Women are so amazing; they’re beautiful, smart, and resourceful and add tremendous value to the world in so many ways. In today’s times, more and more women are challenging themselves to do the impossible and are proving to be quite successful at it. They are opening up businesses, running multi-million dollar companies, raising children and looking good while doing it. No longer are women of substance confining themselves to a man’s kitchen or bedroom, they are out conquering the world. Somewhere out there she believes that there is a man who is strong enough, wise enough and loving enough to settle her down, but until then she will remain “Single By Design”.
Being single is the thing you do when you are establishing/finding yourself and/or when you haven’t met someone who meets your standards. You may not like it, but being single by design sounds like a genius plan to me. There’s no sense in a woman who is loves God, is thriving in her career, being of service in her community and being a great friend to many to settle for just you if you’re not offering anything greater. In order to get a woman to settle for you, that’s exactly what you need, evidence that you have access to something greater. The way to achieve that is by showing her that you are led by truth, and influenced by love.
Often times a man believes that a woman is obligated to follow his lead simply because he is a man, and I’m here to tell you that no woman of substance is going to let that fly. You have to prove to her that you have good leadership otherwise you’ll find yourself walking alone. Life is too short to waste valuable time accompanying someone on a journey that has no destination. Women of substance know very well how simple we men are; all we need is food, sex and peace of mind and we’re good. Once we get what we want, we aren’t remotely interested in catering to their needs.
Since this is so and has been proven countless times over, a woman must protect her investment and require you to do more in order to have her hand. Your words aren’t enough; she wants to see you put things into action. You’ve been there before, a woman will make you believe that there is hope for romance, will watch you spend your time and money, and then leave you hanging. In hindsight you’re thinking “I should’ve required XYZ before spending so much time, energy, effort and money”. And you’re absolutely right, your time and resources has value too, and it’s up to you to place value on it.
There are some women out there who will sell themselves short just so that they can say they have a man, but that’s not the woman you want. She’ll make you feel better about your shortcomings, and compensate for them in any way that she can, not because she loves you, but because she’s lonely. You’ll waste valuable time in this relationship because it’s not based on truth; the both of you are in denial. She’ll submit just enough to keep you around, but not enough to keep you moving forward. Her strength comes from your weakness, and it won’t benefit her to empower you to reach your goals.
Once you reach your goals, you will no longer need her, because there was never anything truly special about her to begin with. She was convenient for the time being, she made you feel comfortable about your situation, and over time you grew complacent. Over time, she’s learned everything about you and will use that information as her excuse not to submit. For example, “You don’t pay any bills” or “You don’t do any handy work around the house” or “You can’t afford to take me out”. Now, the relationship feels like a prison because neither one of you are looking for anything better, yet you’re miserable with each other.
In a woman’s heart, she knows whether or not you are a man who will love her and do right by her, sometimes she denies those feelings and continues on with the relationship. She’s hoping that one day you will be a better man and miraculously start caring more about the relationship. She’ll try her best to dumb down her brilliance just to make you feel more like a man, but after a while that gets exhausting. Not to mention, you know as a man that you should be doing better and that what she’s doing for you is pathetic. You’ll be just itching to get yourself in a better position so that you can throw it back in her face.
Well that certainly is no way to get a woman to submit to you because a woman’s willingness to submit will be motivated by your attitude. Your attitude towards people, money, time and things will have great influence over a woman’s decision to associate with you. You could be the richest and most successful man in the world, and it would mean nothing to a woman if your attitude were poor. But show a woman that you love life, you love her and you love God and she’ll follow you to the end of the earth. Love conquers all, which is why it should always be the foundation of your relationship.
When we take into account what it means for a woman to submit to a man, know that it does not mean that you are the boss of her. Submission means to yield! We all can recall when we were students in school, we would come into our classrooms and we would focus our attention on the teacher. In a classroom, there has to be order in order to get the most value out of the experience. The teacher is there to teach us based on her knowledge and experience, and we are there to learn from him/her.
Since they have taken the time to master their field of study, we trust that they are capable of leading us into prosperity. We don’t assume the role of the teacher because we hope to learn all he/she knows. We also want the teacher to be open to questions, comments and suggestions while still taking the lead. The teacher isn’t the boss of us, she’s merely there to help us learn and grow. Throughout the school year, his/her goal is to help us become better than we were when we started.
If we as students don’t submit to our teachers, we miss the opportunity to learn and grow. But also, the teacher must remember that in order to keep our attention and earn our respect is through their attitude. They must treat us with love, dignity and respect; otherwise we will lose respect for them. And we all know what happens in a classroom when the student doesn’t respect the teacher, and refuses to submit; they cause a disturbance. Not only does the disturbance affect the teacher’s ability to teach, but it also affect the student’s ability to learn.
In the end, both parties walk away empty handed. Their attitude towards one another has ruined the opportunity for growth. When it comes to growing in a relationship, it has to be a two-way street. You can’t ask someone to yield to you if you are unwilling to yield to anyone else. When I was growing up, it seemed as if grown ups did not like to be challenged, the only possible rebuttal they could come up with was “Stay in a child’s place” or “Respect your elders” or simply “Shut your mouth”. They wanted to have the authority over you, but refused to reveal their source that gave them the authority to “lay down the law”.
Now, I’m all for respecting elders, obeying parents, etc, but right is right and wrong is wrong and I can’t just go following behind stupidity. There needs to be some sense behind your leadership in order for me to invest my time. As you grow into a man, you will find that many of the things your elders said was just plain baseless, and you have to find your own source of knowledge just as they did. Some people pride themselves in saying “My momma always told me…” well sometimes momma didn’t have the slightest clue as to what she was talking about. This isn’t to discount the wisdom bestowed upon us from our parents, but rather to encourage you to find your own way.
Times change, but principles do not. A woman should know her role in a relationship, and as a man you should too. If you don’t know how to speak to a woman, you will disqualify your own self as a possible candidate. If you don’t know how to cater to a woman, a woman won’t want to cater to you. Everyone wants to be happy, so don’t be so quick to judge a woman simply because her standards require you to do some real work.
A woman knows when a man has true substance as opposed to a man who merely offers suspense, and will submit only to a man who has proven himself worthy. You can show a woman that you are worthy simply by the way you live your life. She wants to be able to trust your leadership and she’ll feel secure in knowing that you are led by God. When you submit to and are led by God, which gives a woman a standard to hold you to. She can now put her trust in God and follow the God that she sees in you.
If God is not in your relationship, then you shouldn’t be either. God is love, and as the leader, it is your job to introduce love into the equation and set the tone. If you want your woman to go to your church, it’s your job to lead her there. If you want a woman to cook, provide the tools that she needs to prepare it. If you want a woman to let you do the taking and negotiating, prove that there is power in your words. If you want a woman to stop going out all the time, give her a reason to stay home, or invite her to do things as a couple. If you want a woman to submit, you don’t have to use force, simply show her the God given power you have inside of you and give her something to submit to.
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Life & Relationship Coach