I first want you to know that it is perfectly normal to miss your ex (even if he treated you terribly). He’s the one you’ve gotten close to, the one you’ve given your body to, introduced to your family, shared moments with, grown with, etc. It’s hard to let go of someone who’s gotten so close to your heart. But it’s certainly possible. Think about ALLLLLLLL the ex’s before this one. Do you miss them???? No, I think not. So what happened? Time elapsed!! You met someone new!! You moved on with your life!! These are a part of the steps you need to take.
First, you have to keep yourself busy with something called Life!!! If you sit at home doing nothing, you’ll be constantly reminded of how lonely you are, how much you miss your ex, and how much you want to have someone there. <<< And that’s what this is really about. You miss the comfort he gave you, and the convenience of having someone there for you. It’s not necessarily about him, because it could’ve been anybody!!! He just happens to be the person you’re most comfortable being vulnerable around (at the time), and you’re afraid of starting over. But these feelings shall come to pass.
When I say keep yourself busy, I’m talking create a brand new music playlist, clean out the refrigerator, wash your car, paint your living room, go to work (of course). Do things that will free your mind of him. Invite your girls over for moral support even; it’s great to have a good support system/people you can talk to so that you can release your thoughts and feelings. Make sure though that these friends aren’t hurt/angry/bitter because they will advise you to simply forget about him and go right back to the dating scene which is exactly what you don’t want to do. Right now it’s time to reflect on what just happened, what’s happening now, and what’s getting ready to happen in your future.
Now… if you there’s no marriage and you have no kids with your ex, enjoy the good times, cherish the memories, but by God, let him remain an ex Forever! If you backtrack, you’re simply prolonging the inevitable. Your relationship should end in the same way that it began, and that’s with a conversation. When you break up with him (or vice versa), have a face to face conversation so that you both can get out any and everything you need/want to say. Take as much time as you need (in that one sitting), and make this the last conversation you have together so that you can officially get each other out of your system. Do not avoid this step or else he will have a reason to contact you and he won’t stop until he gets this closure.
You owe it to one another to bring closure to the relationship. So handle the break-up and your ex with dignity and respect. <<< This step will allow you to free yourself of any guilt or any animosity you may have towards him. Talking about all of the issues you have in your relationship with him will allow you to see more clearly why you need to move on. You guys can be cordial, peaceful, and respectful to one another whenever you bump into each other, but outside of that, there doesn’t need to be any further contact. You don’t have to be the best of friends, but do end things on a friendly basis. It’s a break up! You don’t have to be sworn enemies.
So now we’ve established that there should be no communication between you two, there’s definitely no sex. You can’t get over your ex if you’re still laying up under him. Many times when we stay in relationships, the sex is the one thing that we always agree upon, so while you’re in this emotional state, don’t confuse your lust with love. Being sexually involved with your ex will only prolong the inevitable, while you’re enjoying the best make-up sex of your life. Make-up sex is always great because you’re taking all of your aggression and channeling it into that moment of passion. Unfortunately, this is a temporary high and you’ll be back to reality shortly thereafter. To avoid a prolonged break-up, stay out of his bed and keep him out of yours 😉
Keep your mind occupied and off of your ex by doing things for yourself (i.e.Massage, manicure, pedicure, join a gym and start working out, start to cook more, read self-help books for motivation/inspiration, talk to your family & friends, etc. Remember, this is only one man and one break up; don’t make this out to be the end of the world! If it didn’t work out, it didn’t work out! It’s ok to move on and find someone you can really grow with. Relationships are all about growth!. Yes, the sex was good and he was attractive, and everybody liked him, etc… but you couldn’t grow with him. So don’t stunt your growth! MOVE ON!!!
When you’re fresh out of a failed relationship with someone, the last thing you want to do is jump right back into the dating scene. Use this time to find yourself, and heal from the emotional distress caused by this previous relationship. Taking a spiritual journey after a break-up allows you to take a deep look at yourself, and the things you need to work on in order to make your next relationship a success. Men can sense a woman who’s been broken, and they use that knowledge to take advantage of her vulnerable state. If you want to avoid being hurt all over again, take the time to regroup and come back a better you!
Take as much time as you need to heal your broken heart. Reflect on the good times that you shared with your ex, and value the experiences you share. Also reflect on the bad times, and use this to remind you of why you made the decision to move on. This healing process is about getting you back to a place where you’re able to love and be loved again, so allow time to take its course. You can’t move onto the next, until you’re through with your ex!
Now here’s where it gets fun. When you’re doing all these things for yourself, you’ll begin to smile more, you’ll feel better about yourself, and you’ll be glowing!!! The men who cross your path will be on you like a magnet!!! And you don’t have to jump to the opportunities that come your way… just use this fuel to further validate that your ex isn’t the only person that can “make you feel good”. You can make you feel good, and there’s a world of other men who will compete for that same opportunity. Suddenly… that ex doesn’t look so good anymore 🙂
YouTube video: “Getting Over an Ex” http://youtu.be/OTnQVU22EtU
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Life & RelationshipCoach
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