Gents: First work on the money… then work on the girl!

Some people work to make money and use the money they make to pay bills. Others work to make money and use the money they make to invest in things that will help them achieve financial freedom/secure a future for themselves, their family, and the people they leave behind. It’s important to have a list of priorities in life, and “you” should sit at the very top of that list of priorities. The more you value yourself physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially, the more others will value you. If you’re working towards being the best man you can be spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially you’re going to want to find a person who offers the same value you possess.

This issue of making it a first priority prior to be financially independent is a matter of morals, values, character, upbringing, and influences. When the right path isn’t laid out for a young man growing up, his fate rests in the hands of the influences of the world. One major instance in which a man will come to terms with the importance of having financial stability is when he meets his significant other’s father. The mother will be more concerned with how much you love her daughter. The father will be more concerned with what you do for a living and how you plan on providing for his daughter. Better to have a plan of action before meeting the man whom she knows will protect her best interest and advise against you if your plan is not conducive to her future.

A huge part of being an adult is being financially independent and responsible. Being able to make smart decisions with your money are essential to your growth and development in the society we live in. This could mean cutting back on shopping, dates, eating out, driving, etc in order to reduce your everyday expenses and use that money towards savings and investments. The money you save from cutting back on expenses will accumulate over time and accrue interest depending on how/where you invest. But more importantly, this money will come in handy if tragedy were ever to strike and you’re unable to generate income. Not having financial security will leave you dependent on everyone but yourself. <<< A trait that no woman admires.

With or without a woman, you (as a man) are held accountable for the financial decisions you make in life and people (especially women you’re interested in dating) will associate with you in part based on your ability to make money work for you. The actual amount of money you’ve saved or invested isn’t what’s important. What’s important is that you’ve dedicated your time/energy/effort/money into taking steps towards becoming financially independent and securing your future.

Being financially stable will change the way you walk, talk, dress, the company you keep, and it will also play a huge part in the type of women you consider for dating potential. The type of women you consider for a date/relationship/marriage ties into “knowing your worth”. Realizing your worth can mean “I know I’m broke, so let me seek a woman who’s esteem is low enough to take me as is”. Realizing your worth can also mean “I’m financially independent, so now I’m going to seek out a woman who matches or exceeds what I’m bringing to the table, so that in the future we can become financially interdependent, pool our resources together and be a “powerhouse” living a happier/healthier/more prosperous lifestyle. Being a financial powerhouse is not an ultimate solution to finding happiness. Taking good care of your health and loving yourself is something you both should find within yourselves and share with each other. Money+Love+Wellness= Happiness

Women are ultimately attracted to a man based on what he appears to be doing for himself. She becomes even more deeply connected if/when that man is able to also do things for her. If you’re dealing with a woman of substance, she already has her own money in the bank and in no way “needs” yours. However, women like to be catered to (by a man) in more ways than the physical and at “your” expense. She likes to be taken shopping, out to eat, on trips, etc. You won’t need money to “get” the girl, but you certainly will need money to “keep” her.

If you cannot afford to do these things for a woman, the life expectancy of your relationship will end as soon as that woman wakes up and realizes her worth. Without money, there is no real sense of security in that relationship because you as a man didn’t bring security into that relationship to begin with. When unexpected expenses come, and you have no money in the bank to turn to, the burden falls on the woman. As a man, your usefulness will expire if your woman has to take care of any unexpected duties & expenses that the man of the house should be taking care of.

Being with a woman isn’t always, but certainly should be an “investment” in your future, and not an added expense… but not before you invest in “yourself” and become financially independent on your own. Some women would argue that they have no problem accepting a man who doesn’t have any money, but who in fact loves them. If you look closely at “this” particular woman, this gesture is a matter of “low self-esteem”. Women with high esteem, who are accomplished and have everything to show for it, would rather remain single than settle for a man with no money, no goals, and no plans for his future.

There are some cases where a woman of this caliber will get seduced by a man who gives her hope, sells her dreams, and gives her a “false” sense of security, but after years of disappointment, heartache, and pain, the woman awakens from this spell and eventually reverts back to where she started (which is in front of a mirror). Looking in the mirror will allow her the opportunity to take a closer look at her life & her future. From there she realizes her worth and proceeds to work on herself in hopes of finding someone who matches or exceeds everything she brings to the table, and rids herself of “you”.

Whoever you spend your time/energy/effort/money on should be someone you see value in. Someone who can add to everything you’ve already built for yourself. Not every women you meet gets a date! Choose wisely! Otherwise that investment turns into a quite costly expense. Especially if you’re dating multiple women at once (recommended).

If you are a responsible adult male, you have a source of income that helps cover your financial obligations. If your expenses number in the thousands, it makes financial sense to have an emergency fund also numbering in the thousands just to cover those expenses should your source of income expire. BTW having thousands of dollars in your checking and savings account is nothing something that’s uncommon. In fact it’s very common to the financially responsible, as this is an essential part of survival (especially in an unstable economy). It’s called having financial security and every grown adult should have it. If you have no money in your bank account, your paycheck had better cover all of your expenses and then some, because if there’s no “and then some”, you won’t be able to treat “yourself” to the finer things in life, let alone treat a lady the way she likes to be treated because you have no money leftover.

There is a solution to this problem. Focus on “you”! Have a plan! Establish yourself financially so that you can be in the best possible position to meet a woman who’s in her best possible position in life. Focus on gaining financial freedom & security. Once you’ve established yourself, you will see yourself as “more” valuable than that of which you already were. In addition, the women you admire will find you to be more attractive/valuable as they see the time/energy/effort/money you’ve invested in yourself. They see you as someone who is secure, and they want “security” in their lives.

Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

6 thoughts on “Gents: First work on the money… then work on the girl!

  1. This is it! You have got to be tired of me commenting on everyone of your blogs but this one hits the nail on the head in so many ways and I hope your message is highly exposed to those who have an interest in relationships.

    I think what you said about fathers being concerned about the support issue is so true. My parents divorced when I was three and it was not amicable. My Mom always encouraged three young women to stand on their own two feet and work your behind off until you get what is yours or you will never get it. “Life is a dream and struggle” she used to say. My Mom always checked out the financial and the love issue. My Dad died before any of the women got married so we did not get it from him.

    And besides I do wonder if women and men who come from divorced families develop the way of comprehending relationships as people with long married parents? The irony is that none of my close friends have divorced parents. They have been married like 40 years or something and I use their families as an example in many of romantic relationships.

    I’m getting long winded..thanks for reading if you did. Keep putting it out there Chey B

    1. Hey Velma,

      Thank you for reading. Even a divorced family can instill morals, values, and principles to live by in their children. The idea that only a couple who “stuck through it” has the last say unfortunately blinds a lot of people. Learning comes from “everywhere”

  2. I read this post and kind of applied it to myself. I’ve been unemployed since 2007, with temp jobs on and off since then. Being unemployed has taken a huge toll on my dating life. Part of me doesnt feel worthy enough to be with someone because my financial situation is at a stand still.I I feel like once I get my life together then I can think about a man but at the same thing im pushing 29 and I feel like im letting time pass me by. My mom says its my pride (which is partly true) but after reading this post shouldnt women also focus on financial stability before finding a man? If not can you do a post about it.

    Keep up the Good Work!

    -T

    1. Hello Tanica, thank you for reading. I always tell women, “Focus on your education, your career, your health, your happiness. Focus on a man when he focuses on you.”

  3. I’ve just read the ENTIRE blog on relationships. Thank you SIR for opening my eyes AND reminding ME!! Our YOUNG FOLK needs to read this as well. Keep up the good work. God bless.

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