Every time I go to a wedding I find myself chuckling on the inside when then priest gets to the “Til death do you part” part of the sermon. It’s one of those “Are you SURE you want to do this?” moments. Lol I imagine that particular moment to be a nervous one because once you say, “I do”, you’re declaring before God and witnesses that you are in it for the long haul. This is a moment that is literally going to change your life forever!
I suppose that’s what makes it so scary for so many people; it’s not the word marriage that scares them, it’s the word change. Everything that you’re used to has to change for the sake of your marriage, and sometimes that can be a good thing. Sometimes we do things wrong our entire lives, and because we’ve been doing it wrong for so long, we are convinced that it’s right. Sometimes change is exactly the thing we need in order to finally get it right. At times our pride won’t allow us to admit that our way isn’t working, isn’t fruitful or isn’t productive.
What a marriage offers is another perspective from someone who genuinely cares. I don’t know about you, but the person I spend the rest of my life with has to genuinely care about my thoughts, feelings, passion and my pain. I couldn’t imagine sharing a life with someone who takes no interest in the things that interest me. I’ve committed to many things in life and what mattered the most was the end result. If I’m working hard on a basketball team, I want to win a championship. If I’m putting forth my time, energy, effort and money into college, I want to earn a degree.
The same applies to my marriage, if I’m committed to you for a lifetime I want her knowledge, resources, love and support forever and ever. This is why it’s extremely important to know who you are, and know who you’re dealing with. If you choose wrong, you could end up miserable forever and ever. You want to be in union with someone that you value and who values you, so be sure to take your time before making this crucial life changing decision.
My grandparents on my father’s side were married for 50+ years until my grandmother passed away in 1995. My grandfather passed away in 2004 and at that age, I was too young to even think about marriage, let alone the value of it. If he were alive to day I would ask him questions about his values, what made him fall in love with my grandmother, and what kept them together for so long. If I had to guess, I would say that it was pure unfiltered love. They loved each other enough to stay together, value each other, and set an example for generations to come.
They were always pleasant around one another, it was as if they knew exactly what the other wanted out of life, and allowed each other to enjoy it. My grandmother was a smoker, and she eventually died of cancer at an old age. My grandfather never belittled my grandmother or bashed her for habit of smoking (not in front of us anyway). I would imagine that he came to terms with this was a habit she was unwilling to give up, and that he would have to live with. That’s a beautiful thing when two people are able to accept each other with their flaws and all and still love them to death.
Like most men, my grandfather didn’t do too much talking, but he did a lot of doing. He was consistent with his behavior when we came around. He would ask us questions about school, set a bowl of candy out for us, prepare dinner before we arrived and then take us to the park where he would take candid photos of us. Everyone needs an escape from home from time to time and for an old man, this was the perfect opportunity. My grandfather was real calm, cool and sometimes a little grouchy, and perhaps the grouchy part was something that my grandmother had to get over.
There building had a wonderful view of the Williamsburg bridge in Brooklyn, and we loved to look at the night’s skyline as kids. I would imagine that that was something my grandparents enjoyed doing as well. They had 3 sons and a host of grandchildren and great grandchildren that they could be proud of. They had done something with their lives that would never be forgotten. They built a relationship with one another and left behind a legacy in this world, and they did it all together.
If there’s nothing else I admired about my grandparents, it’s definitely their values for marriage. We all will face the day when we are no longer able to write a book, give a speech, or pass down a tradition with our words. Our actions throughout the courses of our lives in many cases will be all the lesson that future generations will need to learn and grow. I can’t sit here and say that my grandfather never taught me anything about marriage simply because he never spoke of it. He taught me the value of marriage by standing by his wife until she took her last breath.
That’s not something you see everyday, especially in this day in age where people are walking in and out of marriages like a revolving door. I would like to think of marriage as a final destination; you’ve stopped everywhere else and now it’s time to settle down. I would imagine that people such as my grandparents who have been married for so long had to make a few stops before hand. There’s nothing wrong with exploring the world, traveling, meeting new people and enjoying the single life first. In fact, it’s highly recommended; doing so will allow you to see the value in the trade-off from single to married life.
Look forward to building your first home, and one day sharing it with someone special. Look forward to traveling the world, trying new things and meeting new people, and plan to one day do these things with your wife and family. Look forward to partnering in business with your wife and making future investments together. Look forward to sharing your time, resources, love and money with your wife. View marriage as a life-long investment and plan to be married until death.
Throughout the course of your life, you will meet many people who will come and go. Some will leave because they didn’t belong there in the first place, some will leave because they’ve found someone more worthy of their time, and some will feel they have no further use for you. Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies; the more valuable you are to a person, the more they will want you around. When you focus your energy at one area at a time, you can yield the greatest benefits. By choosing someone that you promise to spend the rest of your life with, you are able the channel everything in your power towards their happiness, and that’s the best way to keep a wife. Happy wife, happy life!
Of my two best friends, one of them is married, has two daughters and appears to be very happy. They’ve been together for over 5 years and I’m happy to see that they’re progressing. I’m extremely proud because I know where he used to be in life, and now I see a better man than he ever was. Like any other marriage, they have ups and downs, but they are going through the motions together. When I see him post pictures and messages about his family on Facebook it makes me proud to see that he’s being the quality man of substance that his wife and family deserves.
Anytime a married client comes to me for advice, I don’t offer them a way out; I offer them a way right back in. The only way to work it out is to simply work it out. That’s what being loyal to a marriage is all about, finding the inner strength, the desire and the self-discipline to sustain the union until death. If you walk away from everything in your life that falls apart or isn’t working, you’ll never acquire the knowledge of how to fix things. Loyalty may be a small word but it’s a BIG thing.
It’s easy to just walk away, and if you’re looking for something that is easy, marriage isn’t it. Ask anyone who’s been married or is married and they will tell you that it’s hard work. In fact, this may be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do in life, but the best part is you won’t have to do it alone. You have a partner who will be there when you laugh, when you cry, when you’re up and when you’re down. You’ll have someone to create new memories with and to cherish the old ones.
Being loyal to your marriage will build character not only in you but also in everyone around you. Your friends will look at you as a beam of hope and will aspire to one day have a partner for life. Your children will respect you for getting it right, showing discipline and being an active part of the family as a whole. Your family and your community will commend you on your diligence and celebrate with you every year and you honor your anniversary. When you are gone, the people who remember you will speak about the things you valued in life and your marriage will be right at the top of that list.
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Life & Relationship Coach