Q: This guy I like is friends with a man I’ve slept with in the past. Will he still consider me?

Q: This guy I like is friends with a man I’ve slept with in the past. Will he still consider me?

A: Finding someone who’s pure and untouched in this day and age is possible, but rare. On average, we expect our significant other to have some kind of history, but even still we don’t want to knowingly be associated with the men from your past no matter how long ago it was. One of the aspects that go into choosing a girlfriend or wife is the idea of being with someone who is “exclusive” (meaning none of the men we know have had you or can have you). There’s also a code of honor amongst men, and that code is you don’t commit to a woman that one of your friends or relatives used to be sexually involved with. It’s a conflict of interest.

There are millions of women in the world, and the last thing a man would want to do is settle on a woman who one of his close friends has the drop on. He wants his friends to have respect for the woman he’s with, and he also wants the assurance of knowing that any men who are in his circle of friends has never had the privilege of seeing his woman naked. Yes, it’s a matter of pride! After all, you do want to be proud of the woman you’re with.

Certain types of models, strippers, and porn stars for example will have a hard time finding true love because all of the men in the world have already been exposed to their bodies and there’s no sense of exclusivity (in the eyes of the man who’s in pursuit of a serious relationship with them). The men who entertain certain types of models, strippers, and porn stars will either exploit them further (like a pimp), or they’ll drive themselves crazy trying to turn a woman who makes a living off of exploiting her beauty into a woman who gets her attention primarily from him. And if he doesn’t drive himself crazy, he’ll drive “you” crazy with his overprotection, jealousy, and insecurity due to the nature of your career choice.

A man who’s interested in having a future with you will protect your honor, but only if you’re doing the same for yourself. Most men associate closely with other men who reflect who “they” are as a person, so naturally, they’ll have similar taste in women, and similar ways that they treat women. Knowing that you’ve entertained his friend is enough detail for him to imagine the type of relationship that you and his friend might’ve had. Once he gets wind of you two being intimate, these thoughts will constantly be in the forefront of his mind and he won’t be able to get over it.

It’s easy for a man to choose a woman to sleep with, all he has to do is look for the woman who matches his physical taste. When it comes to choosing a girlfriend or a wife however, he looks for a woman with his eyes closed and heart opened. This means that your personality & your character are on the forefront and your physical beauty becomes an added bonus. It’s up to you as a responsible adult to make the best judgment call since you are the one who’s aware of these two men being friends with each other. He will evaluate you and your character based on the way you handle it.

If you honestly and truly want to be in a happy, loving, long lasting relationship, you will choose another man. There are too many negatives to consider with this particular situation, and frankly it’s not worth the trouble. Hopefully you’re not yet too emotionally attached, there are no kids involved, and the two of you are not married, so walk away while you can and explore other more promising options.

Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

One thought on “Q: This guy I like is friends with a man I’ve slept with in the past. Will he still consider me?

  1. Solid Post! First off, a “man I’ve slept with” is not “my former boyfriend.” So…there is already a foundation uncommitted engagement. Now…what exactly does the questioner want the new guy to consider her for is the question. If exploring a relationship is the goal, then as u state Ask Chey B…”A man who’s interested in having a future with you will protect your honor, but only if you’re doing the same for yourself.” I don’t think that the man u like is gonna respect u for the long haul if…in his view u didn’t respect yourself with his friend. Yes, we are grown and having sex is not an unlikely phenomenon, but this is too close for comfort. If u just like him…i.e. u think he’s handsome, but don’t really know him…go ahead and find someone else. There is enough love in this world! And the question “Will he consider me?” indicates that he’s not pursuing u. Taking the advice from a man…”There’s also a code of honor amongst men, and that code is you don’t commit to a woman that one of your friends or relatives used to be sexually involved with. It’s a conflict of interest.” While there could be exceptions, as Ask Chey B states with the closer: “There are too many negatives to consider with this particular situation, and frankly it’s not worth the trouble.” Great post!

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