Help my new book “Food, Sex & Peace of Mind” become a #1 BEST SELLER!

Visit my website (www.askcheyb.com) to pre-order your copy of my new book! Release date is set for my birthday (December 18th).

Hello everyone,

First, I’d like to thank God for life, health, and strength; without God, I have nothing. He’s done so much work in my life and is going to do so much for me that I can’t help but do things for others. I try my best to explain to my audience that the key to success is by setting, working towards, and reaching your goals, but in doing so, “giving” to others and being a blessing needs to be a part of your everyday regimen! God blesses those who blesses others. Show me a person who isn’t blessed, and I will show you a person who isn’t being a blessing.

God has shown me how to be a cheerful giver and to do so from the heart, that is why I wake up each day religiously to show my gratitude for everything God has done for me, by logging onto my social networks and being an inspiration to any and everyone who needs inspiration. I sometimes get so caught up in inspiring other people, answering questions, taking calls, etc that I don’t get to have my first meal until 5pm, but it’s ok because I’m fed spiritually and I’m full!

I’ve written a book titled “Food, Sex & Peace of Mind” (What A Woman Needs To Know To Keep A Man), and I cannot wait to get this book in your hands. It’s taken me 2 years to write it, I’ve put my all into it, I’ve listened to thousands of men and woman’s cries while coaching and beyond, and I’ve put into words some of the key things a woman needs to know to keep a man! This book is not solely about “pleasing a man”, this book talks about “you” as a woman, knowing your worth, showing your worth, how to become a candidate for marriage, being independent, switching to interdependence, how to communicate with a man, how to understand the “why” behind a lot of things men do. This book will help you completely step your game up as a woman despite how great you THOUGHT you were.

I truly believe in my heart that this book will change the lives of SO many women. I don’t have a daughter, however, if I did, I would tell her everything that I’ve put into this book. I want my 17 year old niece to have it, my sister, my mom, and all the females in my family and in the world that I care about. Not everyone was blessed to have a father who showed them how a man is supposed to protect and provide, or submit to God if he wants a woman to submit to him. Not every woman has a positive male influence to guide her and let her know that waiting until marriage is honorable and respectable. Not every woman has a man who cares for her mind, heart, and soul, and can appreciate her for more than her body.

After reading this book, you will feel enlightened, empowered, motivated, uplifted, and have a new lease on life! We all have a past; your past is for you to remember, your present is for you to enjoy, and your future needs planning, so get ready to re-invent yourself, become the best woman you can be, and you will attract the best man!

I’ve been told that I’m too young to coach relationships, I’ve been told that since I’ve never been married, I can’t give advice on marriage, I’ve been told that I “have to” have a certain type of degree or certification to help people build relationships. I say to them… GOD is in control; GOD has the authority, GOD has the power to empower, and fill you with the strength, courage, and wisdom to speak to his people and deliver his message. No man can tell you what you can or cannot do, God will tell you what you can and cannot do! With God anything and everything is possible!

I’ve been coaching relationships (officially) since January 2010, and I was doing so from a homeless shelter. At first, no one would listen because no one thought I was qualified; I asked God for the strength, courage, and wisdom to press on, and he created the “time” and “space” that I needed to fuel my mind and maximize my efforts to become a better coach. While living in a shelter, I had nowhere to be and nothing to do, and no one seemed to want to hire me. I eventually got hired, but there was a greater calling on my life, and I had to answer it. For 4 months, I spent every single day reading books at Barnes & Nobles and Boarders learning how to effectively brand and market myself as a coach.

Today, my blog has reached over 13,000 subscribers, I have over 16,000 followers on Twitter (and counting), Maxed out FB, and growing numbers on my like page and new FB profile. These numbers have been accumulated simply by the delivery of my message through positive words of inspiration. There is power in words, so speak things into existence; believe in the things you say and do; turn your passion into a source of income. I say this to show you that there is nothing that you cannot do if only you believe in yourself.

There are a lot of people who are rooting for my success! There are also a lot of people who are rooting for my failure! I’m 28, a loving father, coach, and friend to many; my purpose in life is to help you find purpose in life, so that you too can help someone else find purpose in their life. Even if you hate me, I love you; happiness is a choice! If you are rooting for me, I would like for you to help make my upcoming book become a #1 BEST seller despite all the odds that are against me. Despite all the rules and regulations people, publishing houses, and everyone else put in place. With your help (and this is very important)… with your loyalty and your support, you can help me SHATTER every fallacy in existence and help to inspire many more young, black people to believe in themselves, take control of their lives, and follow their dreams.

My goal is to release my new book “Food, Sex & Peace of Mind” (What A Woman Needs To Know To Keep A Man) once I reach 5,000 friends on my new Facebook profile. You can help simply by making sure that “YOU” are one of the 5,000 who have sent me a friend request, and also, if you’ve been blessed by any of my blogs, Tweets, YouTube videos, FB posts, etc, then become an advocate for my cause and encourage your best friend, your siblings, and the people you love to also add me on Facebook so that I can be an inspiration to them too! There is strength in numbers, so help me heal the world!

Sometimes “you” can be in the way of somebody’s blessing; to avoid being in somebody else’s way, show them the way. When you hear someone complaining about their life and about their relationship, refer them to @AskCheyB, I find joy in helping other people with strengthening their relationships, and I welcome the referrals. My book has not yet been released, but you can help me get the word out by sharing your experiences with @AskCheyB with the people you know and trust.

How can YOU help my book become a #1 Best Seller?

1) Believe in me! Trust that I am here to help others grow; support my cause in all of the following ways listing below.

2) Visit my website (www.askcheyb.com), get to know your Life & Relationship Coach, get familiar with the services I have available, take advantage of them, and also tell your friends about my services. #Support

3) Subscribe to the blog you are reading right now, share this blog with your friends, and encourage them to subscribe for great relationship insight.

4) Add me on Facebook and encourage as many people as you can to also add me so that I can reach 5,000 friends and release my book as promised.

5) Follow me on Twitter (@AskCheyB), and if I’ve been able to inspire you with my Tweets, encourage as many people are you know to also follow me on Twitter  (@AskCheyB) for daily inspiration, motivation, enlightenment and empowerment. And use the hashtag #FoodSexPeaceofMind

6) Once I make pre-orders available, purchase a copy of my book for yourself and for the people you know in your heart could use a self-help book like this. #BeABlessing

7) Help me build an audience in your city by encouraging people to connect with me on Facebook & Twitter  (@AskCheyB). I will do a 2013 book tour wherever the numbers are the strongest.

8) If you or anyone you know has a radio or TV/online show, let’s get connected; contact me via email for an interview. I would love to come on your show and talk to your audience about building relationships, and to introduce my new book. AskCheyB@gmail.com

9) Try my services and become a believer! Email me your relationship questions, and let me know how I can help you. If I’ve been able to help you with my response, post a testimonial here on my blog so that others can see the value in having a Life & Relationship Coach. AskCheyB@gmail.com

10) Help my book become a #1 Best Seller and I will share with you the steps I took so that your book can also become a best seller!

-Chey B.

“Q: My man’s ex who he has no ties with still keeps in contact! Should I make anything of this?”

“Q: My man’s ex who he has no ties with still keeps in contact! Should I make anything of this?”

A: When breaking up with someone, you have to make sure that you get your ex completely out of your system. There’s normally a downward spiraling effect before the relationship completely comes to an end. One thing couples frequently due is end relationships out of anger and frustration, losing total respect for one another and never wanting to speak to one another again. Then as time goes by and things have calmed down, one or both parties apologizes for their mistakes, immediately release their sexual frustration, but never come to address the issues that caused them to break-up in the first place.

It’s important to have conversations with the people you’re interested in becoming romantically involved with. You need to know when their last relationship ended, why it ended, and if he’s ready to date new people. You can’t move onto the next, until you’re through with your ex. This is no fault of yours, it has nothing to do with his lack of interest in you, this is simply indication that he is not ready to open up a new chapter in his life because he hasn’t yet closed the old one with his ex. This is not to say that he’s still romantically interested in her, this is simply to say that he has not completely ended things with her.

It’s impossible to completely cut off a relationship where the heart was involved without due process. Ending the relationship should be done the same way it began… and that’s with a conversation. No matter what went wrong in the relationship, it’s important to show one another dignity and respect during your exit and completely end things in that final conversation, otherwise there will still be thoughts, feelings, and even repressed desires that were never expressed that need to be expressed, and only through one another. When you don’t give your ex the opportunity to express themselves during the exit, you leave them space and opportunity, or you give them a reason to come back into your life.

If she’s still calling, then she is still relevant, no matter how many times he’s asked her to stop calling. If they ended things with a conversation and have agreed to part ways and respect each other’s wishes, then that’s what they would do for one another. If it appears that they are not on good terms and she’s constantly calling your man, then take a closer look at your man. There’s a reason why she is calling, and don’t for one second allow your man to convince you that it’s because she’s “madly in love” with him. He’s either still sexually involved with her, is still in a relationship with her, or perhaps she suffers from having abandonment issues, and he walked out on her without giving her any closure. In any event, take your eyes off of her, and fix your eyes closely on “him”, because the way he’s treating his ex could eventually be you.

After a break-up there should be a healing period, where you reflect on your life, your well-being, and your future. This healing process shouldn’t be interrupted by a new relationship. So if you find yourself meeting a man during his healing process, you will be his “interruption”. Taking him off the path he needs to be on to start loving himself again, and making himself emotionally available to love someone else.  Much better for you to acknowledge his position, step back and be a friend to him, get to know him while he’s in this vulnerable state, and learn as much as you can about him while he builds himself back up from this past relationship.

His issues with his ex are his issues. Remove yourself from his life and let the two of them sort them out. Don’t lower yourself by putting up with this unnecessary drama that has nothing to do with you. There are many other fishes in the sea. Get out there and catch the one that treats you with dignity and respect and doesn’t bring any extra baggage into your life.

If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please visit my new website www.askcheyb.com

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

One of the best ways to grow as a couple is to do things as a couple!

A man who is genuinely interested in being in a relationship with a woman and building a future with her will do everything in his power to maintain peace in the household. If for one second his lady is feeling uncomfortable and is for whatever reason not secure in him, he will stop everything that he’s doing to put her mind at ease. One of the best ways to grow as a couple is to do things as a couple. Granted, it’s important to have space, and have friends outside of the relationship, both parties should make it a point to include one another in their endeavors. Communication is a key aspect of a functioning relationship; it can bring you and your partner closer, and it will eliminate a lot of ambiguity, so definitely keep the communication going.

While it’s not important or relevant for your significant other to tell you “everything”, there are certain pieces of information that should be shared simply because he’s interested in sharing his world with you (the person he loves). With the exception of business meetings, personal leisure, and “Guys Night Out”, he should invite you to accompany him to events and outings. There also has to be a level of trust between the two of you. If there’s no trust, you really should consider re-evaluating your relationship with him. You don’t want to constantly be worried that every time your significant other goes out, he’s up to something. If this is the way your partner is making you feel, talk to your partner, let him know how his actions make you feel. If he’s willing to make the changes, he may be worth remaining loyal to. If he’s not willing to make the changes, cut your losses and end the relationship.

Sidenote: Never trust your partner 100%. 50% of the trust should be in your partner. The other 50% goes into your gut!

One of the best parts about being in a relationship is being “together”, so when you’re a part, you should at least be able to enjoy communicating with one another for comfort. When it’s guys night out though, let him have guys night out. Talk to him when he gets home! And if it’s a guys night out, he should have details, if he’s out for business, he should have details, if it’s a family affair, he should have details about the time, place, occasion, and you should be invited. If he’s making it his business to be “somewhere”, and you’re not invited, and he doesn’t have any details, give him a fair amount of time to get the details. Now don’t go into “insecure” mode, this is the point where you exhibit strength and you measure how considerate your man is of your feelings.

As it comes closer to the time he’s supposed to go wherever he’s going, sit back and observe; see if he’ll be considerate enough to give you details about where he’s going, with whom, and when he’ll be back. If he doesn’t show you this consideration, when he gets home, you don’t show him any consideration. Never consider those who never consider you! Whenever your man is reluctant to offer up information, it’s because he has something to hide. It doesn’t really matter what he’s hiding, what does matter is that he’s hiding it, and he doesn’t want to be vulnerable and expose himself to you (his significant other). That in itself speaks volumes, and his actions show that you’re really not that significant. If you find yourself dealing with a man who keeps secrets that are becoming hurtful to your relationship, don’t hesitate to do what’s best for you, because he is certainly doing what’s best for him.

If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please add me on Facebook & Follow me on Twitter!

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

Men Can Dish It, But Can’t Handle Being Cheated On…

Anytime a man cheats, it’s time for you to reevaluate the relationship. Cheating lets you know that whatever it is you’re doing isn’t enough to satisfy him. There’s nothing you can do about it and if you take him back once he’ll do it again. Cheaters don’t play fair, and after everything’s said and done you’ll never be able to fully trust him again after he’s proven to be disloyal. If your partner cheats, the contract is breached!

A cheater wants to have more than everyone else, and the only way for him to ensure that he’s getting more than you are is to live a double life behind your back. If he entertained other women in your face, that would reveal his hidden agenda and would even the playing field. He’s not looking for an open relationship, no! He’s looking for a one-sided relationship where he gets to do whatever it is he wants to do, while you’re sitting at home being loyal. He could very easily be single and play the field but no, he would much rather drag you through the mud while he plays instead.

When a cheater gets away with cheating, he considers this to be “winning”! He’s having his cake and eating it too while nobody suspects a thing. This may be loads of fun for him, but it’s disrespectful to you, your family, his family, your friends, and anyone else who might be witnessing his lies and deceit. Cheaters lack integrity so don’t expect them to come clean if you accuse them of cheating, and don’t expect them to be forthcoming either. The thrill for him is in hiding the truth, not telling the truth.

Anytime a cheater gets caught cheating, he won’t be sorry about the cheating, no! He’s sorry that he got caught, and now he’s looking for a way out of the mess he created. Even still, after being caught cheating you’ll notice that he’s still isn’t considerate of your feelings. He’ll say he’s sorry, beg, plead, promise to never do it again, and he may even be bold enough to deny the whole thing. Instead of giving you time to reflect on what just happened, he’ll smother you and try to force you buy into his lies and deceit. He’ll expect you to immediately take him back without giving it any thought whatsoever because he’s only considering his own feelings and not yours.

Now let the tables turn and you step out and cheat on him just one time, oh he’s going to LOSE HIS MIND!!! He won’t be able to wrap his mind around how you could possibly do such a thing to him, even after the many times he’s done it to you. His pride and his ego might force him to leave you without even thinking twice about it because he’s been beaten at his own game. If he stays, you’ll never hear the end of it, and he’ll drive you crazy with his constant questioning of your whereabouts and his insecurity. Part of the reason for his insecurity is that he’s still cheating. The other part is that he’s afraid that you’re going to beat him to the punch and he doesn’t want you to have your cake and it too just like him.

Cheaters cheat because they don’t appreciate the value in being fair and they’ve grown so accustomed to cutting corners, scamming others, and burning bridges that it’s become a part of their everyday make-up. Sometimes in order for a man to humble himself, he has to hit rock bottom. It’s unfortunate, but some men need a little help and need to be crushed to help them reach that bottom. Once they’ve experienced a taste of their own medicine, they’ll get a feel of what it’s like to be heartbroken, to feel betrayed, and to be disrespected by someone you love.

Cheating should never be a solution for anyone in a relationship, if you’re unhappy, simply talk to your partner about it and come up with the best possible solution. No one deserves to be lied to, deceived, or betrayed, even if it was done to you! There’s no telling what an emotionally charged man with a bruised ego might do to you if he found out that you were cheating, and you don’t want to find out. You only have one life to live, so protect yourself at all cost! If you or your partner feel the need to outsource, talk to one another instead and consider the possibility of being single.

If I’ve been able to inspire you with this blog, I would love for you to subscribe and share it with your friends. Also, please visit my new website and connect with me on all of my social networks: www.askcheyb.com

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

Q:My man has a facebook account, but he suggests that we do not add one another. Why would he suggest this?

Facebook & Twitter are social networking sites, yes! But our “lives” fill the pages. It’s a place where people post status updates, pictures, videos, events, have discussions in groups, post comments, and interact with a network of people for personal and/or business purposes. It’s where people share details about their education, their careers, photos of the people who are important in their lives, details regarding their whereabouts, and also exchange private messages with multiple people of relevance. One of the main purposes of social networks is to exploit our personal and/or professional lives which in turn helps us to build relationships.

Hiding your page and denying close friends, family members, and loved ones from gaining access defeats the purpose of one’s existence on a social network. The people who don’t get the privilege of being accepted onto your friend list are the ones you don’t want to give access to “your world”. When you’re single… you’re independent, and you’re not necessarily obligated to share your world with anyone, however when you’re in a relationship, that independence turns into interdependence. When you agree to be in a relationship, you indicate that you’re now opting to share your world with someone else, whether it’s personal or professional. Communication is key! Without communication, you leave room for ambiguity and misunderstandings, and that can cause a roadblock in your development as a couple.

When a man is interested in building a future with you, he will do any and everything to put your mind at ease and bring peace into the home and into the relationship. When a man is reluctant to do so, this is a clear-cut sign that he is not willing to consider your feelings for the benefit of the relationship. If/when this ever happens to you, the best way for you to make him understand that you are bothered by his actions is to first communicate your feelings, and then give him the opportunity to make adjustments. If he makes no changes after listening to your plea, then do what’s best for you. Sometimes removing yourself from a man’s presence is enough for him to realize that his behavior is not welcomed or appreciated; and this will prompt him to make the necessary adjustments for himself (if not for you). By staying and accepting this behavior, you’re telling him indirectly that his actions are acceptable and you’ll allow it.

Let’s face it, the relationships we have with our facebook friends are important to us; not all of them, but a great deal of them. If they weren’t, we wouldn’t log on so religiously to interact with them. With that said, as the woman who is currently in his life, you should be right at the center of his circle of friends, beating out all the other competition. You’re also entitled to be publicly displayed as his girlfriend (if the two of you have made it official), and vice versa. This will require the both of you to be vulnerable to one another, and to everyone else who’s on your facebook page, but in the end, this gesture will bring the two of you closer… and that’s the goal.

If he is not willing to give you this small badge of honor, he doesn’t deserve to be with you. And if the two of you are serious about one another, changing your relationship status shouldn’t be a problem. If you’ve expressed how much not being on his friend list bothers you and he still does nothing about it, then it’s safe to conclude that there is someone(s) on his facebook who secretly is more important to him than you, and he doesn’t want the two of you to cross paths. Having you on his facebook page would expose him and all of the interaction he has with other women, all of the flirtatious comments posted by other women on his pictures/wall, etc. You’ll see comments and tags made by him on other women’s pictures/wall, with specific dates/times, status updates detailing his whereabouts, and more!

Always remember… Never follow a man’s “words”, always follow his “actions”. No matter what comes out of a man’s mouth, if you are not on his facebook friend list, you are not as significant as he’s telling you you are, and he has something and someone he’s hiding. You have better things to do with your time than worry about a man who isn’t considerate of your feelings, and doesn’t value the relationship. Let him live his double life on facebook alone.

If I’ve been able to inspire you with this blog, please subscribe and share it with your friends. Please also take a look at my new website and connect with me on all of my social networks! www.askcheyb.com

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

The Reason Why Men Cheat…

“The Reason Why Men Cheat!” <<<<< YouTube Video

Cheating isn’t gender specific; it starts in a person’s heart, not in their pants. A cheater will cheat no matter what they’ve got at home. A person’s decision to be unfaithful has less to do with you, than it does with what’s going on inside of them; it’s a disease (if you will). A disease that can only be cured by maturity, growth, and perhaps a good taste of his own medicine. We sometimes find ourselves in situations where we’re unhappy, and we want to find a solution to this problem. A man of substance will take the higher road and talk to his partner about it, or leave the relationship, while a man of poor character will take the low road and outsource. There is no excuse for cheating and there is no one to blame but one’s self for doing so; cheating shows a lack of respect for the relationship and shouldn’t be taken lightly.

Whether things are going well in the relationship or not, if your man makes the decision to cheat, his actions don’t indicate that it’s you that’s making him cheat, his actions show that he is simply dishonest, disloyal, selfish, and have no respect for himself, you, or the relationship. Cheating is a huge reflection of one’s character. You can get a pretty good idea of a person’s character based on a number of things (i.e. The place you met them and under what circumstances, the company they keep, their upbringing, their male influences, their relationship with both their mother and their father, their experience in their past relationships, just to name a few).

It’s important that you take the time to truly get to know a person before you allow yourself to get too emotionally attached to them. The signs of a cheater are more clear that you think; you simply have to know what signs to look for. Ideally, you’ll have to get to know a man’s heart to be certain. The average cheater has an abundance of options, and if he is not reached a high level of maturity, he will without a doubt entertain those options. Always remember that relationships aren’t for everybody, relationships are for the ready, and a person who cheats clearly isn’t ready to be in a committed relationship.

Plainly put… cheaters are spoiled; they want what they want when they want it, and they won’t have it any other way. They’re opportunist and they love the idea of trying new things, experiencing new thrills, and living for the moment! You’ve seen a spoiled child in action when he/she doesn’t get their way; they’ll go and do something to compensate for the attention the parent isn’t giving them. It’s not that the parent doesn’t love the child, it’s not that the parent doesn’t provide the child with everything they need, it’s simply that the child wants more! The same theory applies to men; he could have the best woman at home, have the best life at home, but because he is never satisfied, he has to go out and seek more!

If a man cheats on you once, it’s because he allowed it to happen. If a man cheats on you twice, it’s because you allowed it to happen. Once a man shows you that he doesn’t respect himself, you can’t expect him to treat you any better. Cheating is the ultimate sign of disrespect, and it should not go without consequences. Once you take a cheater back, you’re letting him know that know matter what he does, he will always be welcome back.

One thing women have to realize is that men are master strategist; he may not be the best at hiding things, but he is a master at implementing them. Anything a man wants in life, he will go after, and he will achieve it. When a man seeks out a woman, he strategizes; he evaluates himself and where he’s at financially, emotionally, and spiritually, and then he targets women whose esteem is low enough to accept him in his current state. What this means is, if he’s a man of poor character, he’s going to bypass women of substance because he’s not a man of substance. He instead is going to target a woman whom he knows will settle for any man, just so long as he doesn’t appear to be someone that could hurt her.

It’s sad when women take men back from cheating, because they don’t quite understand that he was planning on cheating on you before he even met you. Maybe I can put it in another way… he never had plans to be loyal to you in the first place; you were merely a stepping stone in his life. When a man is finally ready to settle down, he will have gotten all the promiscuity out of his system and is ready for something more! As a woman, you have to know and understand when a man is ready, but more importantly when he is not. Many times the sex can be so good that a man will hold onto you just to have easy access to unlimited sex.

A lot men agree to relationships just so that no one else can have access to you; it’s a selfish move, but this is what some men do. Meanwhile, as you wait at home twiddling your thumbs, he’s out screwing any and everything moving. You were set up for failure from the very beginning. Maybe it was your dangerous curves, mind blowing sex, your loaded bank account, or your ability to get him exposure in a particular field that caught his attention, but whatever it was, it wasn’t love. This is why it’s extremely important to properly get to know a person because it grants you the opportunity to measure what it is he values, and to also see if he truly values you.

When it comes to cheaters, all he needs is a reason, and that will be all the fuel he needs to be disloyal. There is no way to avoid being cheated on, but you can avoid allowing him to be a repeat offender. Know your worth and don’t settle for a man who blatantly disrespects you and your relationship. By standing your ground and letting him know that you will not tolerate his behavior, you regain your position of power, and you also gain his respect. Nothing hurts a man more than being left by a woman, so if he hurts you by cheating, you return the favor by walking away.

If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please visit my website www.askcheyb.com and connect with me on all my social networks!

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

The Pros & Cons of Long Distance Relationships…

Let’s be honest… You meet people where you meet people, and you fall in love with who you fall in love with. The person you fall in with could live anywhere on the planet, and wherever they are… that’s where your heart is. No matter where that man/woman goes, you want to stay connected because they have a special place in your heart and you don’t ever want to let it go. Sure you’re not able to hug, kiss, touch, and (insert whatever thoughts you may have here _________________ lol), but those things aren’t the driving forces behind your love for this person. You love this person because of the way he/she made you feel “inside”. No matter there distance away from you, you still have that “feeling” inside.

The “option” of living within driving distance of the person you love is not always an option. No matter where you meet that person though, it’s important that you get to know the person (inside and out) and start your relationship off as friends. When you start things off as friends, you allow enough space and opportunity for things to grow (organically) without any pressure. Leading solely with your emotions can set you up for heartbreak in the event you get too emotionally attached prior to knowing/understanding each other’s position in life.

Whether you live right next door or thousands of miles away from one another, you can still bring joy to one another’s lives, and if the two of you are determined to stay committed to a long distance relationship, it will in fact work. It’s important though to be honest with yourself and your partner from the beginning. If you know in your heart that the distance between you two will be too challenging for you, it’s better to salvage the friendship that you have, than to commit to a relationship that you won’t be able to stay fully committed to.

Weigh out the pros and the cons before you make it official. While committing to a relationship that’s long distance may provide a sense of comfort in knowing that you “have somebody”, you also have to consider the challenges that come with not being able to enjoy the person physically. Relationships are designed to be spent “together”. Long distance relationships can keep you from not only seeing your partner, but it also restricts you from enjoying the people in close proximity who may also be romantically interested in you.

There are some things that can be done from afar that can keep the excitement going (i.e. phone conversations, texting, emailing, and even webcam). If you’re going to use the methods I’ve just mentioned, there also has to be a balance in between. Visiting one another at least once per month can help balance things out, but this all depends on the individual(s). You have to know your partner, and you have to know whether or not they are mature enough to handle these challenges and get through them with you.

When it comes to men and relationships, one of the main reasons why men commit is because they no longer have to worry about where their regular dosage of sex is coming from. If his significant other is in another state… he then does have to worry about where his regular dosage of sex is coming from. Depending on the guy, this could cause a problem, so again, know the type of man you’re dealing with. A man who has options will in fact explore his options if “you” are not an option.

“Hope” and “faith” is the driving force between making a long distance relationship work, but don’t live on hope and faith alone. Be honest with yourself and with your partner, and don’t be afraid to let go for the sake of the friendship or potential growth between you two (as a couple) in the future. There a millions of men in this world and you only need “one”. With the exception of marriage and if there are kids involved, seek someone who lives in close proximity to you so that you have a better chance at love.

A person who lives within driving distance from you can provide you with the love, affection, and regular attention that you want and need. We are all human and long to share our worlds with another person, and become closer with them, grow with them, and build a future with them. Put yourself in the best position to give love and receive love by finding someone within your reach who can/will appreciate it and reciprocate.

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-AskCheyB

Boys vs Grown Men

Boys worry about their woman being taken by another man when she goes out (without him). A grown man knows that no matter where she goes, she’ll be right back with him at the end of the night. Boys will ignore a woman’s personality and character and value a woman who’s experienced in the bedroom. A Grown Man would be pleased to have a woman who’s a virgin & has great character. He will take the time to learn her body, so they can have the greatest sex ever! A boy focuses on women, and puts education/money on hold. A grown man focuses on education/money, and puts women on hold. Boys try to control their women. A grown man tries to control himself. Boys wouldn’t give a woman who is NOT fast & easy a second look. A grown sees value in a woman who isn’t fast and easy… so she gets a “first” look. Boys want to clock their women and know where she’s at at all times. A grown man is concerned with the time his woman will be spending with him. Boys rely on women. A Grown Man relies on himself. Boys go dutch. A Grown Man pays for himself and the woman he’s out with. Boys are concerned with how other’s view his outer appearance. A Grown Man is concerned with how other’s view his character. Boys worry about being turned down by a woman if he approaches her. A grown man knows that a woman will respect you just for trying. Boys degrade women. A Grown Man upgrades women. Boys want to clock their women and know where she’s at at all times. A grown man is concerned with the time his woman will be spending with him. Boys love to party. A Grown Man is all partied out! Boys treat women like sex slaves. A Grown man treats his woman like a Queen. Boys take all they can get, and gives nothing in return. A grown man gives all he can give and takes appreciation in return. Boys never look for love. A grown man is constantly looking for love. Boys will text their woman the same “Good morning beautiful” text he sends everyone else. A grown man puts forth the effort, picks up the phone and calls his woman, and gives her exclusive time/energy. When a boy is hurt, he looks to soon hurt someone else. When a Grown Man is hurt, he’s looking to heal so he can soon love someone else. Boys will read this and be mad because AskCheyB called them out . A Grown Man will read this, click the “like” button, and pass it on to other grown men and their female friends.

If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please visit my new website and connect with me on all of my social networks!www.askcheyb.com

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-AskCheyB

The Reason Why Men Have a Problem with Their Woman Having Male Friends!!!

Males and females are built differently, they think differently, and they act differently. It’s because of this fact that it’s extremely important that you know your audience. When it comes to relationships, the same things you would normal say or do in front of a female audience would have to be fine tuned to fit a male audience. For example, your female friends might be totally fine with talking on the phone, going to lunch, and even spending the night over each other’s house without any ulterior motives. Your male friends however would use talking on the phone, going to lunch, and spending the night over each other’s houses as a way to get closer to you romantically. Knowing your audience and governing yourself accordingly will help you avoid a world of ambiguous situations when dealing with men.

If you’re in a relationship or marriage, your partner should be your one and only best friend of the opposite sex. He’s invested the time, energy, effort, and money and quite frankly he’s earned exclusive access to you. Since he’s proven himself worthy of your commitment, he’s more than deserving of your loyalty and devotion. It’s a great idea to introduce your partner to any friends you might have early on in the relationship, however certain acquaintances should never be introduced or even mentioned, and those are the ones whom you know are romantically interested in you.

A man introduces himself to a woman based on his sexual attraction to her, and in many cases before he’s able to succeed in sleeping with her, he finds himself in the friendship zone. No matter how long he’s kept in the friendship zone, his main objective is to figure out a way to get out. If you’ll notice, a man’s “female friends” are always beautiful, and that’s not by coincidence, it’s by design! His reasoning for choosing a beautiful woman as a friend is because he wants to sleep with her, and in most cases friendship is the title she gives him. Men who are romantically interested in you will not stop being romantically interested in you just because you’re now in a relationship or marriage.

When a man is romantically interested in you, he’s looking to establish a mutually beneficial arrangement. What this means is, he’s willing to do things for you in hopes that you’d be also willing to do things for him. Anytime he shows you favor, he’ll be keeping a tab and patiently waiting to collect. Everyone knows that the fastest way to make a woman run away is by telling her that you want sex, so a “Plan B” would be to use friendship as a subtle approach to getting closer to you romantically. You may feel as though you’re able to maintain a platonic friendship, but that’s not the issue. The issue is that this person you call a “friend” knows intricate details about your life, he has exclusive access to you, he knows your points of vulnerability, and that’s what makes your man feel uncomfortable. A person who’s that close to you, knows that much about you, and has that deep of a connection with you should be your man. If your best friend isn’t your boyfriend, he should be promoted. If your boyfriend isn’t your best friend, he should be demoted! There can only be one king in the castle, and no other should feel even remotely as close in significance as the main man in your life.

If a man outside of your relationship needs a woman to confide in, he should turn to his woman or his mother for that kind of support. The same applies to you when you need a man to confide in; you don’t turn to a man outside of your relationship for support, you turn to the man who’s in your life, or your father for these benefits. You will quickly come to find that you are not welcome in another man’s life when he’s in a relationship, because his woman won’t want you to have exclusive access to her man… and rightfully so! This is the value of being in an exclusive relationship with someone; you gain exclusive rights and privileges that no one else has. The men on the outside looking in had their opportunity to become exclusive and since they didn’t put forth the time, energy, effort, and money to seal the deal, they shouldn’t be granted any exclusive access or privileges.

Whoever you choose to be significant in your life should be someone you can also call your best friend. He should be someone who is more than a lover, more than a protector, and more than a provider so that you won’t need to outsource to another man for what he’s lacking. This is why that special someone is referred to as “The One”! He’s that individual who offers everything you look for in a man and more! When you’ve found the one, you then refer to any and all of the other men in your life as acquaintances, giving them less significance than that of your partner. Sure, be grateful for all the men who have always been there for you, but know that those men were “there” (as a friend) because of their desire to be more! Since you’re in a committed monogamous relationship now, these male friends need to understand that things change when your relationship status changes. The things that were acceptable while you were single are no longer acceptable when you’re in a relationship or marriage.

No matter your relationship status, a male admirer will always be ready and willing to sleep with you. In fact, it’s more convenient for him to sleep with you with no strings when you’re in a relationship because he knows you won’t want to pursue anything further. And furthermore, he wouldn’t consider you for anything more than sex anyway, because you’ve proven to be someone who isn’t loyal and cannot be trusted. This understanding between two adults can make for the perfect recipe for infidelity if the right opportunity presented itself; the best way to avoid temptation is simply to avoid temptation. The more time you spend with a person, the deeper the connection becomes, and the greater the chances of you lusting over one another.

By removing yourself from these situations, you lessen the chances of you being propositioned and/or being violated. By placing yourself in these situations, you portray a sense of naivety and even rebellion towards what your man might consider to be danger, and this gesture may lose his trust. Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies; when you commit to someone, focus on your Plan A, not your Plan B. You Plan A should be learning more about your partner and growing with him, figuring out ways to add value to one another’s lives. Anyone on the outside of your relationship should come second to what you’re trying to build upon, and the ones lucky enough to be in your circle should be the help, not the hurt.

It’s perfectly natural for a man to be territorial and want exclusive access to his woman. After all, this is the exact same respect you would want from him. A man knows how other men maneuver, and he knows all of the techniques men use to get closer to a woman. He wants to feel secure in knowing that know only is his woman smart enough to identify with this approach, but also that she respects him enough not to entertain such relationships with other men, whether she’s mutually interested in them or not. Your man may very well trust you, but it’s the other men he doesn’t trust, and rightfully so.

When a straight man is ok with being “just friends” with a female, he either has already had sex with her, is currently having sex with her, or he wants to have sex with her and is simply waiting for her to be vulnerable. For the men on the outside, being a “friend” is one of the best places to be when a woman is going through something in her relationship or marriage. She looks at him like a “brother”, she trusts him, and doesn’t think he’ll ever cross any lines (because you know she’s in a relationship or marriage). Truth be told… he doesn’t look at you like a sister; he never has, and never will! He will sleep with you the first opportunity you give him (no matter what your relationship status is, and no matter what his relationship status is). With the exception of family, any straight man that remains affiliated with you (whether he makes it clear or not) is interested in sleeping with you. When you’re in a relationship with someone, your relationship with other men should cease and desist.

If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please visit my new website and connect with me on all of my social networks! www.askcheyb.com

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-AskCheyB

 

Ladies… Find Your Own Man!!!

There’s an abundance of men in this world who selfishly pursue other women outside of their relationship and/or marriage. Sometimes they lie and lead a woman to believe they’re single, but for the man who can’t afford to have another woman text/call his phone, pop up at his job, or know where he lives, he has to be up front and honest about his current relationship status in order to potentially have an ongoing affair with this woman and also maintain the relationship he has at home.

Sidenote: When a person shows you who they are… believe them! This is one of the things we struggle with the most in our lives. We hope that something different will come of a person after they show us exactly who they are from the very beginning. The thing that causes us to do this is “not having enough options”. When we don’t have a lot of options or are too lazy to explore other options, we tend to overlook a person’s shortcomings and settle simply because they’re convenient.

For the cheating male, it’s clear that he doesn’t respect himself, his significant other, his relationship, or the woman on the side if he’s bold enough to proposition her. He’s in a state of immaturity that will continue for as long as the women he encounters will allow him. The woman he has at home offers him security; she’s his safety net and he’s not going to leave her for the woman on the side (unless he plans on using her as his next safety net). The woman he cheats with offers him “adventure”, and he doesn’t look for anything more than adventure from these women. There’s no hope for a future together, no marriage, no family, no happily ever after. Just a “good time”!

For him, this is all a game! He enjoys the thrill of living a double life and fooling everyone around him (even himself). His wake up call will come once he experiences heartbreak (i.e. His woman cheating on him). See my other blog post “Men can dish it, but can’t handle being cheated on…” https://askcheyb.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/men-can-dish-it-but-cant-handle-being-cheated-on/

As mentioned earlier, there are times where the guy might lead the girl on the side astray, assuring her that he’s single just to get her in bed, but these truths are inevitably revealed long before sex ever occurs (if they’re taking the time to get to know each other properly). Not knowing whether or not a man is in a relationship or married insists that she hasn’t done her research and/or didn’t start the relationship off with friendship as the foundation. When you do your research and start things off as friends, details of a person’s character will begin to reveal themselves. Details that you may or may not like. You determine whether or not this person is deserving of more of your time, energy, and effort based on the things you’ve discovered in their personality & character. During this getting to know each other process, sex is nowhere in the equation.

The women who knowingly entertain men in relationships are seduced by the thought of having a taste of something forbidden. She’s intrigued by his personality and charisma, but totally ignores his character. She’s aware that his heart belongs to another woman, and this is where the challenge is. The girl on the side is envious of the relationship he has with his girlfriend/wife and she wants it for herself. She lacks romance in her life and at the same time, the cheating man longs to prove to someone “new” that he can offer such pleasures. They both temporarily meet one another’s needs, so she’s totally content with dealing with him (no matter his relationship status) because he makes her feel better about herself by offering her a false sense of security.

In her heart, she knows it’s all a lie, but she likes the way it makes her feel (if only for a few hours). When she’s with him, he makes her feel beautiful, desired, and appreciated. For those few hours they spend together, he makes her feel like no other man has made her feel before! The only problem is… these are things that he should be doing exclusively for the woman he has at home. These are things that she should be getting from the man she’s in a loving, committed relationship with.

With that said, nothing serious should be expected from either party because both parties are exhibiting their lack of respect for the sanctity of a relationship and/or marriage before they even make it to that point in their relationship. It’s like a boss observing an intern before deciding to give him/her a position. Based on your performance over a given trial period, you may or may not advance to the next level in that company. The same applies to relationships. Any person who exhibits poor character in the beginning of the relationship should not be given a higher position in your life.

This relationship that the cheater and the girl on the side have together is a fantasy! Not real! A lie! The “joy” she feels from this man is nothing more than a performance that deserves an Oscar! Once he reaches his climax, he’s already on his way down from his lustful high and has come back to reality! The reality (for him) kicks in once he leaves her and goes back to his real life at home. The reality (for her) kicks in when he’s gone and she’s sitting at home all alone wondering when’s the next time she’ll be able to feel the way he made her felt again. Dependent on the comfort of another woman’s man.

Better to have security within yourself, knowing that you are worth being treated like a Queen with dignity, honor, and respect. Knowing that whoever you give your mind, body, and soul to should automatically reciprocate and make you feel special, make you feel loved, and make you feel appreciated. Be confident in knowing that there  are an abundance of honorable, respectable, educated, career oriented men with values who will gladly give you their time, energy, and efforts, and make you feel good about yourself “exclusively” and that you don’t have to share him with anyone.

If you’re looking for love, hold up a mirror! You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Take as much time as you need to work on finding yourself, building up your confidence, building up your self-esteem, building up your character so that the next man you give your mind, body, and soul to is someone who is truly deserving of this honor. Your body is a temple which should be guarded like heaven. Building an honest, loving relationship with someone takes work, and there’s no easy way of getting it.  Put in the work to find love and you’ll work that much harder to keep it flowing. Good luck!

Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB