#ManDayBlog “Women Want A Man Who Is Confident”

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In effective leadership, you have to appear to be sure about yourself and your decisions even if you’re not. In order for others to respect your leadership, they first have to believe that you are bold enough speak up, speak out and fight for what you believe in. Most people are still searching for this air of confidence in themselves, so when they see it in you, you will give them something to model after. The sole purpose of leadership is to inspire others to achieve their goals; to be better, do better and have better. Before anyone else will believe in your mission and follow suit, you first must prove that you believe in yourself.

I decided to take up photography when I was a sophomore in college. I had no professional training, nor did I have all the professional equipment that a pro might have. All I knew was that I wanted to creatively capture people’s images. At first people were skeptical because out of nowhere I made a transition in my life and decided I wanted to photograph people. Capturing someone’s likeness or image is a very intimate moment and can make some people feel uncomfortable. It didn’t help that I was known for being the comic and wasn’t to be taken seriously at all.

I would continue to work at my craft despite my ignorance in the field, and other people’s doubts. I even had a to borrow a friend of mine’s point and shoot digital camera to get started. Over time, my lighting improved, my exposure was correct and my composition was spot on. I would take pictures of any cheerleaders, athletes and friends who would let me. I didn’t do it for the money, I did it for the passion; I loved photography.

It was right around the time when Facebook started to take off; I had access to friends from many different colleges in Texas. After posting samples of my work, my portfolio was grabbing the attention of students from all over and I was soon offered a photography position at our school newspaper “The Rambler”. Today, my work has been featured in major magazines, newspapers, books and other publications. The same people who wouldn’t allow me to take their pictures for free then, would pay me now. Had I not believed in myself, I would’ve quit at the first sign of rejection, which would have hindered me from my own success.

Often times, people will discourage you not because they don’t believe in you, but because they don’t believe in themselves. They don’t have what it takes to uplift you high enough; they fear that once you reach your goals, you will leave them behind. It’s up to you to be confident enough in yourself and your abilities, and open up the doors to your future. Doing so will inspire everyone who remembers where you came from and how much you’ve accomplished. In addition, it will inspire those who are in a position to help you get to the next level to work with you, as they will see value in your ambition and drive.

Confidence is so attractive because not everyone has it! When you don’t portray it, people will begin to doubt you. When you do portray it, people will begin believe in you. If you can manage to get others to subscribe to your thoughts, your ideals and your vision, then you will have attained true power! Without confidence, you will have a hard time getting others to subscribe much of anything you do.

Confidence helps build trust, as people will grow to rely on your leadership. Once that trust is broken, you will notice a decrease in moral. The thing they admired the most about you has been lost, leaving a ambiguous sense of direction. People who are looking for hope won’t feel comfortable being led by a man who isn’t sure about his next move. To avoid this, you have to be honest with yourself and figure out a plan for your life before including others.

Being confident in yourself or the lack thereof will tremendously impact your relationship with women. I know because I’ve lived it. After much soul searching I’ve been able to identify with my strengths and my weaknesses. This process has helped me to use my strengths to gather people who could benefit from them, and could also help me overcome my weaknesses. Not only did I have I have confidence in myself, but also because of who they were, we attracted one another and I had confidence in them.

It took years for me to gain confidence with the opposite sex; I was the second youngest of 5 boys and 1 girl and they seemed like naturals. It would amaze me how my brothers were able to walk right up to a woman, introduce themselves and then walk away either with her, her number or both! This was something I had never done before and I would hide how much I liked a girl simply because I didn’t know how to approach her. I was more likely to write her a love note and sent it through a friend than to walk up to her and initiate conversation. I was afraid of being rejected by a girl, but more importantly, I had not developed the confidence in myself.

Anytime I would hang out with my brothers or go places with my parents, women would say “Cheyenne is the cutest one” “Cheyenne is going to be a heartbreaker when he gets older” and all I could think when I was a child was “Pffffft yea right. I can’t even muster up the confidence to talk to a girl”. I was young, interested in getting to know a girl or two, but the problem for me was, I had not yet gotten to know myself. I didn’t take the time to give myself credit for all the great qualities I had or ones I portrayed on a regular basis. I had not taken into account that I had value, I had worth and that I would be a great asset to someone else’s life.

For years, I would pretend that I had lost my virginity so that my older brothers and male friends wouldn’t make fun of me. Sex? Pffft, I was a sophomore in high school when I got my first French kiss. I was shaking in my boots thinking, “Please don’t let her try to make a move on me”. The girls have always been attracted to me back when I was in school, I simply didn’t know how to handle the attraction. And for some reason, even in my teens, the girls I would attract would always be far more advanced than I was.

In a way, I suppose my slowness to get them in bed tremendously raised my value. I was very much sexually attracted to them, I simply did not have the experience, and wasn’t ready to put my reputation on the line in the event that I “came up short”. I was very popular at school, as I tended to focus more on personality and character than anything else. I was well known for entertaining and making people laugh, and that was an area that I felt truly confident in. The more my popularity grew, the more the girls grew to like me and wanted to get close to me.

To make matters worse, my family moved around a lot throughout my childhood, so I would constantly have to make new friends all over again. From Pre-K to 12th grade, I’ve attended a grand total of 10 schools. I was always the new kid, having to prove myself, fit in and stay relevant. This was a great experience for me as I had the opportunity to go to new places, meet new people and experiences new things that I wouldn’t have had I stayed in one spot. I was being prepared for the real world; figuring out how to adapt to any and every environment.

Then their was Homecoming, and then prom, both of which is was customary to invite a date. I knew exactly whom I wanted to bring to both of those dances however she was coincidentally taken. He was older, had more experience, had an edge and was the total opposite of me. I on the other hand was the good guy who didn’t take any risks, played things safe and didn’t offer any type of adventure. That’s when I had my epiphany; I then understood that a woman of substance wants to be led by a man who dares to be bold, dares to be different and dares to be great!

Whenever you come up with an idea and speak things into existence, there will be supporters and there will be doubters. What people will admire the most is the faith you have in your words, your strengths and your abilities. Once spoken, people will keep a close eye on you to see how far you’re willing to go to make it come into fruition. This is why some women are so turned on by guys who never stopped pursuing that after years of being turned down. Even after countless rejections, you are fearless in your approach, totally sure of yourself and hopefully that she will have a change of heart. What they see is a man that truly believes that if he stays focused and never gives up, that one day he will achieve his goal.

This paradigm shift made me look at myself in totally new light! I had everything I needed to attract a woman all along, I simply needed to love it, nurture it and when it was the right season, watch it bloom. There was nothing that I needed to do that anyone else was doing, I simply had to show a woman my worth and give her a reason to choose me. That’s where the saying “There’s something about you” comes from; people identify with a person who has successfully tapped into their true power and are capable of projecting energy that is desired by others. Confidence is attractive!

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Life & Relationship Expert

-Cheyenne Bostock

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