It is the responsibility of the parent(s) to show their son what it means to be born a male as opposed to being born a female. The father sets an example by showing him how to provide for his family (at the very least), and the mother sets an example by showing him how a woman reciprocates when the man of the house is taking care of home. It should be communicated between the ages of 0-18 (in some way shape or form) that he will be required to leave the home and figure out what it is he wants to do with his life. At the age of 18, he should have a plan which involves something along the lines of starting his own business, getting a job, doing an internship, enrolling in college, joining the reserves, or doing something that will help build his future and allow him to be a contribution to society.
No matter what his relationship to you is (i.e. Son/Brother/Father/Boyfriend/Husband/Cousin/Friend, etc) if he is a male, he should not be allowed to live with you rent free. Once your son is out of the house… he’s out! If he wants to be let back in, he has to prove that he is doing something productive with his life (i.e. School, a job, internship, etc). Coming back for the summer while in school is ok (as he is working on obtaining a degree to better prepare himself for a future). <<< Proof that he is in no way looking for an “easy way out”, but moreso a place to relax while he focuses on his ambitions. <<< This extension should be cut off after a certain amount of years “post high school graduation” go by).
If he’s not out of the house for school and wants to come back, give him a 30 day grace period, and then let him know that he will be required to pay rent after that 30 day period if he would like to stay. It doesn’t have to be a large amount, but “an” amount from out of his pocket. <<<< Doing this builds character!!! It lets him know that “There Aint No Such Thing As A Free Lunch!!” Babying him will only encourage him to come back to you any and every time he makes poor life decisions or is faced with tough times. Being his safety net each and every time isn’t helping him, it’s hurting him! If (hypothetically speaking) you’re married, having your son move back in may cause turmoil between your son and his father or step-father, so you may be better off doing what mom’s do and just slide him a few dollars to help him stay afloat.
I know you love him, but you can better prepare your son and also build his character by giving him a little tough love. And besides… as a young man, he should be overly anxious to get out of his mother’s house and be out on his own… Making his own money, paying his own rent, buying his own food, cooking his own food, doing his own laundry. BTW the above courtesy should only apply to family! Never allow a man you are not related to by blood stay with you (for free) under any circumstances. If you really want to help, refer him to a local shelter where they will take care of grown men at no charge. This will humble him and motivate him to find employment, save his money, and get the HELL out of there ASAP!!! And if being in a shelter isn’t humbling enough or isn’t motivating enough, then let his sorry behind stay right there!
A great way to be taken for granted or taken advantage of is by giving someone something for free when they haven’t earned those privileges. They’ll get so comfortable to the point where they start to feel a sense of entitlement. If you currently have a man who’s living in your house, and you’re interested in knowing how to get him out of your house, then it’s safe to say that this has been going on for quite some time now. With that said… do not feel bad about this next piece of advise! Sit him down and have a heart to heart. Let him know that he was born a male. And since he was born a male, he has certain responsibilities, and there are certain things that are required of him (as a man). He needs to know that he is expected to be able to take care of “himself”. And if he wants to be involved with a woman (on any intimate level) that he needs to be able to contribute to her life “financially” (at the very least).
Let him know that he has 30 days to figure out where he’s going to go and what he’s going to do, and that he has to find another place to live. At first, he will feel as though you don’t love him, don’t respect him, and don’t appreciate the things that he does contribute to your life, but you will see through his actions that he heard what you said and he’s taking heed. In the morning, you won’t see him there because he’s out looking for a job! He’s now going to be so concerned with not having a comfortable place to sleep within the next 30 days, that he will find that job,and work on taking care of his responsibilities. If he doesn’t… never stress over things that are not in your control! That’s his life & his problem!
Don’t worry about how you’re gonna get him out (particularly if he isn’t on the lease). A man has his pride, he will find another place to live someway/somehow before it comes down to you getting the police involved. But if it comes down to it, make the call and have him removed. Enough is enough! It’s time for him to grow up!!! At first, he won’t be able to appreciate what you’ve just done for him, but once he’s got a job, is making his own money, buying his own food, doing his own laundry, making his own way, he will feel so good as a man (inside and out). And he will not only respect you for what you did, he may even come back and thank you for what you did. Because had you never put your foot down, he would probably still be in your house, comfortable… with no immediate plans on doing anything to take care of himself (let alone take care of you). But thanks to you… not anymore 😉
Life & Relationship Coach