#ManDayBlog Women Love To Talk! Work On Becoming A Better Listener.

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One of the most important keys to a successful relationship is communication. When it comes to communication though, it’s important that you understand the audience you are communicating with. As men, we can get away with a hand shake, a head nod, or some other type of body language when dealing with one other, however when dealing with a woman, they value a man who knows how to articulate his thoughts and feelings more so through words. Sure, there will be times when she’ll be able to pick up certain underlying meanings that are associated with your actions, however having an actual conversation discussing the topic at hand will help put her mind at ease which will in turn bring peace back into the relationship and in the home.

A relationship is about compromise so if you’re looking for a woman who has substance and will add great value to your life, you also should aspire to add value to hers. Before going into a relationship, you must remove all selfish thoughts and consider the feelings of your partner. For a woman, talking about feelings, expressing emotions, and going over details comes second nature. They haven’t been trained to suppress their thoughts, hide their emotions, and communicate through codes the same way us men have, so we can’t look for them to speak the same language as we do. Think of communicating with a woman as an opportunity to learn a foreign language; pay attention, take notes and learn how to speak in a way that a woman will understand.

A woman doesn’t have the ability to read your mind, nor should she have to. In a relationship, there has to be clear communication. Communication isn’t simply about a message being sent from a sender to a receiver. It’s also about whether or not the message was clearly understood, and you’ll know whether or not the message was clearly understand based on her feedback. If the message you’re sending is being received in a way that the sender can’t understand it, then all you’re doing is creating noise. Where there is noise, miscommunication and misunderstandings will follow, not to mention a great deal of frustration and valuable time wasted.

A great way to avoid having noise in communication with your lady is to take the time to understand her language; both the way she speaks and the way she listens. It’s worth it to seek understanding in the area of communication because without healthy communication in a relationship, the relationship will eventually fall apart. It will be like talking to a brick wall and vice versa and yelling “You’re not listening to me” and the wall isn’t showing any signs of emotion or concern in response. After a while, either the wall is going to break down or you will, but the whole idea of a relationship is to keep everyone and everything together.

A woman understands that being a man is rough, it’s hard and there’s a lot riding on your shoulders. What she further wants to understand is how you’re dealing with it on the inside. She cares not only about the shell of a man, but also about the heart of the man. When she asks you “Hey babe, how was your day”, she’s asking out of concern, not to annoy you. She’s concerned about the quality of your life and the details of your day because she looks to you for protection, for you to provide and for you to lead her into prosperity. It gives her a greater sense of security knowing that her man has peace of mind.

As a man, it may be difficult to allow yourself to be vulnerable and express your innermost thoughts and feelings to someone. This is all a part of being a man. It’s ok to talk about the things that make you happy, sad, excited and even angry. Holding onto these mixed emotions will be like constantly throwing things into a volcano that’s just waiting to erupt. It’s therapeutic to express yourself in a positive and constructive way to help relieve any stress you may have within. The best part is that a woman of substance will have already mastered the ability to listen and advise on matters pertaining to the heart.

Communication is great for both parties because you get a chance to listen to and learn more about each other, and you also get the opportunity to be heard. It’s better to first come to one another and talk about your differences than to outsource them. You can never run out of things to say to one another, you simply have to create the space and opportunity to embark in meaningful dialogue with one another. For example, you can talk about there day at work/school, what they’d like to eat for lunch/dinner, planning a vacation or date night, or simply catering to one another’s individual desires.

A woman loves it when you show her that you love her, but she equally adores it when you tell her. Words have tremendous power and when you speak things into existence, they become real. For a man, you might be just fine if a woman never says the words “I love you” but remember, women value different things. Hearing you say the words means something to her and she looks for you to express yourself in a way that makes her feel comfortable, even if it’s uncomfortable for you. It’s a small price to pay for a quality woman of substance, but it’s better to pay this small price than to lose her for not showing her how much you care.

A woman wants you to make her feel as though she is a priority, not a convenience. Anyone can send a “Good morning beautiful, how are you?” text message. It shows more value when you pick of the phone, call and refer to her by name and say “Hi (fill in name), how are you?”. When communicating with your guy friends, feel free to send a brief impersonal text message with short hand, jargon and ambiguity, but when associating with a woman, be gentle. Chivalry will get you as far as you want to go with a woman; all you have to do is be consistent.

When you pick up the phone and call a woman, you are doing more than having just a regular conversation; you are showing her that you value her enough to make time to talk to her. And by making time to talk to her, you have premeditated topics of interest that might bring the two of you closer together. A woman loves a man who has a plan and she’s dying to see where your mind is prepared to take her. Neglect to pick up the phone and call and it will have the opposite effect. It will show her how little you value her and reluctant you are to include her into your schedule, how little creativity you have, and how ineffectively you are able to lead her.

Your desire to communicate and your ability to communicate are two totally different things. Anyone with the ability to communicate has enough creativity in them to come up with topics of discussions that will engage an audience and keep them entertained. Choosing not to reveals more about your character and your ability to lead than you know. In effective leadership, one must learn how to be slow to speak and quick to listen, but equally efficient in both. A woman not only is interested in listening to your heart’s desires, but she also wants a man who is ready, willing and able to listen to hers.

Ignoring a woman’s thoughts and feelings is a great way to lose her. Women have what I like to call a “Grace Period” before she takes extreme action. At first she’ll beg and plead for you to talk to her, then she’ll turn to family members and female friends, and then finally to male friend/admirers who are always ready to be “supportive” in her time of need. Better to talk to your lady, pay attention to her thoughts, concerns and desires and cater to them to the best of your abilities. In other words, take care of home.

Women are used to men trying to short change them, degrade them and get something for nothing, so when you show that you are special, she’ll treat you as though you are special. If all the other contenders are sending group texts, send her a letter in the mail. Not only will you spark a higher level of interest in the woman, but you will immediately stand out amongst everyone else without even trying.

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Life & Relationship Expert

-Cheyenne Bostock

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