If this is the case, cut your losses, and devote your time/energy/effort/money into someone you can potentially grow with.

If the date went well, you will notice that he will continue to do things (after the date is over) to prove that he is worthy of and interested in having more of your time (i.e. Picking up the tab, opening doors, making sure you made it home safely, and then… you will hear from him again before he goes to bed letting you know that he enjoyed his time with you). He will reach out to you whenever you’re on his mind throughout the week, and he will inquire on when he can see you again. <<< If this is the case, you’ve got yourself a winner. Have fun on your 2nd date! Good luck 😉

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