Be Selective With Who You Let Discipline Your Children!

Children are easily entertained and they love to live life carefree without any responsibility; this is the beauty of childhood. Unfortunately, we do live in a world where being responsible is the key ingredient to survival. A mother carries the baby in her womb for 9 months, so she naturally develops a bond with the child long before  the father does. During this 9 month period, a man can choose to be a man, stick around and be instrumental in the child’s life, or run away like a boy and live life irresponsibly. No matter which choice a father decides to make, his decision will impact the life of his child forever.

A loving mother wants the best for her child, so no matter whether the father leaves or stays, she does everything to make sure her child is loved and cared for. She is the responsible adult both because it’s in her nature and because she has no other choice. Her child will need to be prepared for a life of independence, especially in the event that another human being decides to abandon them just like their father did.

Being a father is a huge responsibility, but even when a man is the biological father, is financially supportive, and is physically present, he in many cases will still subconsciously be irresponsible with the lessons he gives his child. This is due to him wanting to offer a child a taste of “the spoils of life”, to balance out the sense of restriction/boundaries that many loving mothers put into play. Children are often times too young to appreciate the value in being taught life lessons, and they look at “Daddy” as the hero whenever he comes bearing gifts, taking them on trips, and including them in fun filled activities.

A loving mother has a great deal of responsibility in the home that the average father doesn’t have to deal with; A father has to somehow compensate for any emptiness a child may feel, and by targeting that child’s heart, he can make the child overlook his lack of steady involvement, and value only what’s happening right here and right now. This father/son relationship may pacify the father, but cripples the child in the long run. A fun filled weekend with Daddy, consisting of a new outfit, money, candy, eating out, activities, and no rules will make going home to a responsible mother sometimes feel like agony. The father walks away a hero, a legend, while the real hero (the mother) is resented by the child for not matching up to what a weekend with Daddy offers.

It’s important for the parents to instill a good set of morals, values, principles, and beliefs in their child, so that they are working together and not against each other. With communication, there can be a better understanding on the blueprint that’s being laid out for the child. This means both parents are acting with the child’s future is in mind; preparing him/her with the tools they need to build a happy, healthy, prosperous life.

Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies. When it comes to your children, the relationship you have with them and the role you play should be understood. You are “a” friend to them, but you’re not equivalent to the friends they associate with out in the world, you’re their parents. You offer something that no friend will ever give them, nor should they. The love you have for your child should be unconditional. He/she should be able to come and talk to you because they respect your opinion, they want your protection, and they need your understanding.

Beating a child may pacify the parent, but it hurts the child physically, mentally, and emotionally. In the real world, adults don’t get beatings for wrongdoings; they instead have their privileges taken away. Giving a child a beating is suggestive of a parent simply choosing not to discipline the child with due process. Due process is what a child needs in order to learn a lesson, and to grow from the experience without physical abuse. Being physically abused builds resentment, and instead of being a method of showing a child right/wrong, it instead allows a child to measure the severity of the consequences that come with bad behavior.

With this in mind, a child may be willing to risk “still” misbehaving and learn to numb themselves to the usual consequences. By having their privileges taken away, the tables are turned. A parent is then allowed the opportunity to measure whether the child has learned their lesson, and continue the non-physical punishment until they’ve seen improvements in behavior. A child having his/her privileges stripped from them is far worse than a beating; it’s like torture. A child can learn valuable lessons without the battle scars to prove it.

Having a conversation with your child, identifying what the problem is, and finding a solution is a form of therapy and is a great opportunity to bond as a family. In order for a family to come together and fix the problems from within, the parents have to come to the child with an open mind, and an open heart, and be prepared to be understanding to that child’s situation; this can only be successfully accomplished with patience, love, and care. Not everyone will have the same patience, love, and care as you do for your own child, so not everyone should be allowed to get close to your child or be that listening ear when your child needs it. As the parent, that’s your job specifically!

As a single parent, it’s common over time to date and become romantically involved with someone new, however this is a relationship that should be separate from the relationship you have with your child. The new romantic interests who come into your life have an interest in “you” and did not sign up for a relationship with your child, nor should they be given the responsibility of a mother/father unless they marry into the relationship. A child should respect authority figures, but should also have a set of morals, values, principles, and beliefs that were taught by the parents and/or caregivers in the home.

Children tend to act one way around their parents, then act another way amongst civilians; sometimes for good, sometimes for bad. In the event that a child misbehaves in public where no parent or guardian is around, there is a chance that an adult may either seek authorities to put a stop to this disturbance of the peace, or ask where to find his/her parents. They don’t have the authority to discipline the child personally, because this authority belongs to the parents and/or caregivers. This reference in responsibility is something that many “part time lovers” fail to relinquish to it’s rightful owners.

People will come and go from your life, however, you can protect your child from witnessing this by only allowing people who prove they are interested in being a family and not just a convenience. They prove that they are in it for the long haul by taking the necessary steps of courtship, and respecting the boundaries put into play as it pertains to your child, sex, living arrangements, etc. A person who does not prove to be interested in a long term commitment/marriage should not be granted the same privileges, access, or authority as you would a husband.

The men in the family (i.e. Grandparents, uncles, cousins) should act as guides to help lead a child when the parent isn’t around. These are individuals who are loved and trusted with your offspring, and should be given the green light to correct your child’s misbehavior, because it’s done out of love and not by force. A mother should protect her child against any outside influences who don’t have their best interest at heart, or at least anyone she’s not sure of. You can never be too sure with a friend or a romantic interest, because those individuals are in your life for “you”.

As the head of the household, a “husband” trusts in God and guides his family in the right direction. With this title, he is allowed the authority to be a mentor to his step children, a father figure, and someone who offers them guidance in the absence of the biological father. Physical abuse shouldn’t be an option for the biological parents, and it certainly shouldn’t be an option for this new addition to the family (husband or not). By using your heart and mind, anyone is capable of delivering a message that is more helpful than harmful to another human being. It’s simple a matter of choice.

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

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