When we’re hanging out with our boys, we’re rough, tough, and insensitive and can often times be quite selfish. This type of behavior works amongst other men because over time we’ve developed the tough skin for it. We’re used to closing off our emotions, not expressing our feelings, and sharing as little as possible with one another. Since childhood, our father tells to stop crying when we cry, get back up as soon as we fall, and toughen up if we show any type of sensitivity. This type of behavior works well with other men, but will prove to be counter-productive when dealing with a lady.
Every lady is a woman, but not every woman is a lady. You can tell the difference simply by observing a woman’s behavior patterns. A woman and a lady are both sensitive and emotional, however a lady will make a point to take better care. The reason for this is because she’s been groomed physically, emotionally and psychological into knowing whom she is and what she’s worth. Women who lack this home training are still trying to figure out their worth. With that said, a lady will have higher standards than the average women and will require more of you.
That’s the beauty of being with a lady; she will motivate and inspire you to be a better man, a gentleman. She will help you bring out the sensitive and emotional side that you’ve been trying so hard to hide all your life. She will show you that strong men do cry, they do hug/kiss, they do say I love you and they do show compassion. That’s because a lady has substance, consisting of good morals, values and principles that she’ll be willing share with you. It’s impossible for a woman to give out something she is without.
Choosing the right women to open your heart to is very important because you’ll be sharing your values. That means everything you’ve built over the years will be accessible to them. Your family, friends, assets and network will all be within arms reach. Not everyone who is around your circle needs to be in your circle. A lady will be attracted to a gentleman, but a woman will be attracted to whatever looks and feels good at the moment.
A woman who hasn’t been groomed to become a lady simply won’t know any better, which in turn won’t inspire you to be better. She’ll accept you exactly as you are as opposed to helping you reach higher goals. She won’t care if you have a sensitive or emotional side because as far as she knows, “that’s just how men are”. She doesn’t understand her role as a woman, she doesn’t understand that a man’s sensitive and emotional side has been hidden and needs to be brought out, she doesn’t understand a man because she hasn’t taken the time to understand herself. She won’t look to you to be a gentleman because she hasn’t reserved the right to require one.
What does that mean for you as a man? That means you will continue to speak to women in the same tone and in the same manner as you would another man. You will continue to be rough, tough and insensitive to women’s feelings. You won’t look to be romantic because you’re in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t have any standards or requirements, not because she doesn’t secretly desire it, but because she doesn’t have the confidence to require it. She’s missing the substance that can be found only in the woman who has been seasoned and empowered by other men and women.
You will come across many women who lack confidence and esteem and your job as a man is to be gentle. Encourage her by letting her know that she is worthy, she has value and she matters. Preying on the weak is a sign of weakness, instead set your goals higher and aspire to be with a woman who is strong. Your encouragement could inspire countless women to go after more, become more and go after more. These are our daughters, sisters, mothers and caregivers so we must be gentle and protect them at all costs.
Being gentle doesn’t have to apply to only women; you can start being gentler towards other men as well. Doing so will strengthen your relationship with other men because they’ll feel more comfortable opening up to you about matters of the heart. This could improve your relationship with your son, brother, father and your friends. There is nothing wrong with expressing matters of the heart with another man; in fact communion is what being a man is all about. A closed heart is a closed mind.
My 6-year-old son Ethan is a blessing because he helps me to grow as a man. He shows me how to be patient, loving and kind and it has greatly improved the quality of my life. I use what he teaches me and I apply it when I’m speaking to his mother, my family, my friends and everyone around me. I give my son hugs and tell him that I love him on a regular basis because I want him to know that this is what a man of substance does. My son models after me so it’s important that I instill in him the morals, values and principles that make a man great.
When I look at my son, first of all he looks just like me, so it takes me back to my childhood. My father passed when I was only 1 year old and I could count on both hands how many times my step-father hugged me and told me he loved me. That hurt me as a child and as adult, knowing that someone so close could emotionally be so distant. I want to make sure that my son never experiences that feeling, is showered with love, and understands the power of emotions. Tapping into your emotions will help you to grow as an individual, in your community and will inspire your life’s work.
There’s no way I could possibly write books on relationships without accessing my sensitive and emotional side. A relationship with anyone or anything is a very sensitive and emotional thing. Ignoring your emotions or shying away from them will only block your creativity and progress. It’s common for people who are emotionally unavailable to block off their feelings, so when they finally give access to it, it’s like a breath of fresh air. It takes time to come to this place, this calm of the spirit, but once you’ve reached it, everyone will know you have arrived.
Being a gentleman will inspire the way you walk, talk and carry yourself. You’ll have discovered the value in your emotions and no longer see the value in hiding them. You’ll have swallowed your pride, humbled yourself and now seek validation only from God. You will forget that you’re from the streets, and start setting your eyes on the paths of the entire world. When you’re in Rome, do as the Romans do.
When people see you, they’ll see a tunnel of light as opposed to a dark cloud in the sky. Not only will you have brought peace into your own heart/mind, you will inspire others to do the same. They’ll wonder “What made him shave and throw on a suit” or “What made him start bringing his family to church” or “What made him decide to send all of the staff greeting cards and give holiday bonuses this year”. You will attract positive attention because a positive perspective has been implemented in your life. The world is dark enough, cold enough and hard enough already; your gentle touch will stand out every time.
A gentle approach will open up countless doors in business, in love and in life. A company loves it when you apply in the way they require, have done your research and are passionate about the job you are seeking. It shows that you have love inside of you and that you’d be willing to put love into the work you’ll be doing for the company. You’ll increase company moral with your kind heart, great attitude and loving spirit. You’ll be sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of your fellow co-workers and subordinates and that attitude will move you far up in the ranks.
A lady loves it when a man is gentle because for them, being gentle is a standard. They require that you take care of them, protect them and provide for them because this is something that a lady does for herself. If you want to increase your chances of attracting a lady, it will simply require you to be sensitive to her needs. That means you will have to tap into your emotional, sensitive and gentle side to prepare yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to lose your edge, but simply create a space in your heart that is reserved for her.
In life in general, people will respect you more when you are considerate of them and their situation. After all, it’s the human thing to do, and anything less would be uncivilized. Acts of kindness doesn’t come only from saints; it comes from regular everyday people like you and me. Help those you see are in need simply because it needs to be done; this is what you would want others to do for you. Be the man who is known for acts of kindness, so that you may inspire change in the hearts and minds of others. If you want to lead, give people something worthy of following.
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Life & Relationship Expert