Let me start off simply by saying that there a billions of women in the world, and you only need one. No matter where you go, you will always find extraordinary women who will blow your mind and the fact is, you simply cannot have them all. There will be tall women, short women, big women, small women, and women whose curves are so unbelievable you can’t even describe. While it may be fun to chase as many women as your heart desires at the beginning stages of your life, it will prove to add very little value to your life as you get older and start walking in your purpose. Don’t feel bad, it’s perfectly normal for a man to explore and see what’s out there in the world, this is why they call getting married “settling down”.
Not to mention, the more successful you become as a man, the more women will want to associate with you. And not just any women, but the one’s you’ve always dreamed of. You know, coke bottle shape, gorgeous face, great in bed, don’t talk much and on top of that is a “magician” and knows when to disappear. The one’s that don’t ask questions, will go along with anything, and don’t require much. The reason why these women should remain in your dreams is because they won’t add value to your life in reality. They will take you further and further away from being the quality man of substance you are destined to be and from walking in your purpose.
Once you grow up and mature, you will look back to those same women who didn’t have any requirements, no standards, and were down for whatever and say “I need more”. When you reach a higher level of maturity, your values will shift and you will begin to go after what you need as opposed to what you want. This state of mind will humble you and give you a greater appreciation not only for yourself, but for other women. Learning to value and respect women is the key that will unlock the door to more positive relationships with other women, which will eventually lead to your happiness in a healthy relationship. This process doesn’t happen overnight, it will take you some time to experience the bad before you appreciate the good.
After ripping and running from your mid teens into your late 20s and lord forbid your 30s+, the world around you will start to look at your life and want to see progress/results. How does your personal decisions in relationships effect others people’s association with you? I’m glad you asked. 🙂 Your relationship choices shows your level of discipline, commitment, loyalty and devotion or the lack thereof. We all reserve the right to be selective when it comes to our relationships, however the choices we make will heavily influence how closely people on the outside looking in will choose to associate. People want to know that you are committed to something, whether it be getting back into shape, saving money, charitable giving, community service, raising a child, marriage or whatever.
The beauty in committing to someone or something in your life is the value the comes from it. When you commit to something, not only are you showing the recipient that you value the relationship, but you will inevitably be on the receiving end that comes with that union. Loyalty may be a small word, but it’s a BIG thing. Maturity and growth is a part of growing up and it’s essential to your success in life. You might have a favorite shirt that you liked that over time you simply grew out of, and when you grew out of it you were forced to go out and look for something better. Had you held onto that shirt, not only will it begin to depreciate, but the people around you will also see that your fear and/or reluctance to upgrade.
When it comes to relationships, women who are seriously looking to commit want to make sure that they are teaming up with the best. She wants the security of knowing that you are capable of taking care of yourself and have the heart to take care of her. The first thing she’ll notice is the way you dress and carry yourself. This information should give you a heads up on how to prepare yourself for a relationship with other people. It’s time to let go of the old, and upgrade to the new. That means a new attitude, new perspective, new heart, mind and spirit.
For so long, we’ve been cheating ourselves and spreading ourselves thin thinking that the best thing that could ever happen to us is getting fast and easy benefits from a woman. Getting benefits from a woman that you did not earn only yields short term success. It’s only a matter of time before either you get bored, or she requires more. Hopping from one woman to the next not only wastes your energy and money, but it always waste valuable time that you can never get back, and it effects your credibility as a quality man of substance.
The same way us men don’t want a woman who’s been around the block and back is the same way women feel. There’s no pride in knowing that the women you work with, went to school with, or for heaven’s sake went to church with have all had a turn with you. It’s just as shameful for a woman who’s dating a manwhore as it is for you dating a woman with a promiscuous past. A man should take pride in saving himself for marriage just as a woman should, and protect him name, reputation, and credibility at all costs. After all, this is the name that you eventually plan to share with a woman, and no woman wants to take on a name that’s tainted.
But never mind the marriage for a second, as a man it’s important that you have respect amongst your peers. If you don’t have respect amongst your peers, then they certainly won’t have respect for your marriage. Marriage is a full-time job, so before stepping into it, take on the job of being single, building up a positive name for yourself, getting your life in order, and preparing for the obstacles that will come when inviting a woman into your life. A marriage is a partnership, however you first have to become a suitable partner. Being in a marriage will be so much more enjoyable when you know your value and are able to consistently contribute your share to the union.
One of the most popular reasons for divorce is sheer boredom, followed swiftly by finances. While single, you have the opportunity to work on both having your finances in order and developing a tolerance for other people’s thoughts and feelings. Committing to something for life is not something that you’re being forced to do, so if you choose to go through with marriage, have a plan! If you don’t plan for your marriage to succeed, then your marriage will eventually fail. If you plan accordingly, marriage will add tremendous value to your life and will continue to add value until death.
Many people bail out on marriage because it’s not what they thought it would be. When many people think of marriage, they foolishly believe that there won’t be any struggles, and that is far from true. In a marriage, you will experience new problems, problems that didn’t apply to a sex-driven relationship where both parties were simply looking to have a good time. No, you see now there are real issues, real responsibilities, and real crisis that demand your attention. You will say to yourself “This is all new to me” on many occasions, just know that your wife will be saying the same thing. This is all new to you both because you have upgraded your relationship and are transitioning into new things.
What a married couple has that a regular boyfriend/girlfriend relationship doesn’t is the promise that no matter what, they will stick together through the good, the bad and the ugly. That’s the power of monogamy, you’ve got somebody who’s got you. You ever look on an application where it asks you your “relationship status”? It never asks about the girlfriend because the word “girlfriend” in and of itself is enough evidence to show that the relationship has not yet grown to it’s full maturity, so it is too soon to even acknowledge. A marriage on the other hand indicates that you have declared before the courts, God and witnesses that you have chosen to be with this person and vice versa for life.
There’s a sense of pride in being able to declare your love, loyalty and commitment to someone before the courts, God and witnesses. You’ve just done something with your life that will forever be a part of your legacy. You’ve made a name for yourself, worked hard to become a quality man of substance, and then finally you’ve shared this honor with someone else. That’s more than you can say for your past relationships, but this time, you’re committed forever. Part of the reason your past relationships didn’t last was because you never planned for it.
Most of your past relationships were based on everything except the most important thing of all, love! If love isn’t the foundation in your relationship, everything that you build on top of it will eventually crumble because it wasn’t solid enough to hold it together. Yes, marriage is forever but there’s nothing to fear if you’ve chosen the best partner to enjoy the rest of your life with. You don’t lose your independence when you exchange the rings, you gain something new called “Interdependence”. That means that you no longer have to do everything all by yourself, you can depend on each other.
Let me break it down a little further for the brothers who are still on the fence about this “Declaration Of Interdependence”. When you get married, hopefully you will have reached a level of maturity where you are 100% done with flirting, dating and sleeping with multiple women. More importantly, it is my great hope that you have finally found a woman who is not perfect, but is perfect for you. She accepts you for who you are, and is dedicated to helping you become even better than the way she found you. When you think of your wife, not only are you excited about your future, but you have no intentions on ever returning to the women from your past.
What you’ve just done for yourself and for your lady is you’ve upgraded the relationship, and that is a sure sign of growth. First you started out as friends, then dating, then a couple, then engaged, and then marriage. The relationship is constantly growing, reaching new heights and the sky is the limit. If you’re starting to get bored, all that means is you’re not actively working towards continually upgrading the relationship. There is so much you can do to add value to your marriage like have children, adopt children, exercise, travel the world, start a new business, just to name a few.
That’s the beauty of a marriage, you get to upgrade different facets of your life with someone who actually signed up for it. Together you will figure out how to keep a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food on your table and romance in the bedroom. It will give you peace of mind having this security in your relationship which will allow you to be a better man, a better husband, a better father and a better leader. Lacking discipline when it comes to relationships is something that holds many men back from being successful in life. So much time, energy, effort and money is wasted trying to conquer women that he never masters the art of being with a woman.
Women of substance don’t look to marry just anything, they have standards, and after building yourself up to be a quality man of substance you’re going to be more than ready to meet her. There’s no need to feel pressured into getting marriage, I’m simply sharing the value that comes with it. Marriage isn’t for everybody, marriage is only for the ready. If you’re going to make a life-long commitment, build yourself up first so that you’ll have the knowledge, the skills and the tools you need to maintain it. Happy wife, happy life!
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Life & Relationship Coach