Be A Priority, Not A “Convenience”

Every one in this world has value; we are all worthy of being happy, healthy, and prosperous. Often times we sell ourselves short and never achieve greatness because we don’t believe in our own hearts that we are worthy or that we can do it. This fear of yourself will keep you on the ground, as opposed to elevating you to new heights. If you will settle for less, people will give you less; if you will settle for more, people will give you more. Things that are convenient in life often have high frequency visits because gaining access doesn’t require much work. There’s nothing wrong with being a convenience to someone, just so long as the arrangement is mutually beneficial.

Once a convenience becomes an inconvenience for you, then it’s time to re-evaluate your position in that relationship,  require more, or position yourself in a more beneficial relationship. Place value on your time, energy, effort, money, and resources; not everyone who’s around your circle needs to be in your circle. When it comes to building relationships, it’s essential that you set your own personal goals for your life, and with each person you meet, you give them a place in your life depending on whether or not that are in alignment with your goals.

Without a plan, without goals, without any idea of what you want your relationship to be like in the future, you will inevitably find yourself settling for whatever/whoever is most comfortable at the moment. If you want your relationship to be a success in the end, you have to have a successful beginning. Always begin with the end in mind. There are billions of people in this world, and you only need “one”; you don’t have to accept just anyone, you can develop a plan of action and get exactly what you need from a significant other.

Key word significant! Your significant other is someone who is worth mentioning, someone you’re proud to be with, someone you’re looking forward to growing with. When it comes to someone who is merely a convenience,  you can barely see past the end of the month with this person, let alone a lifetime. This is your life we’re talking about, and you’re not getting any younger; every day you live your life should be lived with purpose. When it comes to people you give your time to, you should add people add value to your life, and subtract the people who don’t.

As you continue to grow as a person, your values and your priorities will change, and so will your desire to associate with certain individuals. Depending on your current position in life, you may feel as though a convenience is exactly what you need. That person who agrees to be a convenience more than likely feels the exact same way about you. The only problem with that is the foundation of your relationship is not build on anything solid; the foundation of a convenience is based on temporary short-term satisfaction which doesn’t last.

Once one or both parties finds themselves, and develops love for themselves, they will no longer need you. Finding the “perfect match” isn’t about finding someone who has the same exact thing you have; finding a match is about finding someone who can produce something your life is missing. The last thing you want to be missing from your life is love and happiness because it’s impossible to give out something you are without. If your source for love and happiness dwells in someone else, then you’ll be left unfulfilled if that person is a) unavailable or b) decides to leave you.

You are worth more than a quick lay and a brief stay; there is someone out there who will love, cherish, honor, and be loyal to you, and you won’t have to share him with anyone. You have to believe in your heart that you are worthy of greatness; the way you prove this is by disassociating yourself from failures. Once you change your heart, you will change your mind, which will prompt you to make better choices for your life and your relationships. The key is to have Faith and believe that God knows your heart, he knows the work you need to do on yourself, and he knows the type of man you need in order to achieve relationship success. #GodIsLove

Men are simple and only require Food, Sex & Peace of Mind; if you give this to a man, you will certainly have no problem keeping him around. But that’s not the end; keeping him around is merely a convenience. Now that you know what makes him happy, you need to sit down at the table and negotiate before any “goods” are distributed. A man will do ANYTHING for the opportunity to sleep with a woman; with this in mind, you need to take this opportunity to set standards and requirements, otherwise you will fall in the trap of being his convenience.

Your vagina is your negotiating power! Once you give a man your body, you no longer have any room to negotiate, and you’ll be stuck giving this man Food, Sex & Peace of Mind trying to figure out “What am I doing wrong? I’m giving him everything a man needs, but he’s not giving me what I need… How can I fix this?” It’s too late! You are now officially his convenience because you did too much too soon. Sex is the ultimate goal for a man, so if you give it to him on day one, you’ll be lucky if you see him on day 2 (especially if the sex was bad). Even if the sex was bad, he may give you a call just to feel something wet and warm, but he won’t much more use for you outside of the bedroom.

Men are very simple and do not require much; but you, you’re a female and you want the WORLD! A man can sleep with multiple different women 7 days a week with no emotional attachment, and no desire for any type of future whatsoever. Don’t get your little heart broken trying to play a man’s game; don’t get yourself caught up in the convenience trap. If you want more than Food, Sex & Peace of Mind, then you need to require it, otherwise, men will continue to take you for a test drive until you’re completely out of miles, and then move right along to the next.

It’s important to have actual conversations about short-term and long-term goals, just to see how a person feels about their life and to see where they plan on going in the future. A man knows the role he wants a woman to play in his life before he even meets her. Getting to know someone properly is essential to relationship success and it will help you to differentiate what is suspense and what is substance. Instead of allowing someone to treat you like a convenience, give your time to someone who will treat you like a priority. You are worth it!

If you’ve been inspired by today’s blog, please subscribe, post your comments below, and share it with your friends. Also, please visit my new website and connect with me on all of my social networks!www.askcheyb.com

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

38 thoughts on “Be A Priority, Not A “Convenience”

  1. Hi Chey, I enjoyed this blog post and will surely follow to read your advice. Alot of what you write is clicking to me and making sense about what I want out of people in my life and subtract them. However, subtraction is really hard math.

  2. This is exactly what I needed to hear. However, my question to you…is after realizing that I was a convenience what do I need to do to gain my self-worth. I’ve found that I didn’t give him my all…but tried desperately to make everything work. In the end…it seems that he didn’t want to budge on my standards. I told him in a nutshell…you need to finalize your divorce, stop taking me for granted when you say that you’ll call when you don’t, and make something of yourself. He felt like he was existing…but I later found this to be a game that he was playing..because he moved on to the next chick and now she is pregnant with his first child. Mind you, his divorce isn’t finalized and he is making below then 10.00/hour. With him, I tried to inspire him and me! I am not completing my first year of my masters and will be entering law school next year. Did I lose out on him? Or did I make the right decision on keeping my foot down? Again, this blog was so useful…THANK YOU!!!!

  3. Selah…So true sir so true, in my Christian walk I’ve seen men go as quickly as they came. Because of “The Talk” this really weeds out the “convenience seekers” no doubt!!! Many times I have ask God to strengthen and restore me from any and all disappointment, discouragement, And every time He has. Being spared of having 2 deal with the effects of “soul ties”. A True Blessing… So many females I’ve watched become devastated even almost to the brink of giving up on life because they gave themselves so freely to a man what God intended for her husband. This makes easier to stay the course He has designed 4 me. Awesome blog Chey B.
    Thanks For Always Pouring Into Us.
    *Grateful*

  4. Of course it is counter-productive. Especially if the man really is not attracted to you or does not treasure you. Learn the hard way, Ladies, if you have to lead with sex, He is not the one.

  5. I enjoyed the article and you touched on some key points in navigating the grey areas we as women try to not see. I appreciate you.

  6. I gave all that was in me to my boyfriend that I was with for 1 1/2 yrs and we did talk about working towards marriage. I really thought he was different & the one. But To Only realize that I was the only one making the effort in the relationship, to find out I was only his connivence & in the end he left me. All b/c I gave ” SEX” to soon & fast. Thank you for this blog & I know I am worth it! And will stand my ground the next time b/c I’m with more than a person (man) thinks. And I pray that I meet the man God has for me.

  7. Am a good looking woman, 50, child-free, single, casually dating… now on a QUEST!
    I did/have done things in every order possible with men; making them wait (not good enough), fwb (convenience ONLY) hook-up (ciao ), long term relationship(BORING and routine, yawn! ) to them anyway.
    I am not sure if there is a ‘right’ way to proceed with the new generation of men out there. ALL ages of men seem to influence one another too some bad/some good …and in the discard pile you go when they have other ‘OPTIONS worth trying.
    Be hard to get always keeps them competing for you..we are in control and have the gift they compete for….try it ladies…the ONLY WAY!
    Good luck out there all…

  8. Am a good looking woman, 50, child-free, single, casually dating… now on a QUEST!
    I did/have done things in every order possible with men; making them wait (not good enough), fwb (convenience ONLY) hook-up (ciao ), long term relationship(BORING and routine, yawn! ) to them anyway.
    I am not sure if there is a ‘right’ way to proceed with the new generation of men out there. ALL ages of men seem to influence one another too some bad/some good …and in the discard pile you go when they have other ‘OPTIONS’ worth trying.
    Be hard to get always keeps them competing for you..we are in control and have the gift they compete for….try it ladies…the ONLY WAY!
    Good luck out there all…

  9. I find men to be disgusting, arrogant, and selfish pricks. All they care about is pussy and their own dicks. God forbid you want to be treated like a human being. No. We have to stoop down to this superficial shit. God/Jesus promotes love not bribing through sex. If someone is that big of an asshole well then he can go get fucked right in it. Fucking society is a lost cause. Men are incapable of love and women are stupid bitches to think using their pussies will produce a result. Pathetic. I’d rather be dead.

  10. This makes perfect sense. This is what i wanted to hear. Ive been seeing this guy out of convenience- mutual i guess but as time goes by, it gets tiring and i dont feel good anymore. I get irritated of myself for not able to stand on my ground. But reading ur blog really helps a lot. I am goin to tell him to be a man and to leave me alone if he cant make up his mind.

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