Men Who Keep In Contact With Their Ex

When breaking up with someone, you want to make sure that you’ve gotten your ex completely out of your system. There’s typically this downward spiraling effect that lets a couple know that their relationship is coming to an end. Before the relationship actually ceases and desists, there’s often a back and forth “break-up and make-up” ordeal that some people in broken relationships use to help bring them closure. Going back to a relationship that isn’t working in hopes of finding relief isn’t the most proactive solution, however it is one of the most commonly used. With this in mind, it’s important to thoroughly get to know a person and also inquire about their relationship history, because you can’t move onto the next… until you’re through with your ex.

Being emotionally involved with someone and then suddenly disassociating yourself is easier said than done. In some cases, there’s a severe amount of pain inflected and the first thing the victim wants to do is run in the opposite direction without properly severing the ties. The fastest way to eliminate a problem, it to address it! If someone in your life is directly affecting you emotionally, financially, or spiritually, a direct approach needs to be made. You take away the other persons power and you free yourself of any guilt or obligation when you take care of your responsibilities.

A proper exit to a failed relationship is essential to your future relationship success. The way you exit this relationship will have a strong influence on your emotional availability in your next relationship. Instead of ending your relationship frustrated or angry, things should be ended on a happy note. When you’re in an emotional state filled with anger and frustration, it’s difficult to think clearly and make logical and rational decisions. This means that you’ll both agree to move on with your lives, you’ll agree to be cordial when you see one another, and you’ll agree not to hold any grudges towards one another.

By ending a relationship on bad terms, you leave room for guilt to linger; the thought of never saying what was on your heart/mind and not allowing your ex to do the same. While this guilt lingers, there may be moments of vulnerability where you might want to finally allow yourself and your ex to “get things off your chest”. This could open up doors that lead places that conflict with the current relationship you’re in. These tender emotions that are coming back up could lead you back into your ex’s arms (if only for that moment), and also cloud your vision as to what you really want now that this person is “back”! The longer you wait to address a problem, the greater the problem gets.

As someone coming in as the rebound, it’s important that you take your time and get to know this person before getting emotionally involved. By asking questions about a person’s relationship history, you will begin to see who he really is, and measure his emotional availability. If a man has been hurt by his ex, or if he is still emotionally attached to his ex, then he won’t be ready to give his heart to another woman. You need to know when their last relationship ended, why it ended, and if he’s ready to date new people. Him being emotionally unavailable has nothing to do with his lack of interest in you, this is simply indication that he is not ready to open up a new chapter in his life because he hasn’t yet closed the old one with his ex. This is not to say that he’s still romantically interested in her, this is simply to say that he has not completely ended things with her in his heart.

It’s impossible to completely cut off a relationship where the heart was involved without due process without experiencing a high level of guilt. Ending the relationship should be done the same way it began… and that’s with a conversation. No matter what went wrong in the relationship, it’s important to show one another dignity and respect during your exit and completely end things in that final conversation, otherwise there will still be thoughts, feelings, and even repressed desires that were never expressed that need to be expressed, and can only be done through one another. When you don’t give your ex the opportunity to express themselves during the exit, you are granting them space and opportunity, or you give them a reason to come back into your life.

If his ex is still calling, then she is still relevant, no matter how many times he’s asked her to stop calling. If they ended things with a conversation and have agreed to part ways and respect each other’s wishes, then that’s what they would do for one another. If it appears that they are not on good terms and she’s constantly calling your man, then take a closer look at your man. There’s a reason why she is calling, and don’t for one second allow your man to convince you that it’s because she’s “madly in love” with him. He’s either still sexually involved with her, is still in a relationship with her, or perhaps she suffers from having abandonment issues, and he walked out on her without giving her any closure. In any event, take your eyes off of her for a moment, and fix your eyes closely on “him”. The treatment that he’s giving his ex right now, could one day be you.

After a break-up there should be a healing period, where you reflect on your life, your well-being, and your future. This healing process shouldn’t be interrupted by a new relationship. So if you find yourself meeting a man during his healing process, you will be his “interruption”. You’ll be taking him off the path he needs to be on to start loving himself again, and making himself emotionally available to love someone else.  Much better for you to acknowledge his position, step back and be a friend to him, get to know him while he’s in this vulnerable state, and learn as much as you can about him while he builds himself back up from this past relationship.

His issues with his ex are his issues. If you sense that your man still has ties with his ex, remove yourself from his life while the two of them sort them out. While he’s sorting out his life, you should be sorting out yours, not waiting for him to come back around. He may find that his heart belongs with his ex, and if that’s the case, wish him the best. There are millions of men in the world and you only need “one”. The one you give your time to should be a man who gives you hope, not doubt! This is why he’s called “The One”… out of all the other possible men you could choose from, he is the one you felt added the most value to your life. Instead of settling for less, wait for more!

7 thoughts on “Men Who Keep In Contact With Their Ex

  1. I love what you wrote !!! It makes sense. I am trying hard to apply this to my current relationship tho and I guess i’m having a hard time figuring out what’s behind the things my bf has done in our relationship…I started dating my bf 3 years ago. He had an ex who he dated on and off for (mostly his choice) about 4 years, it was mostly off….they would date for some months then he would break up with her for months at a time, she would then call him and they would try again, they tried living together for about a month or so, did not work she moved out , but they continued to have an on and off relationship. Sometimes only seeing each other once a month. When I came into the picture he hadn’t been with her in 5 months, as she had a boyfriend by then. He told me they were platonic friends and that he liked me. I asked him why he wanted to remain friends with her, he said she is a friend and he didn’t want to end their friendship over a new relationship that may or may not work. So as uncomfortable as I was I left it alone kinda because we were just starting to date. Two or Three months in I saw a text come thru his phone on the table, yes i know it was wrong but i looked at it, i’m thinking at that point i was getting suspicious maybe because of my past or maybe my intuition. So the text was from his ex saying HI however he put it under a guys name…so I just I looked at the other texts that he had in his phone by this Seth who I never heard about and saw her saying ” I need a foot rub” his reply was ”you want one now” her reply was ” I can’t right now” …I knew then it was from a girl, I called the number it was his exe’s voicemail. I was extremely hurt, I confronted him and he said he was only joking that he knew that she would say no that he just wanted to goof around with her but that he hadn’t seen her or that he didn’t want her back.And that they never talked and she always initiated the texts. Well it didn’t really sit very well with me so I brang it up to him a lot, he broke up with me ..we didn’t talk for a month and a half..I then called him because I had really missed him. Besides all this stuff going on with that text he was a great boyfriend to me, we had a great time, he put a ton of effort into me…so those are things I missed without him. He was very happy that I called and said he had missed me also and that he wanted to try again. I guess at that point I assumed he told his ex that he was back with me and not to text anymore…he did not…she apparently would text him every couple of months or every 4 months just to say hi and to see how he was..by this time she married her boyfriend and had a child….during this time I did not know she was still texting him…by this time we were dating for 2 years and I was about to move in, I said it’s not respectful you for you to still text her, and asked if he still loved or wanted to be with her, he said no but that he didn’t want to be mean and tell her to stop but if it made me upset that he would tell her ..that he didn’t want to hurt me…so after two years he wrote her a text after she texted him to say Hi, he did it in front of me so I would know he really meant it, he said ” i’m not sure if I told you I have a girlfriend and I don’t think it’s a good idea we keep texting, I don’t want your husband or her to find them, you understand right ” ? She never responded, that was the last time they texted (as far as I know ). it’s been about a year now and i’m living with him and things are mostly great, I guess what still haunts me is that he knows he needed to tell her to stop but that since she never responded back he thinks she now hates him and thinks she thinks he’s a jerk and feels bad that maybe he told her in a harsh way. He’s a really nice guy who hates to make people feel bad so on one hand I can see him feeling bad but on the other I wonder what is truly making him feel bad, that they are no longer friends or does he still wish he was with her, i’m thinking he really cared for her and had a hard time truly getting over her, he loved her but got annoyed with her at times and needed time away from her. Sometimes when i bring her up he looks sad that he thinks he was a jerk. He said he wished that he didn’t have to tell her to stop that he wished she would have stopped on her own. I guess what’s bothering me is A- does he still have un resolved feelings for her B- does he not really love me or why would he risk losing me to be friends with her C- the fact that he lied to me does that mean he really doesn’t respect me or love me like I do him as I have never lied to him in 3 years, I wouldn’t of wanted to keep an ex around. If you can maybe attempt to tell me what the reasons he may have had of keeping a frienship with her and if the fact that he did does that mean he doesn’t really love me ? Any advice would help 🙂 P.S it’s not that he’s a bad guy he does treat me good….but some of his actions i’m confused about. It seems when i bring her up he doesn’t want to talk about her and get’s annoyed. They got along good but he did break up with her many times. If you added up the time they really had a relationship it was about a year. Oh but i did find a card from her from before i came in the picture saying ”your a special friend you’ll always have me as your friend…maybe more, I want you in my life forever” That was before i came into the picture and before her husband came into the picture, maybe during one of there ”of months”. I guess I don’t know what to make of it or us 😦 I love him a lot.

  2. Wooooow! This is a eye opener. This truelly proves to me that it could have never worked out with me and my ex… There are always warning signs ttat we choose to ignore for certain reasons.

  3. This is a got damn good article. “Wish him the best and move on.” Say what you want about Chey’s past or whatnot; but the boy is good!

  4. I’m back with my ex husband. We have 4 children together. He walked out on me years ago. I nor 2 of our children had seen him in 20 yrs. In the meantime he met and remarried, a woman he was with for 18 yrs, no children. Hoever, in the 2 yrs he’s been back in my life, he keeps in touch with his ex wife and family, but he does it when I am not around as if he’s sneaking. When I ask him why, because he has spoken to me on many occasions where she was present and even greeted me (we never met) holding light conversation before passing him the phone, I asked why he can’t be the same with me when speaking to his ex and family. He responded that it’s none of my business who he speaks to as long as he gives me what I want, He says there’s no sex involved so what’s the big deal? Am I making something out of nothing?

  5. I met my soul mate over 3 years ago. There is one problem… His ex never goes away. It’s not fun living in the shadow of another woman constantly. Seeing him like her photos on Facebook or tag each other and joking on Facebook. God knows what else goes on. She purposely tags him in stuff before special events like Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Birthday’s, etc… Just so it will hurt me and to put distance between us. She is so evil and yet he remains “friends” with her. He tells me he loves me… But then why does he continue a relationship w her when it hurts me? I thought love was not wanting to do anything that hurts the other person.

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