Being Emotionally Available Being in a relationship requires that two people “share” their worlds with one another. They share their mind, body, resources, and more in order to help one another grow as a couple. In order to attract the best person that will fit into your life, you first have to work on being the best person you can be on the inside and outside. When you love yourself, you begin to feel good, and the energy you give off will attract other happy and loving individuals. If you can find love and happiness inside of you, you’ll never go a day without it. Many times in our lives, we search to no end for love in many different aspects of life (i.e. Work, relationships, sex, material things). Instead of searching “outward” for love, search “inward” for love. If you’re looking for love, hold up a mirror!
When you find love and happiness within yourself, you know exactly what it feels like. So much so, that you know when you’re giving it to others, as well as getting it from others, or the lack thereof. When you solely rely on an outward source for love, that love does not belong to you, it belongs to the provider and can be denied and/or stripped at any given time. If that source of love dies, abandons you, or recognizes that you are dependent upon it’s source and decides to abuse their power by depriving you of love, you leave yourself vulnerable to heartbreak and anguish. By loving yourself, your source of love/power lies within you and will never die, leave you, or forsake you! Make loving yourself an everyday regimen for the rest of your life. Wake up in the morning loving the way you feel, look in the mirror loving the way you look, and finally, open up the front door prepared to love the rest of the world!
Loving yourself is an inside job that starts in the home. If loves dwells in the home, you’ll be more careful with who you let in, you’ll cherish it/protect it, and your heart will always have a place to revive itself whenever in need. Your home is your place of peace, your escape from the world, and your comfort zone. The things you place inside should be anything that brings you love, joy, and happiness (i.e. Music, pictures, food, interior design, fragrances, etc). If the world and the people in it treat you cruelly, you’ll always have a place to go as a reminder of what love & happiness feels like. As tempting as it may be to stay home and embellish in all the goodness this love environment has to offer, remember to spread love to others once you find it in yourself. Finding yourself and loving yourself is a journey.
For many, finding love will require redefining what love is as a whole; this is due to severe emotional damage caused by previous distributors of love in the past (i.e. Parents, ex’s, friends, etc). Love is something that you do and feel; once two people feel loved and show love, it becomes evident that they are in love with one another. Love feels good; you’ll know you’re not in love with someone else when it starts to hurt. When whatever you’ve associated with love becomes detrimental to your health, it needs to be removed from your life. When you remove someone or something from your life that hurts, you leave more room for someone or something to come into your life that helps. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Having love for yourself, as well as others instantaneously adds value to your life and the lives of others, therefore establishing your worth.
Finding and loving yourself takes precious time and it cannot be rushed or interrupted by others looking to convince you of what love means to them. Finding yourself means you’re not looking for others. On this journey, you want to figure out what feels, looks, tastes, smells, and sounds good to “you”. Avoid any outside influences; use this time to enjoy being alone and figuring out what’s best for you and your life. Throughout life, you will come across many people who will hurt you intentionally and/or accidentally. People you’ve lived with, shared secrets with, shared the most precious years of your life with will have all had a hand in your heartbreak and disappointment over the years. By removing this pain from your heart, you’re allowing room for pleasure to come in. Pain has a way of remaining in the heart for as long as you give power to its source.
If something is causing you to be unhappy, locate the source, and eliminate the source of power. You can take away any and all power from its source by “forgiving” others for any pain they’ve ever caused you. By clearing your conscience, you no longer have a reason to think about unhappiness or the people who caused you to be unhappy. Love & happiness is a magnet! People are attracted to people who appear to be happy either because it reminds them of themselves or of where they want to be. Friendship is the key to building up romance; romance has the potential to lead to a committed relationship; a committed relationship has the potential to lead to a life long commitment (i.e. Marriage).
In order to establish a true friendship with someone, there has to be love and happiness inside of you that attracts them. If your inner beauty is dimmed, your outer beauty will be the only thing left to shine. Your outer beauty is what will get people to come; your inner beauty is what will get people to stay. Continue to work on being the best person you can be, and you’ll attract the best people. Being emotionally available means that you’re ready to love and be loved by someone else. Always remember that relationships aren’t for everybody; relationships are only for the ready. Repair and restore your heart before making it available to another. If someone you love doesn’t know how to take care of it, learn your lesson and stop giving it to them.
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Life & Relationship Coach