Let’s be honest… You meet people where you meet people, and you fall in love with who you fall in love with. The person you fall in with could live anywhere on the planet, and wherever they are… that’s where your heart is. No matter where that man/woman goes, you want to stay connected because they have a special place in your heart and you don’t ever want to let it go. Sure you’re not able to hug, kiss, touch, and (insert whatever thoughts you may have here _________________ lol), but those things aren’t the driving forces behind your love for this person. You love this person because of the way he/she made you feel “inside”. No matter there distance away from you, you still have that “feeling” inside.
The “option” of living within driving distance of the person you love is not always an option. No matter where you meet that person though, it’s important that you get to know the person (inside and out) and start your relationship off as friends. When you start things off as friends, you allow enough space and opportunity for things to grow (organically) without any pressure. Leading solely with your emotions can set you up for heartbreak in the event you get too emotionally attached prior to knowing/understanding each other’s position in life.
Whether you live right next door or thousands of miles away from one another, you can still bring joy to one another’s lives, and if the two of you are determined to stay committed to a long distance relationship, it will in fact work. It’s important though to be honest with yourself and your partner from the beginning. If you know in your heart that the distance between you two will be too challenging for you, it’s better to salvage the friendship that you have, than to commit to a relationship that you won’t be able to stay fully committed to.
Weigh out the pros and the cons before you make it official. While committing to a relationship that’s long distance may provide a sense of comfort in knowing that you “have somebody”, you also have to consider the challenges that come with not being able to enjoy the person physically. Relationships are designed to be spent “together”. Long distance relationships can keep you from not only seeing your partner, but it also restricts you from enjoying the people in close proximity who may also be romantically interested in you.
There are some things that can be done from afar that can keep the excitement going (i.e. phone conversations, texting, emailing, and even webcam). If you’re going to use the methods I’ve just mentioned, there also has to be a balance in between. Visiting one another at least once per month can help balance things out, but this all depends on the individual(s). You have to know your partner, and you have to know whether or not they are mature enough to handle these challenges and get through them with you.
When it comes to men and relationships, one of the main reasons why men commit is because they no longer have to worry about where their regular dosage of sex is coming from. If his significant other is in another state… he then does have to worry about where his regular dosage of sex is coming from. Depending on the guy, this could cause a problem, so again, know the type of man you’re dealing with. A man who has options will in fact explore his options if “you” are not an option.
“Hope” and “faith” is the driving force between making a long distance relationship work, but don’t live on hope and faith alone. Be honest with yourself and with your partner, and don’t be afraid to let go for the sake of the friendship or potential growth between you two (as a couple) in the future. There a millions of men in this world and you only need “one”. With the exception of marriage and if there are kids involved, seek someone who lives in close proximity to you so that you have a better chance at love.
A person who lives within driving distance from you can provide you with the love, affection, and regular attention that you want and need. We are all human and long to share our worlds with another person, and become closer with them, grow with them, and build a future with them. Put yourself in the best position to give love and receive love by finding someone within your reach who can/will appreciate it and reciprocate.
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This is your best post. I really like it and I hope it starts some conversation amongst men and women.
Thank you for reading. Share this with anyone who may be in this situation.
I so agree with you! I was in a long distance relationship for years and most of it was great. He’s married with kids now but we kind of split when we decided to go to two different phd programs in different states. We thought it might be too difficult to still be close and not have too much stress about our individual programs. We both wanted to succeed, it was important to our values and goals. It was hard to break it off.
Wow, this blog really hit home for me. My best friend and love of my life is moving away to take his dream job this summer. It will be in another state and I have 2 kids and a good job here (plus I run a small catering business) and I can’t just leave. I told him we can make it work and I don’t mind waiting for him, but the truth of the matter is this is not what his heart wants. It hurts really bad to let go, but he is my friend first so I have to. Thanks for posting this, it confirms walking away is best for us both…
This post is great. I have tried this type of relationship twice, with the second go being very recent and it is def a challenge and I learned that I am NOT built for this kind of relationship. A lot of great points stated!!!
Not a comment in particular. Although, this is a great post. How long would you say is an appropriate time to be in a LDR? I am new to this Long Distance thing and, was a big skeptic my feelings were typically speaking, “That they do not work.” then, I met someone breaking my singleness off a 4 year hiatus. with regard to my question, No one wants to be in a LDR indefinitely; like you said, you want the Love, The Affection, etc. Where should the line be drawn? The Ultimate goal should be to be together at some point, shouldn’t it? @Chocolat_Pearl
I totally agree with all u said! Really good.