Getting back on the dating scene!

Men look for women to get closer to on a daily basis. If you’re interested in dating, being in a relationship, marriage, having a family etc, you have to start from the very beginning. It can be a slow process at times, but it’s well worth the wait! The first step has nothing to with him and everything to do with you; that step is… making yourself “date worthy”. A man can sense when a woman has no confidence, low self-esteem, doesn’t know her worth, or simply doesn’t match the criteria for what he looks for in a woman, so don’t worry about doing anything special to attract a man; all you have to do is to continue to focus on being the best person you can be!

Your worth is determined by the value you add to the lives of others; that means for example, if a man is looking for a woman who can cook, you’ll be a worthy candidate for him if you know how to cook. If you don’t know how to cook, he may still see value in you as a person, however you’re not his ideal candidate for a wife. In the event a man does not want to proceed with a date, don’t beat yourself up about it, just get back to you and wait for the next candidate to come along.

When it comes to dating, a man likes the idea of being the pursuant; this allows him the time to budget, plan, and decide exactly who he’d like to invest his time, energy, and money in. Before a man will consider dating a woman, he wants to be financially stable so that he can show you a nice time, and emotionally available so that he can be open to receiving you. For these reasons alone, a man does not like to be prompted for a date; he will pursue dating when he is ready. If a man is financially stable, is emotionally available, and is genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with you, he will be more than happy to offer to take you out on a date. 

In the mean time, don’t sit around waiting for some guy to call and ask you out. If you’re that anxious to go out on a date, date yourself. Yes, Date yourself! Get to know yourself a bit better and get comfortable doing fun and invigorating things on your own. Be independent until interdependence is required. If you don’t want to be alone, call up a friend or a family member and enjoy the company of people you know and love minus the pressure.

Treating yourself can also help you develop a standard by which you like to be treated. When a man finally does ask you out on a date, you can use your experience dating yourself to measure whether he will be a liability or an asset to your life. Taking yourself out will also give you an idea of what it’s like for a man to pay for himself and you on a date. Since dating can get quite expensive, it’s a good idea to be flexible on the creative ideas he comes up with to be in your company, and by all means show appreciation. 

A lot of women find themselves in relationship trouble because they lack patience and get stuck with the wrong man. Being single doesn’t mean you have to be lonely; there are many ways to occupy yourself and your time to avoid settling for just any man. Stay focused on your health, your education, your career, and your future, focus on a man only when he focuses on you. You can rush a man into bed, but you can’t rush him into a date, a relationship, or a marriage. Let the man who is ready to start dating come looking for you.

Men who are not financially or emotionally stable won’t want to get financially or emotionally involved with a new woman. In other words, his only interest will be going to the bedroom and out the door with you. He already has it programmed in his mind that he can’t afford to date you, or he’s still emotionally attached elsewhere, and the only investment he is able/willing to make is with his penis. As a woman who has high standards and is looking for more substance, bypass these types of men as they will prove (over time) to be spiritually, emotionally, financially, and even physically draining. We’re moving forward, not backwards, so only entertain who have worth and know yours

When it comes to dating, a man will put forth time, energy and effort because she is the one, not to figure out if she’s the one. Don’t be offended if a man you have great conversation with, and appear to have a great connection with doesn’t look to proceed towards dating with you. A man knows in his heart when he’s found a good woman, however if he’s going to share his world with a woman for life, he’s looking to invest in a great woman. Don’t allow a man’s lack of interest in pursuing you to discourage you; continue to work on being the best woman you can be, and you’ll continue to attract quality men who see value in you.

Keep your options open!!! Since pursuing a man on your own accord is a definite way to scare men away, enjoy the eligible bachelors who seek your hand. You’ve got a life, you’ve got work, and then you’ve got leisure. You’ll be busy with life, so the men you come across will have to get in where they fit in. They will sense that you’re busy and want to take full advantage of the time you have available for them. Once you’ve exchanged numbers, wait patiently for him to be the aggressor and contact you. Once he calls you, make the best of the conversation by telling him details about yourself. Tell him about your education, spiritual beliefs, your relationship with your family, your favorite food/drinks, your likes/dislikes, what kind of sports you like to watch, your favorite movies, and your favorite books!!!

When you give a man details about your life, he’ll have enough information about you to plan a date that would cater to your taste. He does not need to know your favorite restaurant!!! That would insist that that is where you’re suggesting/requiring that he takes you there. Since you’re not paying for the date, allow him the opportunity to research places that work within his budget. When you’re getting to know a potential romantic interest, be sure not to come off as a “cool chick” or a “home girl”. A man wants a woman who’s going to be a “woman”. He’s got enough “homies”. And so do you!!!

On “date night”… do your hair, do your make-up, dress up as classy/sexy as you can. Avoid anything “slutty” because then he’ll just want to “bed you” right then and there and you’ll never get those lustful thoughts out of his head… EVER!!! No matter how hard you try! If the date goes well, you (again) “be patient” and wait for him to reach out to you and ask for another date. To avoid being overly anxious, you have to keep yourself busy with work/life and perhaps entertaining other admirers who are interested in growing with you!!! Don’t concern yourself with how others view you dating multiple people at once; you don’t know what’s going on in that one date’s life, nor do you have any control over him. He could be in a relationship, he could only be after sex, he could not be that into you, or whatever!!! But you don’t want to find yourself being too anxious over this one “great” date you had. And you will feel as though most of your dates went fairly well because you haven’t been on the scene in awhile. So again I stress… be patient!

Now if you like the guy that you’re dating, show him a little love and let him know you enjoy his company as well. You can’t be cold and not give him any signals at all. You have to remember… he is dating multiple women too!!! And he can’t afford to invest his time/energy/money on a woman who’s not giving him any feedback on how the date is going or how she feels about him. In order to get a 2nd date from him, he has to feel the connection/feel the vibes/feel the energy and know that you’re into him. While you’re dating these multiple men, evaluate them based on their character (i.e. Their actions). Is he opening doors for you? Is he making arrangements and paying for the date? Was he on time? Did he call you as opposed to texting? Was he a gentleman? Some men don’t know better. Some men don’t do better. Either way, you will have your answers on or before the first date. But it’s up to you to know your worth and not settle for anything less than what you feel you deserve.

After dating a guy, talking to him, getting to know him, etc… If you are satisfied with his personality, character, then you can consider him for a promotion. By now, he will want to have more of your time, and he will without a doubt want to sleep with you. If you give him sex before a commitment, you run the risk of him no longer wanting to compete for your time/energy. There’s no need to give him an ultimatum as far as committing to you, he will want to make progress with you after waiting it out for this long. Allow him to be the aggressor and ask if you’d like to a more prominent position in his life.

Between your work schedule, your daily life, dating other guys, etc, he’ll want to secure a place in your life that will guarantee him more exclusive time with you. After all the time/energy/effort/money he’s been spending on you, he will want to know where things are going. Or better yet if things can go somewhere… because you’re beginning to get expensive lol. But a man spending his time/energy/effort/money is a great way to measure his true interest in you. These things mean a lot to a man. So if he’s putting forth this type of effort, you either reward him because you want it to continue, or you leave him alone because you’re not interested. So put yourself out there, get some dates lined up, evaluate each guy you meet, and choose which guy you’d like to get closer to. Let me know how things go 😉

If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please add me on Facebook & Follow me on Twitter!

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Life & Relationship Coach


10 thoughts on “Getting back on the dating scene!

  1. Thanks Chey! You have given me some inspiration. I find that right now I am super busy and not as concerned with dating but I do have 6 men in rotation so something has got to give one day.The one thing that shocks men is that I don’t text people, except for my niece. When they text me instead of calling, I tell them I don’t text and they get shocked.

    I think that in Buffalo, all the good Black men have graudated from great colleges (mostly Catholic) have developed the type of character I like and can appreciate. They are married and with children. The single ones have either left the area or are hiding under rocks or something:)

    Thanks for the encouragement. I took a week off of actually going out but I am communicating with them by phone. I think I am dropping three next week because they get on my damn nerves and I never have joyful, fun times with them.

    Oh, well. I know what I like and don’t like. I’m getting better at rejecting them instead of letting them hang on in hopes of getting into my pants!

    Thanks CheyB. Great commentary as usual!

  2. After reading different articles , I’ve learned that never give a man a 100 perecent just 50 and the other 50 goes into youre gut that’s so true! Thanks so much CheyB for giving me points on a relationship . 🙂

  3. This was a great article. Dating has always made me nervous, but I am learning to relax and enjoy it. I like getting the male perspective on things.

    1. Hello there, I appreciate you reading and sharing your thoughts. I would love for you to share this blog with your facebook friends and encourage them to subscribe. Dating is fun, one of the keys to dating is being selective, giving the privilege of a date only to those you are romantically interested in and see potential in. This will make your dating experience that much more enjoyable. Know before you go 😉

      Follow me: @AskCheyB

  4. I’m going to pass this on. Very informative. I’m actually in a season where I’m dating myself and enjoying life. But this article provided some good points once I decide to date again. And I definitely would like to hear more on the call vs texting. I really don’t like when guys do that unless you’re texting me to say I just left the house or I’m on the way. I don’t like to replace old fashioned conversation with texting it just can’t be done. But surprisingly a lot of men seem to want to take this route.

  5. I agree with Angela about the texting versus calling or human contact. I think men are actually more hesitant to become emotionally involved than women are willing to go. This is their way of remaining emotionally distant out of fear of rejection or that we (women) will learn something negative about them that will dissuade us from dating them.

    My question right now is this: Why do men expect women to call them or text them first if they meet online? I have told several men that I do not call men that I do not know and I would not be contacting themby any means prior to them calling me. I than give out my number if iUam interested. I also tell them that IO accept no calls after 8:30PPm. I awake, everyday between 5:30 Am and 6:00Am, and retire by 9:00 PM. 8:30 PM – 9:00 Pm is bedtime relaxation time. I do not wish to change my well developed sleeping habits to stay up and wait for a phone call, unless it is an emergency.

    A male friend thought that was harsh of me. I responded,”I could care less.Is it better that I fall asleep on them I ( I have fallen asleep on people in the past)?” I would hope that an interested man would be respectful enough to abide by my calling guidelines.

    What do you think, Chey B?

  6. Wow very informative article..I love it particularly because I recently decided to start dating myself because I’m tired of the guys I’ve been dating.I can now positively say that I like me better after getting to know myself better in the recent months.
    I also find it annoying that most guys I meet want to text as opposed to calling,to me it says that I’m not worth calling or they are just cheap and texting is cheaper for them..either way I’ve decided no more dating until there is someone I will consider worthy of getting to know. So for now I’m dating me:)

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