Q: Me and this guy had sex, and the experience was not good. Ever since then, I haven’t heard from his since. What should I make of this?

Q: Me and this guy had sex, and the experience was not good. Ever since then, I haven’t heard from his since. What should I make of this?

A: Although birth and sex are typically a woman’s most valued treasures, a woman’s mind is the most valuable possessions a woman has. Her ability to use her mind to maintain control over men and situations are simply amazing, but only if/when she realizes the gift that she has, and uses it to remain in control. You have more to fear from dealing with a man who wants access to your mind than with your body. A man who wants access to your body is clearly seeking physical pleasure. A man who wants access to your mind is after more! How much more is totally ambiguous.

Even if a man doesn’t value your body for what it’s truly worth, then as a woman “you” should. A man can’t get inside of you unless you let him, so if you’re going to allow a man to come into your personal space and be intimate with you, then it should be with a man you love, trust, and respect and who reciprocates these same things. When you involve yourself with a man who loves you, you trust him, and he respects you, you won’t have to worry about him abandoning you when things don’t go perfectly, because if he loves & respects you, it’s evident that it’s not in his character to do so.

You also won’t have to worry about the sex being bad, because the sex you have “together” will be based on the things you’ve grown to like “with each other”. It’s “exclusive” and incomparable to any other experience. You’ll love the way he kisses you, the way he touches you, the way he makes love to you, and you’ll have an appreciation for the way “he” romances you. And if there’s anything that you don’t like about the sexual experience you’re having together, you can talk to each other about it and challenge one another to make your sexual experience with one another better.

This is the consideration that one has for the person they love, trust, and respect. Love, trust, and respect isn’t developed over night and it’s not handed out to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. It’s earned! And just as love, trust, and respect is earned, the privilege of having sex with you should be earned as well. If you don’t set any standards or make any requirements for a man to meet prior to having sex with you, a man will sleep with you and totally disregard you and your feelings because whether you realize it or not, he has lost all respect for you. He’s already reached the ultimate form of pleasure with you and has no reason to return unless he wants more sex with no strings.

Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies. When you give your body to a man who hasn’t earned that privilege, you leave behind a legacy of being someone whose fast, easy, and doesn’t respect herself. As a woman, you should never want to be remembered by anybody in this world in that light.  You have a future ahead of you and you don’t want your past to come back and haunt you. Always carry yourself with dignity and respect, place value on your body and only give yourself to a man who is deserving of it.

Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

2 thoughts on “Q: Me and this guy had sex, and the experience was not good. Ever since then, I haven’t heard from his since. What should I make of this?

  1. “Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies.” So true! Ask Chey B. Too often we want to look for the meaning rather than dealing with what’s so–the reality staring us in the face. When we as women have a connection with a man, that man can inspire an orgasm before even touching you. Sex will just be the icing on top of a delicious cake, already. A kiss can be magical, tender, and so very intimate. I’ve heard people say (men and women alike) that “I’m not into kissing.” Well, how can u get to the point where you’re sharing sweat and opening yourself up without those tender moments? So the experience of the sex not being good started where? Did it start with the conversation? Did it start with the kissing? The foreplay? More than likely, if the experience was not good, there was not a great connection. A man can have a moment (so I’ve heard) where he can’t perform and that could be an issue. But that’s just one part of his body and that one part should NEVER constitute the “experience” of sex. I appreciate this post Ask Chey B. The following says it all to me: “You also won’t have to worry about the sex being bad, because the sex you have “together” will be based on the things you’ve grown to like “with each other.” The experience (at its best) is an outgrowth of a commitment and bond to/with one another.

    Dear sister questioning…the experience was already gonna be limited because it was “this guy” and not your man. Why should he call you back? We say that guys are dogs because they don’t return, but they were also treated like a piece of meat. As women, we have power. We can sex his soul way before putting it on him in the bedroom. 1) he can be inspired about what he is getting from you and want more. Or 2) Or he can retreat because it’s gonna require time put in that he is unwilling to invest. In that case…Goodbye! By you asking the question sis, it seems like you were expecting more but you didn’t have that convo with him. And further, sleeping with him says that u weren’t thinking investment, but rather gratification. So, why would he invest and REALLY make love to you. You may have had other plans but remember, it’s not what’s in your mind, it’s what you do. I have given of myself when I should’ve waited. Not anymore. “This guy” can’t not get any of “this.”

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