Q: My man makes me feel very suspicious because he claims he has plans to go out, but he never knows any details (i.e. Location, start/end time, etc). Am I wrong for feeling this way?
A: A man who is genuinely interested in being in a relationship with a woman and building a future with her will do everything in his power to maintain peace in the household. If for one second his lady is feeling uncomfortable and is for whatever reason not secure in him, he will stop everything that he’s doing to put her mind at ease. One of the best ways to grow as a couple is to do things as a couple. Granted, it’s important to have space, and have friends outside of the relationship, both parties should make it a point to include one another in their endeavors.
Communication is a key aspect of a functioning relationship; it can bring you and your partner closer, and it will eliminate a lot of ambiguity, so definitely keep the communication going. While it’s not important or relevant for your significant other to tell you “everything”, there are certain pieces of information that should be shared simply because he’s interested in sharing his world with you (the person he loves). With the exception of business meetings, personal leisure, and “Guys Night Out”, he should invite you to accompany him to events and outings. There also has to be a level of trust between the two of you. If there’s no trust, you really should consider re-evaluating your relationship with him.
You don’t want to constantly be worried that every time your significant other goes out, he’s up to something. Never trust your partner 100%. 50% of the trust goes into your partner, the other 50% goes into your gut! If your partner constantly makes you feel as though he is not trustworthy, talk to your him, let him know how his actions make you feel. If he’s willing to make the changes, he may be worth remaining loyal to. If he’s not willing to make the changes, cut your losses and end the relationship ASAP.
One of the best parts about being in a relationship is being “together”, so when you’re apart, you should at least be able to enjoy communicating with one another for comfort. When it’s guys night out though, let him have guys night out. Talk to him when he gets home! And if it’s a guys night out, he should have details! If he’s out for business, he should have details! If it’s a family affair, he should have details and you should be invited! If he’s making it his business to be “somewhere”, you’re not invited, and he doesn’t have any details, give him a fair amount of time to get the details. Don’t go into “insecure” mode just yet!
This is the point where you exhibit strength and you measure how considerate your man is of your feelings. As it comes closer to the time he’s supposed to go wherever he’s going, sit back and observe; see if he’ll be considerate enough to give you details about where he’s going, with whom, and when he’ll be back. If he doesn’t show you this consideration, when he gets home, you don’t show him consideration. Never consider those who never consider you! Whenever your man is reluctant to offer up information, it’s because he has something to hide. It doesn’t really matter what he’s hiding, what does matter is that he’s hiding it, and he doesn’t want to be vulnerable and expose himself to you (his significant other).
That in itself speaks volumes, and his actions show that you’re really not that significant to him. If you find yourself dealing with a man who keeps secrets that are becoming hurtful to your relationship, don’t hesitate to do what’s best for you, because he is certainly doing what’s best for him.
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Life & Relationship Coach