When breaking up with someone, you want to make sure that you’ve gotten your ex completely out of your system. There’s typically this downward spiraling effect that lets a couple know that their relationship is coming to an end. Before the relationship actually ceases and desists, there’s often a back and forth “break-up and make-up” ordeal that some people in broken relationships use to help bring them closure. Going back to a relationship that isn’t working in hopes of finding relief isn’t the most proactive solution, however it is one of the most commonly used. With this in mind, it’s important to thoroughly get to know a person and also inquire about their relationship history, because you can’t move onto the next… until you’re through with your ex.
Being emotionally involved with someone and then suddenly disassociating yourself is easier said than done. In some cases, there’s a severe amount of pain inflected and the first thing the victim wants to do is run in the opposite direction without properly severing the ties. The fastest way to eliminate a problem, it to address it! If someone in your life is directly affecting you emotionally, financially, or spiritually, a direct approach needs to be made. You take away the other persons power and you free yourself of any guilt or obligation when you take care of your responsibilities.
A proper exit to a failed relationship is essential to your future relationship success. The way you exit this relationship will have a strong influence on your emotional availability in your next relationship. Instead of ending your relationship frustrated or angry, things should be ended on a happy note. When you’re in an emotional state filled with anger and frustration, it’s difficult to think clearly and make logical and rational decisions. This means that you’ll both agree to move on with your lives, you’ll agree to be cordial when you see one another, and you’ll agree not to hold any grudges towards one another.
By ending a relationship on bad terms, you leave room for guilt to linger; the thought of never saying what was on your heart/mind and not allowing your ex to do the same. While this guilt lingers, there may be moments of vulnerability where you might want to finally allow yourself and your ex to “get things off your chest”. This could open up doors that lead places that conflict with the current relationship you’re in. These tender emotions that are coming back up could lead you back into your ex’s arms (if only for that moment), and also cloud your vision as to what you really want now that this person is “back”! The longer you wait to address a problem, the greater the problem gets.
As someone coming in as the rebound, it’s important that you take your time and get to know this person before getting emotionally involved. By asking questions about a person’s relationship history, you will begin to see who he really is, and measure his emotional availability. If a man has been hurt by his ex, or if he is still emotionally attached to his ex, then he won’t be ready to give his heart to another woman. You need to know when their last relationship ended, why it ended, and if he’s ready to date new people. Him being emotionally unavailable has nothing to do with his lack of interest in you, this is simply indication that he is not ready to open up a new chapter in his life because he hasn’t yet closed the old one with his ex. This is not to say that he’s still romantically interested in her, this is simply to say that he has not completely ended things with her in his heart.
It’s impossible to completely cut off a relationship where the heart was involved without due process without experiencing a high level of guilt. Ending the relationship should be done the same way it began… and that’s with a conversation. No matter what went wrong in the relationship, it’s important to show one another dignity and respect during your exit and completely end things in that final conversation, otherwise there will still be thoughts, feelings, and even repressed desires that were never expressed that need to be expressed, and can only be done through one another. When you don’t give your ex the opportunity to express themselves during the exit, you are granting them space and opportunity, or you give them a reason to come back into your life.
If his ex is still calling, then she is still relevant, no matter how many times he’s asked her to stop calling. If they ended things with a conversation and have agreed to part ways and respect each other’s wishes, then that’s what they would do for one another. If it appears that they are not on good terms and she’s constantly calling your man, then take a closer look at your man. There’s a reason why she is calling, and don’t for one second allow your man to convince you that it’s because she’s “madly in love” with him. He’s either still sexually involved with her, is still in a relationship with her, or perhaps she suffers from having abandonment issues, and he walked out on her without giving her any closure. In any event, take your eyes off of her for a moment, and fix your eyes closely on “him”. The treatment that he’s giving his ex right now, could one day be you.
After a break-up there should be a healing period, where you reflect on your life, your well-being, and your future. This healing process shouldn’t be interrupted by a new relationship. So if you find yourself meeting a man during his healing process, you will be his “interruption”. You’ll be taking him off the path he needs to be on to start loving himself again, and making himself emotionally available to love someone else. Much better for you to acknowledge his position, step back and be a friend to him, get to know him while he’s in this vulnerable state, and learn as much as you can about him while he builds himself back up from this past relationship.
His issues with his ex are his issues. If you sense that your man still has ties with his ex, remove yourself from his life while the two of them sort them out. While he’s sorting out his life, you should be sorting out yours, not waiting for him to come back around. He may find that his heart belongs with his ex, and if that’s the case, wish him the best. There are millions of men in the world and you only need “one”. The one you give your time to should be a man who gives you hope, not doubt! This is why he’s called “The One”… out of all the other possible men you could choose from, he is the one you felt added the most value to your life. Instead of settling for less, wait for more!