Be The Man “Of” The House, Not Just The Man “In” The House!


One of the greatest investments you’ll ever make in life is getting to know yourself. It’s a long process, but it’s worth it because you’ll discover who you are, what you are capable of and how you can add value to the lives of others. Throughout the course of your life you will encounter people who will only associate you based on what you can do for them. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s simply a part of life. The key then is to find the greatness inside of you and let it shine so that others may grow dependant on your light.

When I was in middle school, I struggled with figuring out how to get the girls that I liked to come to me, but my older brothers were experts at it. I had a lot of guy friends, and these friendships were developed simply by me being myself. I wouldn’t stutter when I talked to my boys, nor would I blush or act shy/timid when they came into the room, so why was I acting this way with the girls? The issue was that I was placing more value in them than I placed in myself. My boys acknowledged my skills as an athlete, singer, person, etc but that was because I commanded it.

I soon figured out that I could also command from women simply by being myself. I liked the thought of that because now I didn’t have to exhaust myself stepping outside of my comfort zone to prove that I’m worthy. All I had to do was carry myself as if I know that I’m worthy, but stay humble enough to acknowledge her worth. This was a #WinWin because everyone walks away feeling good about themselves. Even better, we walk away together feeling good about ourselves.

The girls thought I was attractive, but I knew that looks could only get you so far. I would test my intellectual skills by writing a love letter. Girls like it when you are able to stimulate their minds, and keep their attention. You’ll gain even more points if you don’t misspell any of the words.  A woman wants a man who is good-looking, smart, romantic and resourceful. The more you showcase your abilities, the better your chances are at winning her over.

Any man can talk about how good he can treat a woman, or how much he is going to do for her, but a woman wants proof. She doesn’t mind buying into your dreams, but before long, she will want to see the evidence. It’s good to have dreams, and it’s good to have goals, but if you don’t have the means to provide what you’re promising, you’re only biding time. All it takes is a snap of a finger or a dial of a number and a woman can have another man replace you. Don’t think for one second that you’re her only option and that she has to settle for you, no she’s giving you an opportunity to show her you are worth the wait.

It’s no different from a woman asking you to wait until marriage; you see with marriage there’s a deadline and you’re in full control. All you have to do is propose, set the wedding date, get married and she’s all yours. On the night of the honeymoon, it will be her turn to show and prove. Yes, it’s time to see what all the fuss was about, and why you had to wait so long to cash in your rewards. And she will gladly show you.

But before we get to the honeymoon, you’ve got to get her attention, keep her attention and give her something to look forward to. Of all the billions of men that are in the world, why should she be bothered with you? This question should be like taking candy from a baby. You get to create a blueprint that the two of you can build upon, and lead the relationship wherever you want it to go. It’s not as if she’s inquiring because she wants you to fail, she’s asking because she wants to know your plans for succeeding.

If you want a woman to stay, give her hope. If you want a woman to leave, give her doubt. Showing a woman your worth has more to do with you as a man, than it does with her as a woman. Granted, she does have to be emotionally available to receive you, however you can still show her that you can be of great value to her. You want to create an image and brand yourself as a quality man of substance so that when people in general think of you, they make that association. Once you place value on yourself, there won’t be any confusion or argument about what you are worth, the world has to either take it or leave it.

When I was 27, I took a spiritual journey, and found myself living in a homeless. I knew I was worth something, but I hadn’t yet figured out how much. While living in the shelter people would call on me for favors not knowing that I was going through a tough time in my life. At the time I thought that I was the one who needed the help, but I soon concluded that I was being called to be the help. I didn’t have money, a house, a car, all I had was me, my skills, my resources and my network.

I had a lot of time on my hands, so in the mornings I would go to Barnes & Nobles to read books on psychology, self-help, and marketing so that I could enhance my skills and put them on my resume. I had a Bachelor’s degree and still no luck getting hired; I would apply to 100 jobs a day and still nothing. One day, I decided to submit my resume with a list of skills that I already had and recently acquired and filled out a volunteer application. Once the non-profit read the skills and experience I had, they didn’t want me as a volunteer, they wanted me on board full-time.

Getting this new position helped me to see the value in everything I already had, and also helped me to go after more and better myself. What I learned from this experience is that the more value you, the more the right people will want to partner with you. Not everyone will see value in you, it’s up to you to see value in you and show what exactly that value is. People are more willing to subscribe to someone who they feel is capable of being a valuable asset to their lives. It does them no good to partner with someone who is going to be a liability.

You won’t always have the opportunity to do the work and prove yourself, but you can always show up with a great attitude. In fact, your attitude will be the determining factor when it comes to your progress with a woman of substance. Women of substance have their own money, car, house, career, degrees, etc so showing off yours won’t have any value. What will impress a woman more is your attitude towards your degree, how are you using it to help others? If you have a nice car and house, she’ll want to know how many charities are you involved in?

Showing your worth means to show that you are worth the long-term investment. Assure her that going on a date, getting into a relationship, getting married or going into business with you isn’t going to be a waste of her time. If you’re going into it for anything short of love, you can rest assured that it won’t last very long. Furthermore, you don’t waste to waste your time on something that you know you aren’t genuinely interested in. Instead, make wise decisions and put your best foot forward in hopes that I qualified candidate will take future steps with you.

While you’re waiting, you should be working, and building yourself up. Women find men who have goals to be very attractive because it motivates them to do the same. All you have to do is be yourself, and present yourself at your best; do this and the right woman will love you for it. Go to school, get your education, establish your career and stay out of trouble. Strengthen your spiritual relationship with God, serve others, and surround yourself with positive people. Never look for relationship, but always prepare your heart, mind, body and spirit to be ready for one.

A woman has to be in the right place spiritually and emotionally so hopefully she will be working on herself just the same. She will have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly and will now want an upgrade. She wants substance and by now, that’s exactly what you’re prepared to give her. She wants a man who takes care of his body, is educated, career oriented, driven and is open to love. Fortunately for you, that’s exactly what you’ve been working on, and she can see it in you, which is why she’ll be open to you.

Being true to self doesn’t require a sales pitch or a gimmick; all you have to do is be yourself. You need to do a soul search, and figure out what’s missing from your life so that you can discover whom and what belongs in your life. The world won’t know what you are capable of until you show them. A woman won’t believe in you unless you give her something to believe in. Give her a reason to be with you, and she won’t want to live her life without you.

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Life & Relationship Coach


2 thoughts on “Be The Man “Of” The House, Not Just The Man “In” The House!

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