#FreeAdviceWednesday Question Of The Week “I’m in my 40s and lonely…”

lisa-raye-staceyQ: Hi Cheyenne, I’m in my 40’s no children, never been married, I have a few degrees under my belt, I have my own car, house and own properties, but my relationships don’t last. I love to travel, I’m very outgoing and I’ve even tried dating sites, but all the men seem to want to do with me is have sex. They don’t want any real commitment. I do want to get married and have children quite soon, but I’m having the hardest time meeting the right one, and worst, someone who wants me for just me, not my money and my body. What am I doing wrong?

A: Hi thanks for sharing. On paper, you seem like an amazing woman, now all we have to do is get that message to translate into real life. First, I want you to stay optimistic about your love life because your 40s is still very young. Also, I don’t want you to feel pressured into settling for just any man, or having a baby just to have a baby. We have enough fatherless babies, so get artificial insemination out of your head RIGHT now! Stay focused on your goals, and continue to work on you until the right man for you comes into your life. Men look to be the protectors and the providers, so your money, degrees and cars won’t appeal to him. A man can get sex from anywhere, so if you’re looking for substance, using your looks/sex isn’t the way to get him either. When a man is finally ready to settle down, he doesn’t use his eyes to look for a woman, he uses his heart. So in order for you to attract a quality man of substance you simply have to be a quality woman of substance. Do this simply by loving yourself and loving others. Depending on what he sees in you, a man will look at the soul of a woman and say “This is what I need in my life forever” or “This is what I need in my life right now“. It’s your job to work on yourself and influence what he sees in you as a woman. You don’t have to be perfect, just perfect for him! Men are very simple. All we want is Food, Sex And Peace Of Mind! Before giving him what he wants, make sure he has all that he needs. This action is what will differentiate you from the average woman, and it’s what will keep him longing for your love and affection. Give a man what he needs and make him earn what he wants. A wife is a “help mate”, and a woman should already be a wife before the marriage. Your car, your home, your businesses and your degrees aren’t the type of help a man looks for in a wife. So in order for you to attract a man who is looking for a wife, you need to take the time to get to know yourself and figure out how you can be of greater help,not just to yourself, but to the man you see in your future. This is the key to attracting that quality man of substance.

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One thought on “#FreeAdviceWednesday Question Of The Week “I’m in my 40s and lonely…”

  1. I follow you on Twitter Chey and typically I find that you give some amazing advice. However, I don’t know how fair the advice you gave to “40 and single”is. You stated in order to attract a man of quality and substance than all she has to be is a woman of substance but her degrees and successes won’t attract him. I feel that’s confusing and unfair. Her credentials are substance. If what she says is true than she is the type of woman who can bring home a pack of bacon to match the bacon “her man” has already bought. So what other proof of being a helpmate does she need to provide?

    You pretty much told this woman she needs to work on herself and learn how she can be a greater help as if something is wrong with her. However, you’re a male and you’re going to see the issue differently than I. For me, unless she’s psychotic, she is not the problem. Her singleness could be a result of not finding good matches or the male ego being incapable of of dealing with such a successful woman.

    Not trying to knock your advice but I would be curious to know how helpful “40 and single” found it be; only because it wasn’t very concrete as to what she needs to do. You answered the question based upon so little of information. Like. what are her dating habits? Does she date one guy at a time or multiple? Does she date the same type of guy over and over unbeknownst to her? I feel knowing the answers to those questions would have made for a more wholesome approach.

    Just my 25 cents though.

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