From the moment we take our first breath, we are born into a relationship. We are in a committed relationship with our parents and/or caregivers for 18 years, and throughout those 18 years we are given instructions on how to live our lives, what’s best for us, what’s not, etc. We are dependent on the love, money, and resources that are being provided by the people who run the homes that we live in. For 18 years, we behave in a way that’s pleasing to the eyes of our parents, so that we can remain in their favor; and when they’re not looking, we do what’s best for us in the shadows.
Anytime one relationship ends, there should be a healing process to help you gather yourself financially, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. There’s no time limit on how long this process should take, but the purpose is to establish independence! Take the lessons you’ve learned from your relationship with your parents and use them to plan for a better future (on your own). This journey will allow you to see your strengths, weaknesses, and will help you appreciate the value you add to your own life, which is a reflection of the value you can add to the lives of others.
There comes a time in every young adult’s life where he/she has to leave the nest and spread their wings independently. Being able to stand up on your own two feet shows that you are ready, willing, and able to be independent; Gaining independence is the first step towards becoming interdependent. When you work on being the best person that you can be, you’ll attract the best people. Being single and independent grants you the time you need to focus on your heart, mind, body, and spirit! Taking time away from relationships and focusing on self just might be the answer to a lot of people’s problems!
Being in a relationship with someone romantically is similar to a relationship with your parents; in order for any relationship to stay healthy, there are rules, guidelines, and expectations that everyone is expected to live up to. One of the main differences between a parent/child relationship and a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship though is that you get to choose who/when you want to be in a committed relationship with (based solely on your desire to be committed). If you don’t have the desire to be in a committed relationship, spare yourself and simply enjoy living the single life. Being single is the thing you do when you’re establishing/finding yourself and/or when you haven’t met someone who meets your standards.
One of the keys to being in a happy/healthy relationship is being honest with yourself. Incorporate The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships (According to “Chey B.”) These habits are Respect, Love, Honesty, Loyalty, Trust, Support, and Communication. If you don’t have these very basic/mandatory qualities in your relationship, your relationship will not reach its fullest potential. Take as much time as you need to work on your heart, mind, body, and spirit, and to better prepare yourself to share your world with another person. If you’re not ready, willing, and able to share your world, being single is probably the best way to go.
If you’re going to be single… be single by design as opposed to being single by chance. Being single by design means that you’re on a spiritual journey, and your goal is to find yourself and become a better you! Finding yourself means that you’re not out looking for others; it’s all about “you”! Single by chance means that you were on a journey and in love with someone, and then over time, love was lost. If love and happiness can be found inside of you, you’ll never go a day without it. When you meet someone new, let them be an addition to the love and happiness you already have; this way if they ever leave or forsake you, you’ll be happy and in love with or without them.
It’s counter-productive to live a double life in secret; meanwhile you’re telling your partner that you’re committed to only them. You’ll have more peace of mind being single and honest with yourself than you will with lying to your significant other. If you want your partner to stay, give them hope! If you want your partner to leave, give them doubt! When you finally decide to commit to someone, make sure that you are ready, willing, and able to be faithful, and that you have a genuine interest in contributing to their life.
There will be plenty of time to dedicate your life to someone, bare children, get married, and live happily ever after, but before you do that, enjoy being in a relationship with yourself. Being in a relationship with yourself will help raise your standards and help you to eliminate those who don’t meet them. When your level of love, finance, spirituality, health, etc. is at an all-time high, you will then have the leverage to be matched with a suitable partner. You are who you attract, so work on being your best!
Being single allows you the time/space/opportunity to do what’s best for you, so take the time that you’re by yourself to do just that! Go to school, establish a career, save up money, travel the world, meet/explore new people, and live life to the fullest (with no regrets). Do this until your heart is content and until you are ready for something more. When you’re finished achieving your short-term goals and you’re ready to pursue a long-term achievement with another person, seek someone who mirrors the person that you are or everything you aspire to be.
After you’ve done everything your heart desired as a single individual, settling someone who’s a good match will only upgrade your life. All of the wonderful things you’ve experienced independently can now be experienced interdependently if that’s what you would like in a partner. Being in a relationship isn’t an indication of your life ending; it’s an indication of a new life beginning. Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies; we live in a world filled with people, no one is meant to live this life alone! Never look for a relationship, but always prepare your heart, mind, body, and spirit to be ready for one!
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Life & Relationship Coach