Q:My man has a facebook account, but he suggests that we do not add one another. Why would he suggest this?

Facebook & Twitter are social networking sites, yes! But our “lives” fill the pages. It’s a place where people post status updates, pictures, videos, events, have discussions in groups, post comments, and interact with a network of people for personal and/or business purposes. It’s where people share details about their education, their careers, photos of the people who are important in their lives, details regarding their whereabouts, and also exchange private messages with multiple people of relevance. One of the main purposes of social networks is to exploit our personal and/or professional lives which in turn helps us to build relationships.

Hiding your page and denying close friends, family members, and loved ones from gaining access defeats the purpose of one’s existence on a social network. The people who don’t get the privilege of being accepted onto your friend list are the ones you don’t want to give access to “your world”. When you’re single… you’re independent, and you’re not necessarily obligated to share your world with anyone, however when you’re in a relationship, that independence turns into interdependence. When you agree to be in a relationship, you indicate that you’re now opting to share your world with someone else, whether it’s personal or professional. Communication is key! Without communication, you leave room for ambiguity and misunderstandings, and that can cause a roadblock in your development as a couple.

When a man is interested in building a future with you, he will do any and everything to put your mind at ease and bring peace into the home and into the relationship. When a man is reluctant to do so, this is a clear-cut sign that he is not willing to consider your feelings for the benefit of the relationship. If/when this ever happens to you, the best way for you to make him understand that you are bothered by his actions is to first communicate your feelings, and then give him the opportunity to make adjustments. If he makes no changes after listening to your plea, then do what’s best for you. Sometimes removing yourself from a man’s presence is enough for him to realize that his behavior is not welcomed or appreciated; and this will prompt him to make the necessary adjustments for himself (if not for you). By staying and accepting this behavior, you’re telling him indirectly that his actions are acceptable and you’ll allow it.

Let’s face it, the relationships we have with our facebook friends are important to us; not all of them, but a great deal of them. If they weren’t, we wouldn’t log on so religiously to interact with them. With that said, as the woman who is currently in his life, you should be right at the center of his circle of friends, beating out all the other competition. You’re also entitled to be publicly displayed as his girlfriend (if the two of you have made it official), and vice versa. This will require the both of you to be vulnerable to one another, and to everyone else who’s on your facebook page, but in the end, this gesture will bring the two of you closer… and that’s the goal.

If he is not willing to give you this small badge of honor, he doesn’t deserve to be with you. And if the two of you are serious about one another, changing your relationship status shouldn’t be a problem. If you’ve expressed how much not being on his friend list bothers you and he still does nothing about it, then it’s safe to conclude that there is someone(s) on his facebook who secretly is more important to him than you, and he doesn’t want the two of you to cross paths. Having you on his facebook page would expose him and all of the interaction he has with other women, all of the flirtatious comments posted by other women on his pictures/wall, etc. You’ll see comments and tags made by him on other women’s pictures/wall, with specific dates/times, status updates detailing his whereabouts, and more!

Always remember… Never follow a man’s “words”, always follow his “actions”. No matter what comes out of a man’s mouth, if you are not on his facebook friend list, you are not as significant as he’s telling you you are, and he has something and someone he’s hiding. You have better things to do with your time than worry about a man who isn’t considerate of your feelings, and doesn’t value the relationship. Let him live his double life on facebook alone.

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Life & Relationship Coach


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