Q: I was pregnant and my bf at the time wasn’t ready to be a father, so he left. Another guy came into the picture while I was pregnant, gave me comfort, sex, and kept me company. In time we got more comfortable and starting having unprotected sex, and started to feel a connection growing. Then suddenly, he stops calling/seeing me, and ignores me completely. After the birth, he returned and we continued as normal for about 2 months, and then like Dejavu, he stops talking to me again. Then come to find out, he’s married, and he nows plays the victim. What is this about?
A: This new guy tested you, and you failed the test. When you are pregnant, there is only one man who should be allowed to sleep with you, and that’s the man who got you pregnant. When you made the choice to sleep with this new guy, he made the choice to write you off because he saw (through your actions) that you do not respect yourself/your unborn child/your unborn child’s father. He took advantage of your vulnerable state. He knew you were lonely, and that you wanted love and affection, and he capitalized on that by offering you his penis.
The unprotected sex you had with this man (which probably lasted minutes) could’ve put your unborn’s child’s health at risk for a lifetime. The guy could care less because it’s not his body or his child. He’s simply trying to “get his rocks off”. It’s up to “you” to know better. Since you didn’t exhibit that you know better, he used you for what he felt you were good for (sex), and at his convenience. When he was done with you, he went back to his regularly scheduled programming (as if nothing had ever happened). And he’d call when he was ready to have you at his convenience again.
Based on the way you carried yourself, he never viewed you as someone he could grow with. So this “connection” that you speak of is a delusion. The only connection he was interested in was his body next to yours. When you break up with your partner, your first priority should be to heal from the break-up, find yourself, and get focused on what’s important to you in life. This is especially true if you are pregnant. Your focus while pregnant should be on the well being of your own health and the health of your unborn child. During this pregnancy, no new man should be allowed to sleep with you. This is a 9 month period we’re talking about. If you’re with your boyfriend one day, you sleep with him, get pregnant, and then however amount of time (before giving birth) you guys break up… in order for you next relationship to be successful, you’d have to wait even LONGER than the average woman to begin working on a meaningful relationship with someone new.
The reason for this is… Your emotions as well as your unborn child’s father’s emotions will be stirred up due to the fact that you’re about to bring a new life into this world. There should be an opportunity for the two of you to reconnect for the sake of the child. Inviting a new man into your life/body while your are pregnant depreciates your value in every sense of the word. And it would definitely change the way your unborn child’s father views you if he found out that you degraded yourself in such a way. Even if he wanted to make the relationship work, this act would make it impossible for him to do for he would lose all respect for you.
This new guy… you might as well just hold onto the memories and take it as a loss. He took advantage of you and he used you. He in no way shape or form wants to be with you, because for one… he’s married. And for two, you’re not the type of woman he would be interested in committing to based on your character. Your best bet now would be to focus on yourself/love yourself, focus on being a good mother to your daughter, give yourself time to heal from your ex boyfriend and this new guy, and once you’re in a place where you’re able to give love and be loved by a man, you have to set standards and have requirements for a man to be in your life (in any way shape or form). <<< This is how you get a man to respect you. Good luck!
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Life & Relationship Coach