Straight men are natural born hunters! Success is measured by one’s ability to reach his/her goals! With this in mind, men have a tendency to set goals primarily in two areas (finances & women). When it comes to financial security, a man has two choices a) Find a job or b) Create one. In the event he is dependent on an employer to hire him, he will have to do everything in his power to plan ahead for the best possible results, but also be prepared for non-acceptance in the event the employer doesn’t currently have a place for him at the company, or simply does not see the value in adding him to the company.
NOTE: Non-acceptance simply means you were not accepted. Rejection means that it is actually communicated that you were not accepted and that the possibility of you being accepted in the future are limited. Non-acceptance keeps the door open for future possibilities.
In the mean time, he can put on his best suit, put together a great resume, and try to make a great impression upon the introduction or interview for a better chance at achieving his goal (i.e. Getting the job). While on the hunt, he should apply for many other positions and exhibit his strengths in hopes of landing the job that’s suitable for him. His expectations of the places he applies should be low, and his hopes should be high! Many employers accept applications and keep them on file in case they ever need an individual with these particular qualities/strengths at a later date. Employees come and go, therefore, they’ll need to have qualified candidates who are enthusiastic about joining the company ready and available in the event that the relationship with current or former employees hasn’t worked out. By rejecting an applicant, you lower the moral and desire to be a part of that company now and forever!
The same applies to personal relationships. If you are a woman of substance, you will constantly receive “applications” from admirers who would like to have a position in your life. There’s always a position to be filled, so keep all of your applications on file. You never know when you’ll need a personal trainer, a chef, a web designer, a photographer, a mechanic, a promoter, a DJ, etc, but it’s great to know that you not only have one on file, but also that this individual has an interest in you and is likely to be motivated to assist you in any way possible, just so long as you make them feel as though they are a part of your life. When men show interest in you, this is proof that they see you as someone of value, and that they are there on their own accord. These are the type of individuals you want on your team for love and support (whenever you need it). The last thing you want is your life or company to be filled with people who “you” may like or admirer, but they themselves don’t actually want to be there.
Go where you are celebrated! Leave the men who don’t celebrate you to themselves. There’s a “myth” going around that “There are no good men left.” There are millions of good men left. The problem is in most cases, women have a particular type of guy in mind, and a “good man” doesn’t land at the top of that list. In fact, you can find plenty of good men if you rummage through the long list of men you’ve placed in the “Friend Category”. Most women won’t admit it, but good men don’t offer the challenge you need to keep you interested. You prefer a man who’s a bad boy whom you can turn into a good man!
Be consistent with your character! You will come across “applicants” whom you’re simply not attracted to romantically, and that’s fine; we all have the right to be selective. Be clear from the very beginning where you stand, but remember to always treat him with dignity and respect in doing so, and be honest. The reason for treating people whom you encounter with dignity and respect is 1) It’s the right thing to do!!! Always treat others how you would like to be treated. 2) You never know who a person is, what they do, or how they can change your life. Influential people come in all shapes and sizes, they dress for many different occasions, and they appear on every corner of the earth. So handle the homeless man on the streets with the same dignity and respect as you would the President of The United States.
Be honest “now”, and people will always respect you”later”! If a man shows interest in you and you tell him “I’m in a relationship” or “I’m married”, that’s not the same as “No, thank you. I’m not interested”. Your relationship status can change any day, and by using your relationship status as a scape goat, you give him “hope”! And with hope… rest assured you will continue to hear from this guy, see this guy, and he will indeed constantly inquire about your current relationship status in hopes that he can somehow find a place in your life.
Relationships aren’t for everybody! Relationships are for the “ready”! With this in mind, you are not obligated to “play ball” each and every time a man shows interest in you. What you can do is, offer an opportunity for you to talk more and get to know each other better as friends. Friendship is the key to having a longer lasting relationship. If you can start there, you both will have the opportunity to see the value in being a part of each other’s lives, or the lack thereof. By denying a person this access, you cut off the possibilities to find romance, to network with him and the people & events he may be affiliated with, and to build a new friendship. When meeting new people, you don’t lose anything, but there’s no limit to what you can gain if you take the time to figure out what value this person can add to your life.
Your personal contact information (i.e. Your email address, phone number, Facebook, Twitter, other social networks) is just that… “personal”. This information should only be given to the men you would possibly like to have a personal relationship with. If you’re in business, give only your business contact info to eliminate any and all ambiguity. Once you give a man your personal contact info, you are giving him hope, so choose wisely who you would like to give this hope to, and refrain from giving this access to men you never want to see or hear from again.
The introduction is everything! If a man approaches you with dignity and respect, then he may be someone worth keeping in touch with. There is power in networking! Your network is should be filled with people who have an interest in you and/or your endeavors! The challenge for you should be to turn this person who’s interested in you romantically to show interest in your business, your events, your projects, etc. Turn him into a loyal customer, and you’ll have an idea of how loyal a person he can be. If he passes the test, keep him in mind for a better position in your life. If he fails, keep him where he’s at!
By rejecting a man, you eliminate any and all possibilities! His moral will be so beaten down that the initial interest he had in you will be gone… and replaced with slight resentment! A man who resents you is less likely to support your interests, your ideas, your business, or be there for you in a time of need. Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies! Rejecting men won’t add value to your life or his. Instead of rejecting the men who show interest in you, respectfully decline his advances/proposals while still being open to a professional or platonic relationship. If the presentation/introduction is anything less than respectable, by all means, close the door. For everyone else, leave the door cracked!
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Life & Relationship Coach