Men are women are and always will be different. The beauty of being a woman is that you’re granted special privileges, and you don’t have to work as hard to get the things you want. A lot of women haven’t yet realized or taken advantage of their power because they’re busy taking on the responsibility of a man instead of enjoying the fruits of being a woman. Yes, it’s essential that a woman establishes her independence when she’s on her own, but it’s equally important that a woman learn how to be interdependent when there’s a man in her life. What this means is… Enjoy being a woman! Men love doing nice things for a woman; all he needs is the motivation to do so. When it comes to men and relationships, motivation is anything that inspires him to keep you around.
It’s important for woman to know that men and women don’t always value the same things, we’re not always treated the same way, and many of the things we experience in life are in part because of the gender we were born. From the very moment a mother and a father come to know a child’s gender, they begin to speculate on how they plan to interact with the child in the future. It’s because of this gender specific treatment, a male and a female is likely to respond differently to many of life’s challenges, especially when it comes to relationships. But it’s ok for men and woman to be different; in fact, that’s what makes being together all the more special! You share your differences and introduce one another to different perspectives on Life. One of the best ways to grow is through learning from others.
If you’re associating yourself with people who don’t add value to your life, or who don’t provide you with meaningful new insight, your time together will prove to be counter-productive. On the other hand, if you associate yourself with someone who thinks differently, challenges you, and has a mind of their own, etc, you open yourself to potentially learning new things. What you do with the information is totally up to you, but you’ll at least have an additional valuable perspective to add to your own.
This is why guys can’t hang out with guys all the time and girls can’t hang out with girls all the time. Over time, you’ll begin to feel smothered and want to be exposed to something different. The same is true when you’re in a relationship, you’ll need an escape from one another, and a healthy, positive escape from your partner would be your friends of the same sex. It’s a great idea to have that balance in your life, because too much of one thing is never a good thing. If your partner doesn’t have any friends of their own, this may cause a problem because you’ll be their only source of entertainment. Always play close attention to your significant other’s resources, so that they won’t self-sabotage the relationship with their clinginess/neediness.
No matter who a man is, where he’s from, or how much money he has, what men value the most is Peace! When a man is in a relationship with a woman who offers him peace of mind, he is more than happy to come home to her. When a man does not have a woman at home that offers him peace of mind, he’ll find any and every excuse to make home the last place he returns to, because home (for him) isn’t the happiest place on earth. If you want your man to be motivated to be in a relationship with you, and motivated to come home to you, one of the key ingredients you will need is offering him peace of mind.
There will be times where you’re faced with a dilemma that you want your man to pay special attention to, and you’re not sure how to approach him for the best possible results. Always keep in mind that men are used to facing and dealing with problems, so don’t worry yourself with the details of the problem, just gently bring it to his attention, and trust that he’s able to fix it! When a man is faced with a problem, his first priority is figuring out how to fix it. Dwelling on the issue isn’t of any value to a man because it doesn’t make the problem go away; when a man is faced with a problem, he simply wants it to go away! If you come to your man and let him know exactly what the problem is, and even offer a little insight on what he can do to fix it, you will come to find that he is more than happy to do whatever it takes to put you at ease, and bring peace of mind back into the relationship.
If on the other hand your approach is startling, defensive, aggravating, or just plain annoying, a man will naturally be on the defense, which will prolong the “problem solving process”. When a man is approached with aggression, he responds with aggression. In other words, if it’s a fight you’re looking for, a fight is exactly what you’re going to get! But if you’re looking to find a solution to a problem, start by making sure he’s in a peaceful place, and in a calm mood, so that he can listen to your problem, and be mentally prepared to quickly and effectively find a solution.
Once the problem is fixed, it no longer matters (to him) how it happened. You can’t change the past, but you can look forward to the future. In other words, the end justifies the means; allow him to do what he does best by giving him a task that he can complete. Men care more about fixing the problem, than the actual problem, whereas a woman sometimes needs to express her thoughts and feelings on the problem itself. With women, talking about the problem itself could last for hours, days, weeks, months, and even years, but as mentioned earlier, men want and need peace in his home and in his relationship.
Arguing about anything is nerve wracking and will always make a man question why he’s in a relationship, as opposed to simply being single. When a man is single, he’s not obligated to listen, respond, or care about a woman’s feelings. A relationship should add value to a person’s life, not take it away, so when a man opts to be in a relationship with you, give him reassurance that the relationship you have is more beneficial than the single life. No relationship is perfect, but no relationship should be unbearable to the point where he no longer sees the value in being committed you.
Being in a relationship is a beautiful thing, however having a life outside of one another can provide that balance you need in order to stay sane. This is why a man finds so much joy in being with his boys! There’s no chores, no emotionally charged conversations that could lead to a break up, no whining or crying, and no clinging to one another. You can apply these very same principles to your relationship, in hopes to keep your man satisfied. Be “one of the boys” in the sense that you’re fun to be around, easy to talk to, and don’t want any drama, but be his woman when it comes to romance.
Another very important thing women need to know about men is… men like simplicity. The moment a woman complicates things, he will begin to question whether or not he still wants to be committed to her. A man likes to do nothing until it’s time to do something. He can sit around, watch TV, eat, sleep and do absolutely nothing all day long and be A-Ok with doing so! A woman who will allow him to sit there and enjoy doing what he loves to do will have a much greater chance at remaining that special woman in his life. It’s a relationship, so of course he can’t sit around doing nothing all the time, but because you’ve granted him this freedom, and this liberty, he will then be motivated to reward you for being so understanding.
A man who is of substance and is in a relationship for true love will do anything for his woman. A great way to measure whether or not you’re dealing with a man of substance is by his willingness to do things for you. A man who isn’t genuinely interested in being with you will have a problem with fixing a light bulb, changing your tire, or running to the store for you. A man who loves will tell you “Ok babe, I’ll do it in a minute”! A man who loves you will always be willing to do what you’ve asked of him, simply because it will bring peace to the relationship. When a man of substance finds you, do all that is in your power to keep him!
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Life & Relationship Coach