“My male friend who I thought was a friend is now confessing his love to me…”

Some men have a hard time expressing their true feelings due to their fear of rejection and/or losing the woman’s trust after he expresses his true feelings for her. So he strategically disguises his romantic interest by using “friendship” as a smokescreen. This malicious act suggests that he’s aware that friendship is the foundation in which successful relationships are based, however, he’s not giving you the opportunity to decide whether you’d like to remain associated with him after discovering his romantic interest in you. Instead he’s giving you a false sense of security, and doesn’t mind doing so. It’s likely that the woman is genuinely interested in only having a friendship as it gives her a sense of companionship without being romantically involved and potentially experience heart break, however the guy has other plans in mind.

With the exception of one or both parties being currently in a relationship of their own, a man waiting months/years to express his feelings towards you can be looked at as either an act of cowardice (if he is genuinely shy or intimidated) or an act of dishonesty/deceit (if his true intentions were to get closer to you sexually all along. The things you’ve shared with him, the time you’ve spent, the people you’ve introduced him to, etc were under the preconceived notion that he was a true friend. All the while, this was apart of his devious plan to strike when you’re in your most vulnerable state. A man knows whether he is interested in pursuing a woman sexually before he even meets her. Certain circumstances though might’ve caused him to not act on the attraction initially (i.e. You were involved, he was involved, you placed him in the “friend zone” and he didn’t know how to get out, he’s intimidated, etc)

A straight man has no desire to be “just friends” with a woman. When it comes to females, men use friendship as a way to get closer to a woman for personal gain (i.e. Her money/resources, sex, and sometimes even a relationship). They want the warmth and the comfort of a woman, and they want that from you either short-term or long-term. A man who holds himself with any high regards won’t actually spend months or years pursuing a woman in hopes for a relationship. At most, he’ll stick around that long solely for the opportunity to sleep with you.

The sexual interest never dies (unless something has changed in your physical appearance. Otherwise, no matter how many years pass by, he will always be ready, willing, and available for sex whenever you are.  A man who holds himself with high-esteem will more than likely view you as someone who took him for granted and didn’t see the value in him for all these years, so if you give yourself to “this” man, he’ll gladly have sex with you, but nothing further will transpire. His pride won’t let you have the victory.

On the other hand, the man with low self-esteem who’s been literally chasing you for the entire duration of your friendship will gladly consider you for a relationship and overlook the reality that he was never a first option and is now a last resort. He’s desperate and he’s not ashamed of it. If you didn’t see anything in his when you first met him, or the years you’ve known each other, don’t convince yourself that he miraculously that man for you now. Once you give yourself to him, he will do any and everything in his power to keep you, almost in an overbearing, controlling, clingy kind of way.  Enter this relationship at your own risk.

Life & Relationship Coach


3 thoughts on ““My male friend who I thought was a friend is now confessing his love to me…”

  1. I certainly agree w/ /Chey. I have been in the same situation.This man was my best friend for @ ten years than over the phone he suddenly asked me if I loved him. I said as a friend. That was not what he wanted to hear. No one asked you to practically relocated to D.C. for me without telling me. He still spoke at a conference I was sponsoring and got paid a much lower rate from his usual speaking fee. And than got pissed off when I said I did not love him just because he did me a favor. It was business. Than about two weeks later he quit his job and moved to his current position.

    Long story short you probably have to break off this relationship because it is one sided. And someone is hurting badly. It will be painful but you have got to do it, in my opinion.

  2. Ug this sounds scary but’s it’s spot on! But to be fair – it goes both ways. Women are friends with men because it’s easy and less work. And often the women chooses to ignore any other feelings that might threaten her effortless friendship. I am guilty of that, he is guilty of that. Needless to say it ended badly. I never asked him to teach me how to drive a car. Or to follow me to Australia. He started to say little things that made me insecure of myself. And when I kissed a guy that wasn’t him he called me a slut in front of the Opera House.
    That was the last time I had a male friend even if I am often tempted to. A lot of guys say they just want to “hang out” and have coffee and talk, but now it all feels like a trap. My friends think I’m beeing overly dramatic for never accepting, but I never want to experience that again. Having a “friend” that secretly harbour anger and frustration towards you is not great. Sorry for my english. Great article.

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