Ways of knowing you and your partner are in an “exclusive” relationship…

A “relationship” is any union that connects more than one person. From the moment you meet & connect with someone, you now have a “relationship”. The titles of some relationships need to be communicated, while others don’t. In order for there to be a clear understanding of a romantic relationship, both parties should at some point communicates and define exactly what it is. Whenever someone earns a new position in your life, they should be given a title. When parents give birth to a boy, they call him “son”. When a couple gets married, they call one another husband and wife. These titles help identify their roles in each other’s lives.  

Anytime you allow a man to earn a significant place in your life, he should be given a title that publicly identifies his position. The key piece to this puzzle is earning the position/title, as opposed to being given a position/title. When a man earns his position, that’s indication that he’s put in the necessary work that you required him to do, and he’s shown you his worth. A man who is given a position/title hasn’t necessarily done anything to earn his keep, he’s just around. There are millions of men in the world, and you only need one. Never focus on a man who isn’t focused on you! Give your time, energy, and effort to a man who has and still is proving that he wants to be a part of your life.  

Men are natural born hunters; they like to be the aggressors and initiate activities that interest them. Being handed things takes away the fun in the hunt, and it makes him feel less than a man because he hasn’t earned his keep. With this in mind, know that men do not want to be approached by a woman, asked out on a date, offered a relationship title, or proposed to for marriage. These are things that men want to do on their own, when they’re ready, and with the person of their choice. The best way for you to get a man to approach you, date you, commit to you, and marry you is by showing him your worth. Showing your worth simply means that you are being the best woman you can be in hopes that he will take notice; all the while, you are being still, and taking little to no action.

When you first meet a guy, and you’re making his acquaintance, make mental notes of the way he carries himself and the way he approaches you. After evaluating all you can about this individual, make a decision whether or not the relationship should end there, or if he’s sparked your interest enough to take things further. Always remember that it’s great for a woman to set the tone, but you want the man to take the lead and go after what he wants. If he asks you for your number, that’s a great sign that he would like to reconnect with you after the initial conversation. If he asks you out on a date, that’s great, because this is evidence that he sees you as someone he would like to invest time, energy, effort, and money into.

After talking to this gentleman for some time, you’ve determined that he is worth giving more of your time to, then by all means, go ahead and entertain the possibility of beginning a friendship. If you’re not satisfied with his personality, character, spirituality, or finances, then there’s no obligation; you can put an end the association at any time with no hard feelings. This is what getting to know a person is all about; there’s a position that needs to be filled and you’re interviewed qualified candidates. A qualified candidate is someone who can and is willing to match or exceed everything that you’re already doing for yourself. With this in mind, you don’t want to put out “ads” for an opening, but you instead want to interview the men who come to you and apply. 

Time and money are two things that are very important to a man, so it’s a great idea to sit back and observe just how much of both he’s willing to invest in you. Now if you take the lead and make all of the suggestions on what to do and when to do it, you’ll be unable to measure just how serious he is about you, because he’s not acting on his own accord. Allow a man to take the initiative, call you, and arrange for a date or outing, while you sit back and enjoy being a woman. When you know your role this early in the relationship, there should be no confusion on the roles that should be played later on in the relationship.

Men enjoy being single because it gives them the space and opportunity to be independent and strengthen his independence. Being in a relationship requires interdependence, and he knows he’ll be a much greater asset to you if he’s first successful during his independence. Having someone depend on you is a huge responsibility, and he’ll only feel comfortable accepting if he is ready. When he’s ready, he will show you through his actions.

Men are cold and hard on the outside, but warm and soft on the inside. You’ll know you’re getting closer to a man’s heart when he starts to show you his softer side (i.e. the things that are most important to him). The things that mean the world to a man are his family, his time/money, and his dreams. When a man introduces you to important people in his life (i.e. his mother, the females in his family, or his children), this is a sign that he wants you to see his life so that you can decide if you want to be in his life. When a man invests his time/money into you that means that he’s potentially interested in forming a partnership, and gaining a long-term return on his investment. When a man shares his dreams with you, that’s indication that he is ready to open up and let you in, and that he’s not afraid to be vulnerable.

As a woman, you can set the tone by not making yourself 100% available to him. By doing this you prompt him to take action, and seek out a more concrete position in your life. When you give a man too much too soon, he’ll get comfortable and start to take you for granted. You can avoid being taken for granted by keeping yourself busy with your own life, until he decides to make you an official part of his. You’re not giving up on him, you’re simply pulling back a little so that you can measure whether he sees you as potential or you’re just a convenience.

If the calls become less frequent, the texts become non-existent, and the dates are long gone, then it’s quite clear that he’s not that into you, or he’s not ready to be in a relationship with you. If on the other hand, he’s still calling, texting, and showing interest, then this is great indication that he still sees you as someone of value. If he’s genuinely interested in you and he’s ready for a commitment, he will make the decision to be more exclusive with you, and you’ll be the first to know. Your standoffish behavior will be the push he needs to ask for exclusivity.

It’s up to you to not give away free benefits to men who do not commit to you. If you don’t make commitment a requirement, men will opt to have a friendship with benefits for as long as you’ll allow them to, or until they feel threatened by another man showing interest in you. A man will do and say anything to get between a woman’s legs, so it’s your job to set standards, and make requirements in order for him to get there, if a commitment is what you seek. You’ll know you’re both in a relationship when he asks you to be exclusive, and when he treats you as if you’re exclusive.

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6 thoughts on “Ways of knowing you and your partner are in an “exclusive” relationship…

  1. I found that your blog cleared up some confusion I would have w/males about where our relationships stood. At this time I have had an active dating life but had to let several go from the associate category because they seemed more interested in sleeping with me than getting to know me and become friends, and possibly enter a romantic relationship. They just seem pushy and I move a bit slower on developing from associate to friend to romantic friendship.

    Thanks for the blog. Certainly on point and worth remembering.

    VJC

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