A “Woman” Carries Condoms. A “Lady” Doesn’t…

CondomPixSex is a wonderful thing to share with someone, and it can be an even more enjoyable experience if both parties mutually love/respect/care for one another. Your body is a temple; you have one life to live, and no one can protect your body better than you can so be sure to be as safe as possible when engaging in sexual activity with someone. Being abstinent is the best way to protect yourself against STDs and pregnancy, however, if you’re going to be sexually active with someone, it’s a good idea to protect yourself by requiring that the man wear a condom.

Many women won’t like this next part, but the ladies are going to love it…

Contrary to popular belief, there are gender roles in life. Due to the “times changing”, and women gaining more and more independence, many have lost sight of these gender roles and traditions. Condoms are meant to protect sexual partners from HIV/STDS and prevent pregnancy, however, a male should at the very least be responsible enough to provide protection if he so wishes to enter a females body. At one point in time, a woman’s body used to be… a “temple” and sex took place after marriage. In this day and age, females are carrying around condoms “just in case” they happen to have sex on the way to work, at the gym, on vacation, etc.

A “lady” never carries around condoms because a lady knows exactly where she’s getting sex from, when she’s getting sex, and from whom! The condoms are stationary and never move! A woman who is less than a lady isn’t sure who/when/where she’s getting her sex from, so she carries condoms just in case the occasion were to ever arise. A lady makes a man wait until he has proven to be worthy of having her body, so in the mean time, conversation is the only thing a lady carries. By carrying condoms, a woman suggests that she is ready, willing, and able to have sex anytime, any place, and with anyone! This is what I like to call “surprise sex”!

One of the reasons why men slack off is because there will always be a woman somewhere ready, willing, and able to take on “his” responsibilities. A man does not have a vagina, and since this is so, he never purchases or carries female condoms (as much as they would protect them from STDs/pregnancy. A woman doesn’t have a penis, but she makes it her business to purchase, store, and carry something that simply isn’t made for her (not including substitute forms of pleasure). Any man a woman would consider allowing into her body should be capable of purchasing/providing his own protection. If not, he should not be considered as a sexual partner because he’s not showing that he cares enough about his health to protect it! If he doesn’t make it his business to be prepared to protect his own body, one can only imagine the distance he’ll go to protect hers (or the lack thereof).

There is a deeper correlation to consider when looking at a female carrying around condoms. This practice does not apply to every female; only a “certain type” of female carries around condoms. Men love sex, anytime, anyplace, anywhere, and with anyone! A lady simply doesn’t have sex anytime, anyplace, anywhere, and with anyone. Her body is “exclusive” to one man and with this one man, he treats her like a lady, gives her time to prepare, arranges a suitable/comfortable environment, and romances her before sharing their bodies with one another. There’s communication and planning on both parts, and the man will not risk not being ready for the world!

The woman who carries around condoms is known as “Ms. Ready, Willing & Able” or a “Jump Off” because a female carrying around condoms gives off the impression that she is ready, willing, and able to jump on/off of any guy at any given time. No patience, no restraint, no value!!! Sex should be given to a man once he’s earned that privilege. Once that privilege is earned, he knows better than to show up unprepared. A responsible adult male doesn’t need a woman’s assistance when it comes to carrying condoms… believe me!!! Sex is on his brain all day and all night; He will be prepared!

Since men love to have sex anytime, anyplace, anywhere, and with anyone, he will certainly appreciate the fact that you have a spare condom, but he will not respect you as a lady, but as a whore! He will enjoy the hour of pleasure, and even thank you afterwards, but he will forever view you as “that girl who carries around condoms”. In the front of his mind, he will suspect that this is who you are, and how you handle yourself in your everyday life with other men. It’s equivalent to a man carrying around a morning after pill… “Hey, you just never know when you’re gonna need these!”

***The only time a man might not be prepared with a condom is when it’s fast/easy/sleezy/surprise sex with whomever is available. When it comes to a lady, “surprise sex” occurs with the man she’s committed to. Surprise sex without a commitment strips a woman of her “lady like” image/title and places her in the category of the “jump off”. Jump offs need condoms because they never know when things are going to “jump on/off”.

Jump off– A female who’s ready, willing, able to have sex anytime, anywhere, with anyone just for thrills.

A prostitute carries condoms everywhere she goes because sex is what she does for a living, and she has to protect herself from HIV/AIDS/STDs & pregnancy from the random men she sleeps with. It’s literally “her” job to make sure she is protected because the men approaching her care nothing about her health, and clearly they care nothing about their own if they’re willing to sleep with a prostitute. With this in mind, it makes perfect sense for a prostitute to carry around condoms on a regular basis.

A woman carrying condoms is a huge reflection of her character. It’s far deeper than “I want to be safe”. It’s symbolic of impatience, ambiguity, and promiscuity. Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, 1st Lady Serita Jakes, and hopefully your mother are less likely to carry condoms because they are ladies of strong character, good morals, values, and principles. They respect their bodies, their families, and their reputation enough to have sex “exclusively” with the man they married. Buffie Da Body, Lil Kim, and Remy Ma… on the other hand are more likely to carry around condoms because they exhibit poor character, and lack a good set of morals, values, and principles.

A man may have concerns with getting a woman pregnant, but chances are you won’t find him carrying around cases of the morning after pill. If he did, that would certainly be a huge reflection of huge character and suggest that this isn’t the first, nor will it be his last experience in having unprotected sex with a woman he doesn’t want to have a child with. A man cannot take morning after pills, so he has no business carrying them. It’s a female’s decision to invest in and consume the pill, so it should be left up to her to retrieve them. As with a male and his condoms.

Communication is key! By communicating with your partner that you would like to have sex on Saturday, 8pm, at 123 Hump Rd, you give the man an opportunity to prepare himself to have a safe, clean, and fun sexual experience with you. He has time to shower, prepare mentally, and also retrieve condoms to protect you both from STDs and pregnancy. With communication, you eliminate any and all ambiguity, and you also give the man the opportunity to prove that he is capable of being responsible.

If a man you’re considering for sex shows up without condoms, then that’s only “one” major issue you need to consider. In the heat of the moment, you will notice that a man will still sleep with you with or without a condom (not knowing his status or yours). Having your condoms ready “just in case” only protects you from STDs and pregnancy for that hour, however it does not solve the issue of your sexual partner not caring enough about himself to protect his one and only body from STDs! If he doesn’t care enough to protect his own body, he certainly won’t take precautions for yours. Instead of making it easy on these men and still accepting them for not coming prepared, they should be rejected for that reason!

Men and women are different in many ways. The average straight male does not do a regular check-up at the doctor’s office. If a man has HIV/AIDs/STDs, it’s highly probable that he’s had it for months or even years. When you use that condom that you’re carrying around in that “better safe than sorry” situation, the sex will bring you closer and closer to that person. Before becoming closer and closer to a person sexually, get closer and closer to their personality, character, morals, values, and principles, and most importantly… get to know their status. These key ingredients will raise your awareness/confidence in knowing/trusting your partners judgment. With trust comes shared responsibilities! When it comes to sex, one thing a man is very capable of being responsible for is carrying a condom, so allow him this one task while you (the female) take on another!

If your goal is to be “cautious”, abstinence will suffice. If you choose to have sex, take extra precautions such as talking to your partner about one another’s sexual activity with others, the level of exclusivity you expect from them, and go get tested together. Communication is key! If you are not interested in having unprotected sex, make having a condom a requirement. If he wants to continue having sex with you, and if he respects you and himself, he will make it a point to have condoms ready each and every time the two of you are ready to have sex. Continue to be a lady, and only associate yourself with a respectable gentlemen. A man will respect you when you show him that you respect yourself!

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-AskCheyB


45 thoughts on “A “Woman” Carries Condoms. A “Lady” Doesn’t…

  1. I loved this blog post. Condoms shouldn’t travel. If I am in a committed relationship with someone and we make the decision to be sexually active then condoms are a must and there will always be condoms at his home or mine, not in my purse or his wallet.

  2. Thank you all for reading and posting your thoughts. I would love for you all to share this blog with your friends & family members. Let’s all learn and grow “together”.

  3. This is not the Victorian age. Once the genie is out of the bottle it doesn’t go back.

    “A ‘lady’ never carries around condoms because a lady knows exactly where she’s getting sex from, when she’s getting sex, and from whom! The condoms are stationary and never move!”

    What fun is that? Where’s the spontaneity? And beyond the concept of fun and spontaneity, even if you’re having sex with only one person, how many times have we heard of a woman getting HIV/AIDS because the partner she is faithful to was actually “on the down low”?

    Or not even on the down low but having sex outside the relationship with other women who were in turn having sex with other people? It’s ridiculous to make this argument in terms of a mythical ideal of lady. There’s too much sneaking, too much hiding, too much shame. We try to deal with some sort of ideal instead of the practical ways in which humans really act. The result is an epidemic of HIV/AIDS in the African American community and most particular among my African American sisters.

    Just because you say you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t really mean it is. You hope it is and at some point you have to trust. Putting it in terms of “lady” vs “woman” just raises one more Hurdle for a female person to jump in order to protect herself.

  4. Wow. As a person who always have condoms in my special drawer (along with my toys), I’m taken quite aback. I used to carry condoms in my purse in my early 20s and never thought about it. Now that I’m 32 and reading this, I can see how I could have perceived a certain way. Wow. Just wow. That’s all I can say right now.

  5. Awesome blog and I felt great reading it after recently meeting a guy that I was very interested in getting to know but when he realized it isn’t easy to get his hands in this cookie jar, he backed off which was good for me because it let me know where his head is at. I want to get to know my partner and know if this is someone I can trust, someone I’m attracted to mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually because when those things connect, it’s amazing sexually.

  6. @Charles- I appreciate you subscribing and posting your thoughts. Need more brothers like you getting involved in the discussions. This blog post focuses on a female’s “character”; perhaps, I can post another blog on “safety”.

    Add me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/askcheyb
    Follow me on Twitter: @AskCheyB

  7. @Carmen-Thank you for the kind words, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Friendship is the key to romance. If he wants romance, he should try being a friend 😉 Good luck to you both! Please share this blog with others.

  8. Thank you, this was a great read. I never thought about this is this way. I have been married for 8 years and only been with the same man. Going through a separation makes you say I better start carrying condoms in your purse because you feel like you can’t trust any man, but reading you post made me realize that I don’t need to carry them around because even though I have been separated for sometime now, I have only been with my husband (the same man). However, this does not make the situation better, but you are RIGHT I have always felt a man will wait until a woman is ready and both parties agree when it comes to sex/making love it should only be share between the two PEOPLE. I have never shared a man, and I am not going to start, so therefore this post has always confirmed how I truly feel about sex, and love making, and now I know that I am not alone about this huge perspective.
    THANKS A MILLION….

  9. I enjoyed reading this. I am not sure I agree entirely with what was said but the morals are essentially on point. In this day and age though, with so many divorcees on the market, older men over 40 tend to shy away from condoms. They see STD’s as something that the young and loose are afflicted with. A woman must be prepared to protect herself. She should insist that condoms are used. I don’t advocate a walking around with condoms, but once she decides she will be sexually involved with a man she should exercise some iniative and make sure that condoms are available when needed. No one is infallable. If he forgets, she should be prepared.

    During my last relationship the guy always brought the condoms. At some stage I told him I would get some and keep at my home so that he wouldn’t have to trudge around with them when he was at my house. This is what team work is about.

  10. The ignorance seeded in these conversations like this is what perpetuate the ever growing new cases of AIDS/HIV, unwanted pregnancy and other STDs, especially in African Anericans.

    FACTS:
    African Americans represented only 12% of the U.S. population in 2009 but accounted for 44% of all those newly diagnosed with HIV.

    Black teens, ages 13-19, accounted for 70% of new AIDS diagnoses among all teens in 2010. They represented only 17% of American teenage population in 2009.

    From 2006 to 2010, the HIV infection rate remained highest among African American men when compared to men in other racial/ethnic categories. For example, in 2010, the rate of diagnosed HIV infection per 100,000 was 151 for Black men, compared with 130 for Latino men and 94 for White men.

    Ref.: http://www.bcoa.org

    Be RESPONSIBLE for Your Own personal health: have and use a condom.

    Be an example to your partner: have and use a condom.

    Contribute to ending and/or slowing down the progression of this worldwide epidemic: have and use a condom.

    Know better than what you read on the Internet: have and use a condom… and not feel anything less than a responsible adult when you and your lover have sex outside of your home(s).

    Be a progressive thinker: have and use a condom.

  11. It hurts so bad that humans try so hard to justify immorality and keep using the 21st century as an excuse to do wrong! Whether you agree or not, whether its the victorian era or the armageddon, sex before marriage is wrong and unacceptable by God! When God said a man and woman will become “one flesh” He wasn’t talking about the rings exchanged at the altar, He meant the consummation! If more people abstained and kept sex for after marriage, the world would have been a better place and we all know it! I’m not judging those that decide to have sex before marriage, because I’m a sinner too and have no such right, but please, let’s have it at the back of our minds that sex outside of a marriage is a sin and we shouldn’t insult God by trying to justify it! #teamabstinence (so help me God)

  12. Wow….reading this post I was quite surprised because I usually enjoy and agree with the posters tweets. However, this post seemed to lack a deeper way of thinking. Some of the comments were a bit extreme such as “A woman carrying condoms is a huge reflection of her character.” Really? Is it? I guess we are all entitled to our own opinions about that, but the whole tone of the post didn’t really seem to inspire or motivate women to want to do better…instead it simply seemed to tear down these “women” while putting so called “ladies” on a pedal stool. Statements like ” Many women won’t like this next part, but the ladies are going to love it” seem to tear down and separate more than educate and unify.

  13. Oh my God you are so on point .This is some inspirational real talk and I hope a whole lot of ladies will find time to read through and understand this. I have enjoyed this blog thank you so much and keep up with the good work.

  14. I appreciate your view point and respect your opinion however I disagree with several statements. There are women who do fit into this category of being “jump-offs” and willing to do whatever, whenever. I don’t think a woman who carries condoms is necessarily that person. It’s a woman’s right to protect herself and a monogamous relationship can have spontaneous moments. I understand where your are trying to go with this information but in my opinion it generalizes everyone especially women. It makes us feel as though we shouldn’t take control of our bodies and enjoy life and revert to Stepford Wives behaviors. Every situation is different and should be treated as such.

    1. A woman who is a jumpoff, is she any worse than the man who is jumping off with her?

      Dont judge a woman by her sexual preferences and how she chooses to express her sexuality.

      1. We’re all adults. We should be able to jump-off with each other if we want and like Tina said, not be judged for it. He’s just feeding into the double standard that makes me think men like him actually don’t like women at all. They like sex, but they don’t like women, especially strong women who have no problem being in control of a situation. By being in control, I mean being the responsible person who is protecting themselves.

    1. Why are gender roles so relevant in society today? I am a lady not a woman and I carry a condom with me. I am not ashamed of that. I am not ‘easy’, I am in a relationship. And if he forgets to pick up condoms-I have one. How is that bad? I prepare for the unexpected because I would rather carry a condom than have unprotected sex or no sex. I am tired of hearing that a girl with a condom is a slut. Guys being the only gender who can carry a condom is sexist and I hope that other ladies realize that it is perfectly fine to carry a condom.

  15. What about being spontaneous with your significant other? Do ladies not like adventure, are ladies not allowed to let themselves go once in a while with someone they are married or in a committed relationship with?

  16. LOL

    God bless the sheep ass women who agree with you.

    Ay for real though, can you tell me what qualifies you as a relationship expert?

    oh and Ay, are you even in a healthy relationship right now? And if you say yes, but not married? Why arent you married?

    I respect that these are YOUR values, but stop trying to make them law for everyone else.

  17. Please continue to carry condoms and practice safe sex LADIES. If you’re practicing safe sex and enjoying life, you’re a lady in my book. I’m not about to condemn you for being smart and knowing that life is unpredictable and that things happen and it’s better to be prepared and carefree than to assume you’ll always make the “proper” decision. Sometimes it’s okay to make the fun one, just be a safe when you make it.

    Out of curiosity, are men who carry condoms simply “ready, willing, and able jump-offs” and not Gentlemen? Are they men who have “no Patience, no restraint, and no value”? Are theses men also “prostitutes” who don’t make women earn the privilege to be penetrated by them?

    Just wondering.

      1. He’s definitely not speaking for me, the father that raised me along with the strong black woman that raised me, or all my guy friends that would never cosign any of this bs he’s trying to feed confused-only women.

  18. oooooooo child I disagree because that’s the main reason why STD’s and Pregnancies are popping up, I feel like the moment a guy say he forgot to get a condom or he doesn’t have any is the moment when he won’t stop and think to go get one he will continue doing what he is doing…now I carry condoms in my purse but I don’t tell people but if the guy forget to bring a condom I will be prepared to protect myself and not depend on him remembering whether or not he has protection or not…he is stupid and need to reevaluate his beliefs because like my mama always say “Look out for yourself when sex is involved, protect yourself first”

  19. My thing is What makes you the expert on this subject just because you are a man and that is how you view females. There are plenty of guys on my college campus who do not think that women are considered promiscuous because they carry condoms…the responsibility is on both parties not just on the man.

  20. You drip with misogyny, do you realize it? Attaching shame to protection in terms of sex is egregious at best. Also, your attempt to make dichotomous woman from lady and in term making “woman” a negative term and dissipating its strength is appalling. They have case studies about guys like you. Don’t let your personal perception ignore the facts. Women, black women in particular are leading in new cases of HIV/AIDS because they’re buying into perception of traveling condoms make them any less of a lady. So if a man runs out of condoms, sex ends? If you’re scared to buy condoms and use them for protection, you shouldn’t be having sex. I strongly suggest you look into you perpetuation of the whore madonna dichotomy you’re attempting to laud.

  21. I am disgusted with the way you think about women. Carrying condoms, as a women, doesn’t make you a whore. I could care less about what men think because I am trying to protect myself. Depending on a man to have a condom every single time is ridiculous. Any woman that is sexually active should carry condoms because a man will not always do so. And you call yourself a “life and relationship coach? tuh!

  22. Wait so if I’m already having sex with this person it isn’t logical for me to have condoms on stash because he’ll think I’m … Gasp… Unlady like. How about ladies don’t sleep with men who have an issue with you having your own stash available .

    Maybe I carry/ have my own stash because a certain brand works for me ( sensitive skin / allergies etc) and instead of going through the hassle of running out to the store in the name of being lady like, I can say ” hey Im grown I was planning on being here anyway, I have a few in my bag) … Let me guess its also not lady like to have birth control pills in your purse … Smh

    Man try again.

  23. What qualifies you to speak on what’s ladylike and what’s not?! How long have you been a lady? When did your period start? How many hours did you spend in labor? Sir have several seats, the judgmental snarky tone you use is deplorable…Respect yourself and have morals ok I get that, but where do you get off calling women whores because they carry condoms? It’s a mans job to provide the condoms wow..I wish your mother had a condom when you were conceived…Talk about what you know, motivate these sorry a.. Men outhere…Never bite the hand that gives life..

  24. Condoms are great but the commercial ones are toxic. Tell your man Sir Richards are sexy and vegan! They donate, too! Vegans dont tend to have risky STDs so I suggest healing your body so that you can enjoy more things raw than just food….

  25. With the number of people that don’t use protection and the prevalence of stds I think everyone should carry condoms. Just evaluate you have one in your wallet or purse does not mean that you’re ready for sex whenever wherever. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Judge a lady by her character not by what in her purse.

  26. This is such a disappointing, sexist article. Why lay this kind of judgement on women who are making independent decisions about protecting their bodies? Whether or not they coincide with your nostalgic beliefs on how a “lady behaves” or your ideals about morality, are irrelevant and don’t affect your life in the least.

  27. Excellent article. Very good thought process and it’s written well. It’s simple. Dumb women who opened their legs will dislike this blog whereas wise ladies who maintained their self-respect will appreciate this blog.

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