Anytime you have the desire to enter into a relationship with someone, you should begin with the end in mind. Success is measured by one’s ability to reach his/her goals, so if you want your relationship to be successful, set goals for yourself and work towards achieving them. Different people value different things, and this is especially true when it comes to the opposite sex. Some people value sex with no strings, some value monogamy, and some simply value no sex at all. Since values differ from person to person, it’s important to discuss morals, values, and principles with the person you’re getting to know long before getting emotionally and sexually involved. Sharing the same morals, values, and principles is a great way to start off any relationship, and it will help you attract the men you need, and avoid the men you don’t.
Sex is great, and it plays a huge factor in any romantic relationship, however… all relationships and all things have to be built on a solid foundation… otherwise, it will eventually crumble. The foundation that makes a romantic relationship last longer is best known as friendship. Friendship is the key to romance! Through friendship, you will discover a great deal of pertinent information about a person’s character that will help guide you towards deciding whether or not this person is right for you. Most men won’t have the patience to wait 90 days for sex, but these are the types of men you want to avoid. 90 days isn’t a deadline for sex, but more so a probationary period that allows you to feel him out.
Within a 90 day period, continue to live your life as you normally would, which will give you both the space and opportunity to miss one another. When you can find the time, talk to one another over the phone and share details of each other’s lives; this will give you a list of great topics to spin off of on date nights. While getting better acquainted over the phone, you may even come to find that you’re not interested in pursuing anything further than platonic friendship, and opt not to go out on a date. If you find this person to be interesting and if he possesses the moral fiber you look for in a man, by all means, give it a try.
The goal here is to establish a foundation that you can fall back on for those times when you’re not in the mood to do anything more than simply be in each other’s company. It’s quite difficult to have dinner, cuddle, or stare in the eyes of someone you have no chemistry with, so look beyond the physical attraction and try to establish a deeper connection. When you’ve developed a spiritual connection with someone before sex… the sex that comes later on will merely be a bonus. I believe in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships (according to Chey B). This requires your partner to be 1) Respectful 2) Loving 3) Honest 4) Trustworthy 5) Loyal 6) Supportive 7) A great communicator. With these key things, your relationship will be destined for greatness.
Since we’re on the topic, sex shouldn’t even be a factor during the “getting to know each other” process because the focus should be on spending time getting to know each other. The beauty of life and love is… not always knowing what’s going to happen next; look at sex as a way of saving the best for last. Develop a solid friendship with your potential mate, and figure out if he possesses The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships. While getting to know the guy and spending time with him, you will develop a spiritual connection or disconnection even. With that spiritual connection intact, the sexual connection that comes along with a marriage will be all the more special. The old saying goes “Good things come to those who wait.”
After waiting to enjoy one another on a deeper level of spirituality (sex), you will have built up such uncontrollable feelings for one another, and once you release it, you will have taken your relationship to a whole new level. After proving your love through the sanctity of marriage, it becomes clear that you genuinely love, care, and value this person. At this point, you’ll feel more comfortable with being vulnerable and communicating any problems you may face throughout the relationship. If, for example there’s something that your partner isn’t doing right in the bedroom, you can work on it together and make your sexual experience even better. Practice makes perfect! For better results in your relationship, start from the inside, and work your way out! This practice adds value to your relationship and helps you to avoid getting stuck in a sexually charged relationship that lacks substance.
Men enjoy earning their keep, and they place more value in things they’re required to earn. Giving a man sex with no strings is like a boss giving an employee a bonus he hasn’t rightfully earned. While a man may appreciate you for giving him your body, he won’t value you as much as he would have, if he earned the privilege. When you start your relationship off with sex… every encounter you have with one another will be sex driven, and sex will be the only thing he looks forward to. He instead should be looking forward to getting to know you and getting better acquainted.
When you start things off with sex, you give up what he considers to be the highest level of achievement with a woman; not to mention, you’ll have missed out on the opportunity to get close to his heart. A man will without a doubt show you who he is after sex, and that may or may not be a good thing. After you give a man sex with no strings, he won’t feel obligated to get to know you or allow you to get to know him because it was never a requirement. Now you’re stuck with a man you’re physically connected to, but spiritually and emotionally, he is completely disconnected from you; leaving you feeling worth less.
One of the purposes behind the idea of waiting until marriage is for you to enjoy the pleasures of sex, but with the one person that you truly love. By being monogamous, you reduce your risk of becoming pregnant by someone who feels they have no obligation to you, being infected by STDs, but more importantly it shows that you value yourself and the relationship you have with your partner. Waiting for sex seems foreign to men today because so many women give them sex right away without requiring anything at all. Men are interested in being married, but so many women fail the wife material test by giving him too much too soon without any requirements.
When a man is looking for sex, he’ll place high value in a woman’s outer beauty, but when a man is looking for a wife, he’ll place even higher value in a woman’s inner beauty. The way for a woman to find a man of substance is to simply be a woman of substance. Focus on being the best woman you can be in every aspect of your life and quality men will inevitably take notice. When a man sees a woman who knows how to take care of herself and others, this is indication of how she could potentially treat him. The same principle holds true for the Diva who is full of herself and can think of no one but herself; this type of spirit may attract men who are interested in sex, but might repel men who are interested in finding a wife!
There’s more to life than having mind blowing sex in abundance, and if you’re interested in having a relationship that provides more than a sexual experience, plant the seeds and watch them grow. It’s important that any and every relationship have chemistry for starters; from there it’s simply a matter of where both parties are positioned in life. Being emotionally, spiritually, and financially stable will play a huge role in whether a not a man is ready, able, and willing to commit. So be sure to get to know as much about his position in his own life, before giving him a position in yours. Begin your relationship with friendship, and if things don’t work out romantically, you can at the very least, leave with what you started out with. Every person you allow into your life should be an asset to your life, not a liability; choose wisely!
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Life & Relationship Coach