Naturally, you are free to do whatever it is you want to do. But… there will be two totally different outcomes if you a) Approach a man you’re interested in or b) Be patient and wait for the man you’re interested in to come to you.
Men are hunters!!! They like to chase, they like to conquer, and they like to be “challenged”. It’s actually fun for guys to build up the courage to go and speak to a woman in intimidating situations; not knowing whether or not he has a chance. It’s a thrill being turned down because (for men) this is all a game and it’s a “learning” experience. He will not be heart broken because he got turned down. He will be disappointed (at most), but he will live, and he will use his brain to evaluate what just happened, and then challenge himself to figure out a better way to approach you the next time, or to approach a different woman from a different angle.
Whether or not he is successful in his approach with a woman, he still wants to be the aggressor & the initiator in order for it to be fun/interesting/exciting (for him). When the man is approaching the woman, he’s not yet sure how interested a woman is in him (if she’s even interested at all). And that is the exciting part!!! That is the intriguing part!!! The “mystery”!!! <<< This is what’s going to motivate him to try and figure you out and get to know you better… the fact that your feelings towards him are partially ambiguous. <<<< Partially ambiguous by no means insists that the woman is “not interested”. All you’re doing (as the woman) is downplaying your interest in him so that he’ll be motivated to go harder to bring that interest out of you.
If/when you’re in the mood to start dating; you should have multiple options, so when a man approaches you, your energy should naturally portray that “this” (men approaching you) is something that you’re used to. So no matter how interested you are in that man, try not to give off this “I’m super interested” vibe. You can tell your girlfriends just how “super interested” you are in him as soon as he leaves or walks away. But don’t let the guy who’s approaching you know (through your energy) that you are ready/willing/available/too interested in him because once he knows for sure; he will take you for granted.
You’ve got to keep this new stranger on his toes and wondering “Is she interested? Is she not interested? I can’t tell, but I certainly want to talk to her more and find out.”. In fact, this is something you should do throughout your entire relationship/marriage. Keep things somewhat “ambiguous”. But with your ambiguity, be sure to keep things “honest”. Once you get set into a routine, you get bored! Once you get bored, you look for excitement! <<< Sometimes people look for excitement from their partner… and others (unfortunately) outsource. So keep things somewhat ambiguous in your relationship and try not to get set in a routine.
Example: You know you want to have sex with your husband… but instead you roll over, close your eyes, and pretend you’re sleeping. He then is motivated to try and take on the challenge of waking you up for sex. In his mind… you’re sleeping. In your mind, you’re challenging him to be the aggressor!! This is equivalent to a woman giving a man “The Look” (so to speak) so that he will be the aggressor, take charge, and go in for the kill. He gets the sex he was longing for and you get the sex you were longing for (that he didn’t know you were longing for). And all you had to do was lay there. <<< See how this works?
Here we talk about “The look”:
If you’re interested in a man, all you have to do is give him “the look”. “The look” is a signal to let the guy know that you’re approachable and could possibly be interested in him, but he needs to come over to you, introduce himself, and find out what that look was about. If the guy does not take the bait… meaning he doesn’t make a move when you give him “the look”, then that means there is something stopping him from making a move. Do not for one second think that he did not approach you solely because he’s not interested in you. There could be a multitude of reasons why he didn’t approach you at that moment.
Here are a few examples: He could be married or in a relationship, someone he knows who also knows his significant other could be present, he could be involved with someone or escorted someone who is actually there at the venue (just not currently by his side and he doesn’t want to be rude), he could be shy and is not used to approaching women, he could be gay, or at worst, he could simply not be interested in you! No matter what his reasoning for not approaching you is, you have to accept the fact that he did not choose to entertain you… and you have to learn how to take a loss!!!! You might see him again at another event and he might be single… he might come alone… he might not want to miss another opportunity to approach you. So if/when you see him again, you give him that same “look”. By giving him that look (again) it will seem a little bit more evident that you at least want him to come over and talk to you (if nothing else).
If during the first encounter you are so impatient that you can’t stand the fact of this guy not making a move and you decide to make a move first, here is what’s going to happen. First, If he’s not interested in you, you run the risk of embarrassing yourself in front of this man that you really like because for one… you’re a woman approaching a man (which is foreign to him), and two, he’s not interested in you!!! What’s worst is you’ll still have to be in his presence until you decide to leave the venue (which will be very awkward for you). Spare yourself!!!! By approaching a man, you eliminate any and all ambiguity! Now it’s crystal clear (for him) that you are in fact interested in him. He no longer has to hunt because his prey came right to him!!! The fun is gone! The chase is over! The game is over!!!
So now, he’s got you right where he wants you like a dead carcass. He knows that “you” are interested/ready/available whenever he calls, so “you” are that one girl he doesn’t have to put forth much time/energy/effort with. He can just call you when he’s bored or when all of his more difficult options fell through because he knows that you’re interested in him. He knows you will be there just waiting for him to reach out to you. Just watch him after you’re done approaching him. He’s going to be sweeping the crowd looking for a “challenge” (because you certainly are not it). Even if he was interested in you at first, you’ve taken away his desire because you’ve taken on a male role by being the aggressor, and that’s “his” position. What’s worse is, he’s going to talk about you to all his friends saying, “Man… you wouldn’t believe what happened to me tonight???? This “woman” just approached me!!! I’m going to have her wrapped right around my fingers!”
Being approached by a woman is only flattering to a man who doesn’t have any options and isn’t used to getting high quality women. Do not for one second think that because you’re drop dead gorgeous that this man will be impressed by you approaching him. No No No No No!!!! You approaching him does nothing but boost his male ego. You approaching him is going to have him thinking, “Damn!!! Am I really that fine????? WOW!!!!” He’ll also think that you are desperate… impatient… lonely… and are dying to get a man in your life. <<< With these thoughts in mind, you will be the very last person he will consider for a relationship. At most, he will only consider you for friendship with benefits… All because of the way you presented yourself. Ask celebrities what they call women who approach them… GROUPIES!!!!!!!!!!!!! And for the average male, “you” approaching “him” will have that same effect. You will be the equivalent of a groupie! And he will not respect you!
There are “some” guys who will be flattered by being approached by a woman (i.e. The nerd, the geek, the older gentlemen, the jobless man, the one with no swag, the one with no goals/aspirations, the one who has absolutely nothing going for himself). <<< Oh he would love to be approached by a woman. But guess what??? <<<< This isn’t the man you want and you know it!!! So if you want a man who actually has the job, the swag, the looks, the character, the intellect, etc that you want/like… Don’t approach him! Approaching a man of substance will get you categorized and written off like it’s tax season!
Enjoy the fruits of being a woman! Men live for the hunt!!! All you have to do is give a guy “the look”. Sit back… relax… and let the men come to you. You approaching a man suggests that you lack confidence in yourself, you’re impatient, and that you’re not being willing to take a loss. <<< These are internal issues that can be fixed and will make you a more attractive woman for yourself and others.
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Life & Relationship Coach
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