Males and females are built differently, they think differently, and they act differently. It’s because of this fact that it’s extremely important that you know your audience. When it comes to relationships, the same things you would normal say or do in front of a female audience would have to be fine tuned to fit a male audience. For example, your female friends might be totally fine with talking on the phone, going to lunch, and even spending the night over each other’s house without any ulterior motives. Your male friends however would use talking on the phone, going to lunch, and spending the night over each other’s houses as a way to get closer to you romantically. Knowing your audience and governing yourself accordingly will help you avoid a world of ambiguous situations when dealing with men.
If you’re in a relationship or marriage, your partner should be your one and only best friend of the opposite sex. He’s invested the time, energy, effort, and money and quite frankly he’s earned exclusive access to you. Since he’s proven himself worthy of your commitment, he’s more than deserving of your loyalty and devotion. It’s a great idea to introduce your partner to any friends you might have early on in the relationship, however certain acquaintances should never be introduced or even mentioned, and those are the ones whom you know are romantically interested in you.
A man introduces himself to a woman based on his sexual attraction to her, and in many cases before he’s able to succeed in sleeping with her, he finds himself in the friendship zone. No matter how long he’s kept in the friendship zone, his main objective is to figure out a way to get out. If you’ll notice, a man’s “female friends” are always beautiful, and that’s not by coincidence, it’s by design! His reasoning for choosing a beautiful woman as a friend is because he wants to sleep with her, and in most cases friendship is the title she gives him. Men who are romantically interested in you will not stop being romantically interested in you just because you’re now in a relationship or marriage.
When a man is romantically interested in you, he’s looking to establish a mutually beneficial arrangement. What this means is, he’s willing to do things for you in hopes that you’d be also willing to do things for him. Anytime he shows you favor, he’ll be keeping a tab and patiently waiting to collect. Everyone knows that the fastest way to make a woman run away is by telling her that you want sex, so a “Plan B” would be to use friendship as a subtle approach to getting closer to you romantically. You may feel as though you’re able to maintain a platonic friendship, but that’s not the issue. The issue is that this person you call a “friend” knows intricate details about your life, he has exclusive access to you, he knows your points of vulnerability, and that’s what makes your man feel uncomfortable. A person who’s that close to you, knows that much about you, and has that deep of a connection with you should be your man. If your best friend isn’t your boyfriend, he should be promoted. If your boyfriend isn’t your best friend, he should be demoted! There can only be one king in the castle, and no other should feel even remotely as close in significance as the main man in your life.
If a man outside of your relationship needs a woman to confide in, he should turn to his woman or his mother for that kind of support. The same applies to you when you need a man to confide in; you don’t turn to a man outside of your relationship for support, you turn to the man who’s in your life, or your father for these benefits. You will quickly come to find that you are not welcome in another man’s life when he’s in a relationship, because his woman won’t want you to have exclusive access to her man… and rightfully so! This is the value of being in an exclusive relationship with someone; you gain exclusive rights and privileges that no one else has. The men on the outside looking in had their opportunity to become exclusive and since they didn’t put forth the time, energy, effort, and money to seal the deal, they shouldn’t be granted any exclusive access or privileges.
Whoever you choose to be significant in your life should be someone you can also call your best friend. He should be someone who is more than a lover, more than a protector, and more than a provider so that you won’t need to outsource to another man for what he’s lacking. This is why that special someone is referred to as “The One”! He’s that individual who offers everything you look for in a man and more! When you’ve found the one, you then refer to any and all of the other men in your life as acquaintances, giving them less significance than that of your partner. Sure, be grateful for all the men who have always been there for you, but know that those men were “there” (as a friend) because of their desire to be more! Since you’re in a committed monogamous relationship now, these male friends need to understand that things change when your relationship status changes. The things that were acceptable while you were single are no longer acceptable when you’re in a relationship or marriage.
No matter your relationship status, a male admirer will always be ready and willing to sleep with you. In fact, it’s more convenient for him to sleep with you with no strings when you’re in a relationship because he knows you won’t want to pursue anything further. And furthermore, he wouldn’t consider you for anything more than sex anyway, because you’ve proven to be someone who isn’t loyal and cannot be trusted. This understanding between two adults can make for the perfect recipe for infidelity if the right opportunity presented itself; the best way to avoid temptation is simply to avoid temptation. The more time you spend with a person, the deeper the connection becomes, and the greater the chances of you lusting over one another.
By removing yourself from these situations, you lessen the chances of you being propositioned and/or being violated. By placing yourself in these situations, you portray a sense of naivety and even rebellion towards what your man might consider to be danger, and this gesture may lose his trust. Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies; when you commit to someone, focus on your Plan A, not your Plan B. You Plan A should be learning more about your partner and growing with him, figuring out ways to add value to one another’s lives. Anyone on the outside of your relationship should come second to what you’re trying to build upon, and the ones lucky enough to be in your circle should be the help, not the hurt.
It’s perfectly natural for a man to be territorial and want exclusive access to his woman. After all, this is the exact same respect you would want from him. A man knows how other men maneuver, and he knows all of the techniques men use to get closer to a woman. He wants to feel secure in knowing that know only is his woman smart enough to identify with this approach, but also that she respects him enough not to entertain such relationships with other men, whether she’s mutually interested in them or not. Your man may very well trust you, but it’s the other men he doesn’t trust, and rightfully so.
When a straight man is ok with being “just friends” with a female, he either has already had sex with her, is currently having sex with her, or he wants to have sex with her and is simply waiting for her to be vulnerable. For the men on the outside, being a “friend” is one of the best places to be when a woman is going through something in her relationship or marriage. She looks at him like a “brother”, she trusts him, and doesn’t think he’ll ever cross any lines (because you know she’s in a relationship or marriage). Truth be told… he doesn’t look at you like a sister; he never has, and never will! He will sleep with you the first opportunity you give him (no matter what your relationship status is, and no matter what his relationship status is). With the exception of family, any straight man that remains affiliated with you (whether he makes it clear or not) is interested in sleeping with you. When you’re in a relationship with someone, your relationship with other men should cease and desist.
If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please visit my new website and connect with me on all of my social networks! www.askcheyb.com
Add me: http://www.facebook.com/askcheyb
Follow me: @AskCheyB
Life & Relationship Coach