There’s an abundance of men in this world who selfishly pursue other women outside of their relationship and/or marriage. Sometimes they lie and lead a woman to believe they’re single, but for the man who can’t afford to have another woman text/call his phone, pop up at his job, or know where he lives, he has to be up front and honest about his current relationship status in order to potentially have an ongoing affair with this woman and also maintain the relationship he has at home.
Sidenote: When a person shows you who they are… believe them! This is one of the things we struggle with the most in our lives. We hope that something different will come of a person after they show us exactly who they are from the very beginning. The thing that causes us to do this is “not having enough options”. When we don’t have a lot of options or are too lazy to explore other options, we tend to overlook a person’s shortcomings and settle simply because they’re convenient.
For the cheating male, it’s clear that he doesn’t respect himself, his significant other, his relationship, or the woman on the side if he’s bold enough to proposition her. He’s in a state of immaturity that will continue for as long as the women he encounters will allow him. The woman he has at home offers him security; she’s his safety net and he’s not going to leave her for the woman on the side (unless he plans on using her as his next safety net). The woman he cheats with offers him “adventure”, and he doesn’t look for anything more than adventure from these women. There’s no hope for a future together, no marriage, no family, no happily ever after. Just a “good time”!
For him, this is all a game! He enjoys the thrill of living a double life and fooling everyone around him (even himself). His wake up call will come once he experiences heartbreak (i.e. His woman cheating on him). See my other blog post “Men can dish it, but can’t handle being cheated on…” https://askcheyb.wordpress.com/2011/12/03/men-can-dish-it-but-cant-handle-being-cheated-on/
As mentioned earlier, there are times where the guy might lead the girl on the side astray, assuring her that he’s single just to get her in bed, but these truths are inevitably revealed long before sex ever occurs (if they’re taking the time to get to know each other properly). Not knowing whether or not a man is in a relationship or married insists that she hasn’t done her research and/or didn’t start the relationship off with friendship as the foundation. When you do your research and start things off as friends, details of a person’s character will begin to reveal themselves. Details that you may or may not like. You determine whether or not this person is deserving of more of your time, energy, and effort based on the things you’ve discovered in their personality & character. During this getting to know each other process, sex is nowhere in the equation.
The women who knowingly entertain men in relationships are seduced by the thought of having a taste of something forbidden. She’s intrigued by his personality and charisma, but totally ignores his character. She’s aware that his heart belongs to another woman, and this is where the challenge is. The girl on the side is envious of the relationship he has with his girlfriend/wife and she wants it for herself. She lacks romance in her life and at the same time, the cheating man longs to prove to someone “new” that he can offer such pleasures. They both temporarily meet one another’s needs, so she’s totally content with dealing with him (no matter his relationship status) because he makes her feel better about herself by offering her a false sense of security.
In her heart, she knows it’s all a lie, but she likes the way it makes her feel (if only for a few hours). When she’s with him, he makes her feel beautiful, desired, and appreciated. For those few hours they spend together, he makes her feel like no other man has made her feel before! The only problem is… these are things that he should be doing exclusively for the woman he has at home. These are things that she should be getting from the man she’s in a loving, committed relationship with.
With that said, nothing serious should be expected from either party because both parties are exhibiting their lack of respect for the sanctity of a relationship and/or marriage before they even make it to that point in their relationship. It’s like a boss observing an intern before deciding to give him/her a position. Based on your performance over a given trial period, you may or may not advance to the next level in that company. The same applies to relationships. Any person who exhibits poor character in the beginning of the relationship should not be given a higher position in your life.
This relationship that the cheater and the girl on the side have together is a fantasy! Not real! A lie! The “joy” she feels from this man is nothing more than a performance that deserves an Oscar! Once he reaches his climax, he’s already on his way down from his lustful high and has come back to reality! The reality (for him) kicks in once he leaves her and goes back to his real life at home. The reality (for her) kicks in when he’s gone and she’s sitting at home all alone wondering when’s the next time she’ll be able to feel the way he made her felt again. Dependent on the comfort of another woman’s man.
Better to have security within yourself, knowing that you are worth being treated like a Queen with dignity, honor, and respect. Knowing that whoever you give your mind, body, and soul to should automatically reciprocate and make you feel special, make you feel loved, and make you feel appreciated. Be confident in knowing that there are an abundance of honorable, respectable, educated, career oriented men with values who will gladly give you their time, energy, and efforts, and make you feel good about yourself “exclusively” and that you don’t have to share him with anyone.
If you’re looking for love, hold up a mirror! You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Take as much time as you need to work on finding yourself, building up your confidence, building up your self-esteem, building up your character so that the next man you give your mind, body, and soul to is someone who is truly deserving of this honor. Your body is a temple which should be guarded like heaven. Building an honest, loving relationship with someone takes work, and there’s no easy way of getting it. Put in the work to find love and you’ll work that much harder to keep it flowing. Good luck!
Life & Relationship Coach