Q: This guy I like is friends with a man I’ve slept with in the past. Will he still consider me?
Finding someone who’s pure and untouched in this day and age is possible, but rare. In today’s times, we expect our significant other to have some kind of history, but even still we don’t want to knowingly be associated with the men from your past, no matter how long ago it was. One of the aspects that go into choosing a girlfriend or wife is the idea of being with someone who is exclusive (meaning none of the men we know have had you or can have you). There’s also a code of honor amongst men, and that code is you don’t commit to a woman that one of your friends or relatives used to be sexually involved with. It’s a conflict of interest!
There are millions of women in the world, and the last thing a man would want to do is settle on a woman who one of his close friends has the drop on. He wants his friends to have respect for the woman he’s with, and he also wants the assurance of knowing that any men who are in his circle of friends has never had the privilege of seeing his woman naked. Yes, it’s a matter of pride! After all, you do want to be proud of the woman you’re with.
There are a lot of women out there who always dress provocatively, or work in a sex related industry who can’t quite figure out why they’re struggling in the love department. Part of the reason is because they’re not showing that they’re capable of being exclusive. They have this burning desire to be seen, heard, and at the center of attention by a multitude of men, and that goes against the exclusivity of a relationship. The other reason is that since they don’t value their bodies, the men who approach them are looking to either exploit their bodies even further, or experience their bodies for themselves. Love has nothing to do with these men’s reasoning for the pursuit. This pursuit is strictly sex driven; and because he doesn’t value her from the beginning, he’ll never truly look to value her in the end.
For a man, it’s a conflict of interest to entertain a woman who doesn’t value herself enough to have standards and set requirements. A person’s past is a reflection of a person’s character, and a person’s character influences the decisions they make in life. Men are very proud individuals; so proud that they can’t and won’t endure the thought of being with a woman who degraded herself in the past or slept with someone he knows. There’s no sense in lying to a man about your past, because if he’s genuinely interested in you, he’s going to do a thorough background check on you just to make sure he’s not committing to a whore.
A man who’s interested in having a future with you will protect your honor, but only if you’re doing the same for yourself. Most men associate closely with other men who reflect who they are as a person; so naturally, they’ll have similar taste in women, and similar ways that they treat women. Knowing that you’ve entertained his friend is enough detail for him to imagine the type of relationship that you and his friend might’ve had. Once he gets wind of you two being intimate, these thoughts will constantly be in the forefront of his mind and he won’t be able to get over it.
It’s easy for a man to choose a woman to sleep with; all he has to do is look for the woman who matches his physical taste. When it comes to choosing a girlfriend or a wife however, he looks for a woman using his eyes and his heart. This means that your personality & your character are on the forefront and your physical beauty becomes an added bonus. If you’re ever faced with a situation where the man you’re dating is friends with an old flame of yours, make the judgment call early on and decide if it’s even worth pursuing. Being forthcoming and honest about this sort of thing could potentially save the both of you a world of emotional damage. He might not be able to entertain the relationship further than sex, but he will respect you for considering his feelings.
If you honestly and truly want to be in a happy, loving, long lasting relationship with someone, choose a man who’s not connected to any of the men in your past. There are too many negatives to consider when pursuing someone who’s closely associated with an old flame and frankly it’s not worth the trouble. The last thing you want is to be tormented by your man or constantly reminded of your past. Take this time to focus on what’s relevant in your life, and when the right man comes along, be proud to share the story of your life with him.