Q: “Why are us women attracted to the WRONG type of guys?”

Q: “Why are us women attracted to the WRONG type of guys?”

A: The good guy is the man you “need”… to grow with, have a long lasting (meaningful) relationship with, build a family with, and everything else in between. He’s got his priorities in order, puts family first, loves you/cares for you, and would let nothing come between you and his family. He’s respectful, loving, honest, loyal, trustworthy, supportive, and he communicates well. He plays everything by the book and offers a great deal of security. <<< This is what I call I man of substance. Some women aren’t yet mature enough to see the value in this type of man, and that’s ok.

Yes, he’s predictable… and for most… that becomes an issue. So get all the immaturity out of your system while you’re young. Deal with as many bad boys as you need to so that you can later prepare yourself for the good guy. The good guy lasts the longest… but you’ve got to be ready for him. Now the bad boy is the man you “want” for adventure/excitement! He’s unpredictable, he offers a thrill, he has an edge that turns you on!!! All the passion he has inside from living such a challenging/rebellious lifestyle comes out in the bedroom and you love it!!! You can’t get him to settle down, you’re never sure if you’re the only one, you can’t control, predict, or manipulate his next move, so it becomes a challenge to turn this “bad boy” into the “good guy”. <<<< Which you’ll never do.

The challenge to make him do a “180” can last for years!!! With the good guy, he’s almost “perfect” on paper, so there’s little to no work that needs to be done with him. And because of this… a woman may get bored and take him for granted. So what a woman will do is… she’ll first try and get the “good guy” to be “edgy” and do something adventurous and/or exciting because she saw someone else’s relationship offering such, or she saw something exciting/adventurous on TV, or out in the world!!! Something that she doesn’t get in her relationship, no matter how “content” she may be.

If getting him to do something exciting/adventurous seems forced or doesn’t quite meet her standards… She “outsources” by doing something adventurous (i.e. going to a strip club, taking a vacation and flirting/sleeping with someone she knows in that city or just met just for the rush… (and tell only her girls about it). Or get a boy toy on the side who offers nothing but a romantic or sexual fantasy!!! Something she could never get from the “perfect” (by the book) man she’s got at home. The good guy offers “routine”.

The bad boy offers “whatever’s clever”. The wrong guy (bad boy) brings out the bad in you!!! Everyone likes excitement and adventure! So while you may not be able to hold onto that excitement/adventure forever… we all look for a taste every now and then… and hope that the person we have at home can offer it to us. The bad boy should be used for exactly what he’s good for… Temporary satisfaction. Find yourself a good guy, appreciate him, grow with him. Thank me later 😉

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Life & Relationship Coach

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11 thoughts on “Q: “Why are us women attracted to the WRONG type of guys?”

  1. Ask Chey B, everything in this blog registers. In the past, I know I have attracted the “bad boy” type and the “good guy” type. The bad boy was confident, self expressed, and vague. The good guy was reserved, intentional, and clear. In my immaturity, I thought the charisma and audaciousness was a measure for a “man” being a “man,” but in reality, the bad boy has practiced his role many times. It has nothing to do with being a man of substance and everything to do with what he wants. Mistakingly, I casted the good guy off as passive, when in reality, he too knows what he wants, he just wants and needs MORE. He is unwilling to use his words loosely or settle for a piece of of woman. He wants to know that she isn’t just excited by him, but that she is calmed by him. He is not a thrill ride, he is a substantive journey. I’m glad that I know the difference today.

    I no longer naively make excuses for what I previously called inconsistencies with the “bad boy.” A man should be judged by what he does. You’re right…if he’s showing you who he is, believe him. There is nothing to wax philosophical about. And he really IS being consistent when matched up against his game as opposed to a wishful woman’s ideals (Ladies, surely there are greater causes than transforming a guy that has no interest in that at a given point. It’s not about you/us, it’s just who he is. Let’s find worthy projects i.e. saving one of our youth.) And the “bad boy” may be under the cloak of religion (Christian and Muslim alike), he may wear a suit and tie, not have a solitary tattoo, and even appear to be a family man…but what makes him the “bad boy” is he is not that man of substance, he is a man of superficiality. Is that wrong? If you want a good man in your life, yes. If you just want a good time, then no. I need more. A good man is looking real wonderful to me these days. The prospect of a lasting (meaningful) relationship with a man that deserves my time and attention is now exciting. Ask Chey B, thanks for the confirmation.

  2. This is odd Chey, I thought I had read all of your blogs. Looking at the date, I had just started communicating with you.

    I fully agree with your blog. Good Men instead of Bad Boys have so much more to offer. There are stable, funny, humble, smart, and giving to others. All you have to do is watch how they behave towards others and you will see how good they are. So much easier to love. See that I said good “men” and bad “boys”. Bad boys are not men yet and some women will struggle to make them good men. But they will only hurt you in the end!

    I love the good men in my life! Cannot wait until I get my own.

    Thanks, Chey!

  3. Howdy, I had to read this again. You make some great points. I must be honest I had the man of substance. Well educated, career, family man and took care of business. The one issue was he was a little boy with all those qualities and sex was a top priority on his list.
    I took it upon myself to tell him sexually he didn’t so much, but the conversation was good! He later became a little bitter because some women are deceptive in the sexual area. Said that to say he still bugs via text and its
    been 4forever years. The bad boys usually get the picture quicker when its over.

  4. I have never been this way. relationship or marriage doesn’t bring a rush. You are assured of trust, faithfulness, reliability, love, someone who cares.
    The simple things of life; just not so simple when it comes to practical.

  5. 😳My Goodness!!! From the thoughts of a man!!!
    In my opinion…Bad Boys are a headache who are not worthy of this nice girls time. It’s just not worth it. Oh! And did I say, “they’re just not worth it” “lol”
    A Spiritual encounter always brings good judgement. That result in better odds of long lasting success.
    A Sexual encounter always bring bad judgement. That result in better odds of a trail of temporary unfulfilling ending results. I guess it really comes down to what’s viewed valuable to the individual…
    Thanks Chey for enlightening US

  6. The marriage before the marriage…(not for the BAD BOY)

    There is a marriage that takes place before the ceremonial marriage and that is the spiritual marriage. It is that instant connection that let’s you know that God has joined these two together. This marriage is not one that has to be consummated except that you open you mouth and speak. The spiritual marriage is the part of the marriage that holds romance, passion and the need to be with that other person. It makes the phrase “Unto death do us part” seem as though it is not enough time. The spiritual marriage reminds you of each other throughout the day and night and every time that person is near you, you have to just reach out and touch. Spiritual marriage is when you, even at an old age, seem sexy and irresistible! Spiritual marriage! It is the deepest love that you can possess for an individual; and all this happens before you say “I do”. There are the six points of light. They represent six qualities that a man should possess and what a woman is looking for in a man. Spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and financially. When those qualities that a man possesses light up the qualities in which she is looking for in you, you have a spiritual match. It is at that time that you, Man of God open you pie hole and introduce yourself.

  7. I love this and it is true but can you flip this to answer why men dismiss (cheat on) good girls who have it going on for a woman with a lot of children, no education, not so attractive!?

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