“V-Day is here! I need Romance!! All of my male friends only look at me as a friend!”

Straight men look for women to get closer to on a daily basis. If you’re interested in dating, being in a relationship, marriage, having a family or what have you, you have to start from the very beginning. It’s a process! You first have to know your worth, be patient, and then put yourself in places where the type of men you’re interested in can find you. Your worth is how you view/feel about yourself, and it’s a representation of what you’re willing to accept from others in order for them to associate with you and have access to you/your time/your energy/etc.

Be patient! The average male will want to do nothing more than sleep with you with no commitment. Know your worth and bypass these types of men. Entertain the men who show you respect from the very beginning. Keep your options open!!! Date more than one man at once. You’ve got a life, you’ve got work, and then you’ve got leisure. You’ll be busy with life, so the men you come across will have to get in where they fit in.

They will sense that you’re busy and want to take full advantage of the time you have available for them. Once you’ve exchanged numbers… do not pick up that phone and call him. Wait… for him to call you!!! Once he calls you, make the best of the conversation by telling him details about yourself. Tell him about your education, your relationship with God, your relationship with your family, your favorite food/drinks, your likes/dislikes, what kind of sports you like to watch, your favorite movies, your favorite books, etc!

The benefits of doing it this way is… he now has enough information about you to plan a date that would cator to your taste. He does not need to know your favorite restaurant!!! That would insist that that is where you’re suggesting/requiring that he takes you there. Since you’re not paying for the date, allow him the opportunity to research places that work within his budget. This is where the fun comes in! You’ll have guys left and right trying to win you over. Forget about the guys who are used to you and used to seeing you regularly. Entertain the men who know absolutely nothing about you and will be “excited” about taking on this fresh/new challenge.

Be sure not to come off solely as a “cool chick” or a “home girl”. A man wants a woman who’s going to be a “woman”. He’s got enough “homies”. And so do YOU!!! On “date night”… do your hair, do your make-up, dress up as classy/sexy as you can. Avoid anything “slutty” because then he’ll just want to “bed you” right then and there and you’ll never get those lustful thoughts out of his head… EVER!!! No matter how hard you try!

If the date goes well, you (again) “be patient” and wait for him to reach out to you and ask for another date. To avoid being overly anxious, you have to keep yourself busy with work/life and dating multiple men at once!!! You don’t know what’s going on in that one date’s life. He could be in a relationship, he could only want sex, he could not be that into you, or whatever!!! But you don’t want to find yourself being “thirsty” over this one “great” date you had. And you WILL feel as though “most” of your dates went well because you haven’t been on the scene. So (again) I stress… be… PATIENT!!!

Now if you like the guy that you’re dating, show him a little love and let him know you enjoy his company as well. You can’t be cold and not give him any signals at all. You have to remember… he is dating multiple women too! And he can’t afford to spend his time/energy/money on a woman who’s not giving him any feedback on how the date is going or how she feels about him. In order to get a 2nd date from him, he has to feel the connection/feel the vibes/feel the energy and know that you’re into him.

While you’re dating these multiple men, you evaluate them on all of their actions. Is he opening doors for you? Is he making arrangements and paying for the date? Was he on time? Did he call you as opposed to texting? Was he a gentlemen? Some men simply don’t know better. Some men simply don’t do better. Either way, you will have your answers on or before the first date. But it’s up to you to know your worth and not settle for anything less than what a lady deserves.

After dating a guy, talking to him, getting to know him, etc… if you are satisfied with his personality, character, then you can consider him for a promotion. By now, he will want to have more of your time, and he will want to sleep with you. But no sex until there’s a commitment. If you give him sex before the commitment, you run the risk of him no longer wanting to compete for your time/energy. Get the commitment first.

There’s no need to give him an ultimatum! He’ll already be chasing you because he sees that you don’t have enough time to give him due to your busy work schedule, life, and dating other guys. Not to mention, he hasn’t had the pleasure of being intimate with you. So after all the time/energy/effort/money he’s been spending on you, he will want to know where things are going. Or better yet if things “can” go somewhere… because you’re beginning to get “expensive” lol.

A man spending his time/energy/effort/money is a great way to measure his true interest in you. Because this means a lot to a man. So if he’s putting forth this type of effort, you either reward him because you want it to continue, or you leave him alone because you’re not interested. So put yourself out there, get some dates lined up, evaluate each guy you meet, and make a choice which guy you’d like to get closer to. Let me know how things go 😉

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Life & Relationship Coach


One thought on ““V-Day is here! I need Romance!! All of my male friends only look at me as a friend!”

  1. Thank you so much for that post. It really put all this dating stuff in context. I know the men will not like it much but that is the best way to do it, especially the sex issue. Make the man wait on you. New York swagger with a southern style. That is the man I want for myself.

    BTW…I’m thrilled that I have a date for Valentine’s Day 🙂 It was kind of last minute but I said what the hell…Yeah… I have a date for V-Day! First time in about 5 years that I have had a date on V-Day. We are going to a Japanese restaurant ( which is my absolute favorite place} and I get my sushi too ( which I love). This is my third date with him and I am excited. I don’t think he is the one but he is trying.

    Than I have an afternoon date this Friday to see Hill Harper speak at a conference with a different guy. This will be our second date. The first date was coffee.

    What I am trying to say is thanks a lot coach Chey…you’re the best relat. coach out there and I hope more people find out just how good of a person you are.

    Happy Valentine’s Day Chey and Thanks for the inspiration!

    All the best,
    Velma J.

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