Food, Sex & Peace of Mind is what a woman needs to know to keep a man! It sounds simple, and it is, however a more strategic approach needs to be taken in order to make this attempt at keeping him happy successful! A man always knows what he wants from a woman, but he sometimes needs a little help with seeing the value in what he truly needs! When you connect with a man, your advantage over other women will come based on the value you add to his life (outside of the bedroom). Getting to know a man on the inside and out will be your playbook for figuring out how to play offense, win him over, and in the end get him to celebrate you! The quality of your giving will make all the difference in the quality of your relationship.
If you leave it up to a man, he will be A-ok with the simple things in life, the bare minimum, or stuck in his “whatever works” mentality. Everything is black and white when it comes to men, and this is where the value of a woman comes into play; a woman adds vibrance, color, and an abundance of love into the picture. He may be ok with eating Ramen Noodles for dinner 7 nights a week, but he would much rather to have a home cooked meal prepared by a loving, caring woman. He will immediately see the value in having you around, and he will want to hold onto you because of that value, which would’ve been otherwise missed had you sat back and watched him eat Ramen Noodles every night. There’s nothing wrong with Ramen Noodles (I personally love them), but anytime there’s an opportunity for you to upgrade your man, it’s in your best interest to make an attempt to take it!
Many women today are convinced that men do not want to be in long-term monogamous relationships, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. A man simply wants to reach certain milestones in his life before taking on the responsibility that comes along with a commitment. In other words, he doesn’t yet feel as though he is worthy, and he’s doing the honorable thing by sparing you the heartache, pain, and struggle of being in a relationship with a man who’s simply not ready. When a man is finally ready spiritually, emotionally, and financially, he’s in his Single By Design mode, and he’s not looking to settle for just anyone! When a man achieves greatness, he will be looking to commit to a great woman.
A man knows the role he wants a woman to play in his life before he even meets her. This is why it’s important for you as a woman, to know who you are and show who you are so that when you come across a man who’s finally ready to settle down, he will immediately see value in you, and consider you for a future. He’s looking for an upgrade! Someone who can take his life, relationship, business, and family to the next level, as opposed to simply keeping him leveled. Men are simple and like to do simple things, but on his own time, and his own way! Although he may want less, being with a woman will guarantee that he gets more, because at some point or another, a woman eventually wants more.
Healthy relationships never stop growing; in order for a relationship to successfully grow, you have to continually plant new seeds, love and nurture it, and watch everything that you’ve invested come into fruition. If you come into a relationship with the same exact values as a man (i.e. eating Ramen Noodles 7 nights a week), at some point or another, he’s going to say to himself “Why am I with her? I can eat Ramen Noodles, sit around and watch TV, etc with my boys or by myself and spend less. Where’s the value in this relationship? Sure, the sex is great, but we’re not growing! She’s just “here”!” Don’t let this scenario be you; take a man’s simplicity and upgrade him with your creativity!
If you want your relationship to be a success, you have to work towards making it a success! The goals you put in place for yourself as an individual and for each other as a couple will give you something to look forward to each and everyday. If you grow complacent, your relationship will get stale, and one or both parties will seek something and/or someone that is worth looking forward to. In efforts to work towards relationship success, keep in mind “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships (According to AskCheyB). Respect, Love, Trust, Loyalty, Honesty, Support, and Communication.
Respect: There is no limit to how far a man will go for you if he believes in his heart that you are someone who respects who he is and all that he does. Each and every one of us seeks validation from someone else on one level or another; for a man, he takes pride in knowing that he is able to be of value to his woman. Everything you say and do will show just how much you love and respect your significant other, or the lack thereof. His motivation to do better and be better will come through the person he values the most! If you are in his life, your respect isn’t just wanted, but it’s needed in order for him to feel confident about the future of your relationship.
Love: A man’s home is his place of peace; it’s where he rejuvenates his mind, body, and spirit! A man will involve you in everything if you are being his everything! (i.e. Lover, fighter, cook, accountant, adviser, masseuse, you name it). A relationship is about creating “win wins” for both parties; you are a team, you stick together, and you continually add value to each other’s lives. If you find that your man is in a bad mood, you have to remember that the two of you are one, or working towards becoming one, so use this opportunity to remind him why you are the most important woman in his life. Continue to show him love appreciation, and affection so that he’ll never have a reason to treat you with anything less.
Trust: There is power in words, so speak them into existence, but do so with an open and honest heart! When using your words, follow through with your actions, and make sure that they are both in alignment; this will build your significant other’s confidence in you and will also strengthen the bond in your relationship. When building trust, do so out of selflessness, not selfishness; you want to keep secrets with your partner, not from your partner. Being true to yourself starts with loving yourself; when love is present, it’s evident, and needs no explanation. When love is absent, in comes cloudy vision, lies, deceit, cover ups, etc, which in turn raises your significant other’s awareness. People who have taken the time to truly love themselves know what true love looks and feels like, so don’t allow selfishness to ruin what could potentially be a winning team. Stay true to him, as you would want him to stay true to you.
Loyalty Be consistent with your character and remember that you both are on the same team and are playing to win! When your significant other is not around, he should feel confident in knowing that you are treating yourself with the same dignity and respect as you would if he were standing right next to you. The slightest bit of betrayal can bruise a man’s ego, and hurt his pride, which will cause turmoil in your relationship. A man wants to know that he is number one in your life, and that no other man or woman (outside of your family) gets the privilege of having a number in your book. Your loyalty to one another is one of the most important things that will keep you together!
Honesty: Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies. When it comes to the growth and development of your relationship, let go of the past, and look forward to your future. If you want your significant other to love who you are, he needs to know who you are. Being transparent will allow your partner to see your strengths, your weaknesses and everything else in between. When you allow your partner to see who you are, where you are strong, and where you are weak, you then allow him to see which areas he will be able to help you the most. That moment of vulnerability could mean a lifetime of victory!
Support: If your man is struggling financially, be his cheerleader, his motivation, his inspiration, and his support system as he works towards getting back on his feet. Instead of being the woman who holds him down, be the woman who lifts him up! It’s easy to to commit to someone when everything is good, but the real challenge will come when everything is bad! The way you handle yourself, your partner, and your relationship under turbulent times will confirm where you stand as an individual, and as a couple, and will have a great impact on your relationship’s future.
Submission is also a very powerful tool that will only grant you more and more of your man’s favor. When you submit, you’re showing him that you want him to lead, and that you trust and respect his judgement/leadership. A man has his pride, and pride can be quite useful when it’s focused in areas that inspire growth! If for example, a man is proud to be a servant of God, loyal husband, father, and contributor in his community, that’s a beautiful thing, and as his woman, you should be proud as well. When a man is proud of something, or passionate about something, be there to support him, or be there to advise him on how to upgrade his ideas, vision, and/or passion.
Communication: With wisdom comes understanding! Men and women communicate differently, and that’s ok because this will challenge you to adapt in unfamiliar territory. Once you understand the way men prefer to send and receive messages, you will find it much easier to get what you want and with a great attitude (on his part). Men are simple, so don’t make things complicated; if you want something done, simply let him know what it is you want, and leave him to it! If you have additional information that might be helpful, by all means share it, and then (again), leave him to it. He will figure it out in his own way and on his own time, but rest assured, he will figure out. The best part is, you will get what you want (minus the fuss) and in the end, everyone’s happy!
What a man needs in his life is a woman who has wisdom; someone who understands him and accepts him for who he is as opposed to trying to mold him into someone she wants him to be. A woman who is a great listener, communicator (not to be confused with speaker), supporter, who can be his go-to girl for everything he needs. As his woman, it’s in your best interest to be innovative and have the ability to adjust, figure things out, and accommodate him. If he has everything he needs at home, he’ll have no reason to outsource.
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Life & Relationship Coach