There are two rules to love 1) You do it! 2) You don’t! It’s easy to love someone from a distance because there’s no significant time, energy, or effort required to make the relationship work. Anytime you haven’t seen someone in awhile, there’s the “thrill” of being in each other’s presence once again after so long, and there’s a desire to get caught up to date on things. Space and time apart creates romance; the desire to show love and receive love from a person who’s been missing from your life.
One of the keys to making romance in a relationship last is to not become too familiar and get stuck in a routine. While it’s not important that your significant other knows your each and every move, it is important that when granted this freedom and this trust, that you honor it by staying true to yourself and true to your partner. Here are The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (According to AskCheyB) Respect, Love, Honesty, Trust, Loyalty, Support, and Communication. Incorporate these habits and your partner will have no reason to question or doubt the moves you make.
A great way to keep a relationship fresh all the way to the end is by being consistent with everything you did in the beginning. In the beginning, a man courts a woman, treats her like a lady, spends time a part and schedules time to be together. The time spent apart makes the time spent together that much more special. With work, school, and other responsibilities, it’s a joy to be whisked away from life’s harsh realities by a person who has a genuine interest in being with you.
In addition to a busy schedule and a hectic lifestyle, there’s also the idea that the person you’re dating is also dating other people, so in order to stay relevant, you have to compete for one another’s time, love, and affection. A common mistake that many people make once they’ve “got the girl/guy” is they stop competing. The competition (i.e. admirers) will never stop coming; if you don’t see to it that your partner is happy, someone else will.
If you are not consistent throughout the relationship with the person you were in the beginning of the relationship, space can be your worst adversary. When someone is happy to have you around, they look forward to your return whenever you leave. When someone isn’t happy to have you around, they look for a way to fill that void whenever you’re gone. Love should always dwell inside of you and inside of your home; when love is lost, your partner is bound to go looking to find it. Your significant other should always feel as though you’re a source where he/she can refuel financially, mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.
Many times we hold onto relationships not because we’re happy to hold on, but because we’re afraid to let go. Once you stop loving you’ll start hating. Once you stop hating, you’ll start loving. Never stop loving yourself, and never stop loving your partner. Work strategically to make sure that your partner enjoys being with you when you’re together, and looks forward to coming back to you when they’re not. Make being together the place to be.
For the period of time you and your partner are separated, the anticipation to come back together is what keeps the excitement going. When you give your significant other something to look forward to, they’ll be focused on what’s up ahead, rather than what’s on the side. Life is a long, slow, ambiguous journey, so if you’re partnered with someone who’s dependent on you, make that journey as enjoyable as possible. It’s a challenge to be able to entertain someone for life, but that’s a part of the contract that comes along with a serious commitment so get creative
Friendship outside of the relationship is important because it gives you both something to do when you would like to spend some time away from each other. Establish trust between your partner and any of your relevant friends by introducing them early on in the relationship. The friends you associate with are a huge reflection of who you are and/or who you aspire to be, so in order to maintain a happy/healthy relationship; only associate closely with those who are positive influences in your life.
Sometimes starting a new life will require new friends. If you’re in a relationship, cherish the glory days of hanging out with all of your other single friends, and live for today by planning for a brighter future with the love of your life. A great way to still stay connected with your single friends is to host a gathering at your home; invite both couples and singles. By inviting your single friends to actually witness your new life “as a couple”; you’re granted the opportunity to show them the value in being committed.
Since we’re all adults, there’s no need for a curfew when you plan to go out, nor is there a need to constantly call to check up on your significant other once it’s been communicated that they’re going out. Keep in mind though, that your other half loves you, is concerned about your well being, and is going to miss you while you’re gone. When you have plans on going places where your significant other isn’t invited, be courteous enough to let them know where you’re going, whom you’re going with, and when they should expect you home. This information will make your part feel secure, and there’s no better feeling than knowing that your home and everyone in it is safe and secure.
One of the most valued benefits of being in a relationship is companionship. It feels good to be able to come home to someone, cuddle in bed with someone, and do fun/exciting activities with someone you love. Relationships are meant to be experienced “together”, not apart, so spending weeks, months, and years away from one another goes against a huge part of what relationship is. You want to give your partner just enough room to breathe, but not enough room to leave. Being separated from your partner creates space and opportunity, and with that comes the desire to go out and do something with whoever can provide temporary satisfaction in your absence.
One of the best ways to stay a couple is to do things as a couple. If you’d like to take a nice vacation, plan in advance and budget accordingly so that you and your partner can enjoy a trip together. If there’s a networking event coming up, let your partner know in advance so that they can mark their calendar and accompany you. If there’s a new movie coming out that you’d love to see, invite your partner and make it a date night. Make it a habit of doing things “with” your partner; when it’s time for you to do things alone, they won’t feel neglected.
The right amount of space and time a part can create the illusion of being without that person you love, giving you both the opportunity to miss one another. The anticipation of the return is what helps the romance grow stronger. There’s a great chance that your partner will get bored and feel smothered if you’re constantly around one another day in and day out. So much so that they will want to find a source of entertainment outside of the home, and away from you (for a change). To avoid this, have balance between work, school, other responsibilities, couple time, and alone time.
A little bit of reverse psychology never hurt either (i.e. Encourage your significant other to go out and hang out with their friends and have fun). Let them know that you’ll be at home waiting when they return and that you want them to go out and have a good time. At the end of the night you’ll be right back in each others warm embrace. Create space when there is none and you will see and feel the void in the air; you’ll look forward to being in your lovers presence again all due to this brief time apart.
Life and relationships are very much like the game of chess. You have to study your target, strategically plan your every move, and always keep your mate in check.
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This is a very insightful blog. Especially for someone that has been off the dating scene for some time, such as myself. It gives you a lot to consider when deciding to date again. It makes me think about do I really want all that comes with being in a committed relationship at this time, and I can weigh my options wisely.
Thanks Chey for sharing.
@Morenita- Thank you for reading.
Very good stuff. I’m divorced, and recently dated a slightly younger guy(4yrs younger),but I no matter how I tried these very same tactics with him, he still wanted more. His main concern was us living together. I was just gettin my kids off to college and beginnin to breathe a little, when he decides I’m not worthy if I couldn’t become his live in girl. Soooooo, yeah, now I’m without commitment. I like that better than “single”
It makes sense about long distance relationships, but I want to remain true to it. Perhaps because I’m involved in academic activities, work and social events it’s not too difficult now. However, I feel that sooner or later I’ll have to reevaluate the relationship. I also want to remain true to myself.