Black Women: How Loving “Your” Hair Can Attract A Man!

There’s nothing like a beautiful black woman! Her full lips, her curvaceous body, her attitude, and let’s not forget… her hair! A woman’s hair is her “crown”… it is the order in which a man begins to assess her character, her personality, and her value. Oh there’s much more to hair than just fibers; a man can tell a lot about a woman simply by looking at what she does with her hair or the lack thereof. There’s an abundance of things a black woman can do with her hair; she can cut it all off, braid it up, shave the sides, rock an afro, wear a Mohawk, straighten it out, curl it up, the possibilities are endless!

Oh how beautiful it is to watch your lady taking good care of herself, washing her hair, patting it down with a towel, nurturing it, styling it, and being proud of what she’s accomplished right there in the comfort of her own home. I can remember plenty of nights where I would flirt with my lady telling her to stop what she’s doing so she could take care of me… but she would put me on hold because she was busy taking care of “her”. That kind of discipline is beyond attractive in a woman; she knows how to take care of herself, which is a great indication of how well she could potentially take care of her man!

A man might not always be able to run his fingers through a black woman’s hair, but it’s nice to be able to at least touch it, play with it, and occasionally get rough with it, and know that she’s ok with it. It’s a bonding opportunity between a man and his lover; a spiritual and a physical connection that he introduces to the relationship that might not otherwise be possible through hair that isn’t her own.

Oh how sexy it is for a woman whose had dreads for 5, 10, 15 years, and yet and still she’s able to attend every function with a new/different style beyond your imagination. People stare as the woman who’s always had long hair went completely bald. The men stare in admiration… Some of the women stare with excitement that another sista has” come back home”, while others stare wishing they had the guts to make such a bold statement. TV and media has certainly had a huge influence on what “beauty” is and what it means to us, but true beauty will always be in the eyes of the beholder.

When it comes to men, what’s important to him is how much you love “yourself”, because what you do for you (or the lack thereof of) is suggestive of what you can do for him (or the lack thereof). If you don’t like something as simple as your hair, therein lies a deeper psychological issue that’s beyond his control. When it comes to “issues”, men simply don’t want to be bothered or concerned. Consequently, if he is indeed your significant other, he’ll more than likely be subjected to eating the cost associated with somehow finding a solution to your “Hair drama”. What would really make him happy is for you to look in the mirror and be pleased with what you see on any given day.

How can a woman or a man say to you, “I love your hair!” if your hair is someplace hidden under a bone straight Chinese hair blend? How can you say, “Thank you!” to a compliment such as that if in all honesty your hair is braided up, miserable, neglected and dying to be loved and cared for? When you free yourself of false images, you will also free yourself of false people, which in turns welcomes men and women into your life who value and appreciate who you really are because you value and appreciate who you really are.

Side note: The fastest way to eliminate a problem is to address it. If the solution to your hair problem is “covering it up”, then the actual problem will inevitably resurface again in the future. The more you like/love what comes naturally, the less you’ll have to outsource for alternative solutions that don’t. Love yourself!

Not every woman has reached that point in their lives where they feel 100% comfortable in their own skin, or with their own hair, but when that woman finally comes out of her shell, it’s literally like, “WOAH!!!! I don’t know WHO you are, or WHERE you came from… but I LIKE it!!!” At first a man can’t quite figure out what it is about her.. but then it hits him and it it hits him HARD! He’s so used to black women covering up their natural beauty that he forgot just how beautiful a natural woman is! This new energy stems from a combination of her beautiful face, her curvaceous body (of course), her hand made jewelry, and the way she’s rockin’ her natural hair with so much “Swag”!

Definition: Swag- Confidence, Charisma, and Sex appeal.

Nothing is sexier than a woman who can pre-approve herself. She can do something to her hair knowing/feeling that it works for her even if no one else approves. I’m from Brooklyn, so I see these gorgeous Goddesses on a daily basis (Thanks be to God). Dark skinned, brown skinned, caramel and light skinned; more and more beautiful black women are getting back to them. They’re putting a strong focus on themselves, loving every part of them, from their nails, to their skin, to their hair, and by gosh we’re even experiencing a change in their attitudes.

Not every man will appreciate a woman’s natural beauty, but I say if a man has a problem with your natural hair, it’s probably due to his conditioning, not yours! It’s all about “you”! Enjoy taking time to yourself, researching ways to treat your hair with TLC, use this as an opportunity to bond with yourself, or as women like to call it… “Me time”. Going natural isn’t just about a “look”, it’s also about a “feeling”! Getting back to your roots is a spiritual journey that will further connect you to yourself as well as other men and women who have also found themselves and love everything about the person that they see!

Going natural is symbolic of freedom, liberation, elevation, and growth; it’s BIGGER than hair! Getting back to you is the perfect start to reclaiming your life, your relationships, and your legacy. It’s easier to be open to love and being loved when you first love yourself, from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet. It’s clear to a man when a woman truly loves herself; it’s even more obvious when she doesn’t. A man needs a woman who is capable of loving herself unconditionally and independently, so that she can produce the same quality of love interdependently. If you’re looking for love, hold up a mirror! Love the person you see.

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Life & Relationship Coach

-AskCheyB

47 comments
  1. Your style is unique in comparison to other people I’ve read stuff from. Thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I’ll just bookmark this blog.

    • AskCheyB said:

      @tattoos I like- Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate that :) And thank you for reading btw. Please share this blog with your friends.

  2. I love a man who has a way with words. Lol so I love you. I especially love this post because it is very true. Men love it when they see a woman who takes care of herself. They go crazy, but crazy in a good way. 😊

  3. Unoma said:

    Nice piece…. Hard on truth, learnt a bit especially on the ‘nails’ aspect *eyes shut* lol… But am so in love with me, started the process a year ago and no regrets whatsoever. Thanks again for this eyes opener.

  4. Princess AAB said:

    Chey, although I find your eloquence with which you approached this subject refreshing, I must say I am somewhat offended *Not pressed*……. but it does have me feeling *somekindaway*!!

    I feel to narrow a woman down to the way she wears her hair (Natural or enhanced) is a freebie….. that too many people focus on and talk about. So let me be clear for all those who may read this and automatically jump to a conclusion about me. I am a mixed woman (although people just assume I’m Black) who enjoys everything about herself, yes maybe 15% over my natural body weight…but you can’t tell and people seem to enjoy my size…… (I don’t) which is why I work out everyday, men like it because it is a pleasing aesthetic body, athletic body and my natural weight to them would seem “too skinny” however…. I am comfortable in this skin.

    Now, because of my Arab/Native American/African American heritage I have ‘thin, fine, often times frizzy hair’ which has red undertones that “I hate”….. now…… has any man I’ve dated noticed that my hair has red undertones?….not really because I color it… and when they notice they think I colored it that way……. do they like my ‘Natural Hair’? probably …. but SO WHAT… if the MAN I am dating and hope to marry can only worry about whether or not he can run his hands thru my ‘Natural Hair’…… during a sexual act or at a time of intimacy…… then I would think his ‘shallow ass’ needs to get a life…

    I think it was India Arie who said “I AM NOT MY HAIR” and ‘I Think’…..that would be whether it is a Weave or Natural. I expect a “MAN” to appreciate me for what ‘I Bring to the Table’ my Independence, Motivation, Spirit, Love, Compassion, Healthy attitude and numerous more accolades, that doesn’t have anything to do with my ‘Hair’!!…. but if that is all he can think about as something negative about ME (or inauthentic) then obviously he is NOT FOR ME. If we start dissecting people on their appearance (unless they are unclean and don’t wash or something) it just seems like such a trivial thing for a MAN to think about.

    Let’s flip the script, I don’t want a MAN touching me with unclean, un-manicured, cuticle-half eating nails, and I would prefer a MAN I date…. to have his nails manicured (Not polished of course) but nails trim and clean at all times, because “I FEEL” that is the mark of “Class and Social Standing” that says to me that this man has some distinction about himself and takes care of himself …so NO excuse about “being a hard worker” will suffice. SO WHAT…. WORK HARDER!!!… as a MAN I think you should be able to do it all….and I can say honestly that some women will feel… “if you want me to wear my ‘Natural Hair’ which may be damaged by the environment, stress or a number of other things then….. YOU should be paying for the weekly or biweekly visits to the hair dresser”!!!
    Am I right ladies??

    So… to have people always equating NOT wearing your “Natural Hair” with Not liking/loving yourself, Not accepting yourself, Western Standards of Beauty, or any number of cliches meant to ‘call out’ a woman I think is ‘Silly & Insignificant” in the greater scheme of a ‘Healthy Relationship”……. there are so many things that MEN don’t take care of in relation to grooming themselves whether its their teeth, hair, razor bumps, weight, feet, hands, back hair, facial hair (scraggly beard or goatee) and too many other things to name… and women look beyond that to love and appreciate them anyway.DAMN why can’t women get the same respect….

    MEN can have their wishlist of things they want in a Woman…. and that can include “Natural Hair” …. then don’t see her in her flowing Weave, with her tightest jeans on, most expensive push-up bra…. and then DATE HER and start gripping about her “Not Loving Herself” because she doesn’t wear her ‘Natural Hair’……. Only seek and date a woman who already wears her ‘Natural Hair’… if that is truly what you want… or you feel she is more authentic about herself because of that….or stop feeling weak about ‘yourself’…… that you turn that into trying to dissect her…… cause trust me she didn’t put on that weave, tight jeans, and push-up bra to impress her girlfriends!!!!… and if it didn’t work you wouldn’t have dated her.

    Sorry…. this is so long……but to be clear… I ONLY DATE MEN WHO MEET MY CRITERIA… and have had no complaints about whether I wear my hair natural or in a weave…don’t get me wrong I DO GET YOUR POINT…. I am not denying their are some women who fall into this category however, that just means the discussion should be about ‘Authenticity of Spirit’ rather than a focus on whether a WOMAN wears her hair ‘Natural’ or Not!!!

      • I am natural, even though I am wearing a weave lol. I LOVE my natural hair and it makes me feel so liberated as Chey stated. I feel that some women feel like they “need” to wear a weave to feel attractive and if that is they case as to why you are wearing a weave then something is wrong. That is what I got from this article. I wear weave during certain parts of the year because my hair hates certain weather conditions. lol I know it may sound crazy but its true. ths colder months blows me. but back to what I was saying. I think Chey is saying that you should love your true self, with out the weave and what the media is saying what “beauty” is. Can you look in the mirror without make up and weave and think that what you see is beautiful?? if your answer is no then you need to reevaluate yourself. THERE NOTHING WRONG WITH WEAVES IF, AND I MEAN IF, YOU JUST ENJOY WEARING IT AND NOT AND NOT BECAUSE YOU THINK IT ENHANCES YOUR LOOKS OR IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF. How something so materialistic can control what you think is beautiful. I use weaves as a protective style because I hate braids. But its not my only protective style. Dont let weaves, makeup, botox, and all that other crap control your life. DO YOU, BUT MAKE SURE WHAT YOU DO MAKES YOU TRULY HAPPY, FROM WITHIN.

        • RissaKatharine said:

          Oh My God, me too! My hair breaks off so badly during the winter. Normally I do sort of the same thing you do (Wig It. Can’t be bothered with the weave.) But this year I was arrogant (I just hit Waist-Length!) and wanted to wear my hair out. BOY, am I paying the price!

          WHAT DO I DOOO?

    • lover said:

      You clearly missed the main idea of his article :-(

  5. AskCheyB said:

    The guilty are always offended…

    • Zorro said:

      What is she guilty of? Disagreeing with you? :-/

      • RissaKatharine said:

        Honestly that entire comment read like one big (deflective) excuse. All BS. She needs to address her issues.

    • mirriam said:

      So she is guilty because she doesn’t agree with you? I honestly think she is just giving her 2 cents. That being said this whole natural hair thing is always used as a pedestal for whether a woman loves her “true self” or not. I am a black woman I am confident with my hair, skin color etc. I relax my hair because it is so thick when in gets long it becomes impossible to comb through, but I can still have that hair for months on while its relaxed when I want a change of style I put a weave on for a few weeks, braids etc I don’t see a problem being confident is feeling good about yourself regardless of what anyone else thinks, so if someone sees me with a weave and starts judging just from that I don’t think I need that negativity they can keep it moving.

  6. I believe the general message Chey is trying to convey is that men love women that take care of themselves, not if their hair is natural or not.

  7. Princess AAB said:

    If you take the easy way out to assume “I’m guilty of something so I am offended” by what you said…. then you need to practice active listening skills… and are not as evolved or as smart as you claim to be. because I don’t agree with you and clearly and intellectually give you a different perspective on the matter as a ‘PROFESSIONAL’ your response is immature, and you should have read what I said in full…. I am not hear just to ‘kiss your behind’… nor disagree for disagreeing sake…. but to speak so detailed in an opinion about a woman’s ‘Natural Hair’ and yet advocate for depth and substance in finding and maintaining a healthy relationship is an oxymoron…..LOL

  8. Princess AAB said:

    I set the ‘STANDARDS’ for myself…. I am the ULTIMATE TROPHY WIFE…. I don’t accept less than I’m worth and have had no complaints so far……LOL

    • car95581 said:

      I agree sweetheart! My natural hair texture is curly but I flat iron it ALL the time. I couldn’t care less what any guy or girl has to say about it. Going natural is another division amoung women.. I have noticed that girls who natural think theyare better than girls who still dye, perm, or straighten their hair. I know girls who have gone natural who still hate their hair.

      • RissaKatharine said:

        I bet what you call them thinking that they’re “better than you” is nothing more than a manifestation of your own insecurity. For your information, ninety percent of black women who are natural either dye AND flat-iron their hair on a regular basis, so what you just said is ridiculous. The only division in the Natural Hair Community is created by women who aren’t natural. You perm your hair or weave it up (or both) and then because of your repressed guilt over it, you blame US and say that we “Think we’re better than you.” We are too busy loving our Hair and ourselves to notice your existence.

        And in case you didn’t realize it (as the nature of your comment indicates) you ARE natural. Flat-Ironing or Dyeing your does not change that. You’re not even informed enough to know whether your hair is natural or not, you obviously shouldn’t be speculating about what we do or don’t do. Please keep your ignorant, unfounded opinions to yourself.

  9. aly1225 said:

    What works for one doesn’t work for all. Every woman expresses her Goddess in a different way. Where is the creativity in being the same as every one else? A woman’s spirit and heart is what makes her authentic. A woman that has come to her own conclusions about who she is and wants to be not what everyone else says she is or needs to be. Though I understand where you are coming from in the article and appreciate the message you are trying to send, but to use “natural hair” or hair in general is a bit cliche when talking to black women about self-love. Maybe she doesn’t have the time to deal with her hair in it’s natural state, does that means she doesn’t care for her self if she relaxes it? Is she less attractive because she prefers her hair straight? If you are going to use hair as an example of self love, emphasize the importance and actual significance of nuturing and taking care of it whether it’s curly, kinky, permed, or up in a weave(because a woman can still care for her real hair under the weave). healthy hair comes in all textures. “a woman is what she knows”….

  10. deema said:

    Wow, i found this article to be very encouraging! I recently went natural after 13 years of wearing synthetic weave single( started to wear on my edges). I do feel liberated & free as a result & I get more attention now.

  11. Theresa Thomas said:

    Interesting read Chey B yes it is true Africa American Women have a sense of self pre-approval of how she chooses to wear her hair. Yes, She owns the atitude that it works 4 her, rather anyone else approves. With the exception of maybe her husband. That’s even limited:) although some men may find the naturalness of African American Women hair sexy. We are creative beings and have the luxury of doing so many different things with our tresses. Natural Hair is just another creative avenue 4 us…And, I pray 4 some not an indication of a lack of self love. With the exception of those because of illness, i.e. radiation treatments, medication etc. of course is understandable. They did not have a choice…Always, get something out of UR blogs. Thanks 4 sharing

  12. Women need to stop thinking of “going natural” as some sort of abnormality. Its normal to have natural hair. Its not normal to put chemicals in your scalp that is as strong as acid. Enjoy, represent, and share your God given beauty.

    • noneya said:

      It’s also NOT NATURAL to whiten your teeth… but I don’t see a damn blog post condemning that? How a WOMAN decides to wear HER hair is her own damn business…. POINT BLANK PERIOD….and if you feel that somehow makes her inauthentic… then find you the 1st NATURAL HEADED GIRL YOU SEE… and keep it moving!!!! this topic is *dead and useless* …..LMAO

      • it’s natural to take care of what is your own… so how about you go else where with your useless comment…

  13. Vedajenné said:

    Love this article! It has pushed me closer to my desire to go natural.

    • lover said:

      Go for it! I just dod it and I love it!

  14. mom said:

    I absolutely love this article! I am a versatile naturalista. Rockin fros, twists, and even a weave on occassion to switch things up. I Love being able to do this. Thanks for recognizing. Much love @AskCheyb!
    @Truthid(Tonua)

  15. Love this! Hope you don’t mind me reposting on my blog (www.confessionsofablogvixen.com). You will absolutely be credited with links. Hopefully the traffic will come!

  16. I’m really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Anyway keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to see a great blog like this one today.

  17. Rhonda said:

    Great article and I love your writting skills. I will be visiting your blog often. I like what you had to say and the way you said it. Very refreshing to hear a Black Man speak so positively about Black Women. Keep up the good work!!

  18. sarah said:

    I have really enjoyed reading this one,I have been telling my friends about how much am in love with my hair and every time I get a new manicure set I share my pics and others don’t understand this.Am saying it again I feel whole as a person in my natural look, very African woman and proud to be one.Thank you very much.

  19. I NEVER SEEN OR READ ABOUT HAIR WRITTEN WITH SUCH PASSION, LOL…KEEP THIS UP AND YOU’LL HAVE A MULTITUDE OF NATURAL HAIR WOMEN AT YOUR DOOR. :-)

  20. mr68man said:

    Great commentary on this blog… so true. I have more respect for a woman that dresses and styles her hair on individuality versus popularity. Caring about what goes into her body as well as outside her body.

  21. Katya said:

    Great article Chey! I agree 100%!

  22. zion princess said:

    Why dont we talk about why the majority of BLACK MEN shave their hair and walk around bald headed? I think its a very complex issue and I respect Princess AAB’s comments as much as Chey B’s. Throughout my adult life, I have done the lot, weaves, braids, natural and perm….I am glad that I have the choice and versatility to choose according to my mood and will not allow anyone’s judgement to sway me otherwise.

  23. It always seems that’s its black men and women that stays on this topic. Wonder if women from other races care about natural blonde vs. dyed. I say rock your hair and own it. Don’t pass judgement on natural vs. perm, long vs. short. I’ve had my hair long for a long time. And when I finally cut it short -Halle short- women told me -why did you cut all your “good hair” off. Really?? And then the idea that men only like long hair. Men love the woman regardless of the hair. As long as the woman is loving herself.

  24. ReRe said:

    wow how powerful is this literature and great to hear from a Black Man!! This reaffirmed some issues I have learning to love myself the way I am naturally and to stop covering up my long natural hair!!! Amen

  25. This is a wonderful blog, I really enjoyed it.

  26. You could certainly see your skills within the work you write.
    The world hopes for even more passionate writers such
    as you who are not afraid to say how they believe.
    At all times follow your heart.

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