#ManDayBlog Discipline Your Child

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One thing that I love about children is their innocence and their carefree attitude in the world. They run, they play, they eat and they sleep without worrying about the serious matters in life, as they should. If we as parents left it up to our children, they would opt to eat snacks for breakfast, lunch and dinner, stay up all night watching television, or spending lavishly on toys, video games, or whatever pleasantries that come into their creative little minds. What’s worse is they will carry on this same careless behavior at school, work and into their future relationships. As parents, however it is our jobs to prepare them for the reality of the world that they soon will be stepping into.

Teaching your child discipline will not only make your life as a parent easier, but it will have a greater impact on your child’s future and their relationship with the world. A child’s mind is full of ideas and creativity, all they need is someone to help them focus their energy in a particular area so that they’ll soon learn to master their craft. When I was growing up I loved all sports and excelled at every sport I tried. The only problem was my parents never fully paid attention to my talent and never helped me hone in on my skills. My skills grew simply from playing in the courtyard or at the park with the neighborhood kids by my own initiative.

What I needed was some 1-on-1 coaching or a team to be a part of so that I could further enhance my skills. I needed a schedule that would hold me accountable for making it on time to practices, games, etc. I needed a crowd to showcase my skills in front of and entertain on a high octane level. I needed a uniform that symbolized how serious I was about my craft and how dedicated I was towards my discipline. Now, I know my parents weren’t very interested in sports, but it would’ve been great to have been pushed in a direction where I could be led my someone who was.

My mother was a very strong woman, and to this day I don’t know how she managed to raise 5 boys and 1 girl. We were well mannered, respectful towards adults and we stayed in a child’s place because that’s what we were taught to do. We knew that if we did something outside of our home that we never would dare to do at our own home that their would be consequences. We knew better and we had no excuse to act outside of our character and embarrass our family. We were disciplined early on so that we would know how to carry ourselves later on in life.

When you’re a child, you don’t always appreciate the endless commands and demands of a parent, but as you put them into practice in your adult life, it’s our parents that we have to thank. I remember starting back when I was only 5 years old, my mom would have me and my brothers doing literally everything. It made sense though, why should she do all of the work when she had all of these strong/healthy boys she could delegate the tasks to. She was training us to be better men, better brothers, and soon suitable husbands and fathers. and she didn’t take it easy on us at all when it came to our chores.

My mom would have us sorting laundry, washing/drying clothes, sweeping, mopping, washing dishes, cleaning out the refrigerator, cleaning the oven, cook and so many other tedious tasks. I thank my mother for giving us this work to do because as an adult, I can do all of those things with ease, and I don’t look to a woman to do it for me. She never told us why she was making us do all of this work, but she knew what it would do for our character. If that’s not wisdom, I don’t know what is. She was aware of the impact it would later have on our lives as men, and she took the time to pay it forward.

We hated doing all of these chores, but they were extremely necessary. No matter how much we wined, cried, or complained, my mother followed through with her commands and saw to it that we got the job done. That’s the kind of discipline a child needs; a child doesn’t need you to be their best friend. A child needs you to be their best parent. They look up to you for protection, guidance, discipline and love and as their parent, you should not want to disappoint.

No matter how old your child gets, you will always be his/her father. Don’t ever think that because you wear the same sized clothes, are old enough to partake in the same activities, and share common interest that you are equals. There needs to be a certain level of respect and reverence between you and your child to forever ingrain in their minds that you are the father, and they are the child. A classic example of a lack of reverence is the popular animation The Simpsons, Bart refers to his father by his first name Homer. The lack of respect is reciprocal as we constantly see Homer strangling Bart anytime he feels offended by his son.

There’s nothing wrong with hanging out with your child as adults, just so long as they still know their place. Their place is to remember who you are to them and who they are to you, and to never do anything to jeopardize the sanctity of that relationship. Many parents miss the opportunity to establish their position as an authoritative figure because they wait too long. A baby is learning the ways of the world long before they even come out of the womb. Once they enter into the world, their senses only grow stronger. Too often do parents allow their children to get stuck in their ways before they lay down rules and regulations.

The sky is the limit in life, but if your child knows no boundaries, they will never reach your fullest potential. A parents’ job is to make their child aware of the consequences associated with not following the rules. Being careless in the home could land them on punishment, but being careless in the real world could land them in far worse trouble. Society relies on our parenting skills to raise our children and prepare them to abide by the law. School is merely a secondary teaching source that is offered to those who wish to advance themselves.

Without discipline at home, a child literally won’t know how to act, and when they don’t know how to act they won’t be able to adjust to different environments. This can cause esteem and confidence issues which can effect their performance at school, work and certainly in life. One of the things that happens when a child doesn’t feel good about themselves is they search for ways to prove their worth. Sometimes this can result in a positive and extraordinary display of gifts & talents, and sometimes can result in a waste of gifts and talents. Every child wants to do well in life, but they need your help.

As a man, your role is extremely significant because you’re in the leadership position and most children aspire to be just like their father. That puts you in a powerful position because most of your teachings will come through actions rather than words. Your child wants to study your every move and get set in a routine that they can follow. When they talk about their father, they don’t want to have to make up a bogus story, no they want to be able to say “My father was a family man, worked hard everyday, provided for his family, and made time for the people he loved”. When a child sees that your disciplined, they will model after you.

When you have that conversation about the importance of education, it will hold more weight when you have gotten your education. When you give your child advice on relationships, it will hold more weight when you have proven to have had success in your relationship. When you give your child advice on money management, it will have more credibility when you have managed your accounts properly and have the means to show for it. When you instruct your child that reading is fundamental, it will help if you can be seen engaging in new reading material on a regular basis. Pulling the “I’m your father, do what I say” card is easy; lets put that card away and start using “Follow the leader”.

The goal is to make your child better than you could ever be. A great start would be to aspire to be more than the man you currently are so that your child will constantly aim higher and work harder to achieve their goals. My 6 year old son Ethan melts my heart when he speaks to other people about me; he’s so innocent, so honest and transparent, and that could make or break a parent. I’m sure you can recall a time in your life when your mom or dad said “Don’t go telling our family business”. Instead, I try and teach my son the power of words, how to use them and how to deliver a message in as few words as possible.

I don’t expect my son to be anything like me, no I expect my son to be far better. I didn’t have a father who taught me things, pushed me to the limit, and provided me with the resources I needed to excel. I didn’t have a father who I had had to answer to when I got myself into trouble at school. I didn’t have a father to check my homework, help improve my reading or public speaking abilities. I didn’t have a father who hoped for the best for me and exhausted every resource in his power to help me reach the next level. But Ethan has that and he has a father who won’t allow him to make any excuses for being anything but great!

Your child will get tired of you giving them instructions, tired of you pushing them in different directions, and tired of you making executive decisions, but you know better. They will get tired of reading, tired of writing, tired of speaking, tired of dancing, and tiring of performing, but you know better. They will get tired of being denied access to their friends, tired of not being allowed to play video games, and tired of being denied junk food, but you know better. They will get tired of you dragging them to church, tired of you not allowing them to party, and tired of you and your network of industry professionals, but you know better.

For many, it takes years to truly appreciate everything a parent has done for their child, but the day will come. After training up a child, you have to learn to let go and let them find their own way. Trust that all of the morals, values and principles that you’ve instilled in them since birth with forever be in their hearts, minds and spirits. Everything they do will be a reflection of you and everything you stand for. Use your position as a parent to discipline your child and build up strong men and women who will too inspire growth and change in the world.

The proof of your success as a parent will come when your child has become a fully functioning member of society. After seeing your son/daughter in action, you can stand proud knowing that your efforts did not go to waste. They will practice firm leadership and treat everyone with love, dignity and respect as their father has done with them. They will manage money properly, be charitable and spend wisely as their father once did in their household. They will show extreme discipline and focus in their fields of expertise and excel just as their father did in school, work and in life. Disciplining your child starts with you.

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Life & Relationship Expert

-Cheyenne Bostock

#ManDayBlog Be a Good Step Dad

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My father Milton C. Bostock Sr. passed away when I was only 1 year old. My mother Susan R. Bostock was left widowed with 5 young children to raise. I’m sure the last thing my mother imagined was getting married to a man she loved, bearing 5 children by him and then being left to raise them all on her own. Not only did her children lose their father, but also for my mother, she lost her husband and best friend. My father lost a battle to pneumonia, and his dying wishes was for his friend Vermie D. Smith to marry my mother and be a father to his children.

Vermie honored my father’s wishes and married my mother, and was a father to his children until his passing in 2011. My older siblings had recollection of my biological father, but for me, a 1-year-old child, Vermie was the only father I knew. I respected him for honoring my father’s dying wishes by marrying my mother and vowing to act as a father figure to my siblings and me. Him and I weren’t very close, but we were much closer to one another than any of my other siblings, with the exception of my younger brother Joshua, who was his biological son. It was challenging growing up because we weren’t all treated fairly; we were often treated like stepchildren.

My stepfather was a hard worker, he loved to work, was never lazy, and he always provided for us. I had the no issue with the things he did, I took issue with the things that he didn’t do. I never got to play fight with him, ride on his shoulders or have him spin me around. He rarely disciplined me when I did something wrong and needed the authoritative voice of a man to keep me in line. He never celebrated me for any of my academic achievements at school.

What I wanted from him the most was to have a closer relationship. I wanted to engage in conversation and activities, I wanted to see him at my recitals and basketball games, I wanted his advice on talking to girls, how to find a job, how to enroll in college, etc. I wanted him to be a Dad, but unfortunately, that day never came. I had hoped to be led into greatness by him, but over time I think he forgot that I didn’t view him as merely a stepfather. For me, he was my father.

I applaud him for even considering the thought of taking on a woman with 5 kids, for many men would’ve scoffed at the thought. It’s a huge responsibility and to accept it means to be patient, loving, kind, understanding and supportive of this new family. It’s one thing to join a club, but it’s another thing to take on an active role within the club and be a fully functioning member. A husband and a father is the head of the household, he holds the command and is expected to lead. Being a leader, no matter what scenario you’re in requires passion, creativity, and discernment.

Life happens, and when it does, we have to strap up our boots, roll up our sleeves and get to work on building a better one. Sure, we would all like to start our own families and not take on anyone else’s, but that’s not always an option for everyone. Every day families lose brothers, sons, husbands and fathers to different battles. Whenever there is a void in someone’s life, that may be your opportunity to come in and in fill it. You just might be the second chance that a woman needs at a husband, or the second chance that a young boy/girl needs at a father.

It doesn’t take the death of a father or the absence of a father in order for you to be effective. Sometimes a child can be under the same roof as their biological father but never get the love and care that a father should give his child. All it takes is something liquid to be a father, but it takes something solid to be a Dad. Being a Dad is about paying special attention to child, caring for the child, and being actively involved in your child’s life. When you come into a child’s life as a stepparent, they expect you to be several steps above their actual parent.

When I say several steps, I don’t mean that you have to spoil the child or anything, but rather pay close attention to the biological father’s shortcomings. Your job is to be a better man, a better husband and a better father, otherwise you’ll be viewed as no different from the father they already have/had. This is where getting to know the mother comes into play; the more you know about her and her relationship with the biological father, the better you’ll know what role you need to play. This is a case where you have to do considerable research not only on the woman you’re with, but also the history behind her relationship with the child’s father.

You have to think long term when it comes to a woman with children. If your goal is to make it last forever, you need to understand that her children will be a significant part of her life forever. It will give you peace of mind knowing that there is a mutual love and respect amongst you, your lady and the child. It is worth it to take your time and do the necessary research to try and figure it exactly how you can be an effective new addition to the family. Once you’ve figured out your read, start playing it and have faith that they will follow your lead.

It’s only when you don’t have a plan that things will begin to fall apart. If your goal is merely to date and sleep with the mother, you’ll ruin your relationship with the child. If your goal is merely to have a relationship with the child, then that should be discussed with the mother and carried out based on agreed upon terms. Overall, you want to create a balance that works for everyone. Giving the mother and the child equal opportunity to benefit from having a relationship with you and vice versa.

Winning a child over simply takes time and research, but lucky for you, you have direct association with someone who knows more about him/her than anyone else, the mother. In addition, you will have considerable favor with a child simply by treating the mother with love, dignity and respect. Win over the mother and you are one step closer to winning over the child. Children are very smart, they know what true love is, and they can sense when love isn’t present. So if you’re not genuine and sincere in your approach with the mother or with them, that window of opportunity will swiftly close.

Your goal as a stepfather isn’t about what you gain; it’s about what you give. What you want from this relationship is to become a valuable source of knowledge and wisdom that he/she will always seek from you. You could teach him/her how to manage money and be financially responsible, or how to study for an exam, or how to build positive relationships with other people. The fact that you’re taking the time to be a part of the child’s life will be enough to win their respect, finding the angle is the only challenge. They want to have a closer relationship, they want to be understood, and they want someone to care.

No matter how hard the mother tries, she will never be able to deliver a message in a way that a man would. Most often, a child looks at their mom as a nag because she cares so much. In fact she cares so much that it’s overwhelming, smothering and lets be honest it’s annoying. The balance that’s needed here is a gentle, logical and rational approach set forth by a man they love, respect and are willing to listen to. Sometimes a child simply needs a change of scenery, and with a mother always in the picture, sometimes those “heart to hearts” can get quite boring.

So be a man, step in, step up and take charge. Let the child know that you love them, support them and will always be there for them. Don’t miss the opportunity to extend your arms and give them a hug, or listen to their problems, or help them find solutions. As a stepfather, that’s exactly what you are called to do. If you weren’t needed, you wouldn’t have been chosen for the position.

No matter the child’s relationship with his/her biological father, your role in the household is still significant. If the child doesn’t respect you, they won’t respect the relationship you have with the mother. Command respect from the beginning so you won’t have to demand respect in the end. A relationship between a father and son, no matter the science behind it should be healthy and filled with love. They may or may not call you Dad, but because of the significant role you plat in their lives right now, rest assured it will be you that they call on in the future.

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Life & Relationship Expert

-Cheyenne Bostock

#ManDayBlog You Are Your Brother’s Keeper!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m the second youngest of 5 boys and 1 girl born to my mother, and I’m thankful to have had so many male influences in my life growing up. No matter what, I always had someone to talk to, engage with and get valuable insight from. Whenever my brothers wanted to go somewhere, my mother would tell them “take your brother Cheyenne with you”. Maybe she wanted the house completely vacant so that she could spend time alone with her husband (my step-father) but I’d like to think she primarily wanted my brothers and I to spend more quality time together. J

My two brothers Travis and Shane hated taking me with them because they were one year and 3 years older than I was and they wanted to do what older kids did. I on the other hand simply wanted to spend quality time with my brothers. They were good looking, talented, ambitious and all the girls in the neighborhood wanted to know them. No matter where we lived (New York, New Jersey, Atlanta, or Texas) popularity followed them. My oldest brother Milton seemed like the King of Brooklyn, everyone knew who he was (it seemed) and it felt good knowing that people acknowledged and respected him.

Me, I was the smart, funny, athletic, proper speaking cute kid that everyone referred to as “the little brother”. Always associated with my brothers’ reputation in the neighborhood. During the early stages of my childhood, I would create my own circle of friends, but still found joy in being invited to hang out with my older brothers and their friends. It made me feel as though my brothers were proud to be my brothers, proud to have me around, and proud to introduce me to their network of friends. I would stay as silent as possible to prove that I was able to handle being in such a privileged position and to ensure that I would be invited again.

My mother had her reasons for having me tag along with my older siblings. She wanted to know where they were going, what they were doing and whom they were doing it with. She counted on me for this sort of information, and I was always sure to deliver. That might explain why my older siblings didn’t want me around. Lol. I respected my brothers and I admired them a lot, and I cared enough about them to let an adult (my mom) know anytime I felt they were doing things that would stir up trouble for themselves and for us as a family.

My brothers were my protection; I wasn’t big enough, strong enough or tough enough to stand my own ground at the time. Meanwhile, no one in the neighborhood would dare cross my older brothers. Anytime I had a problem with someone, I would simply name drop one of my brothers and if that didn’t work, I would run and tell my older brothers that there was a problem and they would see to it that it was fixed. My brothers taught me how to defend myself, how to stand up for myself, and how to let know one take away my dignity.

If you can imagine growing up in a house full of boys, you already know there were many physical altercations. Someone is always trying to gain control over something (i.e. Food, a spot on the couch, the remote, etc). If there wasn’t a woman around to mediate, then there would more than likely be a yelling match, followed swiftly by a wrestling and/or boxing match. I was no match for any of my older brothers, but I didn’t back down, and then on top of that I’d be the first to tell mom that I was being picked on when she got home. Since I was normally the honest one of the bunch, my word had more credibility than theirs and my mom would come to my rescue.

Negotiating, debating and fighting with my brothers hurt me at the time, but it helped build my character. Facing my brothers, men who I admire and respect was one of the most difficult things in the world to do. Now that it’s behind me, I can confidently defend myself against any adversary. When we fought against each other, we did so because we didn’t know how to talk to one another as brothers. We looked at one another as competition as opposed to teammates.

My older brother Shane and Travis, who were closer in age fought all the time, and yet they hung out all the time as well. It was clear that they loved each other; they just didn’t know how to show it. As we grow and mature, we learn more about ourselves, which opens up the door for love and understanding. People who are not open to listening and learning more about other people’s feelings often spend countless hours trying to get people to understand theirs. In a brotherhood, respect for one another’s thoughts and feelings are essential to the success of that relationship.

My oldest brother Milton moved out of the house before I could even remember, which made his visits so much more exciting! Sometimes my mom would give us a heads up on when he was coming to stay with us for the weekend, and sometimes she would let it be a surprise. Milton is tall (6’2), always well dressed in the latest fashion and was an excellent basketball player. Forget Michael Jordan, we wanted to be like our big brother Milton Bostock. If we were outside playing and saw him coming down the street, we would run like wild maniacs to greet him while yelling “MIlTON!!!!!!”

Why were we so happy to see him? Because we missed him, we enjoyed our fellowship with our brother and we needed the connection. We needed those special moments where he took us to the park for a few hours to play, took us to the movies, or simply treated us to a soda, chips or some candy at the store. If you add up the dollar amount that it took for our big brother to make us happy, it wouldn’t amount to much. The true value is the time he took to come back home and spend quality time with his little brothers.

As men, we hardly ever express to other men how we truly feel about them. Once we swallow our pride and express to our brothers that we love them, we appreciate them, and that we want to have them around, the stronger the bond will be. Often times we disregard men’s feelings because we assume that they’ll figure out a way to get past their hurt and pain on their own, or with the help of a woman. In a brotherhood, you take care of not only your sisters, but also your brothers. A strong man can build a solid kingdom, so we must continue to encourage our brothers, empower our brothers, and work together.

Right when I started high school, two of my older brothers were incarcerated right around the same time, which left me and my youngest brother Joshua behind. I had just moved to Texas with my sister Jordi and my parents soon moved to Texas as well. I was in a new place literally and figuratively, I didn’t know anyone, I had no one to protect me, and I was a New Yorker living in Texas. It was my turn to be the big brother and protect my younger brother, as well as teach him the ropes.

I took great pride in it because Joshua looked up to me, he respected me and he was counting on me. I was tough on him, the way my older brothers were tough on me, but at the end of the day, it was all out of love. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but there was a lesson in everything that we did. Joshua and I are 4 years apart and we’ve shared a room at almost every place we’ve lived so I had the greatest advantage over all of our siblings to connect. I would come home and see him playing video games and I would ask “Did you finish your homework?” and of course he would always say “Yes”.

I could’ve trusted that he was telling the truth, but I’m much older and wiser and I used to pull those tricks as well. Call me crazy, but I just couldn’t figure out how he was able to get out of school, be at home for all of 5 minutes and have completed all of his homework. Needless to say, he had lied about doing his homework so that he could play video games; like many of us as children, he was an addict. Lol. Now that I think about it, I bet rooming with my younger brother was a complete setup. My parents planned for me to be his homework checker all along. lol

I didn’t mind checking his homework, or even asking him whether or not he finished his homework. In reality, I wish I had a big brother who would do that for me. Joshua would be annoyed at how I would constantly make him erase incorrect spelling and grammatical errors and get it right, but I assured him, he would be grateful in years to come. I needed for him to get his priorities in order so that he would be prepared for the real world. Outside of our classroom sessions, I let him know that if anyone messes with him, to come and get me. I was his big brother, sworn to protect him as my big brothers once protected me.

I remember back in 2008, I had just graduated from 8^th grade and my mom had bought us Seasons Passes to Six Flags Over Georgia. I would go to Six Flags every single day of the summer. And then came the responsibility; my mom said “Take your brother Joshua with you”. Maybe she wanted the house completely vacant so that she could spend time alone with her husband (my step-father) but I’d like to think she primarily wanted my brother and I to spend more quality time together. J

My mom was quite clever, you never knew what she was up to, but in some way shape or fashion, she found a way to bring us all together. Breakfast, lunch and dinnertime was the easiest way to bring us together because us boys had huge appetites and were always excited about our next home cooked meal. Church was another way my mom would bring the family together; we hardly ever missed a Sunday. If all else fails, she would simply say “Go outside and don’t come back until XYZ time”.

My sister Jordi was the second oldest, and the only girl, so naturally we would protect her. She’s smart, pretty, ambitious and has a great heart, and had a close relationship with my mom. Needless to say, I formed an alliance with her early on in my childhood. J What I admired the most about my sister was her ambition, her drive and her ability to create something out of nothing. She would advise me on education, business and relationships, and because she was so successful at all 3, I was all ears.

I would write letters to my older brothers and send pictures, hoping they would be free soon, and my prayers were soon answered. After years of not having my brothers around, one came back, soon followed by the other. Time apart will allow you to see the value in being together. After so much space and time between us, my older brothers were no longer ashamed to introduce me to their networks, in fact, they wanted to be introduced to mine. And I couldn’t be more proud to do so because this is another opportunity I have to bond with my brothers.

I was thrilled to hear from my stepbrother Aaron recently, he told me he needed a suit for a special occasion. I haven’t seen him in years, but that didn’t matter, I wanted to have a closer relationship with him, so I was more than happy to help. We sat, we ate, and we talked about life, love and relationships for hours. Growing up we didn’t see a lot of him, but when he did come around, we were beyond excited to see him because we missed him and our fellowship with him. He was my stepfather’s son from a previous marriage, but we loved him simply as our brother.

In college, I met two brothers from another mother, Kerry and Khayri. We called ourselves “Triple Threat”, we graduated from Texas Wesleyan University 2008 in the same class but different fields, we were all athletes, and were very popular on campus. What I admired about these two brothers is they were goal oriented, intelligent, and they were extremely down to earth. We connected right away through our love for music, food, sports and of course the ladies. J We were there for each other no matter what and remain in constant contact long after graduation.

In life, you will come across many men who don’t have fathers, brothers or friends to talk to, bond with or network with. It’s important to be open and willing to extend yourself as a brother because there are men who are waiting for your fellowship, are missing your fellowship, and desire to have a closer relationship with you. It’s ok to be the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on or provide the positive words of advice to another man. That’s what being a brother is.

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Life & Relationship Expert

-Cheyenne Bostock

#ManDayBlog “Women Want A Man Who Is Confident”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In effective leadership, you have to appear to be sure about yourself and your decisions even if you’re not. In order for others to respect your leadership, they first have to believe that you are bold enough speak up, speak out and fight for what you believe in. Most people are still searching for this air of confidence in themselves, so when they see it in you, you will give them something to model after. The sole purpose of leadership is to inspire others to achieve their goals; to be better, do better and have better. Before anyone else will believe in your mission and follow suit, you first must prove that you believe in yourself.

I decided to take up photography when I was a sophomore in college. I had no professional training, nor did I have all the professional equipment that a pro might have. All I knew was that I wanted to creatively capture people’s images. At first people were skeptical because out of nowhere I made a transition in my life and decided I wanted to photograph people. Capturing someone’s likeness or image is a very intimate moment and can make some people feel uncomfortable. It didn’t help that I was known for being the comic and wasn’t to be taken seriously at all.

I would continue to work at my craft despite my ignorance in the field, and other people’s doubts. I even had a to borrow a friend of mine’s point and shoot digital camera to get started. Over time, my lighting improved, my exposure was correct and my composition was spot on. I would take pictures of any cheerleaders, athletes and friends who would let me. I didn’t do it for the money, I did it for the passion; I loved photography.

It was right around the time when Facebook started to take off; I had access to friends from many different colleges in Texas. After posting samples of my work, my portfolio was grabbing the attention of students from all over and I was soon offered a photography position at our school newspaper “The Rambler”. Today, my work has been featured in major magazines, newspapers, books and other publications. The same people who wouldn’t allow me to take their pictures for free then, would pay me now. Had I not believed in myself, I would’ve quit at the first sign of rejection, which would have hindered me from my own success.

Often times, people will discourage you not because they don’t believe in you, but because they don’t believe in themselves. They don’t have what it takes to uplift you high enough; they fear that once you reach your goals, you will leave them behind. It’s up to you to be confident enough in yourself and your abilities, and open up the doors to your future. Doing so will inspire everyone who remembers where you came from and how much you’ve accomplished. In addition, it will inspire those who are in a position to help you get to the next level to work with you, as they will see value in your ambition and drive.

Confidence is so attractive because not everyone has it! When you don’t portray it, people will begin to doubt you. When you do portray it, people will begin believe in you. If you can manage to get others to subscribe to your thoughts, your ideals and your vision, then you will have attained true power! Without confidence, you will have a hard time getting others to subscribe much of anything you do.

Confidence helps build trust, as people will grow to rely on your leadership. Once that trust is broken, you will notice a decrease in moral. The thing they admired the most about you has been lost, leaving a ambiguous sense of direction. People who are looking for hope won’t feel comfortable being led by a man who isn’t sure about his next move. To avoid this, you have to be honest with yourself and figure out a plan for your life before including others.

Being confident in yourself or the lack thereof will tremendously impact your relationship with women. I know because I’ve lived it. After much soul searching I’ve been able to identify with my strengths and my weaknesses. This process has helped me to use my strengths to gather people who could benefit from them, and could also help me overcome my weaknesses. Not only did I have I have confidence in myself, but also because of who they were, we attracted one another and I had confidence in them.

It took years for me to gain confidence with the opposite sex; I was the second youngest of 5 boys and 1 girl and they seemed like naturals. It would amaze me how my brothers were able to walk right up to a woman, introduce themselves and then walk away either with her, her number or both! This was something I had never done before and I would hide how much I liked a girl simply because I didn’t know how to approach her. I was more likely to write her a love note and sent it through a friend than to walk up to her and initiate conversation. I was afraid of being rejected by a girl, but more importantly, I had not developed the confidence in myself.

Anytime I would hang out with my brothers or go places with my parents, women would say “Cheyenne is the cutest one” “Cheyenne is going to be a heartbreaker when he gets older” and all I could think when I was a child was “Pffffft yea right. I can’t even muster up the confidence to talk to a girl”. I was young, interested in getting to know a girl or two, but the problem for me was, I had not yet gotten to know myself. I didn’t take the time to give myself credit for all the great qualities I had or ones I portrayed on a regular basis. I had not taken into account that I had value, I had worth and that I would be a great asset to someone else’s life.

For years, I would pretend that I had lost my virginity so that my older brothers and male friends wouldn’t make fun of me. Sex? Pffft, I was a sophomore in high school when I got my first French kiss. I was shaking in my boots thinking, “Please don’t let her try to make a move on me”. The girls have always been attracted to me back when I was in school, I simply didn’t know how to handle the attraction. And for some reason, even in my teens, the girls I would attract would always be far more advanced than I was.

In a way, I suppose my slowness to get them in bed tremendously raised my value. I was very much sexually attracted to them, I simply did not have the experience, and wasn’t ready to put my reputation on the line in the event that I “came up short”. I was very popular at school, as I tended to focus more on personality and character than anything else. I was well known for entertaining and making people laugh, and that was an area that I felt truly confident in. The more my popularity grew, the more the girls grew to like me and wanted to get close to me.

To make matters worse, my family moved around a lot throughout my childhood, so I would constantly have to make new friends all over again. From Pre-K to 12^th grade, I’ve attended a grand total of 10 schools. I was always the new kid, having to prove myself, fit in and stay relevant. This was a great experience for me as I had the opportunity to go to new places, meet new people and experiences new things that I wouldn’t have had I stayed in one spot. I was being prepared for the real world; figuring out how to adapt to any and every environment.

Then their was Homecoming, and then prom, both of which is was customary to invite a date. I knew exactly whom I wanted to bring to both of those dances however she was coincidentally taken. He was older, had more experience, had an edge and was the total opposite of me. I on the other hand was the good guy who didn’t take any risks, played things safe and didn’t offer any type of adventure. That’s when I had my epiphany; I then understood that a woman of substance wants to be led by a man who dares to be bold, dares to be different and dares to be great!

Whenever you come up with an idea and speak things into existence, there will be supporters and there will be doubters. What people will admire the most is the faith you have in your words, your strengths and your abilities. Once spoken, people will keep a close eye on you to see how far you’re willing to go to make it come into fruition. This is why some women are so turned on by guys who never stopped pursuing that after years of being turned down. Even after countless rejections, you are fearless in your approach, totally sure of yourself and hopefully that she will have a change of heart. What they see is a man that truly believes that if he stays focused and never gives up, that one day he will achieve his goal.

This paradigm shift made me look at myself in totally new light! I had everything I needed to attract a woman all along, I simply needed to love it, nurture it and when it was the right season, watch it bloom. There was nothing that I needed to do that anyone else was doing, I simply had to show a woman my worth and give her a reason to choose me. That’s where the saying “There’s something about you” comes from; people identify with a person who has successfully tapped into their true power and are capable of projecting energy that is desired by others. Confidence is attractive!

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Life & Relationship Expert

-Cheyenne Bostock