I love spending time with my family because it’s a great opportunity to just relax and be myself. This time together is sacred, and not everyone is welcome to join the circle. I value their opinions, I respect their homes and their privacy, and the feelings are mutual. When the holidays come around, and it’s time to reunite, everyone brings their significant other and their kids, and if they’re single they bring themselves. If a woman was invited to a family function, that meant she was somebody important, and she knows it.
I had a buddy back in college (Lane) who was dating a woman who had a young child, she modeled as a hobby and I believe she was a student as well. I didn’t have to meet her to know that she wasn’t the one, I simply deduced based on the information given. I was going to school in Texas so when the holidays came around, I would go back home to New York, but would inquire as to what his plans were. He would go on to tell me about all the delicious food his family was planning on making and the relatives he would connect with, but made no mention of his lady. This was no surprise to me because I already knew that she wasn’t someone he was taking seriously for a multitude of reasons.
I would soon meet her and sure enough she was a beauty on the outside, but I didn’t see the value on the inside. It was now clearer to me why he kept her around his circle, but didn’t invite her in it. She was good enough for him to invite to bed, but not good enough to invite back home. Months and years had passed and the holidays came back around, and I would ask him again what are your plans. And he would say the same thing about visiting family, a smorgasbord of food, and the whole nine, but no lady.
We would talk, laugh and joke, and then we somehow started talking about his mom and then his girlfriend. So I asked him, “Have you ever introduced her to your mom” and he replied “Hell no!” I’m 22 at the time so forgive me, but we both laughed hysterically because we knew what that meant for her. To be in a relationship with someone for 2+ years, and have not met the most important people in a man’s life (particularly his mother/sister), that says a lot about the relationship. Obviously, that also said a lot about Lane.
He was wasting this poor woman’s time, and leading her to believe that she was someone of significance knowing full well that she wasn’t. Poor girl, I’m sure she wanted to feel significant, she wanted to meet his family, but simply didn’t know how to require it. 8 years later, neither one of them are together and have pursued new people. Hopefully she learned a valuable lesson about the value of her time. Lane got the best of her, but at the same time, he showed the worst of him and that’s nothing to be proud of.
There’s no value in stringing women along and wasting their time because your time is being wasted too. Not only are you blocking her from meeting someone that values her, but you are also blocking yourself meeting someone that you value. On the one hand, she’s foolish for falling into the trap, but on the other hand, you’re at fault for setting it. Women look to men for leadership, and that’s nothing you should look to take advantage of. This could be your daughter, your sister, or your mother who’s being led astray.
When it comes to dating and relationships, you have to think long-term. Right from the moment you meet her you should give her a thorough evaluation. Ask yourself some questions like: Could I wake up to her every morning for the rest of my life? Would I want to introduce her to my mother? Is this someone I would want to have children with? Keep these questions in the back of your mind as we lead up to them in a moment.
Before you get anywhere with a woman, you’ve got to check her out and see what she’s about. Is she confident, does she have high-esteem, is she ambitious, is she courageous, is she educated, is she goal and career oriented? The standards and requirements for dating differ from person to person, but you should look for the things you like up-front. This will help you determine whether or not you should move forward. If she passed the test, then it’s time to get started with the pursuit.
Walk up to her and introduce yourself, and get a feel of her energy. Did she receive you well, is she open to conversation, does she seem genuinely interested, is she reluctant to give information? Hopefully you were able to walk out of there with her contact information and can get to know her a little better. Remember, this is your life we’re talking about, your legacy, and you’re doing your due diligence to find a suitable partner. Hopefully this partner is going to be introduced not only to your family, but also to the world.
Too often do we skip over the process called “Getting To Know Each Other” which results in getting yourselves emotionally involved prematurely. Instead, take your time, do it right so that won’t have any future regrets. If you’re investing your time in it, and you are devoted to it, you should be proud to announce it from the mountaintops. If you feel the need to hide it or you are ashamed of it, perhaps you shouldn’t be involved in it. Sure, it’s easy to connect with someone when it’s convenient, but at what cost?
I grew up with 5 brothers and 1 sister, and many male cousins, and even as a child I knew that when a man brings a woman home, she’s significant. It would bring shame to my mom if my brothers brought home random women to our family gatherings. “What kind of men did I raise” would be the thoughts crossing her mind. For me, bringing a woman home was a proud moment; it was a sign that I was committed and trying out this whole relationship thing. The first time I brought a woman home to my mom, I was a freshman in college.
I was 18 years old and this was my first real relationship. We were both student athletes, but she was a senior, had a great job, her own car, but more importantly she was into me. I thought I was the MAN! Here I am, the new kid on the block and I managed to snatch up a senior in college who was quite in demand herself. I snatched her up quick and by the summer, I introduced her to my mother.
At that age, I didn’t know what I was doing as it pertains to relationships; I just got out of an 18 year relationship with my parents. The point is I wanted to show my girlfriend at the time how I felt about her. I felt she was important enough to meet the people who were important to me. My mother liked her, but then again my mother likes everybody. My brothers liked her and she was liked at our school too.
Were we going to get married and live happily ever after? Probably not, I was too uncertain about my own future at that age, let alone a future with a woman. I was simply putting into practice the treatment I felt the woman in my life deserved. She also introduced me to her family, and I felt it was an appropriate gesture. My family is an important staple in my life, so when the right women comes along and proves herself worthy, it only makes sense for them to meet.
She wants to meet the best friend you can’t stop talking about, or joking with over the phone. She wants to meet your child that you can’t stop bragging about. She wants to be invited over for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner with the family and treated like she’s a part of the family. She wants to be able to interact and communicate with your family members without you being around. She wants to feel as though you are planning to make her an official part of your family.
Your time is the most valuable thing you have in this world, but know that your time is limited. Not only is your time limited on this earth, but a woman will only you so much of her time before she realizes you are wasting it. She wants to feel as if she is a part of something special, and that will require you to show her more than just you. She wants to be included in things that are near and dear to your heart. And more importantly, she wants to be given a title.
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Life & Relationship Coach